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I dont really have friends
72% Normal
9 Comments

Hi, I have always been the "shoulder to cry on" to most of my friends and I've found that I have always had friends if they needed advice. However, I dont drink, or smoke, and I am not a big party animal, I prefer movies, going out for coffee but my friends were always drunk and I was always the designated driver. Or I just would not get invited if they had decided to go see a movie, the reason would be :'it was a spur of the moment thing and you live further than us, if we invited you, we would have missed the movie."

Needless to say, i didnt want to just be the friend in need I wanted to be included, but when I spoke to my friends about how I was feeling, they excluded me altogether.

Now that I am at university I found that I'm still not making friends, and apparenly the problem is that "I have a boyfriend" I'm sick of being the 'go to person when your life is falling apart" but not included otherwise.
Am I overreacting or is this normal?
Do you think it's normal?
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Comments (9)
Chooseyourweapon (24449)
2009-06-19 19:03:40
Most psychologists would disagree with me, but I believe friendship is largely unnecessary. socialization is unproductive, and over socialization makes the inner self stagnate.
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sakura (24223)
2009-06-20 19:21:36
@: Chooseyourweapon
I think deep down there's a part of me that agrees with you, I guess I just wanted closure. But then there's the other part that wants to look back years from now and remember good memories, know people will actually be at my funeral, wedding, chrisening of my children. Stupid maybe, but real.
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rdtraveler (25594)
2009-07-15 08:08:27
I know exactly what you're talking about! I'm in the process of disentangling myself from "the group" I've been with for a while now. It's normal to get fed up with people who call themselves your friends but never truly step up and act like it.... especially if you have taken the time to scrutinize them and their (immature) behavior. Have you thought about joining a club or an inter-mural sport? You'll find a lot more people with common interests there, and those people are more likely to be friendly and willing to get to know you.
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beachbum01 (26777)
2009-08-07 12:21:21
I know what you're talking about too! I am also the type of person people come to for advice or to vent about something. But for some reason or another, I haven't met decent enough people to include me in what they're doing or invite me to do things with them. There are a couple people i've come across that have asked me to join them and etc. But what i really want is a close group of maybe 3-4 good friends. Sometimes i think that people my age that are in college..they just care about where the next party is and who is popular...I like to do other things besides drink and party...I think me and you are just more mature for our age. Most college students are just immature kids...like they're still in HS or something.
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sakura (24223)
2009-08-07 13:54:58
yes I've tried, but it really is hard meeting people when you're the only one who doesn't drink or smoke and i'm over being the designated driver. Good luck with your situation, I know how bad it gets.
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girlinterrupted1 (26783)
2009-08-07 14:11:45
I think that's quite a privildged position to be in! You're obviously someone who is highly valued as a good listener. I don't think you are overreacting to expect that others should reciprocate your feelings of needing to be heard! Without being presumtuous, it sounds as if you may be someone who has difficuly expressing their needs to their friends,and you may need to work on your confidence to demand that you receive the care that you so generously give to your friends.
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sakura (24223)
2009-08-13 07:34:00
@: beachbum01
Beachbum01

It's such a relief to know that there is someone out there who knows what I'm talking about. If only there were more of us so that each of us could have at least one person who gets us. There's this thing I've wanted it's a bit childish but in a perfect world i would have a small group of friends, really close friends and we'd have a "spot" like you see in teen dramas or HIMYM. How are you coping though? You ok?
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sakura (24223)
2009-08-13 07:36:59
@: girlinterrupted1
Girl interrupted1

I have made my needs and thats when my "friends" start to leave. people know what I expect, they just dont care enough to be ood friends.

Thank you for your comment and kind words.
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fathulk91219 (27482)
2009-08-22 22:01:00
to be truthful no one really has friends
in know i sound kind of cynical but in your case you can either be the nice person or the idiot.

and as the two sayings go:

god takes care of drunks and fools

and

the nice person come out last
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