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I can't believe I am posting this....
71% Normal
28 Comments

Hello. I have a few questions about relationships. I have been on IIN for awhile now, and I am coming to you now, to ask you for advice. Thank you.

Well, to begin, I am straight, so let's get that out there lol. Well...I am straight, and 18 and just graduated high school and am about to enter the world of College! To get down to it, I had a pretty good high school "career" lets just say and everything went smoothly, except for the aspect of relationships. My grades were decent, gained and maintained some good relationships with my friends and had a good time, except, throughout high school, I've never had a relationship. Yes. I've never had one. I used to see so much PDA's goin on in my high school. And in a way, I felt a little left out saying to myself "Now how come I just can't have a freakin girl just come over to my locker and hang out etc" My 4 years of schooling, I've seen a lot and definitely felt a little left out and I've yearned for a real relationship with a girl for quite some time now. But I think I know the basis of my problem. I think my problem is: that I am too nice of a guy, and just don't have the social skills for a girl to like me.

That is basically how I view this whole situation. I think that yeah, girls will find me okay, but to "hook" a girl in and start a relationship with me is really hard. Throughout my four years I have observed other people, and how they react in relationship situations and have observed a lot.

I have a lot of other details about my views and experiences on relations, but I don't want this to be too long so that NO ONE reads this post lol. I want people to respond. So I have a few questions. My first question is...1. how should I go about trying to make a girl be attracted to me? And finally...2. When is the time right to let a girl you are looking for a relationship without begging to get them into a relationship with you? lol

OK. Thank you for for those reading this ENTIRE post! Please answer my questions truthfully (if you can)

IS IT NORMAL?

Thanks Again!
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Comments (28)
Quadmaster (15202)
2008-08-05 20:55:11
I don't think you need to do anything specific to make a girl be attracted to you. The first thing a girl is going to look at is what you look like, and if she likes your looks, then she is going to see how big that manly bulge is between your legs, Just kidding. Your best bet is to be yourself don't try and be phony.

It sounds like you will be off to college soon, and I know you will meet your fair share of "gorgeous" women. When you find one you are really attracted to just simply ask her out be yourself and see what happens.

You will eventually meet somebody that you "click" with and in the meantime happy hunting!

I have learned that things happen naturally so just go with the flow and sooner or later you will be in a relationship with a nice girl.
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flikr (10636)
2008-08-05 20:58:06
yea if your too nice, it's hard to get a girl

i pretty much hate my mom because she treated me like a little kid and tried to make me be "nice". and she's basically a huge loser with no friends and made me go along with her 99% of the time when i wasn't in school, to make me her friend, maybe that's why i feel like killing people now

my advice, get a piercing and a tattoo, maybe that will attract a girl

and i would make a move pretty quick on a girl otherwise you will enter the "friend zone"

there is a name for nice guys it's called "average frustrated chump" or AFC, i also suggest reading the book "the mystery method" or "the game"
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cabinet70 (4440)
2008-08-05 21:51:53
I suggest you just go about your business as usual and you will definately meet a girl in college probably when you least expect to or at least get laid at one of those frat parties. You do not need to get a piercing or a tattoo to get a girl unless you want to get fish scales tattood on your dick for girls that dont eat meat on Good Fridays
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Quadmaster (15202)
2008-08-05 22:06:52
@: cabinet70
LMAO, good one Cabinet!
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cpg123 (15225)
2008-08-05 22:27:29
@: cabinet70
nice one
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cpg123 (15225)
2008-08-05 22:28:14
just be your self and start chatting with a bunch of girls
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Montero_Mad (15554)
2008-08-06 00:01:29
Yea i had the ame problem in high school in a way, i was always the nice gauy. I always tryed to become there friend and then try to get into the more than friend, this didnt ever fucking work i was shafted into that horrible fucking friend zone so many times!!!!!! For me i just found some friends that brought me out of my shell. Im not in school any more so my main soicalization is work. Just find a girl just say hi and work your way up to convorations and so on and dont be a little bitch and suck it up do be scared of rejection it happens to everone.
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Goatmeat (15262)
2008-08-06 05:54:03
too long. shut up.
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violent10dency (10988)
2008-08-10 18:40:35
Any girl would be lucky to have you, just be yourself, and she will come.
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noftards (15939)
2008-08-27 00:30:18
A lot of it is just about being comfortable around women. Just try and meet and date as many as you can. don't try and put pressure on yourself that every girl you meet has to think your a great guy cause you want her to be your girlfriend. that just makes you act nervous and you if are nervous around someone it makes them nervous as well.
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lillady93 (12590)
2008-09-07 12:28:05
aww thats cute jay i think ur a really nice guy
nn if it helps id date you lol
but anyway just be yourself x
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youngandbig (16913)
2008-10-13 22:14:41
take male enhance ment it'll get u any girl it worked for a frind of mine
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thegoodneighbor (17528)
2008-11-09 09:36:28
be yourself. get to know someone and go in for a kiss. Give her a call let her know you are interested in what she is interested in. Let her know that she is special, be kind and thoughtful, but not always available. Someone who has their own life is mcuh more intersting than someone who has glommed on to yours. Make her laugh and openly flirt with her. If she is interested she will reciprecate.
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Rumpranger39 (17642)
2008-11-13 06:25:07
It sounds to me as if you are just a little unsure of yourself. You lack confidence. I had the same problem when I was in school. It all turned around for me in one night! I was 21 and decided to hit my first bar all alone. By the end of the night I had been hit on half a dozen times. I felt great and I no longer felt insecure. Just wait it will happen to you when You least expect it!
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DramaGurl113 (19317)
2009-01-12 19:03:58
Like a lot of other people have said..be yourself and for your questions, you shouldnt have to TRY really hard to get a girl..you just need to let a relationship happen.

P.S. good luck!! :]
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Stephen (19731)
2009-01-26 23:14:14
It'll happen when it happens. You can't go looking for love, love finds you. Doesn't really matter anyhow brother. Finish school and make tons of money for yourself.
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mjl84 (19873)
2009-01-30 23:34:39
Sometimes, you need to take chances in life, you see an opportunity, go for it. It's your fault you were in the friend zone, take a chance.
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Lilah (20958)
2009-03-13 12:20:02
Try to become independent. Girls like a man who can take care of himself and her but also lets her sneak some advice in without being beaten down for it.
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whiteboy132 (21841)
2009-04-10 22:58:53
Hey man ,

I know what you mean, but honestly just try not to become friends with them right away...once they have that thought of you in their minds you cant change it.

Good Luck
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harachi (22902)
2009-05-12 08:22:01
It's a terribly chichéd answer, but just be yourself. That's really all you can do.
Do you have many female friends? If not then maybe that would be a good place to start. I don't mean that you should befriend girls with the intention of trying to hook up with them, but maybe the reason you feel awkward is that you're not used to hanging out with the opposite sex. College is a great new beginning. You can leave all your awkward teen memories behind and start anew. Just try to be yourself and be sociable with people in your new classes and I'm sure you'll be fine.
If all that fails, drunk girls are pretty easy.
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Divadelamort (23119)
2009-05-25 10:21:42
I find it amusing that men think they "have to get" girls, like its some sort of mysterious and elusive prey that must be studied, stalked and then pounced on at just the right moment. There is no exact way to "get" a girl. This will prolly blow most mens minds but girls arent some weird alien species, they are human. We are more similar to you than you realize. there are plenty of girls that are shy and feel socially awkward. we have insecurities and personal hang ups just like men. Here is my advice, join a club or group that is involved with something you are interested in and be friendly. It should be easier to start friendships because you already know that you have a common intrest, you can start up conversations based on this interest. i personally think its best to let a girl you are interested in more than just friendship towards the begining so that if she isnt interested in you that way you dont waste too much of your time. be prepared to be rejected on occassion, youll have to be brave and face the chance of rejection if you ever want to get past the friendship stage. be yourself and be intrested in her. be honest but dont tell her your whole life story right from the get go. dont play games unless you want them to play games and most importantly dont settle on the not quite right girl just because you are lonely.
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lisha590 (22204)
2009-07-04 02:47:07
I would have to say just Be Yourself. Confidence is the key. You dont want to do what others do to get girlfriends becaue you just might attract the wrong girl. Be Yourself, Be Confident in who you are. Looking good cant hurt and dont go out look for a "relationship" per say but just try to become friends with girls and maybe one special friendship will blossom into a relationship. Do not act desperate...Go with the flow...lol and with all that said just PRay on it Ask the Lord to send you someone that will be perfect for you. In the mean time keep working on yourself Be cofident and get ur "Swag on" lol
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lisha590 (22204)
2009-07-04 02:54:01
@: Divadelamort
I disagree on one point girls do not want desperate acting guys so if you come out of no were and tell the girl u think they look "good" and want a realtionship with them. Cool points go out the window. Be urself. Dont be deperate and dont become friends with someone becasue your hoping to get a realtionship out of it. Be Genuine. Become friends with the girl because you think there a cool person sure maybe u have a crush oon her - thats fine. Go into it knowing that whether it turns into a relationship or not u can still see being friends with that person :)
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lisha590 (22204)
2009-07-04 02:59:44
@: Rumpranger39
Great answer! its funny because I feel totally confident around the opposite sex but when I get around the same sex I feel totally akward. Maybe if I join a sorority or something girls will hit on me...for a friendship?lol Dont know if that sounds right but how would this principle work for me?
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Ollieo (19003)
2009-07-04 04:07:38
There must have been opportunities that you let pass way by you in high school - other than the unlikely hope that some girl would approach you at your locker. Dances? Clubs? Parties? Events? Home room? School work? Projects? Friends?

So be & stay close to where the social action is - a girl isn't like a trout to be hooked in some remote part of the stream.

When you have been around girls have any flirted with you or given off, you know: a spark, or signals of any kind of relationship interest (doesn't have to be romantic)? Have you initiated anything?

So many sit like lumps expecting that things just "happen." Not so - there's always lots happening, and you have to tune in and turn it on. If you lack social skills and confidence - if you are just a stick in the mud - you're dead at this point. Although maybe some persistent person will find their way in the darkness to you. So far that doesn't seem to be working though.

Follow up. Once you've initiated or responded to some sign of interest don't just disappear. Pursue it. Say something appropriate to the situation/person. You are starting a conversation, getting to know her & letting her get to know you a bit. If you are a nice guy, you've got it made because women like nice guys. (OK - except the one's who fall for the bad boy archetype, - & these aren't the one's you want).

So don't be passive and look for a recipe and some big strategy. If there is someone you like, smile and say hello. Strike up a conversation. Show her you are interested and a respectful person. You'll get a clue if its mutual. If not move on. Its all about the small & nuanced social behaviour that start up relationships. Its not about looking or begging for relationships that don't exist yet.
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SyC0Pathik (26085)
2009-07-25 23:23:54
dude im also 18 and haven't even ben kissed but i try not to let it bother me i figured it out you gotta go into life situations with a positive outlook the next time you meet a girl dont let yourself be nervous and if you are question your emotions ask yourself why you feel a certain way and try to resolve those emotions im still working on mine but im coming along and you will too dont worry about things insted embrace them. it might be hard but you can do it i know it just takes a lil patience and effort and you can do it.
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SyC0Pathik (26085)
2009-07-25 23:27:41
@: Ollieo
you have to realize that not everyone is like that though its actually hard for some people to talk to girls or boys w.e. especially if your not that out going like i can tell he isnt neither am i. i hope this helps you as this website helped me resolve my feelings
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Malfoy (29225)
2009-10-06 04:43:04
Very descriptive title
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