Are You Normal?
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I fail at social communication
I'm now almost done with my first semester in college and I still feel like a 12 year old. I thought that joining the marching band I would get some "life-long friends" (like they always say) but I didn't it started out okay but I never really became part of the group I was hanging out with. I wasn't included. As the semester wore on so did my friendships. There're now more of aquaintances. They started ignoring me and of course they never called me. No one ever calls me except when there's no one else around or for a big gathering (sometimes).
I try to make conversation but I just come out as annoying. I talk extremely fast with a lipse. I tend to stutter sometimes too. and most importantly I always "go on, and on" about nothing in particular. I also interrupt-unintentionally-a lot. Whenever someone else starts talking I get irritated because I wasn't finished with what I was saying. (By dad says I ALWAYS not finished) I tend to think that I have to get everything out at once. For example, introductions are usually my life story.
Over the years I've developed a habit of mumbling a lot when I talk, especially in class (I rarely raise my hand). This I found is a result of the constant fear that if I say it louder people won't understand me and ask me to say it again (makes me self-conscious). Or it will come out wrong and jumbled or not make since. Also, as developed throught my sisters, someone will tell me to shut up.
I've gone to speech counselor as a child but my speech didn't get any better. It wasn't a mental think it was that I needed braces and had an extra strong/long tongue (weird). However, I still can't talk right or communicate well with others.
Is there anyway, I can communicate better with others and perhaps gain some much needed actual friends?
I try to make conversation but I just come out as annoying. I talk extremely fast with a lipse. I tend to stutter sometimes too. and most importantly I always "go on, and on" about nothing in particular. I also interrupt-unintentionally-a lot. Whenever someone else starts talking I get irritated because I wasn't finished with what I was saying. (By dad says I ALWAYS not finished) I tend to think that I have to get everything out at once. For example, introductions are usually my life story.
Over the years I've developed a habit of mumbling a lot when I talk, especially in class (I rarely raise my hand). This I found is a result of the constant fear that if I say it louder people won't understand me and ask me to say it again (makes me self-conscious). Or it will come out wrong and jumbled or not make since. Also, as developed throught my sisters, someone will tell me to shut up.
I've gone to speech counselor as a child but my speech didn't get any better. It wasn't a mental think it was that I needed braces and had an extra strong/long tongue (weird). However, I still can't talk right or communicate well with others.
Is there anyway, I can communicate better with others and perhaps gain some much needed actual friends?
Do you think it's normal?
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My problem is a try so hard :(
Dude you don't know if other people find you annoying and who cares? F7ck I find OTHER people annoying, what do I care if they think I am annoying? You should not either. If you make a friend with someone that's just great. If you don't who cares? You don't need that person. You just need yourself.
Worry about making yourself happy and being happy with yourself instead worrying about what other people think. Trust me this helps, makes it allot easier to make friends when you like yourself.
as I've worked for a matchmaking company for several months now, I've seen my fair share of beautiful socially happy people that you've described. And I'm going to give you a small yet crucial piece of truth that you've overlooked: YOU'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you think you're at college for the social interactions then go ahead and chop your balls off and get that sex change, because that'll definitely make things a whole lot easier.
With that nastiness out of the way, a lot of people have trouble being cool or fitting into the norm. And while it is essential to understand that fitting into the mold of normality is unattractive to a certain degree, diverting from the norm at great degrees is also "normal" and thus similarly unattractive.
If you really want to learn how to fit in and talk with others without having your awkwardness bleed into the conversation, the only thing to do is to go out and practice practice practice. You've got a head start in the sense that you know your weaknesses (mumbling, lack of speech skills, fear) but guess what .. other people have been able to overcome such problems and you can do it too.
I really do wish for the best in your personal improvements. I would wish you luck, but I know that luck doesn't exist. You're going to have to go out and make that inexplicable quality ring about you.
That'll make the muscles that make you speak clearly, much stronger and then when you take it out of your mouth, you'll feel like you can speak more clearly.
It's like what runners do when they wear ankle weights, when they take them off, they feel like they can run longer and faster :)
About the conversations thing, you can practice trying to make your "stories" more consice, beginning with the most attention grabbing information first and THEN the details. Make it consise.
I have found that there is actually ALOT to talk about... a whole range of subjects. You can even make a list if you want... and practice being smoooth when passing from one topic to another, look at how people like conan obrien and jay leno do it.
It is an art form. "So speaking of flip-flops, I heard that you like to go sunbathing once in a while, what are your favourite locations?" Seee?
So try practicing that and see how you get along (btw does anyone have a serial key for Adobe illustrator CS3?) remember that deep sea divers love to make all the mistakes in the pool before they go out to sea. ;)
Listen, you don't always need to talk. Having conversations is like a chess game - they make their move, you analyze and make yours. And so forth, but the intent is not to kill. I guess it's really to get what you desire from that person, be it emotional rewards, physical objects, access to other people.
Just calm down, and also remember, f**k other people. Really, in the long run, it doesn't matter at all what they think.
2. The physical part of a relationship is pretty important, especially at that age. you need to have non-serious relationships to get ready for the big ones that will come up as an adult
I've been a lot like that most of my life too.
It's mostly because of numerous traumatic things that have happened to me over the years, which make me have to filter most everything I ever think about saying like 3 times before it finally makes sense to others or doesn't offend them. It takes time to do the filtering, and anyone that knows me knows that I can communicate just fine, but mostly at my own pace, typed or written.
There are exceptions when I speak at full or even excessive volumes, very fast, and without even so much as a hint of stuttering, but when I'm like this, someone has really pissed me off something awful and I'm calling them on their b/s. I've even considered trying to tap into this without being angry, but it doesn't work so well. So I usually stay pretty quiet most of the time.
Don't worry. Time is the answer. ;] ( Although I am not really sure what I am saying. lol )
Best wishes.
its normal enough
irksome that if u say ur a loser ppl assume its a guy tho aint it >:(