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I feel like there is nothing worth living for
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I don't know why I chose to post this on the internet but I guess it's easier to speak while faceless. I am not normally this person and if anything the fact that I am becoming it seems to drag me further into what has become a constant state of self loathing. I can't tell anyone because I've always had this thing you know, like I need to be indestructible to be respected and liked and I tried. I've been successful until now.
I just don't feel there is anything in my life, the main thing is that I hate myself and not the kind where I look in the mirror and wish I was skinnier or prettier although thats a huge part of it, but more the kind where I don't understand why anyone would want to be friends with me and it makes me constantly paranoid.
I have a large group of friends which is great but it's also horrible as no one is really as close as if there were just two of us. They all have other friends and I always have people to go out with, but I don't go out because Im so self conscious and it makes me miserable.
My family life sucks, my mother is selfish after she split from my dad she literally chased after a guy who everyone knew was a dick including her, despite the fact that we had just got our own place and me and my brother were young.
She then got pregnant twice because neither of them have the wits to use birth control, and don't get me wrong i love my little brothers to pieces but its made us struggle financially and I can only blame her because it's her fault! My father couldn't care less about me and buys me things as if that makes up for it.
I don't trust anyone so boys have always been a no go because I wouldn't allow myself to get close to people.
Due to this I constantly feel alone. I drink to numb myself and I'm scared that Im going to become an alcoholic, I've always battled with my weight and some days I just don't eat but I don't want to be anorexic, I get scared because there is no one to talk to and I'm still rational, I know it would kill my mum if I died but she doesn't care that I'm still here.
I hate being like this! I want to be happy again and it isn't like the average my life is shambles kind of thing trust me I wouldn't post if it was. What do I do?
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Comments (13)
G'day, this is Dionysus, I say drink wine, get in the intellectual subjects, like time and space, get into Narcissism, and be an epicure and one involved in sexual pleasure or masturbation. You do what you hate, now do what you love, party with your friends on wine, enjoy enjoyment. I say that in the now isn't similar to your invincible past, your present is in its structure by the relationship of its difference. Being the way you were and are is nothing in itself, but adding pleasure to it, with sex, masturbation, and fine foods and wine, and partying, and a lynx skin, and eating grapes, adds a structure to your ego, and because time is always changing, what you did is different to your hate now, it's the illusion it's all bad, but half of it is nice, and how you see yourself is how you are: reality is subjective, either a perception or observable by one person rather than two or more.
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plzzzzzzz dont do anything stupid. i hate seeing people like this ... i was in your same position untill i found someone special .. not a girl friend but my best friend (girl). she also was going through the same thing. shes a lezbo . we have no sexual feelings attached but we love each other more then anything.. you just need a friend . email me if you need a friend send me a request for my email.. ill be glad to be your friend
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Accually, I had this same problem when my girlfriend broke up with me. It pretty much just tore me from the inside out. My parents also had a divorce and my dad thinks it will fix everything by buying me stuff.Except, I never want to date again. I would rather have my life miserable if it means I wouldn't have to date. All it does it just tear you apart more when you break up. I completely understand you though. Nice to know I'm not alone =].
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listen, im in the exact same situation now. I have a group of people i usually hang with, but i also have one or two other people that i would give me life for. I look in the mirror and am disgusted with what i see, and i think at night, why do people even take the time of day for me?

i know this doesnt help much, but i dont know what to do either.

I'm still working on that part
my only suggestion, you cant care about what you look like. its the least important thing out of everything. you NEED to go out, and be with normal people rather than your family who seems to be hectic. concentrate on figuring out how you would act as 'yourself'.
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Alcohol only makes things worse. Alcohol makes you much sadder than before in the end. In your case, pot may help(I wouldn't recommend it, but alcohol IS worse for sad people). It's illegal though (and in most cases, harmful), so try to get help from a friend or a professional. You might have a chemical imbalance where a lack of serotonin is produced. You also had a very bad life. Try to leave the past in the past. Distract yourself as much as you can. Go for a walk with your friend or read a book. Draw or do a hobby. I find that drawing really relaxes me and keeps me calm and happy. I'm very good at drawing. If it wasn't for drawing, I'd probably go mad. You would be surprised how much of a difference hobbies can make!
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Listen to Three Little Birds by Bob Marley.. Sometimes life sucks but things eventually straighten out. Bellieve me
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You need to stop being afraid or your going to steer your life into a crisis and the only way to meet people that like you for who you are is to give them a chance spred your wings and fly
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i was in a situation like that, everything came rushing to me, i felt like i had no escape but to die, i am popular at school but at home it feels like im a ghost... my advice, its not worth it.. if your mums going to run off acting like that and not respecting how you feel there might be a reason... when my mum got married the second time and had 1 lil girl i had so many reasons to hate her but i didnt i didnt hide from her... try talking to her, see why shes doing what shes doing right now, theres always a reason for everything,, but if shes doing it for stupid reasons.. then move on... dont sit their waiting for her to change... go out with your friends and sleep over , just take yourself away from the things you dont want to see... you deserve better than that:) and dont try hurting yourself coz one day if death is near youll want to stay and live life but it might be too late.. so enjoy life.. i know it might be hard, but your life is yours so try to have fun:) i hope this helps
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travel dude..
get adventure back into your life..
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Are you okay now?
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FINE DEAR FRIEND WHOMEVER YOU MAY BE IT IS VERY HARD TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST ...... SORRY IF IT HURTS YOU



AS WELL WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE YOUR MOTHER AND LIVE SOME WHERE ELSE IF YOU R SO IN TIME TO DO SO AS IF YOU HAVE A JOB ON YOUR OWN AND EARN BY YOURSELF AND YOU LOVE YOUR BROTHERS THEN TRY TO TAKE THEM WITH IF YOU CAN SUPPORT THEM TO FOR THERE STUDIES OR ETC...


AS WELL FRIEND IN THESE DAYS IT IS REALLY HARD TO FIND A TRUSTHY & WORTHY FRIEND TO BE CLOSE TO YOU ALL THE TIME IN YOUR SADNESS OR HAPPINESS BUT DON'T TRY TO FIND A FRIEND MAN MAKE YOURSELF TO FIND MORE ABOUT YOURSELF .


TO BE FRANK I TO DON'T HAVE FRIENDS AT ALL

YEAH, I ALSO SOMETIMES THINK ABOUT HAVING A BUNCH OF FRIENDS TO HANG OUT BUT I DON'T LIKE THAT ON THE OTHER HAND TOO....


IT'S OK SO LETS BE FRIENDS WITH OURSELVES OK ......


CHEER UP MAN DON'T HATE YOURSELF BUT HATE OTHERS WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU


GIVE THE IDEA OF HATING YOURSELF ....
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Stop being a whiny loser & do something with your life. Get a job, lose weight, get your own place,& be happy. Don't let your family define you. Stop drinking. Put your energy into something positive. Speak to a therapist. Get off your pity-pot & live your life.
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@skimskambone. First of all I'm not a whiny loser, if you haven't looked this section is for 'feelings', don't want to hear about them, don't read them. I was 16 when I wrote this, meaning I couldn't get a job or my own place. If you look, at no point in the description does it say I was overweight, just that it was something I focused on. I'm almost 18 now and can't believe I had ever felt so low as to right this, but your comment has annoyed me. It is in no way helpful and is very condescending. I just hope you never plan to give your 'advice' to a fragile teen in the future.
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