For as long as I can remember I have hated and dreaded my birthday. I think its because I make a big deal out of everyone else's by always trying to remember and call/send gift on that exact day, but it doesn't seem like I ever feel satisfied when my own birthday comes by. I could have 4 or 5 birthday messages but be sad because I have like a lot more friends that should have remembered! Or for example I will get a few emails, but will be hurt I didn't get more from people that know its my bday or that they just texted and didn't call! It makes me feel selfish and ungrateful but that's just how I feel. I am to the point where I try to pretend its not my birthday or make plans to be alone/go away. Weird or what? I hate to say it, but having my birthday just make me feel unpopular! At the same time I feel like if I go around reminding people that its my bday that it will just be fake responses or forcing people to say happy birthday. Its almost like I am testing people and then get sad every year it seems like not everyone remembered--even though I should be happy some people did!!! I can't stand that I am so selfish like this!