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I permanently clam up in school
5 Comments

I'm not looking for pity or anything, but I'm dealing with a struggle where whenever I go to school, I keep my mouth completely shut. It didn't used to be like this. I used to be a joker, a fun person, and I was the life of the party once. Now nobody gets a word out of me.

In elemantary school, I was bullied constantly by kids. It was everyday and every school that I transfered to I was treated like some kind of leper. They always found something new for them to pick on. My style of dress, my hair, my weight, my lunch bag, or a combination. Factors beyond my control. It got to the point where I couldn't walk out onto recess without kids throwin sh*t at me. Patterns like this followed me up until my freshman year of high school.

Now it's senior year and everybody's all clicked up. I don't dress weird, I'm not overweight, or carry a lunch bag. I'm pretty normal I suppose. I'm a field hockey/lacrosse player with a 3.8, and I've also entered beauty pageants, but I don't know how I'm always alone on Friday nights, and why nobody calls me. I had a few groups of friends, but they just all left in a month's time. When I start conversations with people, they just look the other way or say something ignorant.

Will I be lonely the rest of my life? Is anybody else in my situation? Any help would be appreciated. =) .
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Comments (5)
honeybee23 (30307)
2009-10-26 13:41:45
I'm so sorry to hear that, it makes me sad for you :(. I understand where you're coming from--sometimes it feels like there's really nowhere that I fit. That will change, though, I'm sure. The people that say "high school is the best years of your life?" Total lie. High school SUCKS. Most genuinely cool people go on to do much bigger and better things after high school, and even the ones who enjoyed it will find it pales in comparison to the rest of their lives. Cliques are dumb--they can make you feel awful, but really don't mean anything. I completely understand your struggles, and I feel for you, but I honestly believe it will get better. You sound smart and nice, and I can't imagine why people wouldn't want to get to know you. In college, things will be different--you'll find people who appreciate you, instead of making you doubt yourself. You will go back to being the fun, carefree, life of the party girl you're used to , with some real friends to back you up :). Best of luck, sweetie.
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Destiny (30315)
2009-10-26 16:41:38
I have gone through that too. And unfortunately I cannot say my life is much better at all.
Right now, ALL my friends are on Facebook. I have a few that want to hang out now and then but it never happens..
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Ollieo (19003)
2009-10-26 19:51:30
That is terrible what happened to you bullying wise and the repercussions right through high school. Now you are shut out of these high school cliques. Bleah...

And you seem to have so much going for you. Great gpa, athletic, involved.

You won't be lonely forever just cause you are at the moment - thats blowing things out of proportion a bit.

I think keep up with the activities & you'll meet more people, and someone special. Forget that horrid victimization & just you keep believing in yourself!

Maybe do outreach yourself, like be the one who makes the calls & organizes fun.

One other point. Make sure you are not looking for acceptance from the wrong people.
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Princess4884 (30494)
2009-10-30 12:39:22
I had that problem when I moved school, everyone already had their own cliques and I was a newcomer. I kept my mouth shut a lot, and when people talked to me I'd say a few words and that was it. But then I got over my shyness and began talking to people, I got bullied for having an English accent, I still do sometimes but I either slap the person who goes to far bullying or me and my friends ignore them. They did ignore me a bit but then I kept talking, getting put into a pair with them in class. One girl, I didn't talk to for over three years, we moved to highschool together and I walk to school with her so I can talk to her by myself and fit in with her and her friends who went to a different school. If people ignore you and talk to someone else, if you ever see them alone or anything, walk up and start a conversation, ask about work, see if they have problems with the same subjects as you, if they're good at them, ask for a bit of help, then you spend more time together. I don't think I helped much but, I just wrote what I thought and that's all I can do :)
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shiftysplit (30590)
2009-11-01 16:25:27
I struggled with the same thing, but I want you to know that once you're out of high school all these people won't matter. And to be honest, the things that made you weird growing up will be the things that make you stand out (in a good way) as an adult. I'm 23 now and could careless about the people I went to high school with. I think most people at my school feel the same way now.

Maybe try making friends outside of the school arena. This way people won't have any preconceived notions about who you are. People will be able to get to know you're true self. Get involved in a summer group, or take part in a summer camp that interests you (like a music camp, sports camp, etc). You could also try meeting people through volunteering or getting involved in a church or community group.

Stay strong and follow your passions. Spend this time developing your talents and getting closer to your family. Much love*
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