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I had sex with a first cousin at 12 years old

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this happened to me. it's not normal, and it can be really disfuntional. i'm nineteen now, me and my cousin first started getting these feelings when i was eleven and he was thirteen. it started with little games of tickling and playing around. then we made out. it all happened really fast after that. he lives far away, and the next time he visited we would hook up almost every night. eventually we had sex when i was fourteen and he was sixteen. i was really depressed and developed an anxiety disorder because of it. i was constantly terrified my family would find out. me and my cousin started fighting, and he hasn't come back since. i haven't talked to him since i was fifteen.
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