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I can't cum during sex.
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71% Normal
68 Comments

If I masturbate [only by rubbing my cl*t or rubbing/grinding,not fingering], or if a guy goes down on me, I can cum.
But if I'm having sex, or anything having to do with something going inside of me, I don't cum and never have that way.
I have no idea why, and I've been trying to figure it out for a while.
It's not the guy either, I know it's me.
I've had many sex experiences and a lot of good sex.
It feels so good when I'm having sex, and sometimes when he hits the right spot, it feels SO good that I can't take it. It's like, it feels TOO good and I have to tell him to not go so deep/hard.
It's just really weird, and I'd like to know what the hell is wrong with me, lol.
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Comments (68)
Perhaps if you were to continue when it "feels too good" you would cum while having sex.
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Perfectly normal. Less than 10%% of women can climax with penetration. Most of those who say they do belong in the theatre and not the bed.

Some women can only climax when alone. This points to a psychological block, not physical. Try relaxing, try mixing it up, and most importantly-don't be afraid to touch yourself when he is in there! Plus, it's a major turn on for the guys...
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Dr.kimber i have the same problem but, i can only cum when i am alone. even during phone sex i can not cum . no guy has ever made me cum. is it me ? or what can i do about it ?
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To DrKimber..I agree with it also being psychological. You have to be open and comfortable with yourself about sex and/or masturbating, doubting complicates things/causes confusing emotions/thoughts. The more relaxed and comfortable you are with your partner, the easier it is to accomplish an orgasm. I recently watched a video on the art of squirting. Supposedly all woman have the ability! I know, crazy! This video suggested to massage out tension areas in the body, as much as possible, before sex. Within a month or so, depending on your stress level/tension, how well you commit to massaging and the comfort you share with your partner, you should accomplish such an orgasm. There are other factors in accomplishing an orgasm where you squirt, but maybe for someone who is trying to climax in general, this could be a good start at accomplishing such a thing. Good Luck!
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If you're still having these issues send me a message on here...I have had your SAME frustration!!! I think I can help you? It's horrible I know!!!!!
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Please I've been having sex with this dude for about almost a year. He does everything to me I stay wet but I never get an orgasm. The only time I hit one is when I'm using a vibrator on myself.
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I too have never experienced an orgasm with sex. Ever since i was in preschool, or before i can even remember, i have been masturbating. I don't know if that has impacted my ability to climax during sex, but all i know is it is impossible for me to cum during sex. I have climaxed twice with another man during oral sex, and i have had many partners in my past, I am a very sexual woman. I just don't understand why i can't climax! It's very, very, VERY, VERRRYYYYYY frustrating!!!!! I have no problem climaxing on my own, considering i have been active ever since i was two, but with a partner...it's an issue, plus it's no fun faking an orgasm, it gets old and tedious. Don't get me wrong, the sensation feels AMAZING, i could do "it" all day long, but i long to climax with his member inside me. I have read all your comments and not one comment actually has a solution or suggestion, i mean, it's quit obvious to rub your cl*t during penetration, but what if that doesn't work? I have had this convo with all my lady friends, i am a very open woman, and most of them experience the same thing or say they climax but in reality they%%u2019re lying. I'm just hoping/praying someone out there has a suggestion or THE solution. I have experienced big, small, curved and all! Nothing works!!!! ITS MAKING ME CRAZY!!! Also, does anyone get dry quickly often? I am the queen of lube, but still, it gets expensive, and kind of like a chore! There should be a doctor that specializes in this professionally, like a gynecologist, but a sexologist for females. Anyone know of such thing? HELP!!!!
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cutiemomma49
MAYBE YOU ARE CLIMAXING BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY !
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i have the same problem. i cant cum during sex either. also when i masterbait, or my hubby plays with my cl*t it feels so good but i cant cum that way either. how can i make my self cum masterbaiting?
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what i use to masturbate is a back massager! I use the more intense one because i've been using it my whole life, but i swear on my life you will have an orgasm if you invest in a back massager, like the vibrating one that has levels of strengths/power of vibration. All my girlfriends in my whole life that i have introduced this to i swear never turn back. We would have slumber parties and take turns masturbating! haha! were all totally straight too, just being kids. lol...but as far as it goes for your man...i have a problem too with oral, but recently found my knight and shining armor who makes me cum every way!!! It's true ladies....THERE'S ONLY ONE FISH IN THE SEA THAT'S OUT THERE MADE FOR YOU, and same goes for the other fish ;0). What im saying is, my man im with now, we both have felt as those God made our 'parts' to fit perfectly for one another, so sex it's great! As far as the oral...you have to teach the man how to please you, kind of direct him through it, (while doing it) not in an awkward way of course, be more supportive and suggestive ;0). Now, for me, i like my man to (i hope this isn't too verbally visual or against violations) lick around, in a circle motion, my cl*t and use his finger at same time BUT! he can not, and i repeat, he CAN NOT be vigorous, he MUST be patient, heavy hot breathing through his nostrils helps too, makes it feel hot down there. It's difficult with all females, i don't like being orally pleased the same way every time (circle motion). Other ways i tell him to do is instead of licking upward, lick downward (with finger/s). Try some of that....o and please take my advice on the back massager...TRUST ME YOU WILL NEVER GO BACK TO TRYING YOU WILL ALWAYS SUCCEED AND CLIMAX!!!!!!
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to cum while masterbating is simple... I have the problem the author has, I can't cum with penetration, no matter how long we go at it... For your answer racegrl22, you just need a good vibrator and some privacy. You might want to consider using movies as well, at first until you learn your body well enough to know exactly where your "spot" is on your clit. It took me years of practicing with my hand to be able to do it that way but with a vibrator it happen quickly. I now use a back massager from Rite Aid (no worries about the batteries dying).
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ok if you want him to climax while hes inside mastbate till ur really close.... then let him do the rest with is dick... i could help you :)
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masturbate*
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And what, he should stand next to you jerking off? It's not like you can turn an erection on and off however it suits you. At least it can't be done with my boyfriend.
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FUCK WELL THAT DIDNT WORK
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Yes this is fairly normal. I had this problem for my entire life until a month or so ago actually! It used to be that once something was inside me I couldn't feel anything in my clitoris. I never had a problem getting off on my own with my clit, but once I was having intercourse it wouldn't work even if I manually stimulated my clit. So for a while I would masturbate with a dildo while also stimulating my clit. This got me used to the feeling. Then I got into a relationship with a man where I could be honest with him about my difficulties. I still had trouble having orgasms. Then one day while having sex with him I manually stimulated my clit while imagining things that turn me on, usually particularly riveting scenes I'd seen in porn. I had to concentrate really hard, but one night voila! I had an orgasm. Now the flood gates have been opened and I had two with him the other night. The formula remains the same so far. I have to manually stimulate my clit and think of things that turn me on. But I am just so happy to finally be climaxing with partners. I am 28 and it took me 14 years. I think I could have done it sooner if I had taken these steps sooner.
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Yes, I've tried that before. When it "feels too good" I try and keep going to see if that helps. But nothing happens, and it gets to the point where I'm like ahhh and I still have to tell him to stop.
And it also takes a while for me to cum. If he's just rubbing my clit, I'm not so sure if that would work. I have to have it rubbing my clit and close to the hole. It's really weird, I don't know.

=/
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i have tht problem.... i can't cum during sex or oral.... it feels gud .. but gets too good when i have to say no more cant handle it. but if i masterbate i have to rub my vagina to cum. doesnt even work fingering. now thats wierd. im looking for help also if anybody can help please?
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Thats exacally how it happens too me!!
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hi, im one of the unfortunates as well..
so just curious is there ne other solution other than just rubbing clit while having sex or relaxing? because these havent exactly worked for me.
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69% normal. Giggity
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69 alright!
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Maybe its not THAT good.
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I DO orgasm though.
I just can't when something is going inside me, like in and out.
ahhh idk.
I guess it's normal.
I honestly didn't think it was, but I'm glad I know now.
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i think all u need to do is relax..
most women feel like they need to pee when their about to to cumn so they'll hold it in..i suggest u go to the bathroom first!..and when u feel it cuming dont hold it in cus i wont be pee!
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Totally agree with 'whatsnormal325' no questions answered just obvious technics. I have been having sex for many years and but only had 4 serious relationships. I am a highly sexual woman and am not shy in the bedroom. I have never cum, during sex, oral and sometimes I find it dificult during masturbation, I have no idea what is going wrong. It is really embarrassing....but I think that your partner must play a huge part in this....mine at least. My theory, is tell your partner what you like, what works for you....mine at times gets inpatient or just plain selfish, I give him exactly what he wants and more, I find it hard to tell him consistantly, no...he finds it hard to not think about himself. I now masturbate with a male friend of mine, using cyber-link! Its crazy fun and surprisingly thrilling! I'm working on what makes me cum....finding the right spot.
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If he can't give me the pleasure i need, i'm not cheating....just experimenting! No harm there right???
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To kitten28 if u get back to me i can help you seriously i have been with 2 women including my current partner who had the same problem as you. and after i showed them some techniques and gave abit of help they both now reach orgasm very fast materbating and can also orgasm during sex. please get back to me as i want to help its ashame to see so many women not having a deep penetrating orgasm from sex they are so much better and more intense than a clitoral orgasm from my experience watching and feeling the muscle spasm on my man bits lol. but in my opinion this is all due to the male not being experienced and not really having a care for learning what he needs to, to help you get there its not as simple as saying i cnt orgasm during sex. the male has to do the work to make it happen, he has to know what to feel for on the end of the penus and know how to poke it if that makes any sense. i was quite willing to take time with my 1st partner to help her which made me realise it was just what i did that made her orgasm and if men dnt try different aproaches inside and jus wana get on an have their fun without a care whether uv been satisfied then thats just selfish get back to me and ill explain what your partner needs to do when thrusting its all about the positioning of the penus when its up. i have some great tips for masturbating aswel which will give you great orgasms. hope to hear from you or anyone else that wants help coming from a man who actually took the time and learned to please the women before myself i DONT disappoint
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So what are these techniques?
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yes please i would love to know them as well ,,,please do tell us
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this is such an interesting point of view and i would love to know some of those techniques ur talking about
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could you please spare us the hell and tell us what are your successful techniques?
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what i use to masturbate is a back massager! I use the more intense one because i've been using it my whole life, but i swear on my life you will have an orgasm if you invest in a back massager, like the vibrating one that has levels of strengths/power of vibration. All my girlfriends in my whole life that i have introduced this to i swear never turn back. We would have slumber parties and take turns masturbating! haha! were all totally straight too, just being kids. lol...but as far as it goes for your man...i have a problem too with oral, but recently found my knight and shining armor who makes me cum every way!!! It's true ladies....THERE'S ONLY ONE FISH IN THE SEA THAT'S OUT THERE MADE FOR YOU, and same goes for the other fish ;0). What im saying is, my man im with now, we both have felt as those God made our 'parts' to fit perfectly for one another, so sex it's great! As far as the oral...you have to teach the man how to please you, kind of direct him through it, (while doing it) not in an awkward way of course, be more supportive and suggestive ;0). Now, for me, i like my man to (i hope this isn't too verbally visual or against violations) lick around, in a circle motion, my cl*t and use his finger at same time BUT! he can not, and i repeat, he CAN NOT be vigorous, he MUST be patient, heavy hot breathing through his nostrils helps too, makes it feel hot down there. It's difficult with all females, i don't like being orally pleased the same way every time (circle motion). Other ways i tell him to do is instead of licking upward, lick downward (with finger/s). Try some of that....o and please take my advice on the back massager...TRUST ME YOU WILL NEVER GO BACK TO TRYING YOU WILL ALWAYS SUCCEED AND CLIMAX!!!!!!
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BACK MASSAGER!!! SWEAR ON MY LIFE!...ENJOY LADIES!!! :0)
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Don't Worry, its perfectly normal not to cum during sex.
as you get older sex will get better.
but if your desperate to have a proper orgasium try rubbing your clit and thinking about things that turn you on while having sex also make sure your comfortable with the personal your having sex with, and your not stressed or unhappy about something.
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Alot of woman never orgasm
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smithee
Not my fault due.
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thats crazy that you explained EXACTLY what happens to me. i personally think its because i masturbated a lot when i was younger and know what i like
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i agree 100% i couldn't have said/typed it any better myself,,Thank you
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Rub your clit while he's thrusting inside you. Or let him keep going when it feels "too good". That's probably your G spot.
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Try a change of position first. Doggystyle is a good one to hit the G-spot, or you could get on top and adjust the position until you hit the spot.

Also, you could try a little fingering first. Just tell your boyfriend to lay next to you, on your left side, while you are on your back. Then ask him to put one (or two for twice the pleasure) finger(s) inside and make him do the "come here"-move upwards. If he is right-handed, he should use his left hand because he can go on considerably longer that way. Orgasm guaranteed.

The first orgasm is always a barrier, you just have to find the spot.

A female friend of mine had the same problem and my advice pumped up her sex life incredibly.
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I have that same problem, and also even if I'm alone masturbating I don't cum or even have an orgasm. If i'm doing it myself, it only feels good with a vibrator. I don't like fingering, it doesn't feel good at all to me, actually, it's uncomfortable. But anyways, sex feels great, but I never cum or orgasm. My ex partner thought it was weird, and i'm worried to have sex with any other guy because they'll think i'm weird or their doing something wrong.
Any help?
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bebemarie18
well ive been materbating for a long time. lol and i cum when i finger/gentle tap numerous of times/rub up in down on my clit but never have i came when a guys thingy is inside me. i dont know whats wrong with me either. i was afraid that since masterbated so much, i was unable to cum when i have a penis inside of me. ive had small/long/fat penis inside of me and its annoying when i cant cum. it feels so good during the pump action but i never had the chance to say hold up wait a minute. ive had a guy go really deep inside me but that really didnt feel like nothing, just kind of uncomfortable... i really think its the womans state of mind. if the woman is uncomfortbale, or is worrying about little stuff during sex, your not focusing on cumming and not even enjoying yourself. if i can remember all my partners, i was worried about something and couldnt really let loose. .. get comfortable, have sex with someone you feel good with. and tell him the things you like, and hopefully that shoould blow your vagina off the wall!!
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my wife can everytime im inside of her and we both love that she can cum at just the sight of seeing me naked not everytime but it does happen i can look down at her and i would see a wet spot after she looked at my dick she cums after feeling my dick and balls or if she sees a drop of semon on my dick but than she licks it off and she gets even more horny
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i know quite a few girls that cant even orgasim when they have sex this is perfectly normal and what she said lol
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I have the same problem! It doesn't work when he's inside and tries with my clit because I can't have anything inside on the same time! And I can't cum if anything has recently been inside of me.
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OMG!
THAS is EXXACTLY wut i go thru!
I swear i cudnt have explained any better myself!
so its normal then huh?!
kinda disappointing...
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I am the exact same as you. I've been masturbating since I was very little but have always had trouble with orgasming during sex. My boyfriend doesn't want to go down on me every time but I want to get off every time and I'd much rather get off while he's there. I want the connection. It really pisses me off that I can't have quickies that satisfy me. I too long for the solution but haven't found one yet.
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YES!!! :)
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I also have experienced this problem...i cum with vibrators and have before from oral sex but i cant seem to cum during sex..
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yeah, i have the same problem, i was just surfin the net to see if its normal, i had sex for the first time 4 weeks ago, and so far i havent came through sex, i feel the pleasure...just nothin to show for it. lol. i have also came through oral sex but thats it...glad to know im not the only one who feels like this. i'll take some of the help from the other commenters on board and see wa happens.
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the SAME exact thing happens to me!! i thought i was weird cuz my partner thinks its weird i don't cum lol...i do though when i rub my clit though. w/ past partners i've always cum when i was riding him while he was sitting down because it rubs the clitorious at the same time. so glad i'm not the only one having this problem lol
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I heard a dotor on TV say that there's no such thing as a vaginal orgasm, anal, nothing. They all come from the clitoris. So all you lucky chickies out there that can cum from intercourse, the guy's causing friction with your clitoris somehow. I too, can't come unless its from direct clitoral stimulation
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I've encountered this as well and I actually think it's %100 mental. I have had sex with plenty of guys and had great experiences but with only 1 of them who happens to be a sex god - as a result of having ALOT of experience - could I feel that 100% comfort to achieve pleasure in all different ways. I think that this connections is really hard to find and unfortunately can't always coexist with guys who like being monogamous. Some guys just make us really self conscious, uncomfortable and our mind is NOT in the right place - even if we love them. At the moment of the BIG-O we need to be 100% selfish, they like it, It turns them on, it's funny how letting ourselves feel good takes practice. ..........
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Your clit could be located too low! And you just have a very sensitive G spot:)
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I was scared that something was wrong with me as well. I didnt feel good at all from sex, but i wasnt with the right person. BUT now i am with the right person...and i still cant orgasm from him touching me or intercourse. I can masturbate infront of him and i can do it when he goes down on me and i'll get off but.... i cant cum and i dont understand why
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I am the same. I have never been able to climax during sex. The only time I can is if I masturbate. I often have pain when I have sex if they go to far or whatnot. I have had sex with 9 different people and not one has been able to make me cum during sex not with penetration or going down on me. I have thought about going to see a doctor to see if it is normal or not but what's the point? I can only arrive when im alone just by rubbing myself.
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if you play with yourself a lot actually well cause more of a problem because you get more comfortable doing it by yourself and you lose sensation.. don't get me wrong Im all for masturbation but to much well cause a lot of problems and you will have a hard time cumming for your partner... it will be hard but try not masturbating for a 2 or 3 weeks .. then have sex with your partner... your going to be so sensitive to touch you will end up cumming. i had your problem i never had a orgasm and then i did this and it worked.
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I am just like you. If you find a sollution better than mine tell me. So I can only cum if I am on top and rubbing my clit while being penetrated. But my orgasms are only so so, when they should be awesome
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if you keep going when it feels really good, you'll get there.. it seems like it won't, but the more you practise, you easier it will be for you to get there!
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Is it normal to have to play with ur self during sex i have always had to play with my self to be able to cum? sometimes it mess with me because i feel like my husband cant plz me but it has been with everyone i have ever been with
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my wife can cum EVERYTIME im inside of her.....she is just so horny that way that she can she cum while she is giving me a blow job or whatever and i LOVE it
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CCCCCCCCCC_LLLLLLLLLLL_IIIIIIII_TTTTTTTTTTT_OOOOOOOOOOOOO_RRRRRRRRRRR_I_SSSSSSSS BITCHES!
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Wow, I'm glad I don't have this problem.

Orgasm via penetration is the most satisfying experience in the world. Clitoral orgasms are too light-weight, and leaves more to be desired. Also, I'm tired of seeing other women, who suffer with this malfunction, attempt to pass it off as "normal for most women". For the record... it's NOT & IMO, such females are simply closet lesbians.
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um.. NO you are severely wrong, and actually angered me with your comment by saying "Also, I'm tired of seeing other women, who suffer with this malfunction, attempt to pass it off as "normal for most women". For the record... it's NOT & IMO, such females are simply closet lesbians. "

i understand its your OPINION but its a very accusing opinion.
1) it is normal. and if its not normal than at least 10 women i know are abnormal. Its normal.
2) lucky you, doesnt mean you need to accuse other people, you were not being helpful. . .

its normal... it happens... some people need DIFFERNT kinds of stimulation than others...
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c*ckCrazyGirl4Life: You're an idiot.

It's definitely a common occurrence that many women can't achieve orgasm during sex. I can't either, so I usually try to incorporate my partner into my own tried and tested masturbation techniques... getting him to penetrate me from behind while I masturbate in the way I normally would. It gets me off a hundred times faster, and makes the guy go crazy to a)Witness a woman masturbating b)Be inside her at the time and c)Feel every bit of her orgasm.

Good luck!
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Lesbian? You're calling her a lesbian?

Just checking.
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And you are a closet idiot.
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