I'm 21 years old, and I have hated my mother for as long as I can remember. Everything she says, everything she does, even the way she walks, coughs, eats, and breathes irritates me to the point where I feel like shattering a window. I get that burning feeling in my chest like I just have to break something (and I often do) whenever she's in the same room as me. She makes me physically sick to my stomach. The thing is, to my other family members and to friends, she's not that bad. She's strict, but not cruel. She says what she means, without worrying about peoples' feelings, but lots of people tend to be that way, and people don't hate them for it. Especially not their own family members.
I don't know what my problem is, or why I feel this way. All I know is that I hate her. And I know it's not fair or right, and that it doesn't make any sense, but I can't help it.
I don't know what my problem is, or why I feel this way. All I know is that I hate her. And I know it's not fair or right, and that it doesn't make any sense, but I can't help it.
I'm 19. I live with my parents and 2 siblings. I don't hate my mother - at least I don't think do. I can't stand her attitude, her loud obnoxious repetitive comments, the way the walks up and down the stairs, the way she yells even when I'm standing next to her, the way she criticizes everything I do and never appreciates anything, always saying "Oh, you got an A... aim for an A+ next time!".
She never, EVER admits that she was wrong in any way. She's a sneaky old bitch in that she's extremely experienced in changing subjects. She complains constantly about every little thing, tries to control me and often talks about how useless I am.
I'm not perfect. I'm lazy. I like to be at home and watch TV. I like shopping, and sleepovers, and books. She always says she was a popular girl when she was young, and had tons of boyfriends, but I really really doubt it. She is so full of herself and boasting with... I don't know what exactly. She has language skills, but beyond that, her loud-mouthed, bad-breathed ugly face are a constant nuisance to me and the world.
I'm at prestigious uni in Japan, and I will be transferring to a good uni in England in the fall, partly because I can't stand living with her whole noisy upper-middle class attitude. I want to live a free life, not waking up in the middle of the night thinking about what a disappointment I am... which, truly, I am not. I have come to terms with that. I am not a failure. My poor younger sister still has not figured that out. I should tell her to stop minding my mother.
I am me. Not my mother's puppet.
Thanks for sharing, everyone.
She used to be obsessive about cleaning our house, would wake me up at 6am so that she could clean my room every morning. She used to tell me she wished she never had kids and call me an idiot or a little fool. When I would go to her crying and telling her i was sad, she would tell me to get a job and then see how hard life really was - and I was about six.
But I don't think these things should make me hate her the way I do. I feel a wall go up anytime I am round her.
I hate my mom...
im soon to be 20 my mom an i have never had such a good relationship
I remember when i got my first job i was almost 16 there used to be this old guy old enough to be my grandpa well he would look at me so weird say comments that i wasnt ok with
Well i ended telling my mom all she did was laugh... Ok so it got to the point were he just touched me ok i was young i tld my mother she didnt believe me that hurt i mean i was almost a straight A student i never missed school i never gave her any right for her to think i was out there with guys
.
When i turn 17 i started dating this boy he was my first boyfriend we got really close..i never had any alone time with if yu know what i mean. I
Well 2 yrago my best friend/ cousin passed away this was the hardest time . She was the only one i would yalk to well den i remeber i just want to talk to someone so the boyfriend i was dating invited me over to talk i never imagine what his intesion were
He ended raping me he hit me it was awful i never tld my mom because she wouldnt believe me
But what i did tell her was that i was pregnant i didnt knw what to do at the time. I was scared i thought my mom was going to be supported but no she ended up calling a hoe slut..etc a week passed by she took me to a clinic i didnt knw for what she had me get an abortion til this day i cant forgive her for what she did
Theres times were we are really good but then something inside of me makes
Get so.mad that i could hit her i tell her how much i hate and well after what she did i cant forgive.her
Im sorry but someone tell me is this normal what im doing how something i treat her so bad?
She always wanted to beat me for much longer, but I always tried to run away when I could and lock myself inside the bathroom. Then, she would complain about me to my father and he would catch me and beat me so hard, that I couldn’t protect myself at all. He liked to drag my body pulling from my feet or suspend my body from my hair, then beat me. And some hours later, my mother would come again and shout at me, complain and maybe beat me again. I don’t have many good memories of my childhood, I rather prefer I would never have had any childhood. At that time, I thought my parents were perfect like God, but when I got teenager and understood it was not normal at all and it was called domestic violence, I started to defend myself when they started beating me. I would just hold their arms with my hands, so they wouldn’t beat me uncontrollably. But, it is sure, it was not enough and I knew they had the power of beating me with whatever they wanted, but me, the only thing I could do is trying to protect myself.But if I hold their hands, they would start kicking me, so it was not possible to protect myself from them. In the end, I always ended being beaten up. People can accept parents beat children, but nobody accepts children who beats parents. Worst than being beaten up is being treated as trash. When my father was beating me, he used to say I shouldn’t have been born and he wanted to throw me in the trash. When I got teenager, I started calling ‘police, help me’ when they were beating me. My mother laughed cynically and said ‘police will never come’. I think she knew what she was doing was wrong, because she always closed all the windows before beating me, so the neighbors couldn’t hear my shouts of agony. I could write a book about all of the physical and psychological violence and the consequences of them, as for example phobia of people, hardships to make friends, to concentrate on studies or be stable in a job, loneliness, low self-esteem, trials of suicide, depression etc. I try not to talk about it to my friends, as I have tried to talk many times and people can’t understand my feelings. It’s not that I want them to say ‘how pity you are’, but I don’t want to hear ‘parents always love their children’ or ‘your are a naughty girl, that’s why they beat you’. But when people see extreme cases of mistreat against children on news, they always say ‘how devil these parents are!’. People don’t want to accept that child abuse is just in front of their eyes, it’s happening in the neighborhood every day. People don’t want to compromise themselves reporting child abuse to the police. Everybody can say child abuse is bad, but few can really take the initiative of combating child abuse. It shouldn’t be like this, people need more awareness on child abuse. I think hating mother is not normal, but being beaten by mother is also not normal. Unfortunately, it is something we can control. Even if I say ‘I love my mother’, my feelings don’t say the same. I still have many sores, not in my skin, but in my memory, in my life, in myself. I wish I could sleep and forget everything that happened. I wish my mother’s relatives and friends would know the person she really is. She made me a devil in front of everybody, she wanted me to believe that I’m devil, while she is the saint. But I know it is not true. She made my childhood a hell, the best day in life was the day I left their house. It was really hard because I had nowhere to go. I was in completely despair, but at the same time, I was feeling so good that I was free. I still feel good because I’m free, but looking for a cure for my sores.
My mom is loud, obnoxious, and rude...the type of person that should put her foot in her mouth but is too stupid to realize what she just said was offensive.
My mom was more psychologically abusive and a slapper. Across the face all the time. But it didn't matter what I had done. I could be disrespectful (which is never acceptable) or spill my glass of milk accidentally...same punishment...smacked in the face. And I was always "fat, ugly, and stupid"...that's the feedback I got growing up.
She has been married 3 times. Every man left shortly after the marriage (my dad was the second marriage, and he apologizes to me regularly for her nonsense). Sometimes I think she has a mental disorder because one minute, she is sweet, and the next, she will literally try to kill you (guns, knives, running down with the car, etc). She is insane.
All her tennis friends think she is the best because she is two faced. I think the worst is when people say to me, "you look just like your mom", and I get it a lot...it makes me physically ill to hear.
Thanks for letting me vent!
i am 16 and my mother is such an bother to my life i havnt lived with her over a year now and she is trying to fight for my custody against my god parents cuase my dad is in jail.all my mom is aiming for is my dads stuff like his truck his house and all that kind of stuff shes 41 and has a 23 year old boyfriend that is just wrong that could be my brother. i know my mom is aiming for my dads stuff cuase the officer told her that if she didnt have custody of me she could not take my dads stuff cuase its in my posetion... im stuck i dont know what to do i have a hearing today and its very possible that they try to send me with her, i think i might have to resort to foster care. i geuss ill just have to wait the 2 years out. :/
You just described my own mother.
I have discovered her, telling my father things against me, like to bring some discord between us. If she is not a witch, who else can be?
All Best to You and Yours,
m
4) In 1998, I was 33 and was struggling to build a career life for myself, this after failing to complete college due to emotional and behavioral issues... I had just gotten a good job working for a university, and was embarking on a path that would allow me to start taking classes, etc. At that time, mom ran into the mother of an old friend from grade and high school in some department store in my home town. The poor friend's Mom made the mistake of asking, "How's your son??" Well, my mom launched into a crazy tirade out of the blue, saying things like, "he never amounted to shit...he's no good... he never did anything with his life and never will". My friend found out from his Mom what went down, and though he and I hadn't spoke for years, he tracked down another friend that had been in contact with me, and after agonizing over what to do, decided to reach me and tell me what happened...
So, I am telling you this because -- It took me too many years to realize that my mother's opinion was worth absolute shit, and that I should have stopped considering her an important part of my life, long ago. I did start to realize around 16/17 that she was often wrong about many things, but I guess I still had that reaction of listening to her, and caring what she thought. In her case, and possibly in your case, making a definite emotional break as cleanly and as soon as possible may be the most important thing you ever do for yourself. There are already habits in your mind, as that person's child, that would tend to wear you down. This doesn't mean you have to "stay away at holidays", but it does mean coming to terms as soon as possible that your mother very possibly cannot love you unconditionally, and that YOU are not bound by the same fate with your own children !! My sisters, for example, all became caring, and absolutely loving mothers to their kids.
The importance of saying goodbye as soon as possible: It just so happens, my goddamn bat-crazy hateful mother came down with Alzheimers' in the past 5 years. About 3 years ago, she absolutely forgot who I was. She now torments my wimpy, cowardly, take-it-up-the-ass father (another story...). She verbally assaults him every waking hour, because quite simply, this is the core that remains of her entire personality and capability as a human being. What a hateful bitch !!! AND, she gets off scott free if you think about it. My Dad and local siblings now wait on her hand and foot, and soon will have to wipe her ass, and NONE of us will ever get to hear anything close to an honest apology from her, because from her point of view, the past is completely, conveniently gone...
The point, you may never get the apology you deserve. Make that break decisively, NOW for YOU, and use the fact that you are aware of your situation to go out and NEVER do the same to another human being.
Truly, the best of luck to you!
All good things,
m
I created a profile with IIN just to check in with you, I was so curious as to how that worked out?
All the best!
-Gina
Hey, to OutOfMyMind (74418):
Your description sounds like my own. I feel like telling you something just because I'll bet you are relatively young, which means there is still time for you to make changes NOW and avoid what happened to me!! I don't mean to scare you, but rather motivate you, so here's only part of my story, enough to get the point across:
I am a 46 year old male, and I can honestly say that my life is nearly a total failure, probably about 80% due to my mom. The other 20% of blame goes toward severe depression, which if you consider comes genetically from mom's side of the family, is that BITCH's fault too !!
Just a few highlights to show you I'm not posing: My mom --
1) would *often* gather my siblings and myself around after we got home from school, and would just start ranting and raving about "...how you kids don't know what it takes to run this house...are ungrateful...your father is no good... you kids don't appreciate how much it costs to raise you...". Now, I was as young as 5 when I first remember these "sessions", and my four siblings would have been 10, 12, 15 and 19.
2) would rouse my sisters out of bed at 8am on Saturday mornings and maniacally make them clean the entire house top to bottom. EVERY weekend...
3) would tell us how "lousy/bad/filthy rich/etc." all of our friends and their parents were... To this day, I struggle to not habitually react and judge people the way she did.
As soon as they were a little older, she began the same vindictive, critical, accusatory shit with them. Depending on who she was speaking with when, she would complain and degrade this or that grandchild. If my siblings and I would bother getting together and collecting all our reports together (we recognize it is not worth it..), we would have collected a "report card of hatred" for each of the grand kids !!
Then, as they got even older, passing into college and adulthood, mom eventually showed her true colors to all of them -- By this time, all of the grand kids have understood what kind of a person grandma really is, and none of them have a close relationship with her. Lucky for them, the relief they get that their parents did not get is that grandma is only grandma -- when they leave her house, they can leave her behind. Many of them elect to not even visit her on the holidays, and none of us blame them!!
Anyway, this is all to say: Don't feel jilted, like your mom somehow completely changed and is able to treat your children with the love she never gave you.. Chances are, she will blow it with them too... I think the phenomenon you see is possibly because: your mom doesn't have to live with and care for her grandkids every day.. They become convenient like visiting pets(!). Just as your kids can leave grandma at her house, she can wave goodbye, and they are not subject to her daily abuse because of it..
I'm glad this post is here. It gives me a tiny chance to say things I've always felt to people who know what I'm talking about !!
All Best to You and Yours,
m
Dear if you really want to get this lady out of your life then seriously you should live as farther as way from her as possible otherwise this mother bullying will never end .I am in a different country and I live much more peacefully she doesn’t have any interferences in my life and I have made it very clear.Do you have to take a firm stand yes you have to other wise this bullying will never stop.You have to make it very clear that you will not tolerate any interference from her regarding your personal life .If you have to cut her out from your life do that .You should understand what she does to you is mother bullying .Its a common normal problem that exist .It cannot be justified and you dont have to feel guilty about taking any action in this regard .The more you bend your heads for her bullying the more aggressive she will become and she will ruin you completely .Take courage and start acting now . the first option being living as farther as possible and cutting down on communication as possible . I don’t know about your financial status but try to be as financially secure as possible .Dont think that as soon as you say to her the interference should stop she will stop doing that she will put up quite few fights before giving up .You should stuck to what you want to pass over the tide other wise remember the tide will engulf you
Now that I'm 20 I still live with her. I made plans to move out and go back home to my Dad who recovered from her abuse and is very peaceful now. As for my relationship with my mother, I talk to her in monotone. I dislike her and I express that I don't want her around with the sound of my voice. I still show her the respect a mother should be shown. I don't confide in her anymore because it's pointless and will only hurt me in the end. I give her short answers to her questions and do as she says so I don't have to talk to her for the rest of the day or night. It's like walking on egg shells with her and I'm sick of it. She shows me her pleading sadness to my behavior but all I could think is: Damage is done. It's too late for you to start caring now.
She is a liar bitch! she never apologize when she is wrong! and changes every situation to her own convinience. what i hate the most its when she includes me on her lies. she has make my life imposible ever since i started dating my boyfriend (who is the best person i have ever meet). She screams instead of speaking and had some searious issues about sex. for her, everything its dirty and bad. i wouldnt mind if that would have been her own opinion, but she tried to pass that to me. for her "making love" do not exist, its always a devil thing! she pretends to be the perfect christian and always makes her self looks like she is the victim! I used to belivied in God, now, because of her, im not that sure anymore. I dont wish her dead, but if she die, i dont think i will even cry.
i'm 21 yrs now & i can't wait to graduate next year & go abroad for higher studies!! just have to bear one year of torture & everything worse in my life.. i'm sure my life will be better after that!! All these years the only support i got was from my dad! he's the best dad in the world & my mother is the worst mom in the whole damn world !
now that im older she is some what easier to be around. she drinks so much at night it unbelievable. she drinks about 1-2 bottles of red wine a night and claims that its good for you.
we fight most nights. during the day she is ok but at night i want to die.she is the most horrible person ive ever met. i dont want her to die but i want her as far away from me as possible. she claims everything is my fault. i envy other people that have somewhat of a good relationship with their mothers. i have no plans with attempting to build i relationship with her. once i have enough money to move out i plan never to see her again, maybe the ocassional visit to my dad once a year but that is the only time i plan to see her. she sickens me. i could fly halfway across the world and still not be far away enough from her.
I am so glad this is a place where I can rant.
Is there anything that your Mom could do to change so you might stop hating her.
Please people if you ever have kids BE A PARENT you are everything to them and when you are old they will be everything for you. Love and care always.
english is not my firts language so, Im apologizin a head. all you guys feel you.im feeling and the same way of most of you about the feeling towards my mom...stomach sickness hate feelings..i hate her for real..short description about my situation im colombian my mom let me when i was 3 years old, so she can come to usa to make money for the family...bull shit ..she went to usa to be a prostitute working in bars and getting drunk smoking and having fun.. she has been here for 30 years now.. now she lives from the goverment help
when she had returned to colombia the only thing she has in her mind was parting, i was 7 at that time ..my grandmother(R.I.P abuelita)who had raised me..damn i have tears in my eyes while im writing this... .I dont have a father until i met him when i was 13 years old...the guy does not want me around neither.. he was not mean .. just not interested in been my father..cause of my mother..waoo
Im 34 years old now..im not a loser but i strugle a lot with anxiety and depression..plus my inability to make truth relationships with people in diferents level love, family friendship, social, academic..waaoo so many empty spot in my personality...my family is united but they dont want to be agains my moms desition wherever it is..even if is wrong (most of the time) cause she gets mad.she is a bich..my mom got pregnant again. when she was 40 insane, she left my sister with my aunt when my sister was 3 month old (thats evil) second time when you left a child in this stupid world...after some time she had bringed me to usa with a greencard i was 27yr old...so i decided to live wiht her..been honest i was exited with the idea firts time when i will be living with her..big mistake so i went to NH to a friend house..fun..i spent 3 years there..i got bored with the country life so i decided to give another shot here in NYC with my mom...and moved back ..big mistake again..
we went back to colombia together..stupid idea we fight saying big bad words..
the worst part is we have a project with 5 apartments in colombia and all are by her name..i have been working so hard for finish this project (so i can moved back and never come back and see her)i fucking trust her.. ..so i told her to put 2 aparments by my name and she told me ...go eat shit i wont give a shithole..so now i have to star from zero..and im losing all drive in my life..almouts forgot to tell you guys Im stillliving with her in NYC ..but im movin back to NH..but im afraid..dont know why..thank you if someone read my post ..and say somenthing wherever it is..appreciate bye
the colombian guy
It's so hard for me to express how I feel about my mother to most people, as they shrug it off as a joke, or a product of my age (I'm 21).
But, honestly, I don't know what to do. I hesitate to say I hate my mother, as I really don't think I do. However, I do not *like* her, nor do I love her. I'm thankful to see and hear the stories of others who are in somewhat similar situations, as most people stare at me open-mouthed when I say that, responding with "you have to love your mother, she gave birth to you!"
And my question is why? Why do I automatically have to love this woman just because she gave birth to me? I never asked to be born. If I had, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be saddled with her. She makes many, many aspects of my life infinitely more difficult, frustrating, and even unbearable.
I realize it could be oh-so-much-worse, as she's never abused me, physically or otherwise. However, day in and day out, when I'm home with her (I live on campus at school, but live at home during the summer), I find being in contact with her is almost too much to take.
And she notices. She criticizes and ridicules me, claiming I think she's "beneath me" and I have no right to "treat her the way I do". The thing is, I *try*, I try to be better with her. I try to be more polite and civil, and sometimes, I'm successful. However, she makes this almost impossible. Her interactions with me are not pleasant. She often claims I have no drive, no "get-up-and-go" and believes she'll be stuck taking care of me forever. She claims the degree I'm working towards is useless and then continues to question me as to "how" I'll be able to go to Grad school.
The other day I mentioned that I plan to start woking towards moving out, permanently, within the next 2 years. She looked at me in disbelief and referred to it today as "bulls**t". I'm concentrating on finding work for the summer (like everyone else I know), and she constantly claims "you know you're not going to get a job this summer." WHY the pessimism?
She says I have no initiative; that I won't really do anything with my life. Why? Because she never did anything with hers?
She had 2 children: my sister and me. My sister was very, very difficult as a teen, and wound up dropping out of high school, ending up in rehab (twice), bouncing around different places for a while, getting pregnant, to now living with us again.
So, with that, why do I have no initiative? I graduated HS, and am in college, working towards my Bachelor's. I don't think I'm better than anyone, I just do not see her and I as combatible. We cannot get along well.
It's been years since we have, and it's only gotten worse in the last 2.
All I can see when I look at her is a hypochondriac who thrives on self-pity and the pity of others.
I don't know what to do or how I can get by with her.
god bless
I think there must be some problem with her or the way she's parented for you to feel this way. It sounds like you're pressured to suppress your objections. Better parents create an environment where their children can express grievances like these.
The things about getting irritated about her mannerisms, I can relate to it but I'm doubtful it's the root of our problems because something like that would at most be irritating. You mention she's strict and "says what she means". What she means may be wrong though, or do you agree with all her judgments and opinions? Is strictness oppressive?
I hope you won't continue to be so hard on yourself. I'm all for avoiding hating others, but at the same time we shouldn't shift blame to ourselves. Reduction in anger can come from understanding, but we do not have to remove blame to do that. We can simply blame the past incarnations of people who do us wrong, and give them a chance to prove they've changed into someone we can like.
i agree with the moving out solution, this is what i plan to do, cause i can't take it anymore.
Its just the same case where others do not find her to be so horrbile,but I just hate her from the time that I was born.Like someone asked if it would make you cry if she dies;I often think about it and I'm never sure if I would truly be unhappy about it.I think she didn't give me care like other mothers.All my childhood I had problems for which she was never there and I expected her to be there without my saying it.Even now when I see mothers caring for their children,I feel jealous and upset.I don't know how to help this and I cannot stop crying and fighting with her all the time,and in the end I'm always upset about misbehaving with her.I'm 28 and in our culture,we as girls cannot move out till we r married so I cannot even move out.Can anyone help me??
Unfortunately, my situation is very similar to yours. Im 25 years old, and i cant move out until im married. Which really really sucks, you would know.
My mother is a pain; seriously. I really dont get what her problem is, she hardly ever compliments me, and always points out who is prettier than me, and always points out any flaws in anything i ever do. yet she wonders why sometimes i have low self esteem. i often feel like she's jealous for some reason or the other. its like she's really trying to break me. What is the matter with out mothers? they r supposed to be nicer than that.
I logged on because my mother just saw a picture of me, my best friend, and this guy im dating. and she said "if anyone would see this picture, they would ask him... why dont you marry this girl? shes gorgeous! and i'm talking about your best friend."
Its OK to have these feelings. Accepting that might help. But seriously - I don't see how you will ever separate from & get over your mother being around her constantly.
I lost my house this year and thankfully my parents let my family move in. I am grateful..however this is def a test. if she walks in one room I walk out..not to be rude but to excape the bad energy. I pray my anger goes away and ..well sometimes her too. (Not in that way, I am making light of out of this. i would never wish anyone harm.)I even thought about sleeping a shelter while instead of there. And they have a big house too...plenty of space, i personaly go through stages where I just cant be within a 100 mile radius of her. I have to laugh at myself to make it easier. I tried talking to her through emails and offered to go to therapy with her for the past 10 years. Nothing..except for her telling me not to send anymore emails.
i cant wait to get married becuz it means im free from my motha
I fucking hate her.. so much.. I can't describe it.. I am even ashamed that she is my mother.. She is rude, coward, winy she is a bitch!
She is a person who is living a reactive's life.. who is concern of the things which she can't do nothing about. she always whine at people when she has nothing to do.. I just hate everything about her.. i wish she die!
She is 68 yrs old now and live with me and my brother's family. She doesn't do any housework. I cook for her but she still complains about other pple. I am self employed so basically I am home all the time. Everywhere I go, she wanted to follow me. She also liked to get involved into my business, critised how I ran the business. It drove me crazy sometimes, yet everytime when I exploded, she'd cry and said I'm your mother, I am doing this for you because you are my daughter. If one day I die, no one will say a word to you! All my friends have been telling me she's your mother, just try to hold your temper because one day when she dies, you will miss her and feel guilty of what you did. I completely understand all this. But problem is staying with her is like a nightmare.She thinks she's all good and everyone is wrong. Even with my dad, she never thought about why my dad would leave her, she always blamed other pple first. Sometimes I wish she'd die so I don't need to suffer anymore.but that evil thought scared me and I fell extremely guilty.
What am I suppose to do? I can't send her to senior house. I can't run away and hide. I just know that one day if she dies, I won't miss her too much
my mother is an italian american women born in the late 1930's. her family is very cruel both physically and emotionally. i have strong suspicions that she was abused.
i was born in 1963. my mother divorced my father soon after i was born. she is verbally and emotionally cruel. she loves to play head games with people and see them twist in the wind. she would torment me night and day with awful comments designed to destroy my self esteem. she loved to hit me when i was a kid but backed off when i grew older, but the verbal/emotional stuff continued for decades. she would always tell me how lucky i was to have her as a mother. she also told me that respect and loyalty was demanded in our big italian family, so i put up with her abuse. she would tell evryone she couldn't wait for me to marry and have kids so she could be the loving grandma. but when i married things went from bad to worse. she would compete with my wife for my attention and would get upset if she felt she didn't get it. she bad mouthed my wife to everyone in town. then she tried to manipulate my children against me. when that failed she called child protective services and reported us as unfit parents. that was the last straw. i have excommunicated her and have threatened police action if she trespasses on our property. now she is playing the innocent victim of unjust persecution. i have thoughts of homocide toward her. i am depressed and lonely. the reason i don't breakdown is because all i want now is to love and take care of my wife and kids.
so what happend to this bloody women /
my father died i keep distance from her .my brother has his own family to take care off and she is left alone .the only thing that still effects me is the fact that i am not close to my brother now ,our relationship has died in the process we communicate now but i keep distance we were very close from childhood but my mother poisoned him against me and we started having fights and it finally became so worse that we stopped communicating . the worst part is that my mother is such a a manipulative women that he turned him to this arrogant man just like her ,thankfully his wife is there to ground him. she also blames my mother for infusing this rash behaviour.i know what you feel i dont have a single good memory about her and can understand your pain. Ignore and dont care god knows what you have gone through and will help you out.
Relocating somewhere else is a very good solution as it will give you a chance to start afresh without the visibility and trouble of this women>i have done that personally and it has worked for me .As long as you keep the distance and dont care it will stop bothering you .If your mental conscience is clear nothing else matters.May God bless you and give you strength.
or like a drug addicted gangster,
u will be dead, insane, or in jail.
My mother is a devoting one and i owed her a lot as she raised 4 of my siblings in great hardship. my siblings and I are now successful people at work but inside me and my eldest sister, who love my mother best, we are wreck.
My mother is a talent in criticizing others. She never forgets the words that displease her. She repeat what someone said years ago, just to prove that she was not appreciated by others, or that others were so bad.
My mother is so controlling. She loves to see everybody to do exacly what she tells and even if what she wants but has not told. She wants to be mind-read.
Like someone's mother here, she loves cleaning the house. Last night when i was taking a milk cup out of the fridge, she asked me if i had spilled out the milk or not so that she could clean the spilled milk. It was as if she expected me to make a mistake.
She never lets me have a chance to correct 'mistakes' if i ever made them.
several years ago when i told her that i wanted to moved out, she had a stormy reaction to the news by banging her head down the floor and said everything to make me feel that i committed the guilt of abandoning my own mother ( though i did promised to keep supporting her financially as usual)
When she is unhappy, no one has the right to be cheerful.
We are now living in a small house so i have no way to avoid her ups and downs
I've tried 2-3 times talking to her over this problems. she seemed to be a very good listener and did not hate me for telling the truth but things get back to normal within 1 weeks.
Being verbally and emotionally abused used to kill my energy. i had unstable mood for many years. I couldn't stay long in a job even if i had very good jobs that i like.
I used to have the idea of suicide but i never had the courage to carry out.
fortunately, i met the love of my life last year and now i can control my feelings. Though sometimes i am still influenced by her but in general i am walking towards the bright side of this life. By not loving her and trying to please her so much, by not feeling guilty when not doing what she wants, i feel a little bit more independent
I'm from Asia and thinking bad of parents is like a crime here :)
Another warning: there are some people (here and elsewhere in life) that don't "get" what some other people have had to endure and they want to say that we are whining, or ungrateful, or whatever. Let me tell you, most of the stories/comments you have read so far are probably heavily edited (by the writer, not the website) and you really still have no clue what many people have lived through from their mother or both parents, because the writers didnt want to dredge it all up, or wanted to keep it short and simple, but I guarantee you you are not getting the whole story. So, before anyone else wants to judge or criticise why we hate our mothers, I am going to spell it out for you so that there is no doubt. Some of it is graphic. You have been warned.
I want to tell my story but I don't even know where to start. I hate both my parents but my father died last year so I just have HER to deal with now. Both of them were VERY abusive when I was a child. Mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually, any way you can think of, they both enjoyed tormenting us kids (Just to clarify, my mom didn't abuse me sexually). My dad was a sadistic monster and there was never any doubt that I hated him as long as I could remember, but my mom was always good at playing the victim and the martyr and manipulating things so that I didn't even realize just how horrible she was until I was almost an adult. I was so busy running from my dad's beatings and molesting, that my mom's abuse was nothing compared to him. I thought her behavior was NORMAL.
I used to make excuses for her, because I thought she was just as trapped as us kids were and I even felt sorry for her, but I eventually figured out what a fucking selfish, self-absorbed, cold-hearted, critical, impossible to please, demanding, complaining, passive-aggressive, lying, delusional, vicious, arrogant, nasty, snotty, manipulating, fucking BITCH she is!
I even told her one day what my dad was doing and she claimed she never knew and she said she would make it stop. Well, it DIDN'T. And I learned that adults would NOT protect you. And years later when I mentioned it to her (as an adult) she actually denied that she ever knew anything about it and denied I had ever told her!! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! I sometimes strongly suspect that she is Multiple Personality, or I think they call it Dis-associative something or other these days. I know she's fucking delusional, at the very least.
There's more, look for next post.
I have extremely vulnerable. I am so vulnerable that I must guard my territory and attack with resentment everyone who encroaches upon my territory. I will put a sign over my head "Caution: Vicious Dog," and anyone who fails to notice it better beware! I will surround my vulnerability with high walls, and will never make a real connection with others from behind such walls.
I am extremely dependent on others. I am so dependent on others that I will never miss a single look from them, a single word, a single gesture. I will watch others relentlessly and I will judge their every move around me. And if I decide that their actions are not what I prefer, I will show them how much they are in the wrong! Because those around me must exalt my dignity, must worship my ego, and God forbid they will ever act otherwise! I will continue to harbor resentment to cover up how much I am dependent on others and their opinion.
I am someone else's slave. I am a slave of other people's words and actions. It is on them as my masters that my mood, my feelings, and my sense of self depend. It is not I, but they who are responsible for my dependency. It is not I, but they who are to blame for what is happening to me. It is not I, but they who must do something to make me feel better. Yes, it's easy for me to be a puppet in the hands of others because I am someone else's slave.
I make a big deal out of little things. I can take a little, half-dead "fly" of someone's error and attack it with all of my resentment. I will not write in my notebook about how wonderful the world is. Rather, I will write about how awfully I have been mistreated. I will pour into a little fly so much of my energy and others' energy that the fly will become magnified into an elephant. Because a fly is easy to ignore or waive off, but an elephant is not. That is why I magnify flies into elephants.
I am extremely poor. I am so poor that I cannot muster up a drop of generosity in order to cover and forgive, a drop of empathy in order to overlook, a drop of wisdom in order to let go, a drop of self-deprecation in order to laugh, a drop of love in order to accept. I simply don't have any such qualities because I am extremely limited and extremely poor.
I am very unhappy. I am so unhappy that words and actions of others are constantly aggravating my unhappiness. Because I am a very important "turkey." But I don't value my life, cannot view myself objectively and I am compelled to magnify flies into elephants. I am extremely vulnerable, dependent on others, and poor in my inner essence. Don't mistreat me, but pity me instead. Because I am extremely unhappy.
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I have been having a hard time with bullying at work (let me guess someone's comment to this hmmmm Leave your job then brilliant!! that's advice worth signing in for)
Anyway so after being bullied to the point where I am suffering hair loss I went to the doctor who signed me off work.
I told my mother who knows the state my job has left me in there was no support from her.
If my mum did die I don't know if it would really make a difference I would be sad because that is what people expect but she never notices anything about me or any of her kids.
She doesn't know our likes or dislikes but we know each others and have to remind her.
She only takes interest in her new thug boyfriend as soon as anyone mentions he called all of a sudden we exist again.
When she comes in from work she just sits and watches the tv like a zombie and never listens and only speaking to us to demand this and that.
I had got a facial piercing and I was home for 2 weeks and my mum didn't even notice it was only till I said 'mum do you like my new piercing' to which she replied 'eeewwww'
She used to beat me when I was younger hitting me in the face and making me have a lot of anger that has never gone away.
A lot of times she picks at me so much that I burst into tears because there is nothing else I can do I cant hit her or the people at work or I would lose my job I think it hurts worse knowing I could hurt someone but having to keep control.
She is bipolar/schizo-affective. I am 29. I walked in on her raping my little sister when I was 11. She had more episodes in the years to follow.
She is a very important big math professor and she would looove to tell you all about it. If you know what I mean.
I just am scared that I am becoming her. I don't want to be boastful and arrogant like her.
Tonight she hurt me by saying I should let my ex (the man who assaulted me and I am going to court over in three weeks) take care of my cats when I move to Korea. Wow. Then she looked at me and saw how hurt I looked and said "oh fine, why am I doing this. Ill take care of the cats". Thing is she doesnt believe me when I say I'm staying in Korea for good. She ALWAYS says she knows everything I am going to do before I do it.
She fell over tonight as well from being so drunk. And she also flipped off her boyfriend, who she is leaving since he won't marry her. Then she tells me how angry she is because he's not giving her all this money. I think it's all just shocking and digusting.
I'm a teacher like her. But I refuse to be like her in any way. I hope I am not. And I hope I can toughen up one day and not let her tear me apart anymore. I just have to tell myself that she is a loser and she does NOT know me and she is WRONG. Awful bitch.
It's no wonder I befriend older women and they in time become like a mother to me. I am looking a loving mother that I cannot find. Maybe I should try to accept her the way she is. And expect that she will hurt me and not do a thing for me. That way I can spare the pain.
She also told me to grow up. Since I don't agree with her on men paying for things. I think she is wrong. I always pay my own way and always will.
I don't hate my mother, I just would prefer another mother if I could choose. As a family from Asia, my mum would use corporal punishment to do anything. She used to hit my brothers and also me when we do something wrong. Mind you, it was never very bad things we did. After we all became teenagers, she stopped hitting my two older brother and younger one. However, she still would hit me, most probably because I'm the only girl in the family and she thinks I won't fight back. I don't, I just stay there and let her hit and push me. )= She would always talk badly about me behind my back to EVERYONE. I introduced my friend's mum to her so that she could have more friend. After a few days of talking to her mum, they became 'very good friends'. Every time she fights with me she will go to that person's mum and dob on me like a little girl and of course she would never say anything she did. Countless times, she would bring up my friend's name and try to tell me how she is so much better blah blah. I wish she would just get it over with and tell me she wants her as a daughter. My friend doesn't even get very good marks, she can't cook, she rarely helps out with the housework and the only reason she is portrayed as such a good person is because HER mum LOVES her and always say the best things about her to my mum. sighh... Just today, I woke up all happy and was making my breakfast, she came and tried to talk to me and in the process called me ugly, (I have low self esteem, probably from her constant insults). Of course I wouldn't be happy about it but she kept saying that its my problem and I'm always moody in the morning blah blah. I explained to her that if I called her 'scarface' (she has scars from when she had acne) she wouldn't feel too good either. Then she started screaming at me saying I'm a dirty child and that I ruined her morning.
This has gone on all my life, and she thinks she can just fix it all. Lately, she's been trying to act all nice and shit, but growing up like that really hurts one's psyche.
Anyway, I've always hated being in the same room as her, talking to her, or even listening to her voice. And it got even worse when my sister was born. God, ever since the day she was born, she was yelled at for the tiniest things. Like crying at night, which is something babies do, for Christ's sakes. I don't know, I really want to fix things with her, but I just can't. Just being around her hurts me.
I pray for all of you that we will all be healed from toxic mothers. I am an artist, she alway put me down and chucked my work away.... now because others say I am really talented, so does she. My life has been really messed up because of her.
She gets upset over little things, She makes me do all of her stuff, she insults me all the time, She takes money from me and my father. She owes him thousands of dollars.
My mother always asks me my opinion on things and let me just tell you we have NOTHING in common. So when I give her my honest opinion on things she acts like i'm a complete idiot. Of course I defend my opinion but she refuses to listen to anyone else's opinion.
She's a narrow minded bitch!
Recently we got in a debate over gay marriage and she told me she didn't believe in it because the bible says it's wrong(She's a Christian btw). She refused to listen to me despite the fact that SHE ASKED ME on my opinion of it. Then she said something that just crossed that line. She told me that I know nothing and told me that my beliefs are wrong. She was telling me that she was right and I was wrong.
We fight everyday really and she hits me a lot.
I really can't believe we're related. We are nothing alike.
Also she hates my best friend for no reason and blames her for my "bad attitude".
A lot of my friends think it's stupid that I would say that I hate my mom but I really do.
I suppose in reading all these stories, more comments than to any other question i have found, it is very normal to hate your mum. Anyone can become a mother but many fail to be a mummy and give unconditional love, indeed fail in many areas and seriously damage their children. Sometimes getting out of their lives emotionally and physically is the best way. We can then grow ourselves away from controlling manipulative mothers who's children are treated as possessions in an otherwise unfulfilling life. Their behaviour leaves us full of hatred. I am 47 and i don't want to hate anymore.
I've been feeling physically sick around my parents ever since I was a child. Even now, if I hear about them or dream of them, I puke. I can't control it. I used to wonder why, feel crazy and want to die; yet, I defended them and used to say that they were not that bad and that others had much worse lives. Well, at least that's what they had brainwashed me into thinking. I had therapy for many years and figured out that they had been psychologically abusing me since I was a child. I think my body was reacting to what my mind was too numbed or in denial to react too. It is hard to admit that your own parents are abusing, rejecting or neglecting you and every time people ask me about my parents, I still start feeling sick even though I know why now. I think emotions have a very powerful effect on the body. My parents lied to me, hurt me and scared me on a daily basis for years and they don't feel any regret about it today, so it is just hard to ''swallow'' I guess. So I think we're all normal and my advice is to find out the deep reasons why you feel this way because even if it doesn't change the way you feel, at least you know you're not a crazy person who hates their parents because she was born mean and crazy. The blame is on them, not you.
I hate you today
Nothing left to say
You’ve never been there
Always showing you didn’t care
I hate you today
I hated you yesterday
I’ll hate you tomorrow
You never cared for my sorrow
You always said it was for the best
Then why is this hole in my chest?
shall I go to a doc. ?
I dont feel myself normal...
We all are kinda the same in here. I hate my mum . I have told her. but not so serious friends. its of course normal and god is never gonna ask why...
ITS JUST LIFE , I know its a little hard but be the man of your life.leave it all. I've not cried for it , it cant make me cry. I had a rough childhood , I suffered , fought, being lonely , avoiding gatherings , ...... and all. but one time when it was more than enough , I FELT LIKE hell its enough , shut it up ,life. a new turn in my life. a big change that I myself brought it , I didnt care of her anymore , if she was/is around. its even okay , from my childhood , I 've learned to not to expect love, I didnt.[ specially from your mother][ thank god every thing is ok now]. IT was agony earlier but not now. I am 19 and I am soon going away for my studies and Its like wow. she asked me if I ever call her when I am gone and I told her that IN HER DREAMS..
I hate her , but this hatred doesnt disturb me.
she is ok , I am ok . its all okay.
all I wanna say that ....
friends , DEARS , dont care of it. do not do things that make you feel like failure when you are middle aged.
LOVE YOURSELF , RESPECT YOURSELF.
even the stupidest, worst mother , there deep inside love their children.
have some sympathy on them and leave them away.
you HATE your mother cause you kinda loved her, thats true.
things I know that:
most mothers are so ignorant
they are older than us [not in age ,their thoughts and ideas]. they belong to the 20th century. but you are new, with new thoughts.
uh..
just forget them
I LOVE YOU ALL...
hope I could know you all personally.
HAVE FUN...
She brought us up without no friend or relative of her helping her. Now that I am a parent of 4 month old baby, I can only imagine what she must have gone through without anybody's help.
With all the respect, gratitude and admiration that I have for her, recently I have been turning very irritated with anything that she does.
She seems to have lost her mental balance and most times she does things that completely embarrasses the whole family including my wife.
She lives across a street where I live and she usually visits us daily for all her needs. While I am completely aware that what I am feeling isn't right, I also believe that am not reacting without a reason.
I am so confused, I cannot even begin to describe the nature of the problem
there are no pills for the post traumatic stress that you feel but i can offer you one way of dealing with it .whenever i have those bad memories I try to divert my mind and think about something else this has really helped me i try to avoid her as much as possible by keeping minimal contact.
Oh yeah, to those who tend to judge those who hates their moms are ungrateful and etc, just because you have a perfect mom, doesn't give u a right to judge us like that. Walk in our shoes for a day, then u may judge us with whenever you wanna say.
My mom has always been biased. She's always being mean to me, to my family members, but mostly, she hated me the most.
I always caught her talking shits about me behind my back. It's very hurtful. One time, I stood up and asked her straight to her face, I said, "Why would U say stuff like that behind my back ?" And she stood like an idiot there, being speechless after I caught her with the dirt on her.
I caught her talking behind my back again, today. She said I'm lazy just because I didn't wash several dishes last night. For god sakes, it's not that big of a deal.
I used to be the maid of the house. I cook, clean and do everything that needs to be done to make sure she doesn't come home after work with her loud - radio - mouth.
I'm a woman, but I smoke cigarettes. Yes, I smoke, and it was all because I'm too stress out because of my mother.
I'm good in my academic, I'm doing well in my studies and I achieved good reputations in schools, I went to boarding school and now I'm studying in one of the best university in my country. People see me as a success, bold, full with integrity woman, but they never know what's there inside me actually.
I keep everything to myself. I told my boyfriend, yes, and some of my closest friends about what I have to dealing with. I really thank God that they understand me, cause they know I ain't lying.
What I heard from her today seriously breaks my heart. She talked as if I'm a worthless bitch that did nothing around the house but sleeping. Whereas I'm whipping my ass out working around the house trying to keep in in perfect shape.
Just because I was raised with your money and lived for 9 months in your womb, that doesn't gives her any right at all to act like such a bitch for the rest of my life.
I may owe my life to her once, but just to be clear, I never wanted to be born at the very first place.
My anger and hatred towards my mom has made me become a bitter person. And now, I'm diagnosed that I'm suffering from a psychological disruption called Schizoid.
And if there's one thing to be blame for what I am now, I BLAME MY MOM.
Of course I ignored this and tried to start eating my breakfast but she came over and snatched it away and told me to leave the house. She proceeded to throw away the breakfast I finally made. She kept screaming at me and of course I tried to explain everything that she did, she wouldn't listen and kept throwing hard things at me and hitting me and pushed me off the chair as well. As a child you can't hit back or everyone would feel disgusted and see you as a bad child. She kept hitting and hitting and of course I cried because it hurts and she just kept telling me to shut up but because I was crying out of pain I couldn't control it. My brothers came down and told me to go upstairs to my room to calm down. Yeah, after all that it is MY fault. = = Also I got the term 'scarface' from my brothers, they call mum that all the time, they call her a b and scream at her for coming into their room. For some reason, my mum would never punish them, she would just go into her room to sulk. I would feel sorry for her then, yea... only me. I think my mum just hates me the most and one day when I grow up and find my way into society, I will try to break contact with her but will still talk to dad and my grandparents. I just wish all you other people will have a happy ending one day as well.¬¬¬¬
My mother has lived with me for almost 3 years as she was no longer able to take care of herself. So who is the dumbshit?? Don't answer. I am trying to 'do the right thing'. She mostly sits in a recliner and watches TV all day. I took her on trips to places she's never been, took her to see the Pope for her 80th birthday, bought her stuff, done everything I can think of to make her life pleasant. I wanted to make the end of her life happy, since she never has been. I tried to get her to close the door one day when I got home from work because it was really cold in the room. I figured it would be good for her to get up since she'd been sitting all day probably. She waited until I came in the room then sat down again, so I got pissed and slammed the door. She said, "You're a real bastard, you know it!?" So, I had enough. I'm civil to her, make her lunch and dinner and make sure she gets her meds, but I'm done trying to make her life 'nice'. I hate her and I'm almost 49 years old. Thanks for everyone sharing. It's good to know I'm not the only one who hates their mother.
She is NEVER EVER EVER EVER wrong. I can't remember a single time in my life when she admitted a mistake or apologized for something. Nothing is safe to say - If I comment that the ketchup is missing, and then realize it's on the fridge shelf instead of the door, well, she will think she's being attacked, and will launch into a long monologue about why she put it on the shelf vs the door and why her reasons are justified and she'll go on to say that I am being unreasonable and petty and childish, etc. My fucking god, all I said was the ketchup was not in the door!! and it's World War fucking 3!! Can you say DEFENSIVE?!?! "Walking on eggshells" does not even begin to describe what it's like to be around her. And no matter what the conversation or argument is about it ALWAYS comes back to her. ALWAYS! My son told her he was thinking of going to the oil fields in North Dakota to get a job. Does she say she'll miss him? Does she tell him he's brave for going so far (we are on the east coast)? Does she praise him for wanting to be self-sufficient (He's 20 and can't find work here for last 2 years – our county is 2nd worst unemployment in the state)? No! She immediately starts wailing about “who's going to cut her grass now, who's going to wash her car, who's going to do any heavy lifting or “manly” type of work around the place? How could he DO this to her?!?!?”
REALLY???? Thanks Grandma, love you too!!!
I am embarrassed to be in public with her because she STINKS. She showers about once a week and even then doesn't use soap or shampoo. Never uses deodorant, she says the aluminum in it will give you cancer. I guess combing your hair must give you cancer too cuz she won't do that either. Forget being in a car with her, I want to gag. And she'll come to my house (which is unfortunately right across the street from her) to use my washing machine, and she'll say, "I'm going home now but I'm going to borrow your bathroom first." And then she'll sit in there for a fucking half-hour til the air is green, taking a massive dump! OMFG, you couldn't have gone home to do that??! You couldn't walk across the STREET to shit in your own bathroom?? And it's not just the shit - it's the crotch-rot, and her stinking body. The bathroom is a bio-hazard when she comes out!! And this didn't just happen once, this happens OFTEN. I truly can't decide if she's that fucking clueless, or if she is doing it on purpose!
She is an absolute PIG. She is a hoarder and when I was growing up the house was just like what you would see on an episode of Hoarders. Some people hoard things like clothes or possessions, and some people hoard TRASH. Guess which one she hoards? Picture 4' piles of trash, rotting food, cat and dog shit, used tampons, you name it, from one end of the house to the other. Picture maggots everywhere. Picture 4 children growing up in this hell.
more, next post.
Us kids were not allowed to play with anyone. We were kept completely isolated. We changed schools almost every single year (we went to la-di-da Christian schools). My parents would get behind on the tuition and the school wouldn't let us return the next year because it wasn't paid off so we would have to go somewhere else. I can count 6 different schools in 8 years, and yet we never moved. How fucking stupid is that? I can see if you're military or something and get moved around a lot, but we just had to change schools because they were too fucking lazy to pay the bills. And my dad made GOOD money back then, so it's just ridiculous that they would let that happen. He was an electrical engineer working for the governement. GOOD money, but he and my mom preferred to spend it on electrical gadgets and toys for them (which back then included ham radios and weirdo glowing green something-scopes, etc)...and we're living in a maggot house, wearing moldy clothes, getting fines from the city because our grass is 3 feet high, our yard toilet-papered on a monthly basis, electricity getting cut off, no food in the house (but her car would be piled to the CEILING with fast food bags), getting bullied by day at school, getting molested by daddy at night, getting screamed at and pinched and slapped and hair pulled the rest of the time by mom...
And daddy's idea of punishment was to take his daughter (until about the age of 12 when I started fighting back) and strip her naked, and tie her or handcuff her to his bed and beat her. With his hand, a belt, a switch from the rose bush (with the thorns still on!!) and then afterwards hold her, still naked, in his lap, rubbing her entire body with baby oil and telling her what a good Christian girl she was and how he just hated, oh he HATED to have to punish her but she really shouldn't have left her bookbag on the living room floor (or the kitchen light on, or the faucet dripping, or the bike not on it's kickstand, or the salt-n-pepper shakers facing the wrong direction, or looking at him while sneezing, or using pink hair-ties instead of yellow, or god knows what other fucking demented reasons he had for "punishing" us.
There's plenty more, but y'all get the idea...
more....
To this day, I have no friends because I don't trust ANYONE. AT ALL. I only know how to relate to men on a sexual level, and have been lied to and used so many times until I finally realized how self-destructive my actions were (always choosing the wrong kind of man) until I just got to the point that I don't even try to date anymore, for 3 years now. I'm only 40 for god's sake, but I have realized I am going to die alone. The only reason I haven't killed myself already is because of my wonderful son. I won't do that to him.
And I don't know how to be friends with women because a)I viewed them as rivals for so long (since I related to all men in a sexual way), and b)i never had any good female role models and wasn't allowed to have friends as a child so I just never learned how to relate to other women. Plus, I obviously couldn't tell this story to someone "normal", they couldn't handle it, and if I try to establish a friendship with someone and NOT tell them, then I feel like the hugest fucking phony in the world!! I can't even describe what a fraud I feel like. I am convinced that it is only a matter of time before they realize what a damaged piece of shit I am, and run the other direction away from me. So I either hide the facts and put on a "face" day after day until I can't pretend anymore, or I try to trust someone and tell them a little bit about my mother, and you know what I almost always hear? "Well, she's the only mother you have so you have to love her." Can you comprehend the rage I feel when I hear that sentence? It angers me for 2 reasons. 1)that person is not even trying to relate or sympathize or ANYTHING! They are fucking chastising me(!?) because I don't love my abusive mother??! And 2) I KNOW SHE'S THE ONLY ONE I GOT, DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO FUCKING RUB IT IN!!!!!!?????? Until the day I die, this evil hag is the only fucking mother I'll EVER have, THANKS, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW!!
I am utterly alone. I do have a job but I work out of my home and rarely leave the house anymore if I don't have to. I'm looking at my cell phone contacts right now and there are 4 numbers to pay bills, my bank's 800 number, the vet, some old guy I bought firewood from last winter, ASUS customer support, the dump-truck company that put a load of gravel on my driveway, the local hospital, Lowes, the local CVS, the salon I get my hair cut at, a storage place I used last summer, some number I called about a guy to cut my grass, my doctor, my boss, my son and my mom. NO personal contacts, except my son and my mom. And I've had this phone over a year. I don't even have my brother or 2 sister's phone numbers.
more...
None of us kids talk to each other anymore. And I don't just mean *I* don't talk to them, no, I mean NONE of us talk to NONE of us anymore. It's partly the bad childhood memories that we all remind the others of, and partly some of the horrible things we did to each other when we were younger and didn't know any better and were emulating our shitty parents, and other reasons, too, I'm sure but those are the main ones. Of 3 girls and one boy, only I and one other sister still talk to my mom, and I was the only one that still would see my dad, and that was only after he'd had a stroke and was bed-ridden and not a threat anymore. I was so relieved when he died. At first anyway....but then I got mad because some tiny part of me still hoped til the bitter end that he would magically become a loving father but when he died, that was it. I couldn't pretend to myself anymore that SOME DAY he would become the dad I'd always wished for. That pathetic sub-conscious shred of hope kept me going for so long until even it was gone and now I have nothing but my horrible memories...He never acknowledged what he did to me or apologized. Plus, I hoped my mom would change when he died, that maybe she would relax and be happy now....but no.
So, some of this was about my dad and not my mom, but it is all wrapped up together in my experiences, so I couldn't talk about her without talking about him. I've probably given some of y'all nightmares, and some of y'all won't believe half of it, and some are crying right now because it sounds exactly like what they grew up with....
I don't like to say that I *wish* my mother would die.....but I damn sure wouldn't cry if she did!!!
So, yeah.... I hate my fucking mother. And I don't even care anymore if it's normal.
When your friends call you names, tease you, and make you feel like shit, Your mom can do a thousand times worse. Just one word can shatter you. My mom will not stop until I break up with my girlfriend. She is such a FUCKING CONTROL FREAK! She will NEVER be impressed no matter WHAT I do. No medal or award will EVER please that BITCH! I have tried everything to NOT hate her, but she just erks me to my core. I hate My MOM! My grandmother on the other hand understands me. The fact that Grandparents and Grandchildren get along, is because they are united by a common enemy,Moms and Dads.
One time when got so sick of her shit, i asked her best friend to talk to her. She's quiet, but her Bitchiness increased a Thousand fold.
Now, I hate everything about her..
Below is an affirmation that you can give such women to read. By their reaction to this text you will know how close or far away they are from recovering from their (miserable) condition. This text will also give you an insight into such women's inner world, and may even shed some light on some of your inner demons. Enjoy!
Affirmation to Overcome Resentment
[If you harbor resentment that you cannot seem to overcome and release, print out this text and read it out loud in front of a mirror with much emotional expression.]
I am such an important "turkey" that I cannot allow anyone to be and act according to their nature, which I happen to dislike. I am such an important "turkey" that if someone says something or does something wrong, I will punish them dearly with all of my resentment. Oh, they will see how important it is, my resentment, and they will be viciously punished for their "transgression!" Because I am a very, very important "turkey."
I do not value my life. I do not value my life to such an extent that I don't care if I waste my valuable time on resentment. I will give up a minute of joy, a minute of happiness, a minute of playfulness, and instead will devote such time to my resentment. And I don't care that these frequent minutes of resentment will add up to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. I do not regret spending years of my life in resentment because I do not value my life.
I have no self-awareness. I lack self-awareness to such an extent that I will never notice my frowned eyebrows, pouted lips, my somber facial expression. I will never see how grotesque I look in this condition and will never laugh at it or laugh at my absurdity. Never. Because I lack any self-awareness and cannot view myself objectively.
Just like the rest of you I legitamentally hate my mother...My parents divorced when i was four. I loved my mom when I was younger until I could really understands things, no one could move me from her she was my favorite person.
since about 6th grade i knew shed been sleeping with a married man. I would look through her found read txt and see pictures, I knew she was being "the other women" in an affair.
We used to fight so bad about it she would try to cover it up and some how she was so manipulating that i would believe whatever she said but now 17 years old i hacked into her email found everything i mean EVERYTHING emails between them from years ago mind you i saw there sex tape and she lied about that too she told me it was over but it wasnt she loves him and shes a puppy for him she would do anything for him but he wont he has 4 kids and a wife. SHE DIGUSTS ME. I hate her every day for it...
Shes always running around doing pointless erins for hours and now i know where she goes i cant stand her. She complains shes such a good mom and does everyhting for me and my sister yet how could i ever look up to her shes no role model shes a slut.
She buys my love and she should because im so fucking close to telling my family and i have before but yet again she covers things up so easily everyone loves her too because she does everything for her parents to make sure they have no reason to hate her yet no one sees the double life she lives and how her and that man WHOM are families are and have been close with since i was born. Shes been lying to me for years and i cant handle it i cry and cry and cry. who was a mistress as a mother. i have no respect for her.
she thinks shes so fucking hot and doesnt let you forget it she makes me and my sister feel like shit soemtimes because she boast about her perfect body but i see nothing but the truth on her and it just makes her ugly. but no one ever understand why im mean if i say it shed kill me and im so young no one believes me even with the proof i have!
besides that she yells at me for never being home. My older sister never had friends and was a bit of an outkast i have lots of friends good friends to we dont do bad things but i dont want to me home ever so i leave to hang with them and she hates that i have friends if im home me and my mom are either fighting or i sit and lock myself in a room i cant handle her she makes me want to kill myself i used to cut because of her. SHES THE FAKEST BITCH I HAVE EVER MET. She pretends and pretends to be perfect so no one will see her cover. I FUCKING SEE IT EVERYDAY. Idk if i should hate her..but i cant help it i feel tension everywhere thinking about her it drives me insane to think about. i just want nothing to do with her.
Apology my english but I have to tell you this.
My Mother left my father afeter 21 years.
She got a new boyfriend and told us everting going to be good. But after Six year of separate she decided to divorce from my father because he got retierd she wont every money she could get.
But after so many years paing the bills for our home. He didn't get that much money to pay my mother of what she got from the law in switzerland for doing nothing. So we had to make a deal to keep our house that he pays her every month 1000 swiss francs. But you must also make the calculation from the year 1994 to 2002 they earnd both nearly 1000000 dollar a year. But at the year 2002 of the separetion he got a bill from the goverment over 12000 swiss frances what is not normal and he has to pay every month 2000 swiss francs for the house. So some body tell me wenn you earn 1000000 swiss francs thogether how you can have that enormous debt they had. Only If the woman steals your money and you don't get it. And my father was a guy like this, he is to doubtful and trusted her all the time. That was his problem but you can't do anything the law his to hard and the women always get right.
So this is how i hate my mother and I hope you got my position and I never speak to my mother since 2003 and also skip the funeral of my grandmother this year to not see my mom.
It started when I caught her once fucking another men while my dad was out and I was in 7th grade. I was told to keep my mouth shut. I did keep my mouth shut but in 2 years I was thrown out of house. She manipulated my father and told my dad that I was spying on her. Life was very difficult after that for 10 years until I finished my college.
I stopped talking to her now and don't see her for years. 15 years I did not tell anyone because people don't believe that a real mother can be such a BITCH. But I am relieved to know that there are other people out there too. I stopped blaming myself for her failures and her miserable life.
I realized though, I've never had it as bad as my siblings. I'm here to tell THEIR story. Long ago, before I was born, my five older siblings had always been left home alone with my mother because my dad (bless his heart) had always been gone to work as a police officer. My mother would lock my brother and sisters outside once Dad left, all the way until the hour before he came home. Even in the winter time, she would do this. My brother had to sit on top of her old car to keep warmth. My next door neighbors would invite them in for food and to sit by the fire.
When my mother decided to keep them in the house, she would padlock the panty door and put unparishable food in her closet and lock her bedroom door. One day my brother was so hungery he ate a frozen hot dog. My mother saw him, smacked the rest of the hot dog out of his hand, and stuck her finger down his throat to force him puke it back up. They wouldn't eat dinner until 8:00 pm. They didn't even get lunch. After my brother pulled that stunt, the fridge would get chained up.
Now, keep in mind, my father NEVER knew this was happening. My mother told my siblings that they better not tell him, because he would beat the shit out of all of them. My father is a tower of a man, frightening, but has a heart of gold.
When I was a child, she left me with a babysitter that she knew was physically abusing me. She was a narcissist whose desires and needs trumped mine and my father's repeatedly. She was such a nag that my father died of a heart attack at 59- she literally nagged him to death.
I'm now a highly educated academic and this has only made things worse because it's now incredibly clear to me that she is stupid. Being the narcissist that she is, she continually attempts to demonstrate how much smarter she is than me by putting me down the way she did when I was a child, but now she only looks foolish.
It is quite cathartic to have the chance to admit how I feel because its not the most comfortable thing to talk about in polite company. But the fact of the matter is, I simply cannot stand my mother. I dread being around her and she puts me in a terrible mood every time I talk to her.
If I can only get her to stop calling me 5 times a day it would be great.
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She says what she means, without worrying about peoples' feelings[/Quote]
My mom is a fcking racist(my personal opinion) *a Bitch* that always critizes people with name callings on our employees that she really hates, she is always jealous of employers that are hired by my father, that always resigns or gets fired because of her attitude, she ussually jealous if a girl gets hired she call them names like frog face, cow face, shit face on the first day, even tho they dont look like that and actually presentable, and when we hired boys, she ussualy just says their kleptomaniacs and robbers and stealers just because of their race,and she always tell me not to get involved with a girl or married to a girl which has a dif skin color toned than mine or dif race than mine, she likes to mention (every now and then she tries to convince me) or dictate that i need to marry the same bitch racist race as herself (i ussually ignore dis-regard when she does that, wipe it off my ears and forget about what she's saying), i am fkin 26 yr old and im fkin old enough, and this is enough comin from my fkin bitchy mom that think she's the queen. and thing that fkin triggers my hate is when she's infront of them she fkin pretends she aint a racist, but when u turn your back, she fkin flushes out all of her racist comments behind your back after talkin to someone else. she critizes alsmost all of the things that she fkin assumes without even giving tought to them. she fkin distrust even our own family members. what else do you guys think for none relative members? in short i think she's an *EVIL Bitch*
Anyone have a mom like this?
She's been trying harder to be close to me since then, because we were not close at all in high school. I wanted nothing to do with her. I wouldn't tell her anything about my life because if I was ever having a problem with a friend or something, she would just tell me it was all my fault. So I learned never to do that. But the thing is, even though she says she wants to be friends and have a good relationship and whatnot, it doesn't seem like she gets that friends don't treat each other the way she treats me. She's manipulative, always going on about how she hates the way I cut my hair or the way I dress because she thinks that'll make me change it. And if I say I'm not going to, she gets passive aggressive and just stomps around and mutters to herself about what a bad kid I am. Or she'll hide in her room and refuse to talk to anyone. Friends don't act like that. Not to mention, she thinks I just don't want to be friends because I'm trying to hurt her. No. My childhood was hell and it was her fault. She yelled at me pretty much every day, and if I told her I didn't deserve to be treated how she was treating me, she'd hit. She told me I wasn't the daughter that she wanted, because I guess she thought I was going to be a clone of her or something. She won't take any responsibility for the fact that she made me miserable for 18 years. She just expects me to forget all about it and be best friends. It's not going to happen. And maybe I could forget about it if I thought she was being genuinely nice, but she's not. She's being manipulative as ever. I did great this school year, despite her telling me repeatedly that I would never survive college, that I would flunk out within the first semester. And it's not enough for her. Nothing is ever enough for her. And I don't want to have anything to do with her.
I remember at 10-13, she was mean, bitter, would call me names like "heifer". She would call my hair nappy and said I should have my brother's nice hair because I'm the girl. She would ask why I didn't have a bra on in the house...I had no boobs at that time really, yet she'd get so pissed. She never discussed periods with me, never talked about how boys/men could take advantage of me which they did.
She was always yelling, making my dad leave because she is so annoying.
She always calls me evil and selfish...like if we're all going out to dinner and have to wait 5 minutes to be seated, she'll ask "you want to look at make up at this store across the street?" I say no because they may have a table ready, then I'm so evil! If I buy a can of Pepsi, she thinks it's evil because I didn't buy a 2 litre for her to have. She screams when I'm in the kitchen to clean up my mess even when I haven't made one. I'll do the dishes yet she'll credit my brother for doing it and thinks I'm lying.
I live with her and everyday is uncomfortable. I don't want to be around her. She's very loud, blames me for everything. We sh, she stares at me. She's rude, doesn't listen is passive aggressive especially when my dad isn't home. We share a car yet I can't drive it when I want to, she complains about gas even when I fill it up, parking spaces. I'm the listed driver, pay insurance. She doesn't even have a license because she doesn't know how to pay her bills/taxes.
Everything is all about her crazy ass. I hate how she watches hair/make up videos on youtube all day. I hate how she spends all day doing her hair just to wash it again and again. I hate how she spends all her money on hair products, make up, skin care then let's it all pile up in her room. I can't use any of it even though she doesn't use most of the stuff. She never has money for anything else and blames my dad for it.
I want to move out so bad! I lost my job a couple of months ago and I don't have any friends. BF wants to make more money. I wish I could move out and never see her again. I'll see my dad though, even though he has his issues too.
When I found out she had cancer 12 years ago I did not get sad at all. I hate her so much I wish it would come back and kill her.
I had absolutely no concept that she was abusive and full of hatred before this, I only knew that I was so repulsed by her that I felt it in the physical. I actually thought it was my problem. The dysfunction of our relationship was so pervasive and longstanding that I assumed our relationship was normal (and I wasn't).
There is one other situation that may be relevant, one that a friend of mine went through. Her ex-husband "poisoned" her daughter against her in a classic case of "divorce poison." The father was an alcoholic and consumed with hatred toward the mother. He was emotionally abusive to her in the relationship and after the divorce he continued to abuse her through their child. The stress of the situation brought out the worst in my friend, which only "justified" the conclusion that the father and child shared: that my friend was an evil person and a bad mother.
Is there someone who also hates your mother, who wants to hurt her and has planted the seeds of hatred (probably when you were too young to remember) and fueling the fire of your repulsion? You say that others think she is an OK person, but it's an angle worth looking at.
In any case, it sounds like there are some very deep problems that you should try to work out for your own mental health. I tried to discuss with my mother the problems in our family but she is deaf to me (as she has always been), so I don't see her any more.
I hope you get this resolved.
I am 58 years old and I can't believe that I am still dealing with these issues in regard to my mother... but they only seem to get worse as years go by. To be honest with you, I have only come to see the light of the true nature of my mother in the last four years. I think prior to then, that I didn't believe a mother could be capable of such hate... and that therefore perhaps I was partly to blame for our poor relationship. However, in these last four years, I have come to understand and realize so many aspects about my mother and now I understand her so much better and can see her for what she truly is. She is a heartless, selfish, vindictive, trouble-making monster.
My story begins at an age that I was probably too young to remember. I have been told that as a new-born, I was sent to stay with her older sister for six weeks but I have never been told "why." Yes, I've asked but have never received a solid answer. They have said... "well you had asthma when you were a newborn." But they never really said that is why I was sent there. I think it stands to reason that there was probably some bonding issues between the two of us from the get-go. Then my next major memory is of about the time I was five or six... I remember the stand-offs between us. I remember once that she swatted me with a clothes hanger for being sassy to her... (I was five or six). Then I remember an incident that I think may have scarred me for life. I was in the first grade at the time, it was the middle of winter and the middle of a "big" snow storm. A lady who lived down the street from us was our carpool lady. She had only her granddaughter to transport so my parents had an arrangement with her that she drove me and my siblings to and from school. My sister was three years older than me, my brother was 18 months older than me. I was the youngest in the carpool (1st grader). That particular day, at the end of the school day, I could not get my snow boots on... my teacher tried helping but she had no luck either so I guess she shooed me out the door to catch my ride. By the time I got out of the building, it was to see my ride driving through the snow covered parking lot, away from me. I yelled and yelled and yelled but they never looked back. Now back in those days... 1959 or 1960, we didn't have busing at our school, kids walked or had a ride and we lived about 2 to 3 miles from school. I began walking (limping along) with one boot on and the other half on. I was crying. I reached a familiar looking street that I knew one of my classmates lived on and I went to her house. Her mother tried helping put my boot on but was unable to and sent me on my way. Well I made it home but I was freezing and nearly frostbitten. I remember my mother putting me to bed right away with lots of blankets but I don't remember her crying with gladness to see me or any panic of having sent anyone out looking for me, etc. Ok, so I survived that but I've always wondered about her lack of concern. I remember a day that my oldest got off the bus at the wrong stop!!! My sister and I wasted no time driving all over (and finding him quickly) and having notified the police immediately, I felt like I was going to die until I found him (within 30 minutes).
So the years went on... I can remember not having appropriate shoes, shoes with holes in the bottoms and "me," NOT HER, putting cardboard in the soles, I remember bra straps being busted and pinning them with safety pins, clothes being too small, etc. I never thought anything about these things because I thought it all normal I guess. During these years, my grade school years and on into high school years, she never expressed any interest or concern about our schooling. I guess we had our school supplies each year but she never asked questions about homework assignments, tests, etc. I never remember any encouragement or boasting to us of our accomplishments. I just thought all this was normal... why wouldn't I?
Now I am going to switch to my sister's life to help explain this woman a little better... I should "and do" consider myself lucky. One day when my sister was 15 or 16, she told my mom that she had ingested an entire bottle of aspirin and that she wasn't feeling so good. It must have been in the late afternoon because my dad was preparing to leave for work, my mom was making his lunch. With that nasty look of hers, my mom told my sister to go sit out on the back porch until my dad left for work and that she better not say a word until he was gone! So after my left, my mom asked the neighbor to drive them to the ER where she had her stomach pumped. Now, this is not the worse that had happened to my sister. Apparently my dad had caught my sister and her boyfriend in a compromising position and he was quite pissed off about it, it started a big rukkus, etc. Well that is when my sister and her boyfriend told my mother about the sexual abuse that my mom's step-dad had been committing on my sister for most of her life. My sister claims that from her earliest memories, she thinks around three years old that the old man came to her bed at night and had actual intercourse with her... from that young age through the age of 15 or 16. Now I ask you... as mothers, who of us would not have suspected something in over 10 years of this abuse going on? You might wonder if it was made up, but I can only say that I don't believe so. Knowing my mom and how she handles situations, etc... I see it all happening as my sister stated. And my sister said that it was almost nightly. Now what I believe is a true possibility is that my mom threw her under the bus, meaning that the old guy was either going to take my mom or let her offer up her daughter and I believe she offered her daughter. Years later, we were told a story by one of my mom's only friends that she personally had taken my mom for an abortion, a pregnancy by this step-father of her and not my father.
My mother was always the type that would do anything this man said because he controlled the purse strings... I think he bought our groceries, paid the bills... I don't know, I just know that he owned my mother for some reason. We have always been told that she could never tell my dad "no" about blowing money on things and that they were always in need. Today, I still see this flaw in her... that people who can help her financially can do anything at all without her thinking badly of them... it's all about the all-mighty dollar.
Well my dad was "NEVER" told about the sexual abuse... my mother kept it from him and forbade my sister to tell him. She said that if my dad knew that he would kill this man and spend his life in prison. So she continued for a number of years to let this man continue coming around.... however, the abuse did stop at that time, at least on my sister it did.
Now...
Through these younger years... being the "third" child and by this time I had a younger brother by six years. Being the third child, I think that I just blended into the wallpaper, tried my best to stay quiet and go unnoticed to a degree... Or maybe I tried to get some attention from her, I really don't remember. All I can really remember is that my sister was a major league bully to me, beating me up anytime she got me alone, saying nasty things to me, etc. She never got into trouble for it, nothing was ever said to her. She and my younger brother got all the positive attention from my mom, my older brother and I got all the hell and damnation from her. My sister could get away with anything and she did, all the time. Well considering the big secret she and my mom kept, it is understandable and over the years, I have given my sister the benefit of the doubt because of it. I've tried having a good relationship with my sister over the years although it rarely lasts for long. We are up and down like a roller coaster.
Once when I was in my mid-twenties... one day my mom and I were talking and she screamed at me "Why couldn't YOU have been the fat one!" Another time years later, actually only a few years ago... my mom commented to me that "I was always the one who knew how to style my hair, wear my clothes, apply my makeup, etc..." Why would she say that to me if not in comparison to my sister... and yes, she did add "unlike my sister." My sister has always been a large girl to an obese woman... I've always been thin. I have tried telling my mom that I've been thin by choice, because I don't allow myself to get over a certain weight or size. This is a choice we make but I never considered that my mom would hate me for it.
Well... my sister has always been "everything" in my mom's eyes and I've been the awful one. I have not even begun to scratch the surface of the things my mom has done to me over the years. But I have always forgiven her and kept trying to have a civilized, if not loving relationship with her, over and over and over and over again. I have only in the last year or so realized that it will never happen, the woman hates and despises me.
What she has been doing the last two or three years is this... As I've said, I am 58 years old now. I'm on disability and have a very low income... and I live with her. Let me be more honest than that... I was living with her and my sister in my sister's home with my sister's live-in partner. Four years ago, right after I moved in with them, I saw that it wasn't going to work and I left. I went to my mom's place of business and started sleeping there (a family fun business). I'd been here for about two months when my mom decided that she also wanted to stay here rather than live at my sister's... so she and I stay here, it's not even really a home of any type, just two old ladies living in this shop. My mom cannot stand to have go to my sister's to stay when I go to visit my daughter for a month at a time... but she still will not (would never) "admit" that it is better with me here in these conditions.
For the last three years, this is what my mom has been doing... There have been numerous times that she behind my back will tell my sister and younger brother that I am jealous of them and trying to stir up trouble between the two of them. (I failed to mention that they have barely spoken to each other in a number of years). My mother just wants the two of them to make up to make her life happy once again so she uses me to push them together, etc. And guess what, they know exactly what she's doing but they will not confront her with it... they have been up her butt for so many years that they just say "well she's the only mother we have..." My mom has caused us many periods of time and separation because of the lies she tells them.
Three weeks ago, my brother and his wife were fighting (as usual) and my mom told my brother that she's sure that I am the one behind it, that I've been saying things to his wife. I haven't spoken to my brother in three weeks. I did try to discuss this with him but none of them are EVER able to discuss anything like honest adults. He would not talk to me about it. His wife is furious over this as she knows that I did no such thing as repeat anything to her that would have made her angry with him. She told him that as a matter of fact that she usually gets angry at me because I will give her advice from my own personal experience and advise her not to leave him. All I have done is to let his wife vent to me in hopes that it will relieve some of her tension with him and it usually does work. But now my mom and my brother don't want me speaking to her anymore. Sick sick people they are! I guess three weeks is about long enough for him to go with this because he did try speaking to me today about the weather. I did not respond to him because I am not the type to sweep issues under a rug and forget they happened, not big issues like this. I need an acknowledgement at least from him, admitting that he realizes I would not do this.
I have gossip that they've all slung back and forth, gossip that I've never repeated because it is hurtful and I don't believe in purposefully and needlessly hurting your loved ones feelings.
As I've said... there are so many more things that she has done to me over the years and recently... it doesn't end. She's mean, spiteful, she lies, she's manipulative, she is just an awful awful person!
I would leave if I could but financially I am not able to do so. I am just sitting here all alone with none of them speaking to me while they all (the three of them)sit and visit daily.
While I don't want to say I am so glad to have found this site, I am at least relieved to see that I am not alone. It is very sad that women have children when they so obviously don't know what to do with them.
Thanks for listening!
Ever since I was a kid, she was abusive. But back then, I didn't know how to defend myself. The only thing I could do is let her hit me..and cry. Then I reached my teen years. That's when I realized how much I hated this bitch. There's one memory from when I was 14 that really stood out and has haunted me for the last couple years. I was 14, on summer vacation. She woke me up by kicking me at 6am to tell me to watch my brother. I said yes. When she left to work I couldn't help but go back to sleep. My cell phone was on silent. She had left me 10 missed calls. I woke up at 10 to her pulling me up by the hair and beating me with a wooden spoon. I was crying, it hurt so much. She called me every bad thing she could and told me she was letting me off easy because she was ready to kill me. She left many bruises on my shoulders and from then on I have never loved her.
She is the worst mother ever. She disguises herself as a sweet mom around others and a cruel bitch to me. She was also very strict, I never really got a good childhood while living with her. And my little brother would get beaten everyday for misbehaving. I think of her as a horrible parent. Not once in my life have a woken up to a "good morning" or has she picked me up from school and asked "how was school" she never told me she loved me. If she wasn't ignoring me, she was beating me. My whole life I wanted a mother who I could talk about my feelings to. That was crucial in my teen years because I had many problems. I was struggling with good grades, a good social life but a horrible mom. Everyone at school wanted to be me...I always seemed happy, but that was a total lie because I was living in hell from home. I want to move far far away. I want to live in a different country so I can raise my kids without them having a witch of a grandmother. I could write a whole novel on how she has mistreated me. But I'm honestly so glad I found this site.
Stay StrongEveryone
Whenever I try to say something to her she completely ignores it and tries her best to change the subject. I sometimes have to drag her into these conversations just to hear a response from her.
My mother runs away at the first sign of trouble. I, too, have the same tendency only because I've seen her do so much that it is now ingrained into my mind.
I understand to a certain degree that my mother has changed over the years. She's trying to do her best but sometimes her best isn't good enough.
I've been angry at my family for years and I've kept it inside till recently. I've been throwing tantrums at my mother because I wanted to know why did certain things happen within the family. But all she does is tell me to speak to a therapist when I'm trying to talk to my own flesh and blood.
I just don't know. I never had a real relationship with my mother nor my father. They often said that they bought this for me and that for me but they never went up and talked to me.
So, I don't know if I hate them, or, dislike them. My story isn't as dark as some of the others. But it isn't grey either.
Kids, i really sympathize with you for everything you beared in your lifes..I hope your moms would change (at least a bit) in a positive way..As, whichever you may turn, moms matter a lot in our lives..thats why i understand yours being hurt so much..
I wish you only the best..Let God bless you and your families..
Good luck..
Just try..It would show a lot..Good or bad I wont promise..But it would show..
See ya..
When I was a teenager, I was extremely suicidal and never knew why. My therapist wanted to talk to my mother and she refused. Now as adult, I have found out that she was seriously abused as a child.I feel guilty and sometimes believe that I should feel sorry for her and take care of her in her old age. Now, as I read your posts, I'm not so sure...time to break free, eh?
( i am now 18)
it all started when i was 13 i dated a guy i was completely mad over him we started having sex sometimes we used a condom but other times we didn't he would tell me he didn't cum so i believed him i fell pregnant.. my mom was completely disgusted in me which i dont blame her.. but she would tell me to have a really hot bath and go play on the trampoline.. she demanded that i had to have an abortion but 2 days before i had to go to the place i was having a miscarriage which now i realized why i was having one. but either way my baby was going to be killed :/ but after that we got on ok she used to go on my facebook check everything i did. i got talking to one guy she told me i could? date him but i was never again to have a bf so i stayed with him 1year but i didnt like him :/ my mom kept telling me to stay with him cause SHE liked him :/
since that she did allowed me to start dating guys haha. she knows when im due on my period so if i was late? she would either get a preg test or keep asking me which annoyed me! she still does it no and i am 18. she inconstantly keeps putting me down keeps saying im fat, il never find anyone nice looking cause of how i look. have currently gained a bit of weight but im happy atm.
i dont no if im being to harsh but i cant help but feel so much anger!
I have been brutally forced, at the age of 32 to have to move BACK in this treacherous HELLHOLE with this shit AND 3 kids, one of them Diabetic, one is a middle child and only boy and an innocent 1 year old.(middle boy gets constantly abused by my "Brother") and slapped in the mouth today by that Bitch b/c Step Daddy was upset with an electric bill... guess what I paid the SAME GOD AWFUL amount in a 1 bedroom apt. with 2 babies...fuck you, at least I didn't jerk off on them when they were sleeping, or beat them with brooms...or throw combs at their knees while they were trying to eat dinner and make them bleed.
I looove her half-assed apologies if I even get that later on. I HATE that her criticisims bother and hurt me sooo much and I'm so old and STILL can't tell that Bitch and her pedophile "Husband" (whom even SHE can't stand) off. The dreams I have are sometimes debilitaing..it varies between me not being able to physically defend myself against her (no matter the age), living in my 1 bedroom, the best time of my ENTIRE life although I was too poor to feed myself and Jesse Pinkman only b/c I'm marathoning "Breaking Bad" atm.
I have to get up in, like, 3 hours to go stand in a line with this stupid, toxic Bitch with my 3 babies and beg for food so, peace out and pray for me to get my own place and keep it even if it seems like there is no GOD right now.
When I told the coroner that my brother did not want to do anything about this, he had a fit. How should my brother feel about a women who allowed him to be sexually molested and stole a lot of money from him? A nice man from my mother's church took up a collection and we got her buried. The man my mother left everything to was not willing to give a penny. I will say that no one person did as much evil to me or brought as much evil into my life as my mother. She had a choice in this. Doing this evil wasn't something she had to do.
We can't live together in peace, we're always discussing and saying horrible things to each other. I lived six months out of my parents house and it was the happiest time of my life.
I live with my parents and my two sisters, but everybody hate each other in my house. I hate my father too, we almost don't talk. My mother says I'm abnormal because I don't believe her religion and I don't wanna go to church. She doesn't have friends or a social life, she doesn't work or go out. She calls me whore because I'm not virgin anymore. When my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, she said to him that he deserved something better [She didn't know the reasons we broke up, he was a fucking lier].
Well, soon I'll leave this town, I intend so. After graduating from university, find a job in other place far from here. My family wishes this too.
I'm never having children, or getting a marriage, I'm afraid to be a bad mother and don't understand a son. I can't trust men anymore. My Dad is a lier, my ex-boyfriend is a big lier.
Freedom out of here and getting a job are the only thing that matters now.
I also hate my mother so much I'm in my30..
I have a mother like this too. She's a crazy bitch, who apparently can do no wrong. She's manipulative, vain, selfish, a hypocrite, a liar, she's ALWAYS right, I'm wrong, I can NEVER say anything. She never knew how to treat and respect me as a person, and as her daughter. It's very frustrating to be told, and to be treated as if you don't matter. I only realized until later on that she is someone who suffers from NPD. Doesn't change the fact that she wronged you. She had emotionally beat me down so much so that I got depressed. Hang in there, when you leave, you will feel so much better.
I needed to vent...
When you realise this is anger, not hate, you will feel less guilty and be able to start sorting out your issues and feelings.
I hope this helps someone.
To share my story (although it's not nearly as bad as most people's here), my mother is a two faced, self-righteous, pity seeking bitch. What kills me though is that she actually loves me. She loves me, and she cares for me. Occasionally she breaks down and apologizes for her being a terrible mother but at this point I've learned not to trust it because she'll switch to an angry bitter old woman in a flash.
She had a hard, terrible life, and that I understand.
But she needs to realize that because of that, she is not being a good mother or a good person. Or at least fucking own up to it. Whenever she speaks to me, she says everything back and repeats it as though what I had said was wrong, tells me and blames me for her not loving my father and their arguments, pushes my buttons during arguments to hurt me in the most effective way possible by saying "That's why he broke up with you" "I understand why she doesn't like you" "I understand why they said those things" that I was only forced into telling her in the first place even though I knew she would later use it against me, I *OWED HER*. She calls me a freak, a loser, someone with no friends, and repeatedly brings up past incidents that happened when I was 5 and brings up how various children didn't like me.
She yells at me consistently for being very lazy even though I'm trying my best in an accelerated program with a mother like her. While all she does is sit on her computer all day, rarely going out to see "friends" (who I've found out to be her counselour, and I suspect some are dates she's finding to cheat on my dad) (and of course she has no friends because they all find out soon enough how big of a judgmental bitch she is). All she ever does is complain about how jealous other women are of her and points out everyone else's flaws.
Fuck.
I used to love my mom, more than anything actually. I looked up to her, and I really really loved her. But, as I grew up, I came to realize that her expectations for me were too high. She always compared me to everyone, and when I didn't score high enough on a test, or got the lead in a play or something, she'd always tell me how much of a disappointment I was. She would tell me these things when I was young, but I didn't take it as hard then as I do now because all I wanted to do was please her. At some point I realized that I needed to be me, and not do what she wanted me to do. Verbal abuse isn't the only punishment I received; my mom also punches, pulls my hair, and when I was younger, she used to beat me with a belt. I'm 18 years old now and the reason I'm writing this is because it was never as bad as it's been the last couple of months, or maybe even the last year. I feel like whenever she feels that I'm gaining too much freedom, she reminds me that I'm always going to be under her control. Most of our problems stem from the fact that I don't take shit from her anymore. Whenever she bitches about something, I usually talk back to her. I know it's bad, and it upsets my dad (the only sane one in the house), but holding my tongue infuriates me even more. I hate how she loves blaming everyone else for her mistakes. She's a stay at home mom, and I'm a senior at a performing arts school ( which if you know anything about being at an art school, is very demanding), and have a part time job. Yet, she still manages to say that I'm useless and that I won't amount to anything. Whenever I'm out with my friends, she won't stop calling me, or texting me or yelling at me to come home. Oh, the yelling. Yelling is like normal volume for her when she's trying to tell me something. And what I hate even more is that she's so snobby, thinks she's better than anyone else, she's a know-it-all and she's starting to treat my 9 year old brother just how she treats me. I'm sick and tired of her. A day that I go without talking to her is a blessing. What I hate even more is that I'm choosing to stay at home for another two years. I'm really growing to hate her. I feel horrible for it, because I know my dad sees it too. But I just detest her. Oh, did I mention she gave my cats away without even telling me? She's the devil in disguise! This is only about a fourth of why I hate her so much. I'd be writing a book if I were to explain everything in detail.
I got a divorce while I was pregnant and my mother beat me while I was pregnant to the point I had to be hospitalized. She told me I was an embarassment to her because no one else in the family had ever been divorced.
On holidays when I was a child, there were gifts for the children of her friends, but not many for me. As a single mother, I worked a full time job as well as multiple part time ones and even bought my mother's groceries since she had no money to buy them herself. She told me a few weeks before she got sick and died of cancer, that I was a complete and total failure and even when dying, she never apologized to me.
The worst thing she did though was to tell my young daughter that I was mean and crazy and had been no good since I was born. There are just no words for me to explain how much I hated her and I sat with her while she was on her deathbed and was there when she passed. My feeling today is that she was very mentally ill most of her life, if not all of it. I hated everything she stood for. One night when I was a teen, I was out with friends for the evening but I got a sore throat so came home early. My parents were having sex and they beat me for coming home early.
I feel so angry that I got stuck with a mother like her. She made my life hell and full of chaos.
Hello to everyone. It saddens me to read all of your stories and how many of you have had to deal with such terrible circumstances. I sincerely hope things will improve and that happier times are ahead sooner rather than later.
I think I am quite different than most posters here in that my mother is not a terrible person at all. I would not say she is a great mother even though she raised me single-handedly in spite of having been through plenty of emotional hardship in her life. Yet despite this, I harbour a burning resentment towards her. So much so that I sought out this forum lol. What I would like to know is if my sentiments are normal or not?
I will commence with the positives. My mother has literally sacrificed her life for me. I had a top-class education and she ensured she had the financial means to provide me with luxuries such as buying the occasional nice thing and trips abroad. She cares about me very much and the feeling is mutual.
She is extremely unflinching in her beliefs, which are very conservative to say the least. Whenever I did something she did not approve of, she makes it well known and either constantly harasses me about it or completely blows up even if I do the slightest thing to upset her. This has gone on since I was a child and as a result, I am extremely secretive around her and cannot be myself at all. I have to be a different person whenever I am with her. She thinks I am constantly attacking her even when I had no intention to do so which makes it very difficult.
She is not well. She underwent major cardiac surgery and is very physically weak as a consequence. She could go any time as a result of a heart attack or stroke. I try my best to avoid conflict (admittedly I give in sometimes), yet whenever she wants to "win", she always plays the "you're responsible for my imminent death" card. She blames me for making her sick and that I am the one who is killing her. This type of emotional blackmail infuriates me, especially when she brings this up over very small issues (for example, she thinks I did not bring out the tray after dinner just to spite her but I had just simply forgotten, and as a result, plays the death card, just like that). This happens almost every time we have a disagreement and to hear it so often just makes me seethe with rage instead of feel sorry for her. Whenever I talk to her, I feel like I am treading on glass because I know that something I say will anger her and she'll blame me for "killing" her again. For even the smallest misdemeanour (even when I believe I have not done ANYTHING wrong), she unleashes an arsenal of all the things she could possibly say to hurt me the most. We are polar opposites of each other in terms of personality which makes the attacks occur very frequently.
I have said some horrible things to her and done bad things to her too. Recently she said she wouldn't let me kill her because she still has things to live for, and to that I responded, "like what? All you do is make yourself miserable anyway." But I honestly do not think my behaviour is enough to justify the things she says to me. I may make mistakes and sometimes I may be a bit rude to her, but generally I do what she says, try to be nice to her, spend time with her, try to make her happy. I am far from constantly rebelling but she seems to think I am just because I'm not exactly how she wants me to be. Most of the time I understand why she is like that and where she is coming from but not so much why she makes things out to be 1000x more severe than they actually are.
I don't have any siblings and my parents divorce when i was 2 so it really is just me and her, a situation that I find incredibly suffocating and claustrophobic. I basically don't have anyone on my side because her word is always final. When I was 16, I went through a deep depression. I had no one to talk to about my depression so I brought it up with her. She told me that I was a spoiled brat and that I should be lucky I even had the luxury to be depressed. After that I overdosed and had to be brought to the hospital because she found my lying unconscious on the floor, I had fallen before I could die unnoticed in my own bed. Things are better now but it has left a deep cut that taints my view of her to this day.
Currently the biggest problem between us is my boyfriend. He is of Indian descent, which she hates, because to her Indian people are scum. I have just started working and as such, I cannot afford my own place. I would get one if I could. But since I still live with her, she says I am subject to her rules. Fair enough, but her reasons for disallowing me to see him are more than unreasonable. We agreed that I can see him once a week for five hours (I am 24 btw!!), a condition which I stick to. Yet we STILL fight about it. She keeps going against her word and says I have to come back earlier even though it's less than the 5 allotted hours. If he was not Indian, she'd ask me to marry him; he has a great job, is extremely kind, and very smart. Whenever I bring him up, she just barrages me with hurtful insults. I have fought her back a lot about this since I don't think someone's race should be a factor in whether or not I associate with them. It just infuriates me because she doesn't HAVE to be upset about it but this, like everything else, she insists on making a big issue. She thinks the boyfriend is the cause of the problem but it is really just her and her unnecessary reactions to it. She tries to control me as much as possible in many other aspects.
I resent her greatly and oftentimes have a scorching hatred towards her because of the reasons I've just listed and more, which I would enumerate if my post was not so long already! I also resent her because she never seemed to care about my emotional development; all she cared about was if I went to good schools, got good grades, so that I can get a good job and marry a rich man from a good family. Although I'm a lot better now and keep trying to improve, I'm still pretty emotionally immature and unstable.
I know my experience is not nearly as bad as most of yours. I will be very grateful to anyone who has the patience to read this and who might be able to tell me if I am the problem or if it is okay for me to feel so much hate for her. I've sometimes had violent thoughts about her but I do still love her, I just don't know if her actions justify how I feel and if I'm really the one at fault. Thank you very much in advance.
It gets better when you don't live in the same house and can go visit for just short periods at a time. Too much contact with anyone can make you not like them.