There is nothing quite like sitting down at the throne and feeling that twinge, that magical contraction. You feel yourself begin to open like a giant vortex and with just a slight push, you give birth to a brand new brown baby turd. Sometimes I like to try and not pinch it off, but keep pushing so I can see how long I can make it. It's not just the general feeling of emptying your bowels that feels good but also the proud moment when you take a look inside the bowl and see your creation. Sometimes I feel like a brand new parent. Sometimes I am angered and a little disappointed if it isn't that big. My pride and joy all coiled up, or leaning straight against the cold bowl is part of me. I bid it farwell and bury it with paper smeared with its own afterbirth and flush it down into the unknown, to where I can only hope it is reunited with its kin.