Are You Normal?
Curious how others might perceive your situation? Submit your story today and find out what others think...
I'm not a hater anymore, just disinterested
I have had a few hard years. When I was younger I hated everyone, saw only sh*t, and spewed forth filth at everyone. Then I realized if I hated everything so much I should just not focus on it, and so I started training myself to focus on things I did like. I was happy for years, though most people said I was very quiet and reserved I never noticed and the time flew by. Then I started tweaking and it was the great(not the problem).
Issue #1- I had a boy friend about two and half years ago whom I did drugs with. He was funny, around my age, did all the right things and it didn't matter to me that he wasn't the greatest looking- he was great to be around. Then he was sent back to jail on a probation violation. I pretty much abandoned him, I have little idea why. I still miss him, always will.
Issue #2- while guy #1 was in jail I hooked up with guy #2, also into drugs. This guy was a complete mindf**k. I was cracked out of my head and upset about my friend being sent to jail and I get this 23 year old ex-part-marine(he never finished boot camp but had the tattoo). I ask him come stay the weekend in my town, he stays a week, I ask him to be my boyfriend(I don't remember clearly doing this), and then he moves into my parents house with me. I was 16 at the time. He was an a**hole. He immediately talked about marriage and bluntly told me no when I asked him to leave. It didn’t feel right to me, so I stayed high and tried to be nice. He humiliated me in front of my friends, corrected my posture and actions, and listened to all my phone conversations. He taught me the meaning of paranoia. I wasn't completely innocent, I was a b**ch to him when provoked, the whole thing didn’t feel right. He would go on about 'proving me wrong'(meaning pointing out my character flaws) and that was about the only time we would have sex. I tried to enjoy it, but being upset and getting f**ked really messed with my head. Also, some of the controlling things he did turned me on, and he always made sure to point out or 'check' for whenever he thought I might be. At times he was sweet, but he was also a loser, the only thing is all of this could be said of me, but only because he stressed me to the point that I snapped. What do you think, is he an a**hole or am I a stupid b**ch?
Issue #3- Now when I am around anyone I have panic and anxiety attacks. I think everyone is messing with me and I am completely insecure. I don't feel like I am the same person. I love sex. I have not had sex with anyone since he left because the few times I have tried I had a panic attack. Other people repulse me. I can't stand to be around any of my friends now, most of them have left me alone at my request because I finally realised that I just don't have fun with them any more and I was tired of being a buzzkill. What happened and what can I do? The things I used to do don't work anymore, it feels as though my thoughts are no longer my own.
Issue #1- I had a boy friend about two and half years ago whom I did drugs with. He was funny, around my age, did all the right things and it didn't matter to me that he wasn't the greatest looking- he was great to be around. Then he was sent back to jail on a probation violation. I pretty much abandoned him, I have little idea why. I still miss him, always will.
Issue #2- while guy #1 was in jail I hooked up with guy #2, also into drugs. This guy was a complete mindf**k. I was cracked out of my head and upset about my friend being sent to jail and I get this 23 year old ex-part-marine(he never finished boot camp but had the tattoo). I ask him come stay the weekend in my town, he stays a week, I ask him to be my boyfriend(I don't remember clearly doing this), and then he moves into my parents house with me. I was 16 at the time. He was an a**hole. He immediately talked about marriage and bluntly told me no when I asked him to leave. It didn’t feel right to me, so I stayed high and tried to be nice. He humiliated me in front of my friends, corrected my posture and actions, and listened to all my phone conversations. He taught me the meaning of paranoia. I wasn't completely innocent, I was a b**ch to him when provoked, the whole thing didn’t feel right. He would go on about 'proving me wrong'(meaning pointing out my character flaws) and that was about the only time we would have sex. I tried to enjoy it, but being upset and getting f**ked really messed with my head. Also, some of the controlling things he did turned me on, and he always made sure to point out or 'check' for whenever he thought I might be. At times he was sweet, but he was also a loser, the only thing is all of this could be said of me, but only because he stressed me to the point that I snapped. What do you think, is he an a**hole or am I a stupid b**ch?
Issue #3- Now when I am around anyone I have panic and anxiety attacks. I think everyone is messing with me and I am completely insecure. I don't feel like I am the same person. I love sex. I have not had sex with anyone since he left because the few times I have tried I had a panic attack. Other people repulse me. I can't stand to be around any of my friends now, most of them have left me alone at my request because I finally realised that I just don't have fun with them any more and I was tired of being a buzzkill. What happened and what can I do? The things I used to do don't work anymore, it feels as though my thoughts are no longer my own.
Do you think it's normal?
Does this story fit one of these flags? If so, click it!
[Best Of] [Funny] [Interesting] [Weird][Lame] [Off Topic] [Innapropriate]
Check out these other IIN stories:
issue #2 - he's an a**hole. end of. a lot of men are control freaks, and they get a buzz out of humiliating others. countless girls get taken in by guys like that.
issue #3 - panic attacks are normal for people who have been victims of bullying and humiliation. especially if u felt like u were being controlled by the ex marine guy. now that u on your own, and have to make your own choices again, it can be scary.
as for your friends, if they are truely your friends they will wait for you to come back. and you will.
Yes you were right to leave him. Like Collins said, Jail can change people alot. You should also stay away from people who do drugs as they can do more damage to you mentally than the drug itself.
Guy #2
Again the drugs issue but there's also an age issue here and the guy just sounds like a complete dickhead. I think the idea of him wanting to control you is a side effect from being in the marines where he had other people controling him. He had you to take this out on. He will probually do this to many girls in his life. He is an asshole, avoid him and men like him at all costs.
Issue #3
I'm not sure how you can deal with these panic attacks and loss of confidence so you may need to talk to a psychiatrist. Hopefully he/she will aid you in this problem without the help of happy pills like what most doctors would give.
Good luck with your life, I think it's good that you've done away with drugs. Be safe, and maybe go to a therapist?