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I had sex with a first cousin at 12 years old

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Im really nervous saying this but I really wanted to put it out there. I'm really happy I found this because for a while now I'm sure I have strong feelings for my cousin and I do hate it. I always find myself thinking about him, when I see him my heart beats so fast. I almost feel that he feels the same way about me. By the way I'm 18 and a female, he's 23. I know that's a big age gap. I just really want some advice. Because all of the people that commented on this were so honest. I'm just glad I'm not alone. Please no stupid or inappropriate comments. Thank you.
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