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I hate my boyfriend sometimes but i love him too much to leave
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My boyfriend and i have been "together" for almost 3 and a half years. we are both 21 and have both lived in MI all our lives. at the beginning of this school year he went off to school in VA. this has really sucked but hasnt been as bad as i thought it would be. i see him once every 1 and a half months which is pretty good. throughout our whole relationship weve broken up several times and tried other people but it obviously never worked. we could never keep our minds off of each other. hes really critical and judgmental and im so not. we disagree about almost everything. he has broken my heart into a thousand pieces and i have done the same to him. and we always try to leave each other thinking, you know, this will just never work, but that never lasts more than a week. we also try to say to each other that we are going to just go with the flow. we love each other and thats all that matters. but that never works either. our differences are always getting in the way it seems. but at the same time when we are together i feel like the happiest girl in the word. i could fly. he can make me feel so great about myself. he would do anything for me and i know it. we build each other up and make each other better people. which i know is very important in a relationship but i think the real problem is that sometimes with some things we both struggle with sacrificing for each other. i feel like hes so selfish sometimes. he can never be wrong. and when he is he doesnt admit it. ahh idk im just rambling and contradicting myself. but thats how our relationship is. just back and forth all the time. i just never know whats right. i love this kid with all of my heart and i know it. and i know that he loves me just the same. we have been through a lot together and we arent two stupid kids that just dont know what we want. we both want to get married but it just sucks cause every time we fix everything and everything is perfect a few days will go by and he will say something that really pisses me off. i think that my problem is that i dont ever tell anyone about my feelings. i keep everything inside. i feel awkward talking to anyone about how i feel except with my boyfriend but most of the time my feelings are about him so he cant be the only one i talk to. soo because i keep everything bottled up, sometimes when he says things i just want to(and sometimes do) just explode on him. and i feel like im messing everything up between us. the main reason i am even writing this is because i need to let some of this out and i know that someone will read it. it just makes me feel better that someone knows how i feel. so if anyone does read this then i guess all i have to say is thank you for taking the time. i really appreciate it, let me know what you think.
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Comments (20)
Hahahaha. I loved it. Dont ever think your relationship with him isnt normal. Couples always have arguments, always. The fact that you two have managed to get threw it with deep love for each other, proves that theres a strong bond keeping you together. Letting steam out on one another is ok every now and then, It releives tension. Just dont go to far with it and you two should be ok. Good luck, congratulations and normal.
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thanks :) i think i needed to hear that
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I'm sorry to hear your going through this but at the same time glad to hear I'm not the only one! I completely understand what your going through my bf and I have been dating for 4 years now and I feel that maybe I'm getting resentful because he isn't willing to commit because like you everytime our relationship starts getting better we bicker about really dumb stuff. I think this maybe normal with relationship that last this long and don't move forward how you want.
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I wonder the same exact feeling all the time. I hope and would think that it is normal. It makes me sad and I wish I could tell friends about my feelings. I guess you have to just be strong and think positive. I know its easy to say than doing it. But I know how you feel and I'm trying to be strong myself. I hope things worked out between you two and good luck! :)
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finally. i hate my boyfriend so much. but i love him more than anything. i can't even believe i am so helpless that i am writing about this online.
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Dont worry ur not alone Im in the same position me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship living 6 hours from each other. We have been together for 8 months and are planning to marry next year. We love each other so much but we have emotional personalities so we fight a lot and the relationship causes me a lot of tension but it also gives me the best feelings in the world too. He is my everything and I would give up the world for him and by what u have said I think it is the same for you. Just stick at the relationship you will have your ups and downs but remember you love him a lot underneath and the fighting will get better as you get more understanding of each other. Your not alone in this situation at all =)
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two long, but it shows that you really want him. dont leave him. its obvious that you love him, but leave him if he doesnt love you.
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wow!! i was just speechless reading your story because it's exactly what's been happening to me and my boyfriend of 3 years and 9 months. I'm like you, I keep my feelings bottled up and no matter how many times he has broken my heart I still come back to him and he does too because we've broken up three times. He has told me "I don't love you that much anymore" twice in our entire relationship but still I'm with him. But now, I'm always insecure that one day he'll just leave me simply because he doesn't love me anymore when I've given him my all. So I'm hurting everyday thinking of the possibilities. I don't even know if he still wants to marry me, cause we planned to get married next year. And now he has become too close to my girl friend, even driving her to places without me knowing and they are always messaging each other when I only get to talk to him once a day. He reasoned that he doesn't call or send me messages the whole day because he knows we are going to talk at night anyway. I also only found out that he was driving my friend somewhere the day before they were supposed to go because my friend ask me if I wanted to go with them. And I felt jealous and hurt, I was wondering if it was even normal that he's driving my girl friend to places without telling me. When I talked to him about it, I was telling him nicely that I was a bit disappointed that my friend didn't even bother asking if it was okay that my boyfriend drives her somewhere, He got annoyed at me and told me I was making it a big deal. So, now I can't even talk to him about serious things about our relationship because he seems to change his tone just when I ask "can I talk to you about something?" and gets really annoyed at me if it's something about how he's hurting me and stuff so I just end up bottling every feelings, I feel tired but I just can't leave him. He also never tells me anything about some of his friends (especially the girls) because he said it's not important. We've been together for almost 4 years but I only found out that he has a girl bestfriend a few months ago. Is that normal? Oh, one time he hugged my girl friend from the back as well. Tell me, should I not be jealous? Because he hates it when I get jealous a lot but I think it's his fault. I know he sounds like such a horrible boyfriend, but like you, when we talk and when I'm with him he makes me feel like I'm loved because he's all lovey-dovey to me. So, he's really confusing me. Do you think I should be worried? because I love him sooo much but everytime I think of how insensitive he is towards my feelings I wonder If its worth it..
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@: rain03
Dear dear Rain03, if you want to keep him, back off. What he's doing with other girls sounds very shady. After what he's said to you, (ie. not loving you that much anymore), if you try harder, you will push him away. Sounds like he's having doubts. If my guy was taking my friend somewhere and she asked me if I wanted to come along, there would be confrontation. He would have to convince me of some misunderstanding, or else I would be out-the-door. READ a book called LOVE MUST BE TOUGH, I followed the directions and got my guy back. It just may help you too. Actually I KNOW it will.
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ok, my first point is, your fourteen. i dont want to sound patronizing, but, your far to young to be in a relationship, never mind say your in love!!

Whats going on here is NOT NORMAL! get out of this relationship with him, AND HER ! they are not the type of people you want to have in your life. would a best friend seriously go after your boy friend? think about that one.

trust me, its hard at first when you break up. ive been there a few times, and the best thing i would advise is to DELETE their numbers, and to DELETE all of the texts you have from them, inbox outbox and saved, cause then you have no way to contact them. CRY ! take time for yourself, be upset, fall into your wardrobe crying if you have to (yes this did happen me..) just take a few days and be upset. then comes the fun part, find something that motivates you, music, school work, sports. set yourself a challenge and go for it. focus everything on something thats going to make you better, and you never know, you may meet someone else.

i hope this helps, id love it if you would reply and let me know an update. your not alone :) xx
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I'm fourteen, and I've been with my boyfriend for seven months. I love him with my everything, and I know he loves me back. He makes me feel so amazing and loved, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

We're just so different... like he's manipulative and controlling, with so much anger in his heart at all times. And I'm the opposite. He can get angry in a matter of seconds and it's almost impossible for me to get angry at all. I wish I could say my calmness balances him out, but it doesn't. I can't do anything about it but walk away and let him cool off.
It's rather frustrating how different we are. I really wish he was more like me sometimes, able to let things go. I hate the angry, controlling part of him. So much time is wasted on it.

He's also gotten REALLY close to my best friend over the last couple months. [I wasn't around, because my parents found out I was sexually active and I was forbidden to see my boyfriend or any other friends of mine. The situation has gotten better.] They're constantly together, and are on the phone every night. I barely get to talk to him anymore. He admits he likes her, and she admits she likes him. She actually admitted that she's fallen in love with him. He says he likes her, but he loves me. It really worries me though. My best friend and I are very similar. She's just prettier, more interesting, less clingy, and more experienced in bed. He trusts her more than me. She trusts him more than me. It took me three months to get him to open up to me and tell me his secrets, and it took her three days. She tells him everything. EVERYTHING. He swears he loves me more, but I just can't believe him.

My friend and I tag-teamed him, and made him choose one of us. He chose me. I don't know what his reason was, or if he regrets it now. I don't know if he really does love me more, or if he just feels sorry for me.

I'm also the type to keep everything bottled up. It's just the way I was raised. And if I DID want to talk about this, I would have no one to talk to. The two people I trust the most are the ones I'm so upset about.

I honestly don't know what to do. I do not want to lose him, I really do love him with my everything. But then, if he does love her more, and he wants to be with her but he feels like he owes me something or feels sorry for me... I'd be fine with him being with her. I just want them to be happy. I love both of them, but I hate them for what they're putting me through. I'm so jealous... and hurt. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it.
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I am going through something really similar right now too. I've only been dating my boyfriend for eight months but I've known him for four years before that. Both of us were interested for that long but we were really good friends and we're both really paranoid so neither of us said anything. Now that we're dating it's the most wonderful thing I could imagine but recently I got a nine to five job Monday to Friday and his phone just broke so it's getting harder to get a hold of each other.
We had a fight about it recently and the thing is whenever he and I have a disagreement I end up saying something like nevermind or forget about it because I forget why I was mad when I'm with him or I forget my very persuasive arguments. So things are never properly resolved... It's really difficult to try to work it out on my own and I'm getting sick of talking about it with him. I
I just wanted to say, I don't know if it's normal but I'm feeling the same thing lately, it doesn't help but it does kind of feel nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this. Good luck with your guy!
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Im slightly different. Im 17 and have been with my boyfriend 6 years.. yeah we were 12 when we got together and are now nearly 18! When we were young, our differences weren't so apparent. I'm going to University to study politics and Spanish and i love talking about thigns going on in the world and also about emotional everyday crap. My boyfriend loves music, with a passion. But this is all he likes. I find this really hard to relate to, and as we have gotten older we have less and less in common. We live really close to eachother, like half hours walk? but when we speak on the phone its soooo boring. Its just like hey, how are you, what did you do today, bye. We have literally zero in common. When we are together it is TOTALLY different. When he comes over my house we cuddle and kiss and laugh loads and talk about stuff. But is that really enough? Especially after 6 years. Also, he LOVES his friends, and ive always known they prioritise wayy over me. If we've planned to have a sleepover one night, but then the guys are doing something, he'll ask to change our night. It really makes me upset because we only see eachother once a week. (im in sixthform, he's in college) yet he sees them atleast twice in the week and friday night, saturday day and sunday- if we have a sleepover friday night, he'll be with them saturday night you know? it swaps like that. Its jsut so insulting that after spending THAT much time with them in the week he would still rather spend time with them than me. But i love him soooooooooooooooooooooo much! He is just so cute and iknow he would die for me tomorrow without a second thought, its unconditional love. But is that enough? Im always upset about how he brushes me off when a better offer comes along and he never takes me out anywhere .e.g. he forgot to give me something on valentine's day, even though i made a meal from scratch at my house. When i go to university and we'll hardly get to see eachother (its 3 houes away) im worried our relationship wont stand a chance. I really want some opinions or ways to make it better :( he's really such a great guy, but does he really have room or a girlfriend in his life?
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*for a girlfriend
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Oh my gosh I so understand how you feel. Every word and every sentence I totally understand! Why does it always end up like this? I'm in a similar situation, just like yours, but add the issues of me being driven, doing the things I say I'm gonna do, not making any excuses and not feeling sorry for myself, and him...the exact opposite. And the worst part is he is 10 years older than me, and a father of a 17 year old!! Ya, I know, this is classic "WTF?? get out now!!!" kinda deal, but he is my BEST FRIEND!! And he is so good to me, so loving, so loyal, so kind. Besides the annoying fibs and exaggerations he does that drives me up the wall, he is not afraid to express his self and show is softer side, and he is always there...but he's always there doing nothing with his life! Ok, sorry, not trying to make this all about me, if anything I hope this makes you realize you are not alone, and this is a very common pattern that most relationships come to. I am in the processes of letting go. Sometimes we just have to accept that as much as we love each other, and as sooooooooo very very close we come to being perfect together, sometimes it's those few tiny things that cause the BIGGEST problems that may never go away. All you can do is come to terms with this and walk away. It's so fucking hard though!!!!!
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Hello, this is completely normal me and my boyfriend has been together for 8yrs, and was friends before that; at this very moment I feel as if I hate him; but I love him no matter what. I love the fact that every single word on here from you I can relate to. The only reason I found this is because I typed in the same thing; so now I feel completely better that others feel this way :)
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i said it wasnt normal. thats just too sweet darlin <3 its not normal to be as luchy as someone like you. i hope you guys get marriend
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I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 3 months. Tonight I just thought to myself that I hate my boyfriend so much sometimes, yet I love him so much. So that is what brought me here. I wanted to know if others felt the same way. Thank you for your post.
I believe you love your boyfriend a whole lot, because my boyfriend and I are also on and off. We have broken up four to five times. But I think if you love him, don't leave him unless he doesn't love you back.
I think it should be normal, but that is my opinion.
You might regret leaving him if you decide to for good. Leaving someone you love for good is the hardest thing and haunts you. You begin wondering if they even think about you or love you back still.
If you ever doubt your relationship, think positively and think of the good things in your relationship. Also, keeping things in is bad. I also hold in my emotions and thoughts, etc. So I tend to build it up inside and then one little thing from somebody can make me explode. My thought on this is that when you have a problem about your boyfriend then let him know something is bothering you about him, etc. I tell my boyfriend when something bothers me sometimes, but other times I don't because I am scared he will get mad.
But I don' t know your boyfriend so I don't know if he would be mad at you for just telling him how you feel about something.
But I hope everything works out between the both of you. Good luck.
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I feel the same about my boy friend who made a. Ery bad joke today to "make things better " when our relationship is suffering because he is stressed and I constantly worried. He forgets that I am in the same boat as be is. I constantly show him that I love him and I am sways there to support him.but he has been distant. I have reached a point that I do not care a out anything and what ever happens sounds good to me. I seriously wake ip at night screening for the pain I feel in my heart. I know I might sound that I am contradictig myself but that is why it is so painful for me. I am lost and in so much pain.
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I complete have the same problem expect we are a bit younger i am 19 and he is 20. He treats me like a slave, and he doesn't like 1 thing every so often for me and then uses this as evidence saying that he doesn't do stuff for me etc etc. I just don't know what to do anymore my heart feels like its going to have a stroke if it gets heart anymore :(
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