Are You Normal?
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I feel displaced, as if I'm from somewhere else
All my life I have felt very different to others around me. I can't really define how it feels - there's just a certain alienation; I guess it's how a different species of human would feel in amongst the regular humans (I'm not suggesting that I'm supergirl or anything - it's just an attempt to explain). I've always been at or near the top of the class so at first I thought that I had few friends and an over-active imagination just because I was clever, no other reason. I thought for years that this was what it felt like to be slightly cleverer than those around you.
However, in the past few years I have noticed this feeling getting stronger and stronger. I feel that I have been DISPLACED - that I was meant for somewhere different i.e. not this world in this time. I've always liked old-fashioned stuff and have a love of sci-fi and fantasy movies, which again I used to put down to a clever person's over-active imagination - but the escapism has grown to whole new level where I walk down the street feeling completely lost and confused about why I am where and when I have ended up.
I strongly dislike most aspects of life in the 21st century - humans are so materialistic and petty; people are violent and greedy and selfish; financial success and physical prowess equate to happiness; people are getting stupider and more narrow-minded - I watch shows like Star Trek and it physcially hurts me to think of all the possibilities for humanity if we were only nice to each other and stopped caring so much about what other people are doing and whether we should persecute them for it (like in religious wars).
I hate walking down the high street amidst hundreds of trashy, loudmouthed, dirty, badly dressed people who are so concerned about stupid, little, petty things. Nobody has moral values anymore, and the modern world of red tape and paperwork and regulations is inescapable - just to sit in the middle of a desert and get away from it all, you'd have to book plane tickets, get a passport, pack your stuff like the airlines tell you, get the appropriate transport and clothing sorted out and then make sure you have a license to sit in the desert! There's no freedom anymore. Recently applying to university has made me realise how trapped in the system we all are; my generation more than anyone.
So you see, I am constantly looking around myself and feeling trapped and lost and confused, but most of all that there's something wrong with where I've ended up. I really do feel like I'm parallel parked in an alternate dimension, or perhaps in the wrong chronological hotel room.
I know it's normal to have feelings of being lost and lonely, espeially as a teenager, but does anybody else ever feel like I do? Sometimes I wonder if I'm dreaming, or comatose, and all of this is my imagination. I just feel like this modern life is fake and that somehow there must be a way to escape that isn't death. Someone please, give me some help.
However, in the past few years I have noticed this feeling getting stronger and stronger. I feel that I have been DISPLACED - that I was meant for somewhere different i.e. not this world in this time. I've always liked old-fashioned stuff and have a love of sci-fi and fantasy movies, which again I used to put down to a clever person's over-active imagination - but the escapism has grown to whole new level where I walk down the street feeling completely lost and confused about why I am where and when I have ended up.
I strongly dislike most aspects of life in the 21st century - humans are so materialistic and petty; people are violent and greedy and selfish; financial success and physical prowess equate to happiness; people are getting stupider and more narrow-minded - I watch shows like Star Trek and it physcially hurts me to think of all the possibilities for humanity if we were only nice to each other and stopped caring so much about what other people are doing and whether we should persecute them for it (like in religious wars).
I hate walking down the high street amidst hundreds of trashy, loudmouthed, dirty, badly dressed people who are so concerned about stupid, little, petty things. Nobody has moral values anymore, and the modern world of red tape and paperwork and regulations is inescapable - just to sit in the middle of a desert and get away from it all, you'd have to book plane tickets, get a passport, pack your stuff like the airlines tell you, get the appropriate transport and clothing sorted out and then make sure you have a license to sit in the desert! There's no freedom anymore. Recently applying to university has made me realise how trapped in the system we all are; my generation more than anyone.
So you see, I am constantly looking around myself and feeling trapped and lost and confused, but most of all that there's something wrong with where I've ended up. I really do feel like I'm parallel parked in an alternate dimension, or perhaps in the wrong chronological hotel room.
I know it's normal to have feelings of being lost and lonely, espeially as a teenager, but does anybody else ever feel like I do? Sometimes I wonder if I'm dreaming, or comatose, and all of this is my imagination. I just feel like this modern life is fake and that somehow there must be a way to escape that isn't death. Someone please, give me some help.
Do you think it's normal?
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If you are anything like me then you have, in my eyes, a wonderful gift. You can see the hypocrisy inherent to humans, you can see their ignorance and blind hatred, and you feel that you belong to another time or place where there are more people who think like you.
The simple fact is that humanity, for the most part, always has been and surely always will be this way. You cannot escape it. I know, and I feel tortured being forced to live amongst them, much like you do.
The best escape from it all, I have found, is to realize that you are above them. You can see through lies, deceit, and corruption of society. You are not ignorant as they are, but you are enlightened. You are one of the few bright bulbs in a large dark room.
If you are anything like me, and I truly think you are, then everything I just typed is true for you.
There are definitely societies and groups that you can feel at ease and at home. For example to test yourself go to Mosque (Muslim worship place) and ask the women there that you have just accepted Islam (as if) and want to learn more about Islam. And see whether you feel at ease with them, the way they behave the way they talk etc.
Here is some info on Sisterhood in Islam http://www.revert2reality.com/content/view/35/28/ and a blog of a convert http://newmuslimahrevert.blogspot.com/
Good luck! You should be glad that you are not a nutcase like the rest of the people around you :)