I miss the abuse?

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it is unfortunate for you that you have developed a bizzar fondness for being treated poorly. by your age you should be able to start acting, rather that re-acting to that type of stimulus. your low self esteem won't leave you until your realize that you are worth more and deserve a better relationship.

I can kind of relate I like being controlled because i like the feeling of my man needing me around ive always been submissive. But I will say when he does hit me i dont like it it hurts im used to the yelling and giving him whatever he wants his controlling attitude is what im used to its just when he tries to hurt me i cry because i love him and i only want to make him happy i feel like if hes not controlling though thats apart of him im losing and i love him for who he is i dont want him to change i just dont want him to hurt me

34B- nothing special. I don't think I have low self esteem. I know I'm good looking and guys at school ask me out or for my number all the time. I go to college and he's not possesive- he'll let me go out and stuff. It's only when he gets mad and drinks...his violence is a really big turn on I hate to say it. Idk thanks for the feedback.

I suggest you meet a therapist, this is not normal. If you know its not normal then fix it. Its either continue loving the pain or be killed with the next guy you'll find because who knows what fish you'll catch next time.

low self esteem, you love the attention people give you when they see you bruises, nobody likes pain

It's not about attention-I have olive/tan skin (I'm half hispanic) so they look more like shadows and not bruises. I used to cut when I was younger but I hated how obvious they were. Thanks for the feedback everyone. I don't have health insurance so a therapist would be exspensive.Idk. I want my bf to come to my job and smack me sometimes too...it's almost like a fantasy.

I knew a girl that like to be abused to the point that her lover was forced to hit her or throw her down the stairs and she wasn't happy until bones were broken. If your liking it to this degree, it's a sickness and you need to seek help for it. You already know where it started; it's because you have been exposed to it that you assume its normal. I think this is why peeps hold first and young relationships so critical, because it could set you up for things you don't want to have to deal with the rest of your life. It's not normal. It's actually documented in PH textbooks that this usually surfaces with someone that is raised in an abusive home. I also had a GF that liked pain as well and she was the one that found this in a DR's office meeting. I don't think there is anything wrong with someone liking pain. It's just an issue of keeping it under control. A smack on the ass here or there, maybe pulling on your hair or a nibble here or there. Possibly being lightly whipped. But when things get more serious I would look at what your exposing yourself to. The good news is there are plenty of sex partners to cater any needs these days.

Very unhealthy - its incredibly sad that at 19 you have had so much abuse in your life that you expect it, and even find it in a twisted way validating. But you don't have to live like that, and if you don't get away from it, it will grind you down to nothing.

Get out. Go to your Dr or an assaulted woman's service. Really, please do it.

It is used as a form of torture (can't remember where). A captive would be beaten every day, then not beaten for ages, they would begin to crave the beatings as a form of attention.
What I say to you is that if you are beaten in a relationship, it is not a healthy one so get out. There are classes you can go to for people who are used to abuse, it will teach you to be more self confident and get into real relationships.

Thanks for the replies you guys- I almost feel like it's a need I have that only my bf knows how to carry out. He'll be really nice to me, then something will make him flip and he'll push me, but then he'll grab me and apologize and start showing me so much love. When he shows me love is when I really feel like I've been satisfied if that makes sense? Idk what I'm going to do but thanks for the replies.

u said u go to school their are good therapist there. u should tell ur family about this problem. get a support system. if u like to get beat up and ur still young join Mui tia kick boxing it's really fun and u get the shit beating out of u in a healthy way.

I understand what this is like on an emotional and physical level. I was raised in an abusive home, it's a long story, but my mom was abusive to me physically and mentally. My first girlfriend also did this. I never even noticed the abuse and fighting with her until months after she broke up with me, and I miss it. Now when I think about her, or when I feel down, I will punch and bruise myself, or mentally abuse myself by looking through old pictures and such. I know this is not normal, but you are not alone. And things like this DO affect both sexes no matter what people say. Abuse is not just an issue for girls.

Wow you're really pathetic

I seriously recommend getting some mental help. you're fucked

No it's not normal! Leave that asshole!

You could have developed a form of masochism. I would seriously reccomend some therapy though.

Dude your a joke, this is not normal! Stop lying you freak!