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I think I may be crazy, or homicidal
17 Comments

So I'm having these thoughts when people bother me, to either kill them or hurt them. Badly. I'm pretty malevolent. I'm pretty smart, but I get horrible grades in school because my concentration level has gone to hell. I've become less and less fond of people because of how judgmental and dishonest they are, and how much they hurt me and others. I'm starting to get an unusual obsession with knives. I get so angry to the point where I start to shake violently. Speaking of violent, I'm immensely violent. I'm addicted to reading about serial killers and I read about the psychology of them the majority of my free time. I've broken so many things in my house it's not funny. When someone or something angers me, I can only focus on that one thing. I have no other emotion besides that, except for extreme depression, which I try to stay away from. About a year ago I was in the local children's mental health unit because I cut myself, and from then on I swore to myself to stay angry instead of sad. Those two emotions rule my life. I sometimes hurt people I love, and then they leave, and I get more sad or more angry. It's a continuous cycle of emotional pain. My dreams are getting worse and worse, too. They're pratically night terrors, every single night. I have insomnia very badly, and I always have, but it's gotten increasingly worse due to the nightmares.
My mom says I'm a normal teenager and I'm just going through a phaze... I've been like this for three years now... and I think something happened and I've gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Do you think it's normal?
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Comments (17)
spyderr (19660)
2009-10-24 16:02:34
not normal.

I relate to you on some points but man you are kinda going off the deep end. go to a psychiatrist if you think it's that serious.
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Ollieo (19003)
2009-10-25 05:59:40
Well snap out of it you bloody fool.
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AmINormal789 (30302)
2009-10-25 11:29:07
This sounds very firmilliar. Ive known people like this. I almost was one. I was pretty close to your situation. What did I do?
I started seeing a psyciatrist. I got diagnosed, and put on meds. You have no idea how happy I am now. Go see a doctor and get help. You WONT be happy until you do. Nobody can help you now. Only you can help yourself. See the doctor, and youll be okay eventually. Meds take awhile to adjust, so hang in there. If the meds dont work, be honest with your doctor and they'll either change the med or put you at a higher dose. Please get help. I promise this can get better. =]
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Sarcasm70 (29467)
2009-10-25 12:08:14
Not normal Luv. Repressed anger, depression, cutting. Go see someone. You can't go on like this.
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sheepgoat (30264)
2009-10-25 16:33:28
@: Sarcasm70
My mom won't let me go anywhere because she thinks it's just me being a kid & that I'm not crazy.
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Static_X (30316)
2009-10-25 19:29:22
You need to see a psychiatrist, I'm not calling you crazy, and it's not you, it's the sack of chemicals in your head that makes you act this way. With all the ingenuitiy and complexity of the human brain, there's bound to be some kinks. Believe me when I say its normal to have a chemical imbalance.

Psychology isn't hocus pocus or smoke and mirrors, it's a science that allows yourself to predict and correct any undesirable behavior, and it's everywhere. Advertising, the military; just about anything has a psychological root.

When you talk to a therapist, they could provide outlets for you and kind of "get into your head" without "getting into your head". A psychiatrist would prescribe medication to help correct your imbalance, or suggest a hobby that lets you vent your anger.

Good luck.
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Danila (30278)
2009-10-25 21:06:58
try doing some sport like surfing,running boxing,swimming,boxing to release your angry snad sadness.Those nightmares are not a good thing, seek some help
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stlolth (27095)
2009-10-26 06:25:30
People can be uncaring, horrible and sometimes downright evil, but obsessing over it as you are can make it seem much worse than it really is.

Feeling such extreme hate and depression is cancerous and will destroy you. Your mother is either in denial or doesn't know the whole story, so you have to decide to seek help. There is wonderful medication out there that can help you feel better and more balanced, to the point where one day you won't be able to understand why you once felt the way you did. It doesn't take away your will or makes you feel artificial, it makes you feel normal. Unlike the thoughts and feelings you are having now which are robbing you of your free will and emotions and are imprisoning you in a jail of depression and obsession.
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brothershamass (380)
2009-10-26 08:46:14
You do sound a bit mental. Perhaps you should get yourself a nice hobby and put these dark emotions to the back of your mind.
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sheepgoat (30264)
2009-10-26 17:46:33
@: AmINormal789
What were you diagnoised with?
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Sarcasm70 (29467)
2009-10-26 18:55:38
@: sheepgoat
You're not crazy Luv. And your mom is wrong. Is there another family member you could talk to or a professional at school perhaps? If not, repeat to your mom what you already said and make it clear that you want to see a specialist. I wish you well.
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kaffeetee (30364)
2009-10-26 19:54:55
You really should emphasize this to your mother, and be very persistent about it. It may be something that it better taken care of now before anything happens that you don't want to.
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lotusgirl (30659)
2009-11-01 23:01:54
hey dude, just calm down okay
think of the beautiful things in life like cupcakes and butterflies
theres no reason to want to kill
thats just mean! :(
no one deserves to be killed by others
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AmplifiedUnit (30587)
2009-11-04 16:12:12
I'm pretty homicidal, too, though it's more of a thing I fantasize about. I always think of what it would be like if I had an actual Death Note. xD
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abc1234560 (31029)
2009-11-09 11:12:04
well I can't condone your cutting yourself. Think of everything as a goal. Nothing exists without a purpose otherwise why the hell would it be here? Sadly I cant say what your thinking is normal or not. It doesn't matter whats right or wrong. If your looking to forget your mindset, your logic, your way of thinking that read motivational story's and try givesmehope(dot)com.. I registered to this site n everything to reply to this just to blow some time. I share your problem but mine is slightly more complicated. Dont cut yourself Theres no point in that besides looking to others to reach out to you or try and fix you. I'm going to be talking to a psychiatrist (not therapist) tomorrow to see If I should be taking meds. Maybe you could try that too. Talk to some one like your parents or your school guidance counselor, family doctor or good friends about where you can goto talk to a therapist to deem if you should be talking to a psychiatrist to discuss meds. Good luck in your affairs bud.

- The Anonymous
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Lala08 (31077)
2009-11-11 18:21:02
hey :)

i think you sound kinda cool..

and we got alot common...

maybe we both should get some help....

but im pretty content wit being crazy..

as long as u dont let it take you over.. ull be fine..
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klude (31326)
2009-11-16 12:46:57
@: sheepgoat
Your mom doesn't want to admit she may have gone wrong somewhere, if you go for help she will feel it is her fault, so she is denying there is anything wrong with you... The best thing you can do is get on some medication (Prozac helps because you choose something other than anger to avoid sadness) and once you are feeling better let her know that she raised you well enough to fix your own problems.
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