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I hate my kids
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169 Comments

I had children with the plans to be a career mom and the main breadwinner. My husband was to stay at home with the kids. Unfortunately, I have a very irresponsible ex husband. The day our first born came home from the hospital he disappeared for three days. When I realized I was pregnant again and returned to work, because I am a 'responsible mom' and somebody needed to bring home the bacon, I came home to find the baby covered in feces in his crib and my husband fast asleep. CAS got involved and I needed to quit my job, because I am the 'responsible mom'. It didn't take long to realize that if I wanted to continue with my career I would have to pay for a sitter, even if he wasn't working because he was negligent. I paid for this because I am the 'responsible mom'. Needless to say, he left us and became homeless for a while, making his visits in my home as he has nowhere else to take them. He is the hero and I hear about it every day. I continue to plug away, trying to build my career around babysitters, doctor appointments, school appointments, dentists, etc, etc, etc. I get told many times a day how great daddy is and how bad I am because I have rules and I'm a 'responsible mom'. I wake up every morning to the sound of their terrible shrill kid voices, their food fights and their stalling tactics that make it impossible for me to get ready for work and that make me late for work. They hold me back professionally. I pick them up at night and I wrestle with them to go to bed, so that I can make up for being late by finishing my work while they're asleep. I was talked into getting custody, getting a will and life insurance to ensure that they are taken care of, even though I do not want to be a 'responsible mom'. Nobody seems to believe me...it isn't normal that a mother wouldn't want to take care of her children....even if she was planning on being the breadwinner, she should have some 'natural maternal instinct' that takes over...RIGHT?? Well, I don't. I hate my kids. I hate waking up with them around. I hate eating with them. I avoid them. Do you think I am normal?
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Comments (169)
all the people on here saying parents are supposed to love and teach and wait to have kids dont live in the real world. Take a day in our shoes see how hard it is. No ones perfect we all make mistakes and just because someone made a mistake and had a child before they were ready is no worse than mistakes most people make in their lives plus if you see a mom struggling help her!! stop saying how bad of a mom she is or that she shouldnt have kids and help!! take them for a day or two! i know in my case im able to be more calm and react better with a break a few times a month, one person cannot do all of it alone!! my heart goes out to all single moms or moms doing most of the work alone!! its very hard!!
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This is to all that have criticized this topic i have four kids both my husband and i are still together and are both well educated which makes us financially stable , we have taken our children on road trips and educational destination vacations we have given them goals and rules they have always had more than just the basics without things being just handed to them , yes they are aware of cultural diversity but not raised in the "hood" nor are they sheltered BUT! Out of no where they began to lie and steal , and purposefully physically harm eachother , they can not stand to be independant they wont behave for five minutes and its all because of my oldest. " the saying one bad apple will spoil the bunch" is true , my oldest has shown the younger three how to be disrespectful , lie and steal also he is a miserable child who like to see his younger siblings suffer for his actions, i have taken him to therapy and tried to be the supportive mother that i am supposed to be but the FUCKING asshole is ruining my younger kids life we can no longer spend the time together that we used to every waking moment is trying to get him to understand when your wrong you have consequences or trying to protect the other kids from his raging tantrums he is ten this year and i hate him with a passion i cant stand to talk to him look at him clothe him feed him i dont want him in my house anymore he makes me sick to my stomach i wish i would have had an abortion ! This child has taken me to a level of mental instability he is a demon child my husband wont even speak to him we have tried punishment timeout time in smacking spanking extra home work exercising taking away privlages giving chores offering money taking favorite items sending to a relative counciling therapy groups different school extra friends less friends ect ect we have done all that we could and he just wont quit! He laughs when i cry from frustration and talks bad about dad behind his back this child is has no future he is a ingrate and i hate him 18 is not emotionally or mentally acceptable for this shit to continue i want to put him up for adoption for some one else who is better equipped because its not me he has made me dislike my other kids i have thought about becoming a drug addict as their chilren seem to be more well mannered and high acheivers in life i did not ask for a child i hate and to the person who made the comment about God hateing some people? I wish i would have known that i would not have wasted my time i would have givin his ass up long ago and got my fucking TUBES TIDE.
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You're the FUCKING ASSHOLE and your husband is nothing close to a MAN how dare he let someone treat his son in the way you do. Your son is the one that should be posting on here about having such horrible parents. Kids are a product of their environment. It is your fault he is that way. You two are the ones that need help. You should have never been given the right to bear children. For your kids sake give them all up for adoption, they would be better off for it! It's too bad your mom didn't abort you when she had the chance. I am sure she is very proud of you!
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You're the FUCKING ASSHOLE!! If your kids is like that it is because of bad parents and you husband is a weak little bitch for letting his wife treat his son so negatively. You two arethe ones who need help and need to be given up. ALL of your kids need different parents. Your sick women who needs mental help. PLEASE for the sake of your kids give them up. You should have been born without the ability to have kids. Sick, sick people you and your husband are. I hope when your kids are older and are responsible for taking care of you that they put you and your husband in and old folks home and you are treated just as badly as you have treated them. Payback is a BITCH!!!! GET HELP!
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@: Mich79
I love this reply. Yes kids! Just lock your old parents up in an old folks home when you're old enough.
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@: Phaedra
Mi mother will be gettin that as I won't be ther to wipe her ass
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@: Mich79
I know!!! So many evil sick 'mothers' in this world, mine being one of em!!! she didn't care when I moved out n had to live in a shithole instead of offering her place to stay while I looked elsewher she didn't care leaving me ther seeing how depressed I was and I was only 18 , she also did numerous other things like hav an affair and make us live with the pervert throw us to our fathers home hu was an alco and hit her but she claims she never thought he wud hit us! My ass all she has cared bout her entire life is being a whore and thinking g of number 1! she hasn't seen me for nearly a year now I reckon since my 19 mth old BDay and didnt let my bro see her cus she doesn't like my bf so he hasn't seen his niece for ages either and she doesn't care how this will affect him or his nieces ! as a mother I am appalled a parent can act like this !! I'm same age she was wih two babies I will never ever treat em like this I already hate em growing up and can't understand how it doesn't bother her that she isn't allowed to see em
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My emotions get the best of me when talking about him that i cant spell straight so please forgive the mistakes
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Wow. I have a step child just like this. Hes affecting my children! And the over all attitude of the home. Now my two yr old is picling things up from him and i spank him for acting like him. Out of four kids, hes the prick. I cant stand him. I feel bad about it. He was adopted from a loser 14 relative that screwed her brother, and grandpa. Yeah white trash. And he acts just like all them losers.
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You post such horrible stuff about your kids and all you are worried about is your FUCKING grammar? Get over yourself, you are a failure as a parent!
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@: Mich79
Mich79, you need to get over yourself. If you would have either been more in-tune with the world, had a similar experience, or just had an open mind, you'd understand that its not always the parent's fault. There are times when you can only do all you can but not even Supermom (much less, a qualified therapist) can do anything to rectify behavior. There are 6 billion people on this planet with all sorts of innate traits, genetically random behaviors, and just plain-old-fashioned "bad apples". Using your logic, rapists and serial killers should be absolved because their parents failed them...you're either ignorant or just tend to speak (or type) before you think.

Have you ever heard of a personality disorder? This is when modifying unacceptable behavior or thought patterns is not possible. You are born with this and it does not go away. If a child has this, he/she may be particularly violent and unloving. Imagine how you would feel if you show nothing but love and support for someone who wishes you harm and unhappiness for years and years. No one knows the true story except for the one who's posting. Its sad to say...but some kids are broken and cannot be fixed. They usually become a burden on society as well, putting other lives (mortally and/or emotionally at risk). She has other children to worry about as well. Not only is she suffering but so are her children. She is obviously not describing a normal 10 year old boy. Even the meanest (but normal) kids usually shape up if there is a strong parent who isn't afraid to delivery a loving can of whoop ass.
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Have you tried medicating him? Sounds like he needs to be on mood stabilizers.
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you're sooooo not alone, i have a daughter everyone else loves her she's not a bad child but her constant demands for attention and her lazyness are the problem she doesn't take it upon herself to shower and acts like a baby to get me or her dad to do her chores for her. she keeps trying to sit on my knee and hug me all the time, i don't want this child anywhere near me she smells (as she refuses to wash herself )i phisically flinch when ever she comes near me it wasn't always like this she was fine really independent curious funny child till she was about 3 and a half and then pretty much overnight this unquenchable need for attention came over her and she's been wearing people out ever since people avoid visiting us because she interrupts every conversation and trys to sit on peoples knees and won't stop hugging them, cute when the child is 3 not when their ten.
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@: roo74
I think your situation is completely is different than the rest. You have a daughter that is feeling lonely and is looking for validity. I have adult kids that are leaving with me and don't do anything around the house. I am talking about 19 and over, still leaving and don't clean or do anything. Their room is like a tornado went through it. It is that bad. They eat and the dishes pile and no one even think for a moment to clean or wash them. No help in house from them what so ever. I hate the way they are. They way they are drives me crazy and mad. what did i do wrong? I am just hoping now that one day they will leave and be on their own. But your situation is different. you have a 10 year old that needs your attention and guidance. Don't ruin her by going against her. She doesn't take a shower, talk to her and explain why she needs to take shower and if she is clean and smells good you can give her more hugs and kisses. Bring something dirty to her and ask her to hug it or kiss it and if she says that is dirty and she doesn't like it, just mention to her if she doesn't clean herself everyday she will look like that and you can not hug her and kiss her. Try to go shopping with her, go to a movie, buy her new cloths that she likes. Take her to a movie, sign her up to some activities so can meet new people and find friends so doesn't stuck to you. Invite friends over. Find thing for her to do so she is busy and she won't come to you. If you see she needs a therapist get her one. She needs your help. Check you city or county for help. They have therapists available for low income families if hiring a therapist is more than you can afford. But all these don't give up because she still a minor and needs you and her father. Work with her and help her out. Not with anger with patience and swallowing your own selfishness. We are the parents and the responsible ones. We are the teachers in their life. When they are at school we expect that the teacher do their best and teach our kids and when they call us and tell us that our kids are dumb and won't learn anything, we will get mad at them and demand their attention to our child. Now it is your turn. You really have to get over it and give her all the attentions she needs. She is asking you for it. Also our kids are like mirrors and like sponge while growing up. they are the reflection of who we are. We don't notice what ever we do they learn from us and absorb. Go back to yourself and see what you did wrong in the past 10 years that she is like this now. She was a clean book when she was born and you wrote on it. These is your writing if you don't like it try to erase as much as you can and fix it. I blame myself for not teaching my kids from when they were young how to clean their room and do chores around the house. I always did it myself and now I expect them to do it. This shall pass. Please get help and help her to become a runaway in the future. Set small assignments for her so can absorb. Try reading more books and find the problem is.
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MY EXPERIENCE WILL HELP. There is a solution.

I was once a manchild, (legally an adult but mentally a child) until about 20 years of age. I barely graduated H.S with a 1.5 GPA (my teachers gave me mercy grades so I could graduate), not very ambitious at all, only working part-time (sometimes not at all), many collections on my credit report, took a few (like 2 or 3 in those 3 years) remedial classes at a nearby community college and barely passed them just to convince my mother (and myself as well) that I was "doing something". It never convinced the step-father I was living with (only married a year at that time).
I was so immature that the only few friends I could keep were just like me (further enabling my behavior). Eventually my step-father gave my mother an ultimatum and I had to go. They didn't wait for me to "find" a place or get a job since that hasn't been working...they kicked my ass out (my mother in tears and all).
Believe me, after all that worrying about not being an independent adult, I became one pretty fast. I slept in the bushes for a few nights, showered at the Y and the beach, and found a job a few days later (walking into at least 10-15 stores a day looking for a job since I couldn't do ANYTHING else). Found a shared room, right away ($300 a month, well within the scope of a minimum wage earner). Scared of being homeless I took my jobs seriously, eventually wound up a district manager (at 23) for a fast food chain for few years. Still realized I had expensive tastes and wanted to live better. Finally saved for college, determined to get it right this time so I'm not stuck being broke forever. Got all As at a community college, transferred to a University, tuition-free, and pulled out federal loans to help with rent. I'm now about to finish my Bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering. My mother was always a hard-worker (always had a full-time job) and was always bugging me to get a job and go to school. I didn't get my laziness from her. My attitude towards life wasn't her fault. I just didn't know how to be a man.
I may be graduating at almost 30 years old but I can say I did this 100% completely by myself (even though my mother gave me the tools all along... I just didn't use them).
POINT IS: If your manchild is still at home, not doing anything, snail-pacing through college or just being a bum, THAT WILL NOT CHANGE! You are enabling his childish behavior by letting him be a child. You need to kick their asses out the door. They might hate you at first (maybe even for a few years) but they will love you later. If they end up failing even after that, its not your problem. No matter how they fail or succeed after that, they will still grow older and eventually realize you were trying to help.
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@: roo74
I think you are disgusting, I'm not going to preach to you because I'm an Atheist anyways, but what you just said was wrong, you must be corrupted in some manner or maybe its in fact yourself that is in need of attention, your daughter is young, you're supposed to make sure she is responsible, because the moment you had sex, you were responsible, you said she is always trying to hug you? She is an innocent child showing her ungrateful mother affection, if she whines about chores you must have given in too much so it is most likely your own fault, you say she craves attention? She probably gets it from you because by the sound of it, you seem jealous everyone loves her and not you, she is an innocent lovely miracle of life, and you are a bitter woman who doesn't deserve a child.
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Why is this so unusual? I hate my children. All you commentators need to stop saying people can't hate their kids as if it's a fact. Cause I sure do. Not EVERY human is wired to loved their offspring unconditionally. After the 3rd kid and after my husband died in Iraq... I just quit caring. Honestly I was on the fence about being a parent from day one. But I wanted to be a good military wife. So I popped out some brats just like he wanted. But after my husband died I quit caring about these little house trolls. So much so that I've given them up for adoption. My mother disowned me for doing it, but I hated that b!tch anyway. So it was like a 2'fer. And don't say I'm just upset over my husband's death. I'm glad he's dead, he promised no more tours... then he re-enlisted. He made his own death bed and he deserve to rot in it. Plus it saves on divorce paperwork. And I got some cash for his stupidity... I mean bravery. Yes I'm selfish. F@ck you and the high horse you road in on. People deserve freedom of choice and I choose (poorly in hind site) to be a mother, now I choose NOT TO BE A MOTHER. Because I HATE MY KIDS and I'm a Selfish Bi!tch.
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Well good for you. Now you are the only housettroll left. At least you gave your kids up. did you ever think about how traumatic that was for them. There are so many of you self absorbed, sociopaths out there. I just can't believe it.
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U are one messed up demented bi*** that's for sure!!! cus u wanted to be a good military wife?! Say no! And if u didnt and chose to still have not one but THREE kids then that's ur choice u made and u shud live with it! Ur husband probably en-listed to get away from u!! He wud be ashamed of u!! and I shud just choose to kill urself while ur at it any1 hu treats their kids like that doesn't deserve life we all feel annoyed at times but to say ur husband deserved it well I honestly beliee u are upset cus that's why ur angry at him for en listing again .. Ur not right in the head
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PMSL! thats honest at least. i think all these preaching wankers who say 'how can u dare say that' blah blah, they all feel like they wish they had never had kids too and are just too pussy to admit it or they aint got kids thus no fucking clue. if your kids are better off with adoptive parents then who is anyone to criticise.
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I wonder how many of these bitches judging you have actually been abandoned with three kids? I have, so I get it.I go to work , clean, and look after them, like a fucking robot, the same thing every day.You did what you had to, at least you realized you weren't cut out for motherhood.Fuck what anyone else thinks, they are probably just rich bitch housewives who have no idea what the real world is like!!
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Why did you even have kids?? What is wrong with you! If your glad your husbands dead why did you even have his children! I don't know what your husband ever did to deserve to DIE. All I know is your sick. I also feel sorry for your children how would you feel if your mother didn't love you? unbelievable!
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@: roo74
you have bigger issues hun, sounds to me like this goes back a long way in your childhood and you're relating to something that's a lot closer to home than what you thought. dont take it out on an innocent child. does she remind you of yourself when you were that age???/
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This is why I don't have kids. I can't imagine a hectic and crazy life like those parents on "supernanny"
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I think it is crazy how so many people can't understand how a person can hate their children. Fact that most people have children when they are not ready or prepared and your right probably shouldn't have them but then there you are. I can bet that there are a great deal of mother's that feel this way but are not brave enough to say it out loud. Now it days it is hard to raise well adjusted respectful kids and the expectations of parents to not only raise them but work low paying jobs and manage the household while doing it is the norm. The stress of finances, coordination of care and work cause crazy stress. Unless you are super woman you are hard pressed to to give both the job of a parent and working outside the home 100%...doesn't that equal 200% together who can do that really well. If you think you can your not only a living in a fantasy but probably need medication. Fact is your are probably doing both jobs adequately but not fantastically and do we really want to be just adequate at anything we do probably not. Stop judging the original poster because feeling these feelings are normal when under stress. I would also like to hazard a guess that the "judgers" probably have an adequate support network to help them or they don't have to work at all while they raise their perfect respectful well adjusted children!
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I just want to say being a stay at home mother is hard in a completely different way. I have not been away from my kids for more than 8 hours at a time EVER. And it has been weeks since I was away from them. The only time I get to myself is when they are asleep. Oh and I forgot to mention that my husband is gone 12+ hours a day (except weekends). My kids are 3, 4, and 6 and although we were "ready" to have kids (planned for 3 years) tried for 7 months. Always said we wanted three kids about 3 years apart (each time) and got 3 within 3 years. It is crazy! I have friends who are working moms, some full-time, some part-time and some single. I have friends who work from home, who are self employed, you name it and one thing we all have in common is, BEING A MOM IS HARD!! As a stay at home mom I have lost MY IDENTITY! I am only known as my kids mom, or my husbands wife! The woman I had become prior to being a mom has dissolved. I have grown bitter and resentful and often feel the same way. I am lucky I have pretty good kids. The problem mostly lies with me, I know that. I was not taught who to deal with frustration and crying, my mother put me in my room and ignored me, until I screamed so long and so loud she would loose it and spank me. She knows it was wrong, but it was better than she was taught and I am doing better than that. I don't know what to do when my kids start screaming and crying and fighting over the stupidest, smallest thing that to them is the world! In that moment I want to scream too, that's all I know how to do! Sorry off on a rant. The point is moms of all backgrounds and living situations feel this way. Almost everyone I know has felt that at some point. The happiest moms I know have great support systems, lots of help and time to themselves. Those who don't have at lease 2 of these all seem to be about ready to snap! BEING A MOM IS HARD!!! Good Luck to you ALL!
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Actually I'm a young mother with no normal family to help out only two sisters and I wudnt ask em all the time plus ther not always free I wanna cherish the years with my kids not throw em to everyone also yes I don't work but its hard not having a normal grandmother to mind em now and then etc so reli it is actually possible to love ur kids when u see stress and not having a support network like myself maybe some parents jus can't accept that no it isn't normal to hate ur kids end of!!
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To the original poster: Don't let the bastards get you down. The oh-so-righteous people who have criticized you on here don't have any idea what it's like to do your very best while others around you act like jerks and screw-offs and then everyone's mad at you because you're trying to do the responsible thing. You are in a very difficult situation and I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart. I only pray that your kids will grow up to give you the respect you deserve and realize that their father was a worthless jerkoff.
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I know wat it feels like trust me !! And no I wud never hate my kids cus they done nothing wrong its the grown ups hu do !! And if ur right In the head u wud know that
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pattycakes,
Sorry but it doesn't end when they turn 18 my daughter is 21 and now not only do I still have her crap to deal with (as she steals and lies to me) but her 2 year old daughter was taken from her and I am the only relative that could take my granddaughter in as the father's side couldn't even pass a background check. Not only is she ruining her life but everyone's elses as well! I just want my life back! I have had her in counseling/juvenille lockup/ drug rehab/ you name it I did it. I can't take it anymore!
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@: kt8268
Throw her the hell out and sue for custody. You'll win hands down!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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To be honest i have the same situation, somewhat. I don't hate my kids, i hate my situation. I think that is my problem. I wanted a child, i got pregnant then i realized my husband was an immature jerk trying to get papers. His parents were always pressuring us we should get married, so we did. When we got married deep down i knew it was a mistake, but i grew up without a father and didn't want that for my child. My mother died 3 weeks after i gave birth, leaving behind several children. A 12, 11 and 10 month old. I have taken the baby in as my own. Now 3 years later, im 21 and have a 2 year old daughter and 3 year old son. I love them dearly, but it is very hard. I live with my inlaws and my husband is never here, always out living his life and im here wasting away. I get no help and i am trying to go to school to be someone, divorce this bum/druggie and move on. I at times blame my children, i love them but i get pressured. I often feel i didn't get to enjoy my daughter, i had to work and take care of my household, not to mention my older brother and sister. The hardest thing for me is that my mother's sister told me i should take my brother and sister in, (16 and 14) now. I am upset, i have done far more for them than anyone else has, to be honest i resent my mother for getting involved with a married man and having children, they are blessings but, i have always had to take care of them, i remember at 10 years old putting them to sleep. I now, feel like a horrible person when i get stressed and i am alone, i feel angry. I blame myself, maybe if i was a better mother, but that isn't going to change anything. the thing that keeps me going is knowing that, one day things will get better and i have a great purpose, my mother made mistakes, i make mistakes, we both looked for love in the wrong places and got beautiful children, whom annoy the crap out of me, but without them, i would be a career woman and nothing more..... i realized at the end of my education, there will be people who had it easier, and i will remember, i took care of 2 small children went to school and i had no help.... I will hold on to that as my greatest achievement, we all have bad days, blame that man not your children... then let go of the blame cause he is benefiting from it. Let go of it all, and wipe your hands of him, use the struggles to appreciate the triumphs.... god bless.
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@: metoo89
see, you seem like a normal person. They're not actually your kids and you don't actually hate them
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@: metoo89
you should see a lawyer about getting the father of your brothers and sisters to pay for them you're mad not to, what he owes in child support could probubly put them through college.
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i know how you feel i think i hate mine too and it's not their fault it's just a bad set of circumstances i have a 3yo and a 4&1/2 yo my 4&1/2 yo has a global delay and has communication troubles on top of that their mother suffers from borderline personality disorder, like you i wanted to have a career, in the mining industry, but i found that my work perfomance every day was lagging because i found myself almost the entire time wondering if i was going to be coming home to 1 or more corpses. that was how i felt and at that time was a very high possibility. now i raise the 2 children on my own, i never had a father to take example from and where i am i am completely alone. there mother tries to take care of them on the weekends however, with her history i end up staying the weekend and taking care of them myself. i'm struggling financially because i don't have a job, i cant find a job because i cant afford childcare, almost every waking hour is spent around my kids i cant keep the house clean because in the 2 minutes i spend picking there clothes up off the floor they have tipped honey on the carpet in the 1/2 hour it takes to clean that up the back yard is destroyed the gardens are uprooted the lawnmower fuel us all over the pavers and the fish pond is completely drained to the dregs and it only gets worse from therei cant control or even contain them and now i cant stand to be around them so i lock them in a room and shout at them whenever they open the door to come out... i dont want to be like this but i have no idea what else to do?
and so i think i hate my kids. i understand how the poster must be feeling
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@: SoloDad
just so that you know i do love and care for my kids but everything always seems harder when you're stressed out tired and run down. i have spoken to people at dcp, parents +, community development, and community mental health. they have all told me i am doing a really good job with my kids. however, in my own mind that's just not how it feels. apparently thats because i'm stressed tired and run down so my mind is only focusing on all the negative things going on because they stand out the most and all the positive things that are happening get shuffled into the subconscious for later assessment when things have calmed down. eventually the kids will be in full time school and then things will be much easier
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@: SoloDad
just so you know, when the kids are school age and gone full time it isnt any easier...its actually almost just as hard except you have a break during the day....i am dealing with teachers and principals on a daily basis because of my daughter who is in grade 2 now...been doing it for 3 years.....but then again my child had adhd/odd disorders...every child is differnet...
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it may be years later but it is interesting to know that others have had the same experience - it took ages to find a site that even acknowledged the fact that a parent can dislike their own child. My child reminds of someone i know, who i have shared a house with, but cannot spend too much time with as she drives me crazy. My child drives me crazy - too often to the point where I cannot stand being in the same house as her. She has lied and stolen ALL her life (she is 16)and continues to do so. She will not assist around the house and has taken to staying out late as much as possible. Funnily enough she is also really sensitive and can be easily hurt by her 'friends'. I worry about her a lot but at the same time how I wish I did not have to live with her (her father left just before she was born)I have learnt that there is very little help out there until they either are hurt or hurt someone. I have tried to be a reasonable parent - some have said i spoilt her while others say I've been too hard on her (how can you win) A senior policeman told me when she was younger (6yrs) that she would be hard to handle (he had seen a few like her over his career) and that was an understatement - she has been. Have done the psychologist, kept her in sport, dance and other activities - now she hangs out with the kids who do drugs etc and there is nothing i can say or do to stop her. Disappointment regarding my own expectations is certainly part of how i feel but it is not the only cause of why i dislike my child. I can only hope that she will grow up to have a safe and secure life because i will not be there to support her. The minute she finishes school (yes at least she is still there)I will be gone - across the world anywhere but where she is - and this is what keeps me going... three more years - and i will survive it (despite the fact her behaviour has impacted on my health) It is hard when you cant find joy in being a parent and it is not always your fault - there actually isn't a rule that says you must like your family (its always been more acceptable for kids to dislike their parents)
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Im scared to have kids cuz I think I'll hate them too. I hate taking care of people/kids/babies. I hate the way they smell and act. I hate that they cost money. I FUCKING HATE KIDS.
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I used to feel like that! Then I met my husband and fell so far in love that he made me want to be a mother. He made me want to have his children, as he is a teacher and loves kids! FAR TOO OFTEN I think about this and wonder what the fuck I was thinking! My kids are good kids (at least everyone tells me that), yet most things they do drive me crazy! My expectations are way too high for them. I want them to act like little adults and obviously they are not capable of that,they are 3,4 and 6. No matter what I read and how much I know, I still get unbelievably irritated with them! My husband says "they are just being kids" and my response "ya, that's the problem". On the rare occasion of us getting to go out to dinner alone, I try to avoid places where children will be, cause other peoples kids are WAY WORSE!
I suggest, if you ever do think you want kids, work this out with a therapist first. Get to the bottom of why you feel this way, cause it does not GO AWAY, just because you have kids. I have been seeing a therapist for years and only just recently and figuring this out. I blamed it on everything, post pardum, having kids close together, stress, you name it, but it came down to that fact, I do not like children in general! Shit now I have three, I have got to get over this, oh I hope it's possible!
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I SO AGREE!! Don't do it! Seriously, do NOT do it! I cannot stress this enough, not just to you, but to everyone I come into contact with. Procreation is a SCAM! People lie! Having Kids is the WORST! And I've been in combat! This is Bull$h!T! These little, screaming, crying, clinging, $h!tting, drooling, pains-in-my-ass are expensive and will quite literally take years off your LIFE! No LIE! I was perfectly healthy and tempered till I created these. Now I quite literally falling apart! Blood pressure, heart arrhythmia, I even got stressed induced shingles! My primary care Dr. told to cut the stress out of my life, it's killing me! But the stress is at HOME! So, now what? I'm supposed to be in-love with them, right? It's instinctual, right? And it's not like some of the other ppl here, I don't have a dead-beat spouse, or a crack-addicted baby-momma or whatever. My wife probably hates them too, but she won't admit it. She'd rather just be miserable and blame it everything else. I think she feels like if she admits her real feelings that that will make her a failure as a mother. She's been planning to have kids since she was 12. I never really wanted to have kids, or get married. But, like the other woman said, I met this girl that was awesome and calm, no drama, and was all into kids, supposedly. Now, she is stay-at-home mom, her choice, and I work, alot. Also I am trying to finish grad-school so I can pay for these creatures.
So, now my wife is a miserable, emotional, nagging, non-sex-having, hateful witch. I don't like to be around any of them! I leave for work as early as possible; like 3 hours before I have to be at work. Just so I can sneak out before anyone wakes up and I have to actually interact with them. Most of the time I stay at work as long as I can, or think of other excuses not to go home. The Weekends are miserable and I can't wait till the weekday to go back to work, just to get away from all of them! It's awful. I know it's my own mistake, but I can't help feeling like I've been tricked! I mean, we are told all our lives about the miracle of children and how precious they are and how being a parent is the most rewarding...Blah blah!... BULLSH!T!!! You lose your health, wealth and dreams! What else is there? What, you're going to tell me that creating another leach on our society and globe, another cell to the virus that is humanity is a GOOD THING!? And, I should be enjoying these golden years with my children? BlowME!
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Do everyone favour and don't have kids...please.
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flowers I sort of feel like you; hate to admit it. Idon't hate them. However, I cringe at the thought of changing diapers! Yuck!!!! They are so demanding, pout/fret, talk back (are disrespectful), cost tons of $$$$$ money! So why are these parents so happy they had them.. they assume the kids will grow up to take care of them. You can't count on that. Some children grow up and never even go to see about their parents when they get older. So what is so great about kids? I don't see it!
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@: TDylan
I get u but I didnt have children assuming they wud mind me in fact I wudnt wanna tie em down by wiping my ass or taking me for walks I wud want em to have their own life I chose to have em and raise em that doesn't mean they shud waste their lives caring for me when I'm old it wud be nice if they visited but I wudnt hold em back not ever I love em call me crazy but they are a joy at times lol then again they are stil 20 months and a month old wel see how they are as teens lol
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See, I loved kids.., until I had my own! Good for you, don't do it!!
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The important part is that you have kids now and you have to deal with it..when they get older they will be able to see the truth and how their dad is if he is still the same. I got custody of mine cause their mother wasnt worth shit and its hard being an only parent but I still dont ask for help or a dime from her. So be strong be a role model so your kids dont grow up and follow his footsteps. And when you think its getting to the point where you wanna kill them.........Roll A Joint..
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I swear I hate my kids sometimes too. They play these emotional games with me, and it's always when I am exhausted that they pull all the tricks they have and keep me up until midnight. But when Im happy and things are going well they act fine. They are so inconciderate and rude. They're very young and I know they don't have the skills to be "good conciderate people" but after all I do and all the good examples I set for them it seems the only ones they reflect are my negative moments. It seems absolutely hopeless sometimes! It really seems like they hate me and want to drage me down and watch me die slowly with little smirks on their little faces. I've tried over and over again to stay positive and keep the energy positive in the house for them but they always manage to be destructive and damaging and reverse any efforts I have made. I hope some day they grow up and move out, that day cannot come quicker because I've tried and tried with no results. The bad that comes out of them far outweighs the good, and I'm embarased they even came from me.
Funny thing is they are sooo well behaved for other people and Everybody they meet thinks they are perfect angels! How can this be? Why am I the one they take all their frustrations out on? I'm the one who loves them most, who takes care of them, who sacrifices for them, and they can't do for me what they do for others who have only been in their lives for a short time? It's horrid.
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I feel you, really. I have twin boys and I swear you wrote exactly what I feel. I hate it most days and it has worn me down so bad that I can't even enjoy the good times because I really just want it all to be over with, or I am too tired to care. Like you, I bust my butt and do everything right. I be positive and understanding, take them places, sacrifice everything for them, and they still treat me like crap. But now even when they are all sweet to me, it just makes my skin crawl when they are hanging on me. I just want to be alone.
Same thing here. Everyone thinks they are the best kids ever and we have it so together. And they are VERY SMART and very good in public, but at home they treat myself and each other terribly.
The worst is if I try to do something for myself, like go to the bathroom or read while they are playing. I do online school and once in a while I try to do it during waking hours and they can never behave long enough for me to do anything.
They fight so bad, but won't leave each other alone. They are opposites so the fights get real bad. One is an instigator, annoyer, agitator, and the other is a hot head, bossy, rough one. So one annoys the other one and they fight all the time. They swear and CAN BE SO EVIL. It's annoying because they can fight to the death and get me so shaken and then they get over it in a second and are back to friends. While I am still having a heart attack. I never have time to recoup from being mad. There is no recovery time.
Everyday I don't want to wake up. I dread it. I am sick of making cereal/juices/snacks/meals/cleaning up a million messes. I hate it. i don't see why people have kids, I really don't. I wish I never did.
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I can relate to this. ALOT! I too feel that I wasn't born to be a mom. And I get mad when people think that because I'm a woman that I was born with the natural ability to be a mother. Well......not the case. Just like there are men that aren't made to be a father, there are women that aren't made to be mothers. I know for sure that I'm one of them. I had 1 child whose dad fooled me into a life that in the end never happened, then had another child with someone I never loved but married to "escape my home/family" and he ended living a double life. Now I had 2 others with some one whom I see no future with thanks to our immigrant country's tolerance to immigrants or illegals as they are known for. When I met him he had asylum and long story short, he now doesn't thanks to his careless dad and now he's in a mess with ICE. So in total it's 4 kids and I'm furious that I have to go thru all the work while they relax and live their lives to the fullest. My second child's father is very successful thanks to me, and the woman he cheated on me with is spending all his money in the malls while his kid doesn't even have decent clothes. My life is nothing. I couldnt go to college. I can't go to school. I can't even get a job, at least on that will pay me enough to pay for 2 kids babysitters and all the nececities. I'm stuck, and it's because of the kids. I know they didn't ask to be here, that was my fault for being so stupid and falling for losers that lie. I do love them more than anything in this world. But I too can't stand them. Sometimes I can't deal with it and I want to drop them off either at social services or their dad's house. Or even call the police so they can stick them somewhere. I can't deal with them. I have no patience. I never wanted to have kids since I could remember. Never. I felt ill to see my friends getting pregnant as a teen. I never liked kids, only from a distance. I can relate to you but also they'll find out about their dad sooner or later. They'll see the efforts on your behalf. Plus they are the ones that will support you in the future if they become something in their lives, think of it as an investment, lol. It's not their fault, it's ours for letting us get pregnated with these losers. We chose them as fathers, guess we didn't choose right. I suck as a mom even thou my kids tell me that I'm good. Sometimes thou I get demonic thoughts and I have to go on a walk b4 I do something stupid, I think depression is the culprit for that. I do love them, I just hate the work that goes into raising them. And the crappy part is that they all have their dad's last name even thoug their dad's have done nothing for them. They don't deserve that right, bunch of losers. Your fustrated that things didn't go your way, but just dont take it out on the kids ( like I do sometimes ). Sooner or later It'll be my time to shine and to live my life, I just have wait another 16 years.....
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@: Gitana
Of course your life sucks, but its your fault!!!!!!!! 3 different dads?!?!?!?! Come on, you're like every other ghetto/hoodrat case thats out there now. Another baby=more money on the access card. Plus, im sure you dont work, so you must make a pretty nice chunk of change come January when the "working" people get their w-2's and you sell them your kids info for $500 a piece. I know all of the tricks; grew up in Philly.
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Really? I have three kids by two different dads and I work four- five days a week, who the FUCK are you to assume that moms with kids from more than one father are all out to drain the system, you are a piece of shit like every other man on the planet,I guess she climbed on top of herself and made those babies, right?.Please pull your head out of your ass, seriously.
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@: Gitana
forget it. i am at the "i have been waiting for this momeent to get my life back" age and it isnt coming and i dont know what to do and they are both 18. the older will be 19 this month they are only 11 mos apart.
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@: Gitana
No it isn't ur kids fault it's ur own sorry but deal with it and popping out kids with three different men is jus irresponsible!! Wat an idiot!
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It is very hard to have children. When I was twenty years old my best friend told me one day to never ever have children. She at the time had a three year old. She went on and on over the phone about all the pain involved. I never had children myself. I can sense that if I did it would be very difficult for me and the child. I came from a dysfunctional family. My brother is a medicated alcoholic and his life is full of pain and he is manic depressive. I had to attend an abundance of twelve step meetings to get off my addictions. I know that not having children was a blessing for me.
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I only started hating my kid recently. She's a 15 yr old jerk-off so I totally relate. I have never been able to hold down a decent job because of her. I have to be available all the frickin time. The constant calls from school, therapists, meetings, doctors, after school crap. My only peace is when she's not here and that's not often cause I have to worry all the time that she's up to no good. It's ridiculous and I CAN NOT WAIT for it to be over. She refuses to do any homework and thinks in her twisted thought process she getting back at me. Ha all that's doing is saving me from college tuition. I overeat constantly due to the stress and think I may take up drinking or pot to help me cause I'm gonna die early from this kid. She is a total ingrate and I have zero help from her father except for $$ and let me tell you something that doesn't help except to keep food on the table (so I feel very badly that you don't have that at least). But it takes 2 parents to raise a kid especially one with problems. 3 more years, 3 more years...
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Tell her you'll slap her if she doesnt straighten up. when she says she'll call DHS, hand her the phone with the number pre-programmed in. bet you get a "puppy dog" look out of her, and then she'll be open to a "new deal"
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15, huh? I remember being that age. Maybe she thinks that homework isn't worth doing because she's worried about other things... stupid silly things to us like what her friends think of her, or maybe she thinks that she can't go to college anyway because there is not enough money. She can tell that you resent her. That makes her resent you because she didn't ask to be born. You didn't ask for her either. Teenagers are difficult to deal with because they've grown enough to think for themselves. And, they don't have all their potential intelligence to work with yet. That doesn't happen until in the twenties, sometimes later. I feel for you. I have to look forward to having 3 teenagers.
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Like i said, while people blame the mother, the real blame lies with the father. Regardless of who is responsible for creating the situation (the deadbeat husband) the responsibility lies with the mother now. She is genuinely concerned about her situation. Insulting her won't give her any insight into becoming a better mother, but many of the ^^ above posters are too busy drowning in unbased self-righteousness...
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violent10dency
By no means will I judge you, and i didn't read most of these comments so if my comment is similar to someone else's i do apologize.

Being a mom is tough,it's a 24 hour a day,7 days a week kind of job,and especially being a single mother makes it even tougher. Might i make a few suggestions: I think you are looking at this whole situation the wrong way. This isn't about your kids at all,this is really about you. Your hopes and dreams have been crushed,but you shouldn't give up just because you have brats for kids. The first mistake you made was trying to be a career mom,and having a stay-at-home dad for a husband. about him,he needs to pay child support,irregardless if he doesn't have a job they will still make him pay something, hey 100 bucks a month is free money. If people tell you that you're a bad mom then confront them, and ask them why,and if they cant give you a straight up answer then tell them to go fuck themselves. I'm a "responsible mom" what do they expect you to do be a party mom,and lose your kids to foster care. you may not think this right now,but you're doing the right thing,you would feel so empty and guilty inside if you gave up your kids.Loosen up try to have fun with them,maybe they will loosen up too,and give you the respect and space you deserve.If they are toddlers you might want to consider daycare,it will help them trust me. When they get older it will get so much easier too,I promise.just hang in there, you may think you hate your kids,but you dont. Learn to live life,and always regret nothing.

-dirt dobbler
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I concur with the OP's feelings. My feelings for my children deteriorated drastically during the last few months of my marriage. I'd call it a classic case of burn out. Pouring so much love and energy into the household/family and so little support coming back - you will run out of love to give.

My kids live with my ex, and further complicates my feelings. They live with him because of my total burnout with him, his parents, and the whole package.
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You guys 'blaming' the mom or dad or arguing over how 'normal' it is are all kind of missing the point. This kind of thing is going to get worse, and worse, and worse. Why? This country's implementation of capitalism (there are other forms that allow for more moralistic policy), and it's glamorization of greed and isolation. There is very little in our society that promotes family togetherness and facilitates healthy growth. Why isn't anyone asking, where the hell is grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles. IT TAKES A VILLAGE. Kids need a variety of role models, a variety of social interactions, exposure to a variety of personality styles and challenges... Why is mom so hell bent on a career? Why doesn't she get more fulfillment from being a better mom? Why is her employer not more conscious of the need for its employees to have a balanced and supported family life? Why aren't its competitors more balanced? These are the ramifications of unchecked greed. Get used to it.
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Tool BAG! Such a warped sense of history and reality. Whatever, ur so in the tank, why bother trying to explain? Btw, I still hate my kids! and not because of "capitalism." DOUCHE! It's because, (like so many on here, which may represent, what, a few fractions of a percent?) we were not really cut-out to be parents! Duh!
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Not really cut out for kids? THen why did you have them. Maybe your own mom wishes you'd died on your daddys face.
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I can sympathise totally with your feelings, but I dont think it's normal to hate your kids . They didn't ask to be born.
I'm currently a househusband with 3 kids, aged 3-13, and my career has been on hold for several years now. My wife and I tried nannies, but they were just too expensive and unreliable. We figured it better that one of us did it. As my wife is well paid and earns more than me it made sense for me to stay at home. I had hoped to squeeze in some freelance work from home, but the reality of looking after 3 children soon set in. I probably get about 1 hour to myself a day, which is when i'm getting ready to go to bed! Brain fried! It just isn't possible(for me) to look after and clean up after 3 kids whilst also working in my line of work. I need to be able to concentrate. So, from time to time, when I meet my old workmates or see opportunities on the internet, I get resentful. Loading dishwashers, cleaning, cooking, reading kids' stories etc. gets boring after a while. Sometimes I even hate Thomas The Tank Engine, because I'm sick of hearing it. I personally can't wait for this stage of my life to be over, even if my mother sais I'll look back on it fondly(through rose-tinted glasses)
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"After reading how many of you regard kids, and your own ways of managing life, it's no wonder our youth is emotionally bankrupt and too stupid to graduate from high school. "

I find that the stupidest kids/young adults/peers I know are the ones that have been coddled like little treasures constantly.
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Your kids are horrible, horrible human beings. Your ex is worthless. Sell everything you have; take the kids to him with a back pack and leave. Only rent one room for your self, in a place that doesn't allow visitors. Until you get a real apology do not help them in any way.
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I get this. I think it is really normal to feel awful and drained by your children even under happier circumstances at this age. They are damanding little stinkers, and no matter how "prepared" you think you are to be a parent you really have no idea.

I can currently barely stand my children and my husband. Duty holds me here, but I hate it. What used to be fun and a joy has become a chore. Having a distant husband and no emotional support has colored everything--And mine is still working and physically present. I was working and now am going back to school. We homeschool them, and so they are always there(because we are "responsible" too). My oldest is 14, it has gotten better. Easier. The young ages are just exausting, hang in there.

I think this kind of "hatred" might just be depression/exaustion? But there isn't a fast solution that works, you can't really just dump your kids and husband, or you know you couldn't live with yourself.

A nanny, yes, if I were made of money that would be a dream. I used to be one. HA! I burnt out too early for this life-long parenting gig.
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older kids can be adopted, you know. A woman like you should not have to live in a shelter with dreadful lowlifes. I had 3 kids, two had autism. I couldnt work, i lived in the housing projects, I was so stressed I had panic attacks. Finally I sent the autistic ones to professional care paid by the state, and the youngest will be adopted by my best friend. I now live in miami beach with a decent job and lots of fun, worry free. You are ruining your life with them and they are better off with someone who actually has nothing better to do than to put up with them and doesnt mind a crappy life. You, on the other hand, like me, know that you were meant for more. If you keep them, you will damage them emotionally. Give them a chance to be truly loved. Its a tough decision though.
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i am pretty sure that you dont hate them but that you hate taking care of them but when there around 11 12 13 and if they were raised well they should be easy to take care of and when there teenagers they will probably want nothing to do with you
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I'm tired of you parents complaining about your kids, when you decided to have them you should've thought first. These kids come in this world and it's your responsibility to teach them how you want them to be. Yes your kids can tell if you resent them and that dosent make it better. Try showing them love and affectiOn because they know if it's real or not
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Thank you to both of you for your alternate perspectives on this. I am definitely open to hearing all angles, including the label of narcissist which is what his previous divorce papers labelled him.

Thank you potatoe for inquiring, yes, I managed to get a divorce after 3 years of having to wait endlessly for his passive responses to court orders and losing very much in the meanwhile...they wanted me to claim bankruptcy in order to stop his abuse of the legal system. I tried to allow him custody of the children which is when he decided to 'go homeless'. At the courts request, I opened my home to him for his visits, but he makes appointments with the kids and does not show, or shows three days later unexpectedly. Directing my anger at him only makes him hurt the children more.

Pooltoy, I do also honor your perspective, as I believe that we all have every quality to our characters. I wish that I could find the narcissist in me in order to counter the situation. I have offered the children into his custody, but he prefers to board at an old woman's home instead of finding a suitable residence. He has evaded taxes for three years now and so collection of support has not occurred...I think that if I could muster my narcissistic qualities, I might have a fighting chance.
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I had three children in 15 months. I waited until I was 32 to have kids, and I got twins. When they were 6 months old I found out I was pregnant again. While I love my children, I hate being a Mom. I never have a moment of peace. Even when I have somebody watch them so I can go to the store, I feel pressure to hurry. It probably does not help that I get no parenting help from their Dad. We are still together but he has somehow held on to his single life. He is always gone. I wonder if it would be different if I had only one?












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i feel u i think it is horrible that men can still live like their single while we the moms have to be stuck with the kids its unfair where i live almost every man i know has kids and dont take care of them AMERICA IS FULL OF DEAD BEAT DADS
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And you hit the nail on the head congrats! You want to know why so many other parents are starting to hate their kids? Because the number of single parents have skyrocketed. There is no sense of family in this world anymore its sad. It takes two to make a child for a reason. Bearing the responsibility of raising a child and providing financially laid on one person is quite overwhelming. It is not uncommon to resent your children for the circumstances your in because in all honesty you wouldnt be in it otherwise. And for those of you passing the quick judgements of people being garbage and pieces of crap i would like to remind you that you probably have a lot more help. Why dont you take your life and minus your husband and minus a couple paychecks and minus your babysitters or grandparents or family members that help you and then sit in that for a minute... or better yet sit in that for 18 years and try not to be so judgemental. However this is as it stands life and the choices we have made have brought us to this point. So my suggestion to everyone is to take a deep breath and remember that nothing shall be placed in front of you that you can not handle. Do the best that you can. communicate with your children about what is going on and try to work on things as a team. Some doors may have closed for you because of your circumstances but it is only because there are other doors that you are supposed to go through.
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should of used protection then.
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have you been spying on me? i feel and hear your pain. i feel the same way, and have been in very much some of the same situations as you. i am ready to board my dogs and go away for a week just so i can concentrate on work, good or bad now one of them works in the shop where i do. this is all excacerbated by health problems that i have. no matter how i ask for help, talk about needing help, scream about making them help, threaten or anything else neither one of them give a shit. i thought as a single mom raising them with teaching them to talk about and ack their feelings and talk in "I" statements things would have been different, but to no avail. i feel scared as i have never felt this hopeless and apathethic to the depths that i do for as long as i have. and here is a big &*&^*% you to all of you who are going to say i never should have had kids or blah blah. i gave up my life willingly and by choice, worked part time and lived for a while when they were little in a one bedroom apt with 2 dogs so i could stay home and raise them. all i am asking for is a little back. most kids can't wait to get away from their parents, while i can't seem to get rid of my kids. maybe that is a good thing that they dont hate me like i did my parents and couldnt wait to move out and be totally independent. i have a large home and there is no reason for them to move out but i just want them to be and take responsibility for themselves and leave me alone. i suffer horrible guilt about having these feelins because despite what i have said i live them very much. can someone relate i am so sad about all of this.
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Are you serious?!?!?!?! 18 and 19 and they dont help??? They must be working 16 hour days cause if not, you need SERIOUS help. I dont care how much you hated your folks, letting your kids loaf around the way they do is not helping you, and you are setting them up for a big fall in life. The more you coddle them, the harder it will be for them to deal with a cold cold cruel world where no one gives a flying fig about anything but numero uno. They need to pitch in our "bye-bye"
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MAKE them help. They are old enough. If they won't help, kick them out! If one of them works, collect rent. My sister and I lived at home long after we should've moved out, but we helped out. we did all the housework as my parents worked a lot more thn we did. It was much easier on my parents (my mom, especially). It was a houseful of responsible adults, not a house wih two parents and two irresponsbible grown kids. Get tough and make them help.
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Get full custody of kids. Contact adoption agency. Give children away without any legal reprecussions.

However, I don't think that you really "hate" your kids because your actions say differently. Do you have no family members that can help share the burden? Like your mom, sister, aunt, etc?
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Well responsiblemom, I hope things are going better now. It's been a year.

I would say you're completely normal, it is normal to resent anyone who keeps you from pursuing the life goals you had/have.
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Guess " US" women are expected to be the messiah. We are flesh and bone vain mortals after all. it's very easy to judge til we fit someone's shoes. I am in no position to criticise no one. My hormones get the best of me too. Wish hope to all of us who suffer this horrible problem.
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I've spent the last 16 years being the very best mom that two kids could ask for. Single mom for the last fourteen years. I dedicated my whole life to them, provided a good life, home everyday to hear about their day at school, homecooked meals, and more love than they could handle. Only to realize over the past year that they don't appreciate a damn thing. They could careless about me, and worship their loser, non-child support paying dad. Fuck em all. I'm sending them on their way, and now it's my turn to have a life. Good riddance assholes.
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On a positive note...lol.... I was a very difficult child to raise (everyone tells me) but I have turned out to be a very good loving woman. I am nonjudgmental, I give to the homeless, I am spiritual and I help people any chance I get. I also have an intense drive and passion for things that are important to me...this is something that loosers dont have, that drive, that passion. And it is the difficult children who will be great adults. I believe the dificult ones need a strong foundation and lots of rules and keeping them on track...teach them what is important in life and make them study good character like love, giving, friendship, loyalty, courage, perseverance..... They will grow up to be great!!!
God help me lol...... This is the hardest job I've ever had. lol
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thank god for this site!! i have 4 kids and its not easy and im married, if you dont have more than 1 kid you do NOT understand how nearly impossible it is to be even a decent mom! kids act crazy and bad 24/7 and your supposed to act loving when they are tearing down your blinds beating up eachother and tearing up everything in the house?? you dont even know ....
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RMJ
Aw Sweetheart - it is not your kids that you hate but the mountain of work and emotional effort that it takes to parent. Doing it alone is deserving of Sainthood. Really, do be careful of being angry with your kids. Invest in a good therapist (note I said good - someone who actually knows what they are talking about) or a credible confident - someone who has been there. Howl at the injustice of it all to them, but don't take it out on your kids, cause you are ultimately the only one who will pay for that. They will make your life hell. When I am going internally mad with my kids I imagine them to be the neighbors kids. It is true that we always treat strangers with more kindness that our own. Treat them kindly and then take a second to BREATHE!!! I'm not kidding. Take a deep breath an allow the love you just shared with these 'neighbor kids' to wash over you. Pretty soon you start to build new patterns. Your kids will sense the shift. My heart is with you. This is a struggle that few are up to.
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I think the main problem here is there's less support for parents grandparents are too busy to help and kids are completely incapable of entertaining themselves. like i remember spending a lot of time with my grand parents and cousins and stuff when i was a kid our parents went out at least one night a week and had a right time for themselves, they didn't engage in conversation with us they didn't play with us or take us on outings, they didn't spend all their money on us thats for sure. we played all day with other kids we walked to and from school. where as now days if a parent wants to go out more then once a month their an alcoholic, kids think we're there for their entertainment, most grandparents are working so they're no help and ya can't let your kids out to play like in our day cause you'd be done for neglect !!
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Take a deep breath and remember that this is just one moment in a series of moments that lay each piece of our lives and who we are and who we are going to become.
Sometimes I hate my children too and it only makes me hate myself. You can never go back and change the past. We didn't choose our lot in life, but we must do the absolute best with what we have to work with. When we leave this world, our children are all we leave behind worth anything. If we leave no other impression on this world when we are gone, our only hope is in our children. I often watch my sons as they sleep and I think how handsome and smart they are. I remember how I felt when the nurse handed me my babies and I remember how terrified I was. I had these completely helpless little infants and when they held my finger tight, I knew that I would do everything in my power to give them the best start to life I could. Watching them sleep, I remember that feeling and it keeps me in touch with what I swore to accomplish. If I could hug you I would. It will get better. One day at a time, one step, one moment at a time, it does get better. Hug your kids. Tell them you love them. Tell them that your a family and a family is like a team. Tell them you forgive them and tell them you're sorry too. It isn't worth the regret later to hold on to these bitter feelings. You are the only mommy they have.
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Hello 12feetunder..
 I so understand you, and sadly they don't change; my oldest son is 16 this year and he started loosing his mind about 2 years ago. I am a single mom of 3 and like u I'm well educated earning an over average income dedicated mother. I'm young early 30's and a single mom by choice because my oldest sons father is a loser and my son made a decision at 10 years old not to have him in his life any longer. My 2 younger kids are 7 & 9 and they are wonderful children and I get along very well with their father, I think the age gap between them and their brother has saved them from his cunning manipulation. You see he is quite intelligent himself but to the point he believes he is superior to others. Like you i have tried everything under the sun to help this child to no avail he simply wont quit and gets off on the harm he causes everyone. He is a disgusting manipulative bastard I just realized and accepted that I truly hate this sociopath. Years ago when people showed concern & try to tell me that this demonic shit had issues I would defend him & now it makes me sick when I think of how many people I have run out of my life over him (including my mother & ex-husband). He has no heart, no feelings,& welcomes the demise of everyone he comes into contact with. In the last 6 months he has gone to Juvie 3 times, had an ankle monitor on, now attends alternative school, set my Mercedes on fire, called DFACS & lied about me beating on all the kids but they quickly dismissed it after 1 visit to the home, the wack job then told them he made it up cause thats how one of his friends told him that was the best way to get rid of him, he got my brother evicted cause he wouldn't take his side like my retarded mother, & God the list goes on. Too long... "SEE MY NEXT POST"
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But the biggest problem Is that the fuckin state keeps sending him back home. Remember he is smart so he manipulates the shit out of them, he denies everything he is accused of, he followed all the rules when he was sent to a boys home twice, he gets straight A's in the alternative school. All so he can come back & be around his other daemon possessed filthy friends. We were assigned family counselrs and the little ones have told the dumb asses how they are afraid to be around him or left alone with him, and how he said a hammer to the head would finally shut me up.i even set up a fuckin camera in the house nd showed them one of his 20 minute tirades consisting of tearing the house apart, cursing, screaming etc. I showed the cock suckers print out of his Facebook messages bragging on how he gets over on their dumb asses he even wrote "my ultimate goal is to get all of them to suck each others dicks & post that shit on my page..Lmao". I put locks on me and the kids bedroom doors so he cant get in while we are sleeping (yes he is just that evil). I regret not having an abortion when everyone told me to when I got pregnant at 16. Nooooo my dumb ass kept the prick..huh.. I was honored to be a mom and gave up my whole life with no regrets, graduated high school, moved out at 17, put myself through college,  bought a home at 23, got my Masters by age 26, cut all my friends off to promote a positive home life. He was a good kid "well at least I thought he was" so that brat was rewarded with tons of shit for good grades & good behavior, but when his weak ass started making bad choices and suffered consequences for some reason he feels entitled to the bearings of my hard work. The bastard hit me last summer so I brung him to the front yard and whooped his ass infront of all his punk ass friends..asshole can't even fight. I mean I can go on and on my friends & co-workers all feel sorry for me, my younger son and daughter don't have company because parents don't want their kids around him. "SEE MY NEXT COMMENT"
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My daughter is only 7 and already knows how to hate & my 9 year old has been wetting the bed because he thought the drama was his fault due to him requesting I give the maniac another chance after his 3rd stint in Juvie. Poor thing, couldn't have gotten rid of him if I wanted to cause the judge was going to send him home regardless. The kids even came to me a week ago and asked if they could be baptized so the deamons in him could not jump into them.. That shit is sad right.. I even wanted to have another child, but after seeing how he has become I couldn't risk bringing another one of him into the world. Life is so peaceful when he is not here, I get to enjoy the little ones, enjoy my home, and my sanity. I just stopped caring and have decided that I don't give a shit what he does. Two more years seems like unbearable torture. I sometimes fantasize about packin my shit and taking my babies as far away from Lucifer as I can.. But it's just a fantasy as the fuckin state would lock me up for abandonment.. Huh I wouldn't even care about being locked up if it wouldn't fuck the little ones life up. No one in my life would think for a second I would post theses words on the Internet & I would never divulge this to my closest of counterparts, but I know God knows & if I died today I would burn in hell for the amount of hate that now lives in my heart & the evil prick would have robbed me of both my natural and after life.. So I pray that writing this will release it and God will forgive me.. But for now I hate him, I hate having to provide for him, I hate when people mention him, I hate him living in my home, I hate looking at him, I hate hearing his voice, I hate thinking of him, I hate feeding him, I wish I could put the psychopath on a FUCKIN rocket ship to outer fuckin space and be rid of the evil,demonic, manipulative, lying, stealing, abusive, arrogant monster for the rest of my life.
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So, in other words you would like to kill him?
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i have to say that from all the responses that yours is the only true sane one, good on you hun.
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No nim-wad in my "own words", I hate the bastard... Actually if I could get away from him but know he is safe and alive with nothing from me but financial stability, the world would be a whole lot better.

So you can just eat me. Why are you on this site anyway? Were you Google-ing and trying to find the reason YOUR parents hate you? Since you care so much why don't you put you humanitarian efforts into gear and drive around to each of our homes... AND PICK UP THESE PSYCHOPATHIC MANIACS.. You know just to experience the greatness of having them in your home? Just say the word and he will on the curb with bags packed... Until then fuck off!!!
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Right on girl, and while she's at it I have a 15 year old lying lazy ignorant disrespectful son she can take to! Two for one deal?lets see how much she defends the poor little angels after experiencing it firsthand!. what a dumb cunt!
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I fully understand that kids can be little SOBs and that that can be incredibly frustrating. I also understand that many posters here are faced with less-than-ideal sets of circumstances and that that is difficult. On the other hand what I think many posters need to realize is that kids (and in particular young children) are not in any way equipped to behave like adults. Children's brains aren't fully developed until they are in their late teens/early twenties. Little kids are going to act like little tazmanian devils and teens are going to make you want to pull your hair out - that's life.

To those posters who realized they did not want kids after having given birth, or had children with mental disorders - suck it up. I believe that it is the parent's obligation to love their children no matter what. I understand that you might not necessarily feel this way all the time (and you are perfectly entitled to vent) but it is your job as a parent to love, support and help your child grow. You are the adult, so stop acting like a child, and take responsibility for the fact that you decided to have kids.

Please note that for cases such as that of Iunderstand200%, I am in no position to judge as I have no experience with delinquent teens - my post is not directed towards parents in these situations.
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It appears that you may be suffering from depression, which is in turn caused by a broader sort of illness (serotonin deficiency syndrome). Lower levels of serotonin can increase negative thoughts and emotion such as sadness, anger, anxiety.
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"Plans" nothing. You are an adult. They are children. If anyone is at fault it's you. When you made the choice to have children, regardless of who you had them with, you gave up part of your life and your freedom. Your primary concern has to be their care. Period. Get over yourself. Whether or not you are overtly abusive they will know that you are unhappy with them and when they are adults they will hate YOU for it. When that happens you will deserve what you get. There is no excuse for shaky, or unloving parenting. Act like a grown up, for God's sake.
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@: goodep
until you know what you're talking... SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASEEEEEEEEEE.
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@: goodep
Agree!
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@: goodep
@goodep

Nice to see a voice of reason. Please don't ever "STFU" as the one respondent suggested.

There is a problem with all of you people that believe it's okay to hate your children and be self centered assholes about it. "Boooo hoooo I had to make adjustments. Waaaaaaaaaaah! Life isn't the same anymore! *sniffle*"

Give me a damned break. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY that has children will ever tell you that it's easy. If you go into parenthood with that expectation, you're at fault. I can promise nobody ever put that faulty idea into your (vacuous) head.

This behavior is not normal. These feelings are not normal. Every one of you that claims they are normal feelings is a sociopath. You all need help.

I am here looking down on all of you because, simply put, I am a better human being than you are. Get help.
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I HATE YOUR KIDS ASWELLL
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Your kids don't like you because you don't love them. People can sense these types of things, especially kids. Even if the dad is irresponsible he obviously loves his children, and I strongly suspect he left you for the same reasons your kids don't like you now. Being poor doesn't make him a bad person. Life is not about careers and money. Family, your own blood, is the most important thing. I believe in career women, and I believe in stay at home moms, but what's screwing up the current generation of American children is this feminist inspired concept of the "career mom". Kids need a mom! If your priority is being wealthy that's just fine, but for G-d's sake, don't bring new lives into this world. I would start looking for a good family looking to adopt. Your kids deserve to be loved, and in many ways being loved is more important providing a fancy house and extravagant. Do the right thing, find a home for your kids where they'll be loved, and that way your career won't be hampered by those kids of yours. And hopefully when you're a rich, lonely old women, you'll figure out what life was supposed to be all about. YOUR KIDS DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU, THEY DESERVE A LOVING MOTHER FIGURE, IF YOU CAN'T PROVIDE THIS THAN FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN. Good luck with your career, as that's obviously the most important thing to you. All you're capable of loving is yourself, and that's no crime, but shame on you for having kids. Hope this helps (your kids I mean, as you're obviously plenty capable of helping yourself.
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this is a very late entry, but reading everyone else's comments the amount of unbiased bias is amazing. whether or not you knew that he was not a dependable father or not you chose to have these children. if in fact you hate them which believe me as a parent of a teen it is understandable then give them up. they know if you hate them or not and using the responsible excuse is just an excuse. they will grow up knowing that the person who brought them into the world hates them and resents them and will not understand why. as far as your career choice that is something you need to own up to many women can have a career and a family and do it as a single mother but I am not sure that you were as good in your career as you should have been. as far as losing your house and car you probably were living beyond your means if you knew the father was not dependable then you should have never expected any financial help from him and learned to live within your own means long before any divorce. if you still do hate your kids then give them up for their own good and then you can't use them as your crutch otherwise realize that you did in fact choose to bring them both into the world even if you weren't trying to get pregnant the second time you could have done something about it abortion, adoption whatever but you didn't learn a new career and stop feeling sorry for yourself you created this situation and although you have good grammar skills common sense does not seem to be on your side
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To the original poster: I don't know what's happened in your case this your original post, but if things are not better, you ought to seriously consider giving up custody of the kids to foster care -- at least for awhile. You need a break. I think the people judging you are morons because they obviously have never been in such a horrible situation and don't have the imagination or empathy to place themselves in your shoes. There is nothing shameful about putting the kids in foster care and giving yourself a much=needed break. Don't beat yourself up.
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Regretfully I can identify with many of you, which greatly explains my name, but I hate my kid. I don’t know if it’s normal, normality is indeed very subjective I can say that I hate myself even more for harboring these feelings, especially since he’s only three years old.
I’m a thirty something daytime father; I work a night job and take care of my son during the day because my wife also has a full time job. I know this isn’t the ideal situation, but it’s absolutely necessary. We don’t have anybody who can help us, nor do we qualify for government assistance (although I wouldn’t want any if we did)
Let us put aside the fact that I haven’t slept for three years for a second and go over the other daily nuisances, I can’t accomplish a single goal my home is an unsanitary disaster which I am unable to clean because he’s always there getting in my way, ruining something I just fixed or further wrecking something that I haven’t even had a chance work on yet. I look at the destruction and filth that he has caused and I become physically ill, start everyday (after coming home from work) and make an honest attempt at getting the home in order, but the volume of things to clean or repair, my son’s persistent and relentless bullying, and the pure fatigue are too much to handle. I finally settle for accomplishing the bare minimum that I have to in order to keep going for one more day and my life remains a nightmare. The lack of accomplishment causes my self esteem to plummet paired with the disgusting living conditions forcefully drive me in to a deep dark rooting depression. While I spent many years in the throes of depression, I became a father shortly after deciding that I was sick of being miserable and wanted to make a genuine effort to enjoy my life. Little did I know, how things would turn out my plans to enjoy my life were put on hold for eighteen years though I doubt that I’ll live that long.
I have resorted to venting my frustration by telling an innocent child just how I feel, including that I believe he ruined my life, I have told him that he’s little more than a burden, that he is destined to be a criminal, and other disgusting things that he doesnt’ deserve to hear.
As I type this I can feel the judgment of every reader, and of god if he exists, don’ t do that I already loathe myself, I could care less about our approval and it’s not my intent in writing this, I’m only writing this to get out of my head .
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Funny thing is that I protected my self and still managed to get pregnant 5 times. Lucky me. people that want kids don't get pregnant and those who don't want kids get a crap load! lmao
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Update, I have decided to look into foster care for my son. Contrary to what I said in m previous rant, I do love my son very much. I do however lack the ability to provide him with the best care possible. I hope to get him back some day, but it's not fair to him to be subjected to my incompetence nor is it fair for me to be forced to fail.
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Sorry you were forced to do that.
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Good luck with everything...I feel your pain. I am going to add my own story to this later....
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to 46447:

I feel how frustrated you are with your son and how this situation has been so difficult for you. I really think you did the right thing by looking into foster care. Maybe this would be a temporary thing for you due to your depression. There are a great many loving foster families that could help you during this rough time. You can be a good father by telling your son that you are very sorry for calling him these names and that you are not well enough to care for him and that it is not his fault. If you explain situations to your child honestly he can understand and he will forgive. this parenting thing has become to overwhelming to you at this time in your life. Forgive yourself and have the courage to do what you really think is the right thing in this situation. If you are too depressed now maybe you do need help. It is very difficult to be a parent especially when you are clinically depressed. Be good to yourself first which will be the best thing for your son.
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To the father with a son, do a google search for squalor survivors. They are sort of support group for the really messy. They have very wise people on there. Get your depression treated. Men can be depressed too. Enlist the help of your wife. She might work, but I can guarantee her "work" is easier than being a homemaker. Besides, she probably helped make the mess. Explain to her nicely that you need help and that the house got in that condition because you're depressed. You need to talk to get those bottled up feelings out. Otherwise, this will destroy your family. It does get easier as they grow.
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You, my friend, need to sit down with your wife and discuss this arrangement. (Or as I used to call it, "Derrangement, lol you'll read about it soon.) This is not working at all. You mentioned several times that your home is disgusting. What the hell is he doing? Where are you when he's making these "messes"? If it's as bad as you say it is, your child needs professional help. I dont intend to offend you with that statement, but no normal child can cause that kind of chaos day in and day out and it is just accepted as "routine". And why are you cleaning after you get home from work? Where is mommy? I am far from judging you, as I was once in your situation. Soon after my wife and I were married in 2004, I received a job promotion that would afford us to buy a house and start a family. Only catch was, it was a night-time management spot. Despite the fact that we had only been married 6 months at the time, and knowing what I was in for; job-wise, it was a no brainer to accept the job. Fast forward 1.5 years and baby Christopher is here!!! Now, when mommy's maternity leave is over, who will watch him? In-laws both work, my father works and my mother is not physically/mentally capable of babysitting. Day care was like 600-800 a month, and I wasnt going to put out that kind of change and still worry if he's ok. It came naturally to me that since I work at night, why not have him during the day? Hell, if I worked 2 jobs like many others do, I'd have the same amount of rest, but miss out on an almost unheard of opportunity to spend a large amount of time with my boy :) I knew from the get-go that it would be tough: im not the "pleasant reality" type, but I was saving alot of money and I was doing it for my son, hands-down; just like my dad sacrificed for me. It was debilitating the first few months, and much like you I have mental diseases my self, so both ends of my life required patience, but once I got him on a nap schedule, and a few tweaks in the "system" (ex. my wife would feed him at 5am when she got up so that he would sleep later) that worked great. We both (my wife and myself) had to sacrifice, remember, if I was alone during the day, she was alone at night. We were in total support of each other, viewing our struggles as totally equal, and thats how he got through for the first 3.5 years. Now that he's in school, it's much easier. Plus my 13 month old daughter is alot calmer then my son was, so that has many advantages. You have to sit your wife down and discuss the situation. Dont sugar coat it, lay it all down and hopefully you guys can tweak so things around. God bless and K.I.T.
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you are absolutely horrible to tell your child those things. I really hope you regret this and it tortures you for the rest of your undeserved life how much damage you did to this person (for the rest of his life). I'm glad you hate yourself. You should. There is no reason whatsoever why you should like yourself. You are completely responsible for destroying the life of another person. His life is ruined now. I know because my own father told me these things and it has scarred me. You should've been left in the tip of a condom.
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I tried putting one of my animals in foster care and the fucking State got a court order against me for child support to the tune of $900 monthly for 1 waste of life and I have four. So good luck in your future court appointed endeavors.
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YOU are WASTE OF LIFE.
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I hate my 11 and 12 year old autistic boys. They have Damien Omen living in them. I am stuck with them to eternity and beyond. The only thing I am working on now is not to snap out, strangle them, chop them and feed their meat to the dogs. There's no happiness in raising them. Hail to apostle Paul who decided not to have kids.
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None of you who hate your children are normal. You're all disgusting examples of human trash.

@OP: You had one child with a man that clearly wasn't up to the task of being a father, and yet you decided to have ANOTHER child with him? Now you're resenting the CHILDREN? Are you fucking kidding me? Get some professional help, lady. It's not the kids' fault that you're incapable of making rational intelligent decisions.

@Gitana: You are a piece of trash. Pure garbage. Four children with three different men, one of them not even a legal immigrant... there are no words, but I'll make an effort in your case.

Your children deserve far better than you. Give them to someone that will love them.

Oh yeah. Try closing your legs too. Being a slut will not help your life situation at all.
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Patatata thats a little harsh... Spoken like someone who has been handed things your whole life. A selfish spoiled bratt like yourself could not understand that this poor woman is over whelmed and could use your support and advice. But no.. thats not what you offer. I think maybe its because you are guilty of what you accuse this poor woman of... shame on you how awful you are. She will get through this god willing but you.. you will live with that black heart and will be forever ugly. To the woman who started this conversation, my heart goes out to you. Please seek the council of your faiths local leader or your family. You will be ok this too shall pass. I have no children ( never wanted any.. but that just me ) so I can only imagine the pain you are in.. I will pray for you..
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@: flash
Patata is not harsh. Patata is NOT the one with a black heart. THE POSTERS THAT HATE THEIR KIDS ARE THE ONES WITH THE BLACK HEARTS. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! and stop being so selfish.
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Well said! Patata! you are not being harsh! These people that hate their kids are being harsh.
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Well. This is responsible mom signing in. I see that there have been some more postings and I've been away so I thought I might update this posting. I decided that indeed I should seek some professional assistance and we have been connected with many resources! Unfortunately while trying to coordinate these resources over the last month and attend the appointments necessary, I was unable to maintain my job position. I have lived on the edge of maintaining our home and car for some time now and so it did not take long to have the car repossessed which meant that I could not make the commute to work. The bank has seized our home. We were asked to vacate the house just this week and the children are crushed to be moving from the only home they've ever known just before Santa is supposed to come. I was lucky enough to save some of our belongings and store them at a friends place. We have been steered toward a women's shelter primarily because the children told the sitter their father hits them. Upon investigation the CAS found that this meant he spanked them and scared them, which has given us the opportunity for shelter during the holidays. I have access here to a computer, but at very odd hours. My children and I sleep in one room here...and guess what? I still hate them. Now I have no career, no house, no car and I'm relying on taxpayers money for survival. Their father has not been approached further since investigating the 'hitting' and continues to request his 'reasonable access' throughout this time, but cannot offer to take the children into his own home permanently as he is only a boarder. Happy Holidays to all.
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My wife is bipolar, borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, dissociation disorder, and ocd. She has the same loss of feeling towards the kids. Luckily, I have a wealth of love for them and we balance out. As for ppl saying that their love is "burned out" that just isnt love. Define love... Isn't it unconditional? Isn't it forever? Its an obligation, its work, its challenging. Most of all its REWARDING(if you put the time and understanding into it). I wish more ppl would look into birth control prior to having sex. I work in a max facility prison and see what happens to your parentless, love starved kids. Its scary.
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I started to hate my daughter a couple of years ago. I am her step-dad and she never liked me from day one, we have never figured out why exactly. The last year or so she has made out life a living hell with her constant verbal abuse and she is only 8 years old. I have tried so hard to love but it is wearing thin now.
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You probably had very poor judgment in getting pregnant. It sounds like you were not meant to be a mother to anyone. Its not a judgment on your character itself, but on your choices.

That being said, whats done is done. You are not doing anything wrong in being the one to set rules. Its normal for one parent to be demonized in the children's eyes. I disliked my own mother for a while, I was a bit of a snotty little bitch to her, but she was what held the family together. My father was there for my childhood and part of my siblings' childhood, but he was never neglectful when he was alive. It is a shame that you have had to deal with such an irresponsable man, and worse that your children can not yet recognise that he is a deadbeat who left most, if not all of the burden on you.
Its not fair that you should have to sacrafice your goals, when he apparently does not have any anyway.
Are you still married to him? You should focus your anger on your husband. At least that has a chance of getting you some support.

And when your kids are old enough, you will inform them on his negligence. If they don't accept it, so be it, but you know the truth, and so will people you confide in.
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AND YEAH, YOUR KIDS DOES DESERVES A MOM LIKE YOU, BECAUSE THIER BAD SON OF A BITCHES
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My younger brother and I were raised by my grandmother after my mom decided she wasn't "mothering material" I can't stand you people who have kids when you don't want them. Kids don't ask to be born. If you can't feem 'em don't breed 'em. Your kids deserve so much better. And all this foster care is bull****. The foster care system is horrible anymore. I'm sorry to tell you, but your kids can tell when you don't love them and they're going to grow up to resent you no matter what you do. This is what adoption's for. Find someone who will love them and provide for BOTH of them because at this point, all they have is eachother. Your kids did nothing to make you hate them. Kids are supposed to love and hero-worship their father's that's what they do.
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Wow, you live in a bubble...
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And you are a shitty parent
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Love this post Sophia Claire. Well said.
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So my kids should hero -worship their child -support owing deadbeat dads ass? Lady, you are a nut job!.
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I remember when I installed my new web browser years ago it had a feature called an 'incognito window' which would mean that no-one could trace what you look at online. I thought 'wow, there must be a lot of people who look at porn for this to be a standard feature!'

But now I have used it for the first time... though not for porn. It's because I don't want my wife to see that I've typed 'I hate my kids' into google. I have a one-and-a-half year old daughter who is loved and cherished and looked after full-time by my amazing wife, as I win bread as a teacher. But for me it's such a struggle, as everyone has mentioned- the guilt over the seeming lack of a parenting instinct, and the spiral into negativity as I mentally list just how many reasons there are that children are SO annoying. And now we have another daughter on the way, due in about a month. How will I cope?

But I think most posters on this site have got it wrong. Neither the abuse from 'just love them like you should' people nor the 'yes, children just suck' people have got it right. The reason children drive us crazy is actually the same reason we abuse one another (online or off), focus on ourselves rather than others, and avoid our responsibilities. It's an old fashioned word but a contemporary problem. It's called sin.

Kids are human, like us adults. We are born with a sin-nature that accounts for all the lying, manipulation, tantrums, defying authority and lack of gratitude. We do it as kids and we continue as adults, even if we learn to cover it up fairly neatly. We've rejected God and consequently messed everything else up too. The seasons I fall into hating my daughter are the seasons I'm not trusting my heavenly Father to fulfil all of my needs. And he is the model of perfect parenting. He knows each of us perfectly and indeed 'knitted us together in our mother's womb'. Not only that but he gave up everything to bring us back to him.

So as fellow sinners, we ought to be humbled as we love, guide and discipline our children, empowered with patience by the love of Christ and the promise of God our father that he will never let us out of his hand.

While today I typed 'I hate my kids' into google in desperation and found some consolation that others struggle too, ultimately I thank all of you because of your lack of an answer. You've helped me rise from the ashes with hope as I remember the things I've learnt about God. Not that I won't continue to struggle. But there's only one answer... and wallowing in it won't help me at all.
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Stop blaming your supposed "Heavenly Father" for your hatred of your children and just accept the fact that you are not as good a person as you think you are.
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Well then you should have thought about all of this before you became pregnant.
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Orochimaru
quit fighting...
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I think this typical of men who just expect us to give up our lives once we bare child. Any thought for our normally more progressive thoughts and career needs are pushed to the back burner in this all too sexist world!
Do I think it’s normal that you hate your children – No! However I have a feeling you don’t hate them, you just need a break! You obviously love your children very much and all you have done is testament to that.
All resentment needs to be directed at the dead beat ex-husband.
I understand your frustration with the fact that they constantly praise him, it happened to me when I split with my partner and I was so tempted to tell them what a looser he was! I wanted them to hate him and praise me!
Whatever you do don’t bad mouth him to your children! All this does is draws them into the stress we feel and children are very sensitive to our feelings. As pointed out by an above comment they will soon learn who is more valuable to them and they will always appreciate what you have done for them.
Do the kids know you resent them? Don’t give that dead beat ex the satisfaction! However painful, encourage your kids to speak about their days with him, it has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS FEELINGS and everything to do with your kids knowing you care about their day and their feelings. The children have NO IDEA how you are hurting as Mums are invincible- bare this in mind.
My suggestion to you is… if at all possible try and engage with family for support to take the children away every other weekend to give you some you time.…or get them involved in activities where you can perhaps leave them to play e.g children’s centres. I would also suggest you speak with your local family advisor or Parent support advisor who can do things to assist in running your house hold a little more smoothly.
I don’t have enough information about what exactly is going on in your home but I can certainly identify you are unhappy with your daily routine with your children.
Try to tackle this with support and see if your feelings of resentment change. In the meantime make sure your children know you love them.
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devilonyourshoulder1
I think it is normal. But I do believe the main targeting reason is that they seem to show more love, gratitude, and attention towards their father over you. You undoubtedly feel unappreciated and therefore show resentment towards them. Another point is, he didn't seem to have treated you, or the family well either. And you may as well be seeing his actions in your children's, which obviously with feelings you must have against him, would suit fit to your kids.

Don't give up on them simply because they are young, make you irritable, and don't understand how you feel. You need to take them aside and explain the whole situation. Even if you don't manage to make them realize, you will still put that doubt in their mind the next time their father tries to play the "good guy" or "hero" card. Going through these things is unfortunately a part of being a mother and younger kids don't always understand things with two sides to the story, and when rules are involved of course the other side is chosen. It's normal to have tried to neglect them by avoidance, but is probably your way of coping with your stress. I wish best of luck.
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Calimomof3,

Don't do it they are not worth your eternal demise..
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I am just floored. I googled "Ihate my kids" just to see if people actually do and I am just disgusted by the number of you that hate your children. How would you feel knowing that your parents hated you, possibly. Wonder what is wrong with people today? Why is everyone so rude? why is everyone so selfish...and so on. It's because selfish sociopathic morons like you had kids. really really think about having kids before you do as you will be responsible for messing up a life if you have them. This world is already overpopulated and we don't really need to have many kids now do we. Maybe you assholes who hate your children should ve just stayed in your daddys bag or been aborted. I'll probably get kicked off for saying that but let's face it. You assholes wish that your kids had never been born...RIGHT?
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I'm so sorry to read this. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate my daughter, but as she gets older, my dislike of her is growing by leaps and bounds. I, too, was married to an absolute ***hole of a man and made the decision to stay with him until HE left ME simply because I was depressed and felt like I couldn't do any better. I got custody of my daughter after a horrible divorce that nearly bankrupted me. I've been taking care of my daughter for 12 years now with very little help from anyone else. Her father cancels literally every third visitation and treats her like a piece of luggage when she is around because HIS needs are far more important. Yet, through all of this, my daughter is beginning to get closer and closer to her father, repeatedly forgiving him when he tosses her aside. I'm also the "responsible mom," yet I'm treated like crap now.

Long story short, I'm in therapy and it sounds like you should be, too. I urge you to seek some help before you look back one day and realize that you've wasted half of YOUR life (just talking about you, nothing to do with the kids). Try to take some time for yourself. I promise you, when you begin to detach a little bit from your kids and focus on yourself, you will begin to feel better. Here's a thought: What if you spend one entire day doing nothing but things that made YOU feel good?
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Hmmmm try being a 'responsible' human. I feel so sorry for your children. They are dependant on your pathetic,sorry ass for their love and nurture. FFS stop with the 'me, me, me poor I mentality' grow a pair. You brought these individuals into the world!!! When I brought my 4 children into this world I knew I wanted them to be the best people they could be, to care for themselves and others, to see and create beauty in this world. You girl have become part of the trash this world doesn't need. Children are a product of their genetics and environment. YOU need to create a loving environment for your kids or make sure you get someone who is still human to do so in your place. Grow up, get some counselling and get a better perspective on what is most important, your kids. Try to teach them some empathy, you may need to look it up. When you stop being so self centred you may actually enjoy them. Before you start winging about me not being in your shoes, forget it I've been through more crap than you can imagine, makes me understand the importance of teaching and sharing love, respect and understanding. Try becoming a truly responsible member of the human race...it involves embracing life and enhancing the life of those around you, especially your children!!!! You will find they become more relaxed when you do. Seriously...Look at what you have become!....sad....change it before you become a miserable,old lump, useless to everyone!
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I know it must be hard being a single mother. But can't really hate your own children. Right? If your son is really that bad then he might have a personality disorter. your sons only ten he is just a kid. Try to talk to him heart to heart unstead of writing bad things about him online. (sorry I can't spell) Good luck!
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to all single moms
yes it is hard and it does take alot of work to do especially if your in college like me im 19 and my friends here in america do help me alot my daughters dad walked out on me when i was still a minor (14) and my child was 1 yr old i got pregnant at 13 the legal age of consent where i was born is 12 if the girl gets pregnant. i didnt want my chhild to live in america but my family back in France has alot going on. my teachers understand my problem and help out some by giving me an extension on my homework if needed. my sister also lives with me to show me the joy in life and tht im lucky to be alive as for my brother and older sister died protecting me in a crash with two other cars. my bf wonders how im still hot but i know its because my physical appearance is to hide my emotions the crash happened on my b-day but i am lucky cause my daughter is not an orphan because i survived thanks to my brother and sister. i am going to visit orlando on January 4, 2011 so i can meet a 13 yr old kid to help me with mentality. so gotta prepare bye
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oops srry i ment Jan 5, 2011 and turns ouut ima meet with the principles best friend =( but she says she is the aunt of the kid and ima meet the family but i not goin for my mentality. the kid is 13 and is as smart as me! i talked with him on the phone and he can name my nationality, age, gender, height, and relations to the past just with the info i gave him wich was a pic and my name and 1 sentence so he could hear my voice. i goin to the lady cause guilt is eatin me up and he may be able to help
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Orochimaru
not coll at tall
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"Is It Normal" is an OPINION BASED site. Do you understand the concept of an opinion, NOTSOGREATMOM? This is NOT a support site and a post may not goes as nicely as you hope it will. You want opinions and ask for them? Then accept the consequences. If not go to a SUPPORT GROUP. Now i will make a slightly rude comment... The time it took you to type out that novel towards JAKEHALSTED, you could have spent with your kids. The poster isnt an idiot, you are. BTW, do you even have a degree in clinical psycology? If you do, you should know better than to diagnose someone online based on a paragragh. Again, IDIOT.
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Having children is a choice, as marriage is a choice. For better or for worse, you are their parent until such time as you either die, or give your children up for adoption. I'd recommend the latter. There are plenty of parents who want children, unlike yourself.

Having kids you don't really want is the most selfish, unChristian choice on the planet. You suck
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not everything is about christianity and until you know what you are talking about i suggest you shut up because your attitude doesnt help... poster is crying out for help and seeking a support network not your negative, abusive feedback
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I tried to get pregnant for 3 years and was granted a miracle when my little boy cam along - I was told my chances were less than 5% - he was all I had ever wanted and I was so happy. But then reality set in - being a Mom is the HARDEST job there ever will be. I regularly shout at him and spank him because he is very difficult. He NEVER does as he is told; he ARGUES with everything I say; he has MELTDOWNS on a regular basis over nothing.......are you getting the picture. Life is very very stressful and when I pictured holding that baby in my arms I did not picture that! I have a very supportive husband and a second little boy who is very different. So we will stick it out but from time to time I really do not like my first child - I love him with all of my heart as parental love is unconditional - but he pushes my buttons like no-one else and I am afraid that I may snap one day. Bet you you think I'm talking about a teenager - he is only 4!
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@: emcljo
oh I directed this comment at you because you say that having kids you don't want is the most selfish act on the planet - well having kids you do want may just give the same result - perhaps you have been very unfortunate and cannot have kids and believe me I still remember the pain that I went through thinking I couldn't but it is still hard even if you did/do want them - really flipping hard - I don't know how some of the moms/dads posting here actually survive - I have a very comfortable life and a loving husband and I find being a Mom soooooo hard. So please do not lecture people - this lady and all the posters with similar stories need support not judgement!
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@Jakehalsted
Yes having children is a choice, and yes people shouldnt have kids if they dont think they could take care of them properly. However there are people in this world who thought they wanted kids and then had them and circumstances made them think differently about kids. What do you want ppl to do? You honestly want every parent who hates their kids actions but love them at the same time to put them up for adoption?? Are you nuts?? Clearly you know nothing of the system. There are so many kids out there in the system getting passed from one place to another and you honestly want more? Shes not beating her kid. she has a rage issue which is a clinical disease. Yeah its not fair to the children but you honestly think it would be better for them to be passed around like an unwanted present getting regifted? Her choice is only partly selfish and the other part is out of pure love for these children. Shes so frustrated with having to do EVERYTHING for people and never getting a break or any kind of appreciation that yes she snaps. good for her that she realizes taht she has a problem thats the first step in getting help. ALot of comments on here are against a women who clearly knows she is doing wronga nd wants to fix it. She never said she gets joy out of doing this so stop the judging.

As a mother of a two and a half year old with a father who does nothing but pay bills i feel for this woman. I hate my daughters father and my daughter. I realized this when she was about 2. I cant wait for the next 16 years to be over. I have a rage problem and do go to a dr for it. I currently take medication for it and am doing much better with the outbursts of rage. My daughter seems much happier but that doesnt make me stop hating the fact that she took everything from me. After her pregnancy i have been diagonsed with an auto immune disease that was brought about by pregnancy. I hate the fact that she doesnt listen, i hate the fact that she doesnt sleep. I hate the fact that i have to take medication everyday because i had her. Do i love her at all? OF course i love her to death i would kill for her but i hate all that shes taken with her arrival. maybe i would have never had kids if more parents would be truthful about how much it sucks. Everyone is so Parenting-is-the-most-wonderful-thing that everyone believes it. NEWSFLASH its the most annoying thing on earth. but we do it to continue the species.

Anyone on here that said bad things about this mom, I bet youve never walked a step in her shoes. I bet you have no kids or you have never stayed at home with kids for long periods of time. and i dont mean hours. these people who judge her so much. have you ever been a stay at home parent with a partner who does give a shit. see how long your sanity lasts, see how long you look at your child every minute with loving eyes!!!
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Well said. Parents need to be more honest--having kids IS wonderful. AND it SUCKS! Truely, hellaciously sucks. But all you hear is the wonderful part.
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Every parent knows how hard it is being a parent whatever the circumstances. I think that what you put in is what you get, however, all parents come to the conclusion they are getting a raw deal, i.e. I give them everything and I get nothing but abuse. Kid thinks - its just not fair etc etc. There is a communication problem between kids and parents no doubt, also I can't count the number of times a day I think about our lives without my eldest daughter (13) who is a brat to me personally and a bit of a pain generally and so on. I have given so much thought to boarding school/boot camp/young affenders, anything really (husband strongly opposses, it is very tempting to try to solve a problem by flinging it out of the window so to speak perhaps like a bad dog chucked in a rescue home when actually it is the owners fault for not training the dog! Kids/people are complicated but at the end of the day we made them, molded them and made them the way they are and whatever the difficulties that arrive I think we have to stick it out and try and solve it. I think we can get through this and end up with good parent/kid relationships in the future.

Its hard but try not to give up on your children, you must have loved them once.
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