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i feel so unhappy
41% Normal
22 Comments

I caught myself staring at my blank monitor again, feeling so tired yet unable to sleep. I can’t remember the last time I felt happy, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, I am good looking, smart and I am talented at everything I do, I have lots of friends but I have no true friends, I don’t know if I have ever had a true friend, I don’t think I have ever loved, I feel as though I am empty. Everyone thinks I am normal and that I am heaps happy, but I’m not. That scene in American Psycho where he kills that dude with the axe and just unleashes all his anger, it made me feel good watching it, I got an adrenaline rush and a feeling of euphoria from it, does that mean I am going to be a serial killer? I imagine ways to kill people and all the possibilities of hiding the body without getting caught; I think I could get away with murder so easily and wouldn’t feel any emotion at all. I miss my Dad, I haven’t seen him in probably ten years I can’t even remember the last time I saw him but I remember it was the last time I felt happy, I think, if I got the balls to look up his number and call him he’d probably want to see me as much as I want to see him but I just cant force myself to do it. I think I felt happy when I was friends with Jamie, I don’t know. If I ever did have a true friend it probably would have been him but I don’t know. I hate my mum, she does so much for me but I still hate her so much, she makes me so angry. I have lots of girls after me that are pretty dam hot but they don’t mean a thing to me, I have never asked a girl out in my life they always ask me I wish the one girl I think I love would love me, Connor, I think she use to like me ages ago when she use to come and sit next to me and talked to me but I must of unintentionally turned her away because I never show my emotions to anyone ever, she is so beautiful, I feel like a stalker because I always stare at her whenever I see her at school and forget about everything else, I think if I was with her I could finally sleep, she is the cure for my insomnia, unhappiness and all my bad thoughts, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me but I care what she thinks of me for some reason, I cant get myself to approach her, the only way that is going to happen is if I am stoned and drunk out of my f**king mind or it’s the end of the world. I always wash my hands, my friends think I have a compulsive disorder, I probably do, I hate my friends. I can’t remember the last time I cried, I’ve wanted to cry but I just can’t.
Do you think it's normal?
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Comments (22)
P00LTOY (15451)
2008-09-10 22:08:49
well, you're a good writer. That's something. How old are you?
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P00LTOY (15451)
2008-09-10 22:09:53
or is this a fake post?
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cabinet70 (4440)
2008-09-11 01:20:25
If your moniter is blank try putting a nice wallpaper on it
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spamjaveIin (15511)
2008-09-11 05:58:32
yea right get off your duff and get laid or something. if girls are all over you like that then for fucks sake slip them the meat puppet as frequent as possible. spurting off your jism is a cure for the blues boyo.

obey your king. Spamjavelin has spoken.
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Naughty_rascal (4558)
2008-09-12 04:49:55
Hi just thought i'd add my thoughts here, If you want to be a serial killer like patrick bateman (american psycho, by brett eastern ellis, fantastic book, but i'm digressing) where was i?....Oh yeah the serial killer thing, the best way to get started is torturing small animals, most of them start this way Dahmer, Chikatillo, Nilsen, Ed Gein. Once you've got this under your belt you can work your way up to something bigger, don't run before you can walk. Next you need to withdraw from 'normal society' and harbour a deep paranoia and mistrust of rules, consider yourself above the law yet at the same time maintain an outwardly genial demeanour. your first kill should be someone who isn't going to be missed, a homeless bum, drifter, that kind of thing. Resist the urge to act on impulse as this may get you caught, plan your actions. As for disposing of a body the best way is to cut it into 4 pieces these being, the head, torso, legs and arms, each 'piece' will then fit comfortably into a standard suitcase, if you took time to plan you should have a spot picked out with a 'shallow grave' already dug, theres nothing worse than hauling a body across town piece by piece then having to start digging!! As the body count rises, you'll gain more coonfidence and may even find time to taunt the police and send letters to the press about your victims. You know you've made it as a true killer when the press endow you with a cool nickname like, The hillside strangler, or the black panther, or maybe The Bayside butcher, it is cinsidered bad etiquette to name yourself.
Hope this helps and remeber cockiness has been many a serial murderers downfall, Happy Hunting!!
One final point if you use a different method evertime you kill the police will find it more difficult to link the crimes, meaning you go undetected for longer.
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mookh (16258)
2008-09-12 11:17:10
this is better than tv!

as for "I feel so unhappy", see a counselor, become a writer or commit yourself to some volunteer work.
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violent10dency (10988)
2008-09-12 15:32:37
@: Naughty_rascal
Are you seriously giving somebody instructions on how to become a serial killer? Get a hobby, get laid, better yet go GET BENT!!! Jesus Christ man I just skimmed over what you were saying, obviously you don't have a conscience, and definately no super-ego, and probably this kid writing this shit doesn't either.
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violent10dency (10988)
2008-09-12 15:34:24
Even though you say you could kill someone, odds are you won't have the balls to do it, but I could be wrong. You need to talk to a psychiatrist before you screw your life up, and kill your dream girl, kid.
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violent10dency (10988)
2008-09-12 15:35:56
Oh and one more thing you hate your mom, right? So that makes you a loser, be thankful for what God gave you, and be thankful she didn't leave your ass like your dead beat daddy did. Pffft and you people say americans are ungrateful bastards!
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Naughty_rascal (4558)
2008-09-15 06:32:59
@ Violent10decency

Yeah i'm seriously giving someone instructions on how to be a better killer, everyone needs a hobby and it is written in socrates v9 ch7 'If a jobs worth doing its worth doing well' or was thats lesbians? How come you always bringing god into stuff? Come closer and i'll let you in on a secret, if you believe in god, it also follows that you believe that god has angels doing his work, With me so far? By default if you believe in god you also have to believe in the fallen angel Satan, correct? Well i'm kinda the opposite of an angel, just doing the dark lords work *wink*
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AverageTMcFlannigan (16347)
2008-09-22 14:21:47
Sounds like depression to me. When I was in a similar slump after high school, I found that getting back to the basics really helped me. Having a good job also immensely improved my condition. When I say get back to the basics, I mean try to start noticing the small details again. Look at the sky and watch the clouds go by. Try to remember what made that special to your eight year old self. That pursuit occupies time and ends up making you feel more like you did when you were a kid. That is to say--happier. Major life changes (like your dad leaving, graduating high school, a friend moving away, etc) can trigger depression like this. The older you get the more difficult it will become, too.
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ms_spectacular (16609)
2008-10-03 23:28:15
hmmm....i think you should write horror novels / romance novels / mystery novels and you could make a killing! (pun intended)
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MisterGee81 (16946)
2008-10-15 10:28:08
You are full of yoursel man,Cry a river man no one cares in this world of crap get of your ass and get laid.Sounds like u are full of crap,As for your mom and dad your prick father should keep in contact with you he is irresponsible and probably gay.And if women are throwing thwemselves at u take advantage of it maybe u are really gay you ever think of that and being a killer yeah will be fun untill u get caught and get ure ass raped by a big black guy named bubba while holding on to the jail bars grow up man appreciate your mom and stop whining about being unhappy alot of us arent happy find a better way to express it
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malbutus (16983)
2008-10-16 18:04:03
You suck you should just kill yourself...
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tapioca99 (18045)
2008-11-27 04:18:06
i feel the same way too. i cant remember the last time i felt like i had stuff in my life to live for.
talk to a professional about your serial killer issue. you dont want to harbor that feeling and let it turn into reality.
my friends dont get me either- i think my best plan right now is just to try to deal with it by myself. try to be more optimistic about things.
call your dad you'll regret it someday if you dont.
ask the girl out. failing is better than never having tried at all.

sorry if this was too long.
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GreyScale (18039)
2008-11-27 22:22:44
If you reread what you wrote, you'll find out that a lot can be fixed by choosing to do something different.

If you want something to change, make it change. Call you dad. Talk to the girl. Take control of your life.
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kittiekrimson (20558)
2009-02-26 13:24:31
i completely understand you. i hate all my friends too. i can never cry. i feel somewhat happy when i watch killing scenes. your pretty normal to me. how old are you? ur a good writer!
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churbur (21140)
2009-03-21 23:02:26
Wow. First of all, it's messed up that you say you could be a serial killer. Don't think those things that's fucked up and creepy as all hell. I'm pretty sure you're not "in love" with this girl, it sounds more like an infatuation. You NEED to call your dad. Get really drunk or something and work up the nerve to call him. After you talk to him, you will be so glad you did (as long as you don't bring up your serial killer ambition). And the way you talk and act and how you said you want to cry but can't, sounds like you're depressed. Get some help, take some meds, and get yourself out of this rut. It is neevr too late to turn things around. That is, if really you want to. Because it's not easy and there will be times you wanna give up. But don't. Good luck.
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chunkybongo (18981)
2009-04-24 23:40:33
Fake post. Nobody in such a dire situation would describe it in the literal fashion you do. Go take a course in creative writing...
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chunkybongo (18981)
2009-04-24 23:48:49
If your friends think you're 'normal' and 'heaps' happy, then how can they also think that you have an obsessive compulsive disorder? Do a second manuscript...
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alaztair (23908)
2009-06-06 19:18:04
Damn dude. You sound like me. That's my life story right there (minus the murder fantasies).

I think it's normal. It's called depression. My doctor put me on anti-depressants and now I'm 100% ok. I suggest you get some counselling friend. Depression fucks you up big time. It did me. Sometimes I wonder how the fuck I made it through it. It eats away at your inner being until you're all dead inside. It's fucking uncomprehensible to those who haven't suffered it. Get some help. It might be hard, but you won't regret it. I don't.

But yeah. Life pretty much sucks. Really gets you down sometimes. You'll make it though. Just find something to occupy your mind.
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4w04se (25055)
2009-07-23 18:52:27
@: cabinet70
LOL.... the guy is feeling down.. I don't think that was what he's looking for .. you made me laugh really
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