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Husband or Family?
8 Comments

My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years. Everything started out fine, until a couple years ago. He and my brother got into a big, stupid, drunken fight. Ever since that night, the two of them have HATED eachother.

It makes family functions very awkward. They both have major anger issues and want to fight eachother. I think it is totally barberic.

Recently my husband told me I have to choose between him or my brother - I can't have both. He's so controlling. Yet my brother acts like a real ass most of the time and constantly says rude things about my husband. It really bothers me.

To add to the story, my husband and I got into a huge fight (he got physical), my parents got involved, and now they hate eachother. So now my husband wants me to choose between him or my family.

It's so hard. I love them all, but I don't know what to do. I shouldn't have to choose!!! Should I? Is this normal? I don't think it is.

P.S. My brother and husband are both in their mid to late 20s, so they are not kids!
Do you think it's normal?
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Comments (8)
Farmboy1975 (28368)
2009-09-11 21:00:27
Wow this is a problem. I would ask him to define what it means to "choose between him and your family." If he means disowning them, this is very wrong. Especially parents, in whom you are to honor. I would tell him if he truly loves you, he wouldn't put you in this situation, but you would be glad to take a stand on right and wrong behavior concerning your family.
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WayOutThere (27021)
2009-09-12 05:26:13
Sorry, but you're going to have to choose.

You can't expect your husband to tolerate family functions, if there is this much friction between them.

I you want to stay with your husband, then accept his wishes. Don't try to persuade him to accept or like your family. And, certainly, don't try to drag him to family functions.

At the same time, he has to accept that this is YOUR family, and that you want to connect with them. This means communicating and spending time with your family. He doesn't have to get involved, though. You may need to 'negotiate' the boundaries of this.
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Anonymous (Story Author)
2009-09-12 06:33:09
@: WayOutThere
Thanks for the advice. It sucks to have to make such a rash decision. I already told him he doesn't have to come to the family functions anymore, if he doesn't want to. But I don't think it's fair when he says I can't go see MY family. We were always a close family, and it hurts to not see them very often anymore.
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Crazydiamond (3320)
2009-09-18 17:13:19
Your husband sounds like a cock to be fair if he got physical with you and your brother. In this case I'd say your family are doing what they should be doing and trying to look out for you, it depends how 'physical' your husband is being really.
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blackdove (28194)
2009-09-29 22:59:49
This is what I think. Your husband is controlling and he seems to be worried that you have your family to back you up. He just wants them to stay out of the way; so if there's a chance he might hit you again, he won't have anyone to give him shit. No one should ever have to use violence in a relationship. Let your husband know that you are strong and get to make your own decisions, no one should have to unwillingly break family ties.

Hope everything works out for you, I know it sucks to be in the middle.
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Ollieo (19003)
2009-09-30 04:30:21
I think your husband has managed to make his violence everyone else's responsibility and problem but his - and you are getting the brunt of it. You are only in your mid-twenties? Your choices? Save yourself and leave. Get him into therapy to deal with his anger. Do not return until he is able to demonstrate real & lasting change.
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Anonymous (Story Author)
2009-10-01 03:39:55
@: Ollieo
Thanks. It's really hard. Yeah I'm 28. I've been trying to get him to go to anger management but he won't listen :( He says I don't care about him and always blames me for his unhappiness.
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one_green (29593)
2009-10-09 20:25:39
Geeze.............get out while you still can. Don't waste any more of your years with this guy. Sorry to be blunt!
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