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I think im obsessed with my boyfriend and i need to quit
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Okay ive been with my bf for 3yrs now, and im supper attached to him, the thing is that ive had other relationships but i feel like hes the only one ive loved this way, i cant sleep just thinking about him, if he gets mad and hangs up on me when we fight i get super worried and i feel so scared that i may never talk to him again like if im going to lose him forever so i call him constantly till he picks up, sometimes he doesnt and i panick, i always have my phone on me where ever i go, and if i do miss his call i get so worried that he might get mad and break up with me so i call him back right away, im always thinking of him and worrying he might get mad every move i make is because im just thinking of him, its gone down to the point that i cant function anymore the simplest task become so long to me and i dont go out or anything to be with him..i feel so exhausted i sometimes want to take a break and be alone but i cant i cant find it in me to do it and leave him alone and its draining me i feel like i have no dignity what so ever and let him treat me how ever he likes, and i do what ever it takes to keep him around, whats wrong with me i never used to be like this i feel obsessed and its killing me inside i cant take living like this anymore (im not suicidel okay) im just tired of living just for him and worrying for him to be happy and not taking care of me is this obsession? I feel like an addict, with a drug addiction who wants to stop and doesnt have the will power to do it Gosh i need help! i cant live with out him and ive stop living for myself :(
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Comments (179)
NetGirl101
Girls,
You all really need to sit down, with your phones switched off, and think deeply about your relationships. I know how you feel, I was caught in the 'obsessive' phase. I couldn't leave my boyfriend alone, I constantly called him, texted him etc. I even felt sick when he would go out with his mates, or mentioned about going out. So, I closed myself of for about an hour. I closed myself off from him, not allowing any contact, just for that hour. I really thought into my behaviour, why did I obsess over him? I'm making life harder than it should be? So, cut the feelings down, if you sit there wondering what he's doing, then allow yourself for a few minutes to think, don't pick up the phone and call him. Get on with life, watch a film you love, play a game which is really addictive, go for a walk, leaving your phone at home. Just try to back off a little, it's so hard, but it works. Stop fussing over things that haven't even happened yet. However, if he loves you and respects you, he will take your feelings into consideration. He should understand that, if you did something that he wouldn't like, then he needs to not do the things you like. Talk to him, if he refuses to talk or gets angry or even changes the subject, then think to yourself, is he really worth this pain? If your scared of saying how you feel because your worried he will leave you then, your in the relationships for the wrong reasons. Even if you loved him more than words could describe, if you don't agree with something he does or how he makes you feel, you should let him know. Be mature, say it exactly how it is, and then take time out. Don't call him after every argument apologizing, your just feeding him ammunition. Let him realize that if he doesn't change is ways by showing more affection then he could lose you. Save your sanity, save the pain, the tears and the exhaustion that your bringing upon yourself. Your a human being, just the same as him, just remember, he is as lucky to have you, as your are to have him! Good luck, you can do this!
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rightly said...im also in same situation...am really like half mad...always crying....i feel a bit relaxed after reading this :)
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@: sindhu
Omg.....i feel da same way..i blame myself for the things he do..even when i knw i didnt do anything wrong.....he mistreats me for nun...and i pray nd it seem lyk it dnt help
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@: sindhu
Does he not like you? If you think he wants to slip away then see a concealer imidiatly on how to deal with the upcoming pain. If he still loves you with all his heart then marry him...that seems to be what you want ;) good luck!
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i can totally relate to this, except that i am the other person. I don't know how to deal with this anymore, every time i do things its like i have to report or else its gonna be a big fight. she does things to test if i care, she tells me she dont, but i know thats what shes trying to do. she tells me shes going somewhere far, shes not comming back not eating cant sleep and its exhausting me. this relationship is making me a bad person, coz i need to shut her off coz i cant take all the drama anymore. and i need to stop caring just for her to stop doing it. the simplest things like laughing with my friends is an issue to her. asking why cant she see me laugh that way with her. i need to phone her every break, and if i tell her im not taking a break coz i have lots of things to do shes gets mad. on my dinner break i have an hour, if i tell her i have to end the call coz i have other things to do she gets mad. that i had to finish my break with her alone. and she does the math, if i ate 20mins, i have 40minutes to talk to her. she gets mad if 5mins is spent on something else.

i dont want to stay in this relationship but she insist to keep it, i use to love her but with what she does i fell out of love. wer still together just because she wants to, i tell her she deserve someone better but she insist to stay. i am not a douche ok. i guess im not ready for a relationship and she just cant accept it. i really want to get out but i dont know how.
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@: wred
Look wred, im a girl and i think im sort of, not obsessed but more needy if that makes sense? He works and i work form 8-4 Monday to friday roughly, we both text each other every day but if one of us doesn't reply straight away then we don't get angry at each other, he doesn't call me every second, Yeah i like to know where he is and what he is doing that's why we keep in contact. I see your point of very and yeah that is way to much even for some one like me but i also understand her side to. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? Not the part where you don't love her because it might be clouded with anger. If you need help, im here, i've been in both shoes.
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How often do yall see each other?
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@: wred
How often do yall see each other?.
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very well said/theres to many good ones out there u dont need the ones that thinks there gods
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OMG. I am in the same postion - I know exactly how you feel. The advice I got was too GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU!! do a day trip out to take you mind of him, and please try to keep busy. I am super obssessed with my bf. I used to call him 24/7, and had to swicth my phone over to incoming cals only, to stop myself. Are you still in the same sitution? I think your post is about a year old?
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Wow,im so glad i saw this. Im going through this right now and its driving me insane. Glad im not the only one.
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"he should understand that, if you did something that he wouldn't like, then he needs to not do the things you like" I disagree with netgirl on this one
Partners are supposed to please their mates as best they can and if unwilling to then maybe find a common ground or find someone else. As for the neurotic stuff the poster needs to find independence and then reciprocate with partner. I think the key here is that the poster is dependent and has no backbone because of it. Good luck sweetheart.
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This is SOOO me right now, but worse its a x that cheated and just killed me inside. Gave three chances and forgive him before, but this third time almost has killed me on the inside... It's only been a couple of days.. I know I want do it ever again.. At this point I can't even stand the thought of being in love ever again.. Thank you so much for, at least I know I'm not alone
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Girls,

I am exactly like all of you and it is so reassuring the know I am not alone if feeling so helpless with my emotions of attachment and clingyness. Please, this book helped me SO much, you need to read it. Why Men Love Bitches. It has answers for all of these everyday relationship problems. We need to back off when we least feel like it... try to detach a bit (not from him, but from the pain). My boyfriend wasnt seeing me enough or being "into me" enough and I followed the books advice and just didnt call him, and maybe even turned down an offer to hang out. now I had his attention. then he started being really into me and missing me so much and actually appreciating me as much as a think i deserve! trust me, back off and he will come back begging. DO IT!

best of luck girls, dont despair, remember that you can make yourself happy and you a strong and beautiful person and you CAN be happily independent!
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@: moopit
you seem like such a strong woman!!! how did everything work out for you?? how was it in the process of putting this theroy in to practice???
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@: moopit
But isn't that really deferring to what HE wants?
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@: moopit
hey i read ur msg n i really got a positive thought after reading it..but i wana tok 2 u personally abt my relation..i m in a long distance relation since 2 yrs.n its goin really bad nw abt 2 end....intially it was gr88 but staying in a ldr its goin worst..hes a working guy n he cant gimme tym n i keep f8ing 4 dat n nw he has stopped picking my calls n i call him like a mad gal..i m nt able 2 stay widout him nw i keep crying..i dunno hw 2 make him kum back 2 me n make my relation evergreen as earlier.help me pls..
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@: moopit
I feel the same I hurting so much in my relationship . But what can I do ? I did the same things you did but cant help its like he's always win the game he's attic to his game so it take him to a happy way of challenge me. I just don't know what to do when I'm away from him I feel like its my fall. I'm so afraid he gonna do something to live me pp. Help I'm stuck.
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@: moopit
I read that book..and my bf was not happy when i bought it, but I don't care, I read it when he is not around and thanks god things has changes a lot better now. When men find that the chasing is over, they lost interest. All the best to all the lovers in the world..
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@: moopit
What a coincidence! I am actually reading the book right now! Borrowed it from a friend. And yea, I also suffered from this obssession over my boyfriend. But my story is kinda different. I became attached to him since we had the baby. Then he started to change, trying to distant himself from me, so like any other "nice" girlfriend.. I went on to the chase. YES! Don't ever do that. Now, I begun to experiment different ways to get him back again, he's old sweet self, that is. At first, it'll be hard, it still is for me. Like let him call and text you first, that simple step goes a long way, I tell you. Don't be a nagger. One of the lessons I'm learning from "Why Men love bitches" (so far), is to not let your man feel he has a hundred percent hold of you. Take it as a challenge! If you love him.. get him back, his heart back! :)
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@: moopit
hey ! i am going through a really bad situation right now, worse then what we saw, i have being crying since a month and i even got sick and missed my exam just because of my boyfriend, because i am so addicted to him and he wouldn't even talk to ...and nothing matters to him anymore, i try so hard to avoid thinking about him or texting him, but its just getting all worse, i feel better reading your message and would really like to talk to you personally if it helps me out in any way
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@: moopit
I feel like my boyfriend is trying to get out of this relationship by finding things to do out side of this relationship. Its not that im clingy or obsessed with him, well maybe a little. I can go all work day without talking to to him if i have to but neither of us do. He broke my heart once before by cheating on me and by choosing to hang out with his mates over me even tho we had plans.He was also telling that girl and his mates our problems and they where telling him to leave me. We broke up for a month roughly and he came running back and its been great since. non of us has friends because we find it hard to make them, we send time away from each other, he does what he wants when he's home and so do i, but im worried that history is going to repeat it self one day if he makes new friends.
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@: amedina
im so glad i stumbled onto this site!! i feel like was a syko!!! ive been in relationships before but the guy im with now im constantly thinking about/.... basically everything thats been said on this convo is in reference to me aswell... i keep messing things up... by contantly asking is everything ok? do we need to talk and its me who needs to talk!i never been like this! what on earth do i do its so hard cause im afraid of loosing him pulling my hair out.. ive lost my identity... i want him and love him more then anything but i want this pain and worry gone i just wish he knew what this feels like!!!im like crazy syko stalker!! we have been together for almost a year... he loves me and i love him but its like he dosent care to much that he dosent see me... so im the one going to his house... he only comes to my house if he has to work down were i live... i message him constantly... i panic on how he percives things... i worry all the time if he wants me...when he dosent pick up his fone... i call his mum...i hate this i used to be a bunch of fun but i now cant move or breathe without him... please help!!
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to be honest, i was in this situation before. dont call him as often, let him call you. let him chase you instead of you worrying about him. man lost interest when you start loving them too much. give half the attention that he deserve, if he is for you, things will work out well..if not be happy..this is not the end of the world, isnt it?..take care xx
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@: amedina
I like your advise help. Make me calm.
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Ok, ladies. This is a pimp thing going on here.
1. You are wooped.
2. These are red flags about you and your inability to be in a relationship, sure blame the dude if you man. That is the polar effect of single very single women who dont get help but deny love.
3. Love is a drug..a good one...not all drugs are bad in moderation..right so dont trip on this obsession.
4. Realize and let this be understood clearly!!!!!!!!! test it..Like an addict fearful to no let go and grows lonely and weak without their drug..or like dumbo..
Let it be the course of god, he will bring you two together again if you break up. If not let it be..
5. 4 related to take you hands off the wheel and love you confort that that person loves you and will miss you and you will talk and see each other again. Let it go, if it comes back it was for you..
6. Never let fear be a reason to love or be with someone that is why you feel shame. It is your neeeeeeddsssss. That why he will call you selfish. Well if hes also obsessed he will trick you into being the crazy one. Ja ja..
7. Restrainin orders are comin your way or big marriage problems..
8. Imagine close your eyes imagine a future with this person..yes house..rent ...bills...argument cause money is short...yes your kids..how you will need to be apart to make a living...Now do this and be serious with what you want in this cause it aint a joke when the rage and jelous suspicions come into play. Ja ja..
9. Another thing...you will end up sleeping with one eye open....yup it can get really bad..

10. Your partner can be a borderline narcisist and attention seeker..he picked you for a reason and that is because you give him attention like no other...but he can handle your crazyness so he will run..saying hes the victim..yet he is nuts too..
11. O look into detachment issues between your father and mother...or abandonment stuff..

12 Your not alone we all need to fine tune ourselves keep working at it...but do listen to the red flags...
13. A good predictor of how a relationship ends is how it first develops...and major red flags started there..Just open your eyeballs...
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All of this is soooooo true and well put
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Wow. My first reaction was "wow, I wish you were my girlfreind, Id be flattered" , but reading on, it really does not sound healthy for you.
I wish you could find a way to get your independence back, and be strong in yourself. Is it possible that he is actually bad for you?
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I know exactly how you feel, I am in the exact same boat. I've been with ym boyfriend for just over a year now and I love him to peices but i've completely changed from how I was when we first got together. Everything was fine for months and months in fact i'm not really sure when I started being so obsessed, but I can't get by the day not hearing off him sometimes it makes me feel so sad that he doesn't want to talk to me but it's not like that at all, a couple should be able to go a day without having to speak its stupid because I know that and I just can't help it. If we have an argument and he's done something wrong i'm the one that gets worried i'll loose him and I apologise and end up ringing and ringing to try and make things okay between us but he wants a bit of space to just forget about things and I make everything worse by trying to talk to him and apologise and everything! I avoid making plans with my friends just in case I might get the chance of spending tiem with my boyfriend instead, but when I know he's busy and I go out with my friends I think about him but i'm fien and happy knowing we as a couple are good but I can go out with my friends and have a good time while he's out with his, so I think to myself right i'll make more arrangments with my friends and if he then wants to see me i'll say ive got arrangements and we'll see each other another time. But it doesn't work because i'll end up going out with my friends then my boyfriends wants to do something and I find myself resenting the fact i'm stuck seeing my friends when I could be spending time with my boyfriend so I go back to waiting around to hear off him! It's so hard to try and change because I don't want to loose my boyfriend so I don't want us to break up and me try and move on and become more of my own person I want to stay with him but not be such an obsessive! But I don't know what to do I try and keep myself busy doing other things but then I get really annoyed if I do something and then he wants to see me and I can;t just spend anytime by myself anymore just chilling and watching tv or something like I used to enjoy doing from time to time but now all i do is sit there not even being able to concentrate on a film because i'm too busy thinking why doesn't he want to see me, whats he doing should I ring him, should I text him and if we've fallen out I just ring him and text him apologises which I know will get on his nerves but I just want him to know i'm sorry so that we can get on with being happy. arghhhh it's driving me crazy I was thinkign maybe there might be something psychologically wrong with me and maybe I should go see my doctor am I being stupid or should I see a doctor??
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I wonder if its. A perception of making him the center of your universe bc he makes you feel a certain way. A way you always needed and wanted to feel but possibly... possibly have not felt before.. really truly. Loved without judgement. He knows how to make u feel wonderful and u don't want to lose that feeling. He maybe a bit of a womanizer and very cute tho if he has you wrapped around his finger so tight. He knows your not going anywhere so maybe just maybe but not def. He thinks he has the green light to explore or just not call u back right away...after all he knows you're not going anywhere. You ARE glued to his finger.
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And trust me I know I've been there :(
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i know exactly how it feels..my boyfriend and i have been together for the past 6 yrs...at first it was rough with my parents, but then everything was setteled and it was ok...recently my boyfriend told me that for the past 2 years he was unhappy, (it hit me like a ton of bricks) he said that i was to controlling and that he was fed up with me and that he dosent feel the same way that he felt 6 years ago..he told me to leave him alone and give him space..but it the hardes thing that he could ever ask.. i am feeling to constantly call him just so that we could make up ad every thing could be ok..but he dosent want to hear from me.. he just wants the chance to have a little time for him self...i told him that i would do any any thing in the world just to make him comfortabe and happy. so i literally begged him tellin him sorry for the times that he ffelt that i was controllin him and made him unhappy..but he didnt react to anything..he dosent understand that i am worried about him and he goes out alot with friends and stay out all night partying while i am home sleeping, so understand where i am coming from..i have my phone 24/7 and i dear not miss a cal from him.i love him very much.. i cry all the time and cannot seem to concentrate on anything else... he hasnt call me for a week..i hurts really really bad..i really tried to apologize and get back everything in good terms, but he didnt react..i dont kno wat to do..i dont want to loose him.
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@: pr123
feel sorry for you. i think you are not for him and he is not for you. move on and think about yourself and your happiness. i can see your suffering but you cant see it yourself..please dont get this deeper into you and your life..do not suffer for who you dont belong to..be strong and live your life..find happiness somewhere else
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I, too, have this exact same problem. I dont remember when it started to be this way but I'm soo happy to know that im not alone in feeling this way because for the longest time I thought i was.. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years. I also can never stop thinking of him, not making plans with friends for fear I'll lose a chance to see him, constantly worrying about what hes doing and always on his case about everything. I know that it is driving him away but all i can think about is why do i still feel like im in the 'puppy-dog' stage and he isnt? i tell him its like he doesnt care or love me as much as i love him because he doesnt act like i do. my self-esteem has gone way down and i know that the way i have made this relationship is not healthy. He never wants to do things that I like. It always about what he wants but i do it because i love him and dont want to lose him. You see, my boyfriend is also in College and im in high school still. So that doesnt help. I feel like i need to see him all the time i can before he goes back cuz then i wont see him for over a week at a time. I miss him like crazy but its like he doesnt miss me. if he talks to me or sees me, yay but if he doesnt, ok. no big deal. :/ and now he tells me that im immature and crazy because im so obessessed..idk what to do anymore. i cant control myself..im always crying to him, trying to do something to make him swallow his pride and say he never wants to live without me but he just looks at me like im the dumbest girl in the world but then later, hes sweet and loving. what do i do to stop being so clingy?????
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I totally get what you're going through, in fact...I was a bit freaked out while I was reading...it sounded exactly like what I'm going through. I get overly upset and apologize whenever my boyfriend and I argue because I'm afraid that he'll leave me because he's so 'independent' and likes spending so much time alone that he doesn't need me like I need him. I too avoid making plans with friends in fear that I'll miss out on hanging out with him. I guess I just can't understand that he'd rather be alone than with me, or that it doesn't make that much of a difference either way.
We have been together for almost 3 years now but he broke up with me about 6 months ago and we got back together after a month. The break up made me feel even more insecure because even though I could see that it hurt him to let me go, the fact of the matter is that he did, he broke up with me and I never would. Now that we're back together things have been a bit better but I still feel really insecure about the fact that it seems like he can just walk away from me at any point and I'll be left completely devastated.
When he leaves to go to his parent's house, he never asks me to come with him even though he doesn't even really go to spend time with his family, he just wants to be alone. It makes me feel ill every time I suspect that he's going away. That's right, I suspect cuz he never actually tells me until his bags are already packed and he's practically walking out the door. He probably doesn't tell me before because he knows I'll be sad or upset or something.
When we're not physically together like in the same space, it's like I don't exist. He doesn't call, doesn't text, it's like he falls off the face of the planet and I hate that. If he's not here with me I want him to call me before he goes to sleep or at least message me goodnight. I want him to tell me how his day was and ask about mine. But he just ignores me, it's like I don't exist. It's not like he's doing really important or time-consuming things that he can't remember to say good night.
I don't know what to do.
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wher do i even start on my story....... its 3.05 in the morning and i cant sleep coz my boyfriend is out wit his friends.. he rarely goes out vecause i think he feels dat he'l upset me but when he does its like he's bein released from prison and i dont hear from him and sumtimes he doesnt come home until 7 or 8 de nxt mornin.. in may last year he walked out on me said he was fed up wit us arguing (i didnt even think we argued dat much) i was absolutely devastated... i didnt hear from him in over a week and bear in mind we lived together for nearly 2 yrs and spoke every day by text or on the phone, we never hung up on each other without sayin i love u so wen he left me i felt lost... i didnt eat i couldnt sleep for days, i couldnt stay in the house on my own, i actually couldnt be on my own coz i was so upset and heartbroken.. i had to stay wit my mam or my sisters and wen i was in work i just cried all day at my desk! eventually my brother contacted him and told him the way he left me like that wasnt fair and he needed to explain himself to me.. he agreed to meet me and we got bk together coz i basically begged (i kno i shouldnt hav done dat) since that day the feelings of anxiousness, paranoia, the feeling of wanting to cry all de time hasnt went away... and to make things worse his phone beeped one evening wen we wer lyin in bed and i he refused to open the txt and wen he eventually did it was from a girl i never heard of and it said "hey x"... it might sound nothin but it brought me bk to a really dark place... i didnt get angry or annoyed i just cried non stop for days and begged him not to txt her and to help me stop feelin like this... i went to my doctor a few weeks later and was diagnosed with depression and she gave me anti depressants and sleepin pills.. i had stopped seein my friends, my family wer really worried about me, i was a completely different person! i was obsessed wit him and all i wanted was for him to love me and be der for me.. but i wasnt getting dem vibes from him.. he won a really important football match wit his team so he went out that night, he came home de nxt morn and got ready to go out again.. i was still insecure and in a really bad way but realised there was nothin i cud say or do to make him see how bad i was.. he came home de nxt morn, got ready and yes u guessed it, went out again.. i broke down on front of him and fell to the floor, i was hyterical.. i didnt get annoyed i just cried and cried and cried until i made myself sick.. i begged him to lookafter me and make me better but he told me that i wud be ok and he left again.. i asked him to come home at the end of the night as i cud not handle being on my own and he promised me he wud.. he even said he wud phone and i cud collect him at the end of the night. it was 4am and i still hadnt heard anythin so i got into the car and dtove to the club i knew he was at.. i phoned him wen i was outside but ge rejected the call then turned off his phone.. the club was shut and no1 was there to even ask.. i drove home screamin cryin, hiw i made ot home alive i dont kno.. i felt so hurt and betrayed.. wat had i done to deserve this!! i knew it was then time to pack my things and leave.. my phone was ringin and ringin for the next few days after that.. he then appeared at my mams house and she told him to leave me alone.. he txt me sayin he was really sorry that it wudnt happen again.... and of course i took him back after a week... he apologised, told me he'smd do anythin to help me get better and im still here, shakin wit fear wonderin if he'l come home tonite or wonderin wen de next time will be he'l finish wit me.... i dont hav friends i see on a regular basis anymore asi revolve my life around him, the only thing i do is play sport and go the gym and that is my only get away..... im drivin myself insane and i dont kno wat to do... it feels like my life is not worth living without him.. i pay the bills, i get the groceries, i clean up.... i cant understand why im this bad over a human being... i was never like this b4.... some1 please help me because i dont kno how much more i can take of this.. im sorry my post is so long!
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@: trcybs
would like to know how are you now? cause you've suffered a lot!! take care and best wishes
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I have the same problem. I know how it feels to be him, I've been there. And I still can't leave him alone.. I have no reason to bug him all of the time. I don't even really care what he's doing all that much, I just feel alone without him. I think it's because he's the only friend I have. The only solution I can think of is to make more friends, and I've been trying but even when I'm with them, he's still there in my head. After reading all of these I turned off my phone in an effort to leave him alone. The problem is, I don't have any hobbies. I've tried several different things.. But it's like nothing can take my mind off of him. I cry all day everyday because I'm just making myself miserable. I think the only way I can do this is to just suck it up and leave him alone. When I am successful at this, he does end up texting me and telling me that he's sorry and he loves me. But that is only a short lived happiness.
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@: lonely5
i tell you a fun hobby..learn palm reading on youutbe..or go out to library..meet ppl at the gym or swimming pool..stop thinking about someone is not thinking about you! I cant imagine myself as a SHREK wanting to get married with J Lo.. what do you think? move on..find someone who deserve you better..lower your expectation..this is very important key..good luck xx
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@: lonely5
this is my problem too! so happy i found this. my bf is at work,and when he is gone I just feel all sad and lonely and weepy. I think the not having any hobbies is my problem too,or other friends. He's pretty much my only friend too. I feel like I love him more than he loves me, but I dont think this is true. Im so glad there is a way like this to connect to other girls having the same problems.Wish we could all get together...
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i have the same issue and id do anything to have a conversation with any one of you girls

i need some help
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@: EbonyMT
I was wondering if i could get some advice from you?
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Hey Ladies,
I have currently the same but have been improving. I have been with my man for coming up 6 years. Our relationship started young with him spending considerable amount of time chasing me and him merely being obsessed with me but the tables shifted as time went on (2 years later) and i became more attached to him and staying at his house every night. i would call him over and over getting considerably worried when he wouldnt answer ( usually knowing he has been out night before and was sleeping off a hang over). I sat down and took a hard look at myself when spending a night without him was possibly the worst thing i had ever been put through. He is a bit of a dick and takes advantage of me being at his beck and call but i can see he loves me and does do things for me but as i was doing pretty much everything for him there was no chance for him to show any kind of affection or love etc as i was already doing it. I decided to get a hobby - riding a bike. takes you out in fresh air and you get away. its your time and your time only. I realised couple days ago that i rang him twice and he didnt pick up and i left it. didnt keep trying. He rang me back but i didnt actually hear it and when i looked at my phone i had 4 missed calls from. i actually got a little worried as this was out of his behaviour and figured something was wrong. when he picked up he had become worrried when i didnt pick up my phone and kept calling and become anxious. i actually chuckled a little as i figured out WOW - becuase i didnt lunge for my phone or hear it in this case he became worried. i realised ok so step back. make him chase me a little. i have been and he has been making more effort to call me. im a nurse and before late shifts i use to call him whilst he was at work and just have a quick chat. i didnt do that one day and he tried calling me (i dont have my phone on me at work)he got worried but figured i was working and then asked why when i got home from work. he likes talkin to me when im on lates. i had done something out of ordinary - i had done something that he may have done if i hadnt alwasy done it. he actually got a little worried yesterday that i was beginning to realise i didnt wanna be with him. i said no, i wanna be with you, i just wanna have my life and not live it through you. this confused him but i sat down and just said i was obsessed and now i am backing away a little. i love him very much but now i breath my own air and not his, our relationship is so much better. we have fun and enjoy life together and also when we have our own time. :-)
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I am so happy I found this site. It is now 1:45 am and I cant sleep because I am thinking about him. It is driving me insane! I absolutely hate the fact that sometimes he doesnt answer my texts. It drives me crazy. I mean I dont wanna sound controlling or mean or anything but I like attention. HIS attention specifically. I mean its bad enough I already feel frikn inferior. The guy is gorgeous. He has these beautiful greenish bluish eyes with a slight hint of orange down the middle and a killer smile. He is sooooo cute and sweet, n funny,and active and a lot of girls are after him. Me, on the other hand am fat, short, i wear glasses, im kinda nerdy and have no hand eye coordination. grrrrrrrr here I go again belittling myself for him. I cant stop doing this. I try and try but its so hard.He just seems so perfect and well... a bit crazy for being with me when he can clearly have something better. I hate that whenever he doesnt call when he usually does, my chest feels like its gonna collapse into my spine, I hate how depressed I get if he doesnt pick up the phone when I call or answer my text messages. I hate how I panic if he doesnt say I love you before we hang up or if he doesnt kiss me when I see him. Im sooo afraid ths obsession is going to drive him away. I am gonna make myself sick. I really need to stop. There have been times when Ive cried myself to sleep simply because he seemed like he didnt wanna talk to me. Im not this person. This isnt me. I want ME back!
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@: bdeaf3
lower your expectation from this good looking man. you will get hurt eventually..he has thousand of women chasing after him trust me...dont be a victim..dont cry for someone who is not for you..you are wasting your time girl..move on and live your life..be happy..stop day dreaming..good luck xx
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Earlier I was just crying about my boyfriend for the same reason as most of you girls were, and it's 11:30pm here and I have school tomorrow but I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him...it's hard and it really does hurt alot inside. I needed some words of wisdom to help me feel better and just help me with feeling emotionally normal..and not obessive over my boyfriend. I texted him an hour ago crying because he wouldn't pick up or text back...he's proabably sleeping I keep telling myself that he's asleep, but my mind thinks of something else...So I tried going to sleep but found myself crying even more, this feeling of depression that I felt isn't normal in a relationship. I thought to myself that I was a crazy person, that i can't control my mind, I thought it was just me, but now that I see all of this, it does make me feel better that i'm not th only person dealing with this and especially the words of encouragement from some of you, and those of you who just came here to pour out your feels. It does feel so much better telling people how I feel istead of just keeping it all in.
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Yeah, i obsess too. Except I started obsessing when he broke up with me one time, and started lying to me. He gets high all the time and never wants to talk. Ever. He acts like he doesnt give a shit. It hurts me and Im always worried about him breaking up with me. It sucks major ass.
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I don't know if im obcessed...mostly confused into insecurity. My guy calls me every hour all day long and then on weekends would rather hang with his buddies then me. He initiates and talks about sex but even though hes hard and ready he'll roll over and go to sleep. He is coming off a bad divorce and he has commitment phobia but we have been together 11 months. He tells me he loves me then ignors me. He doesn't talk about anything, he holds it all in then blows up every time he realizes that he is displaying any kind of "relationship" behavior, like saying he loves me in front of his friends, holding hands, etc. He does it then gets mad at me.
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I'm so sorry all of you girls are passing through this. I had the exact same problem with my now husband. Actually he was the one who started being obssesive, he used to call me all the time, worry if i was happy with us or not, he will constantly try to make me happy, he will ask me to stay on the phone the whole night with him. Then after some months he started to change and I became the obssesive one, it has been a very hard journey. It has hurt me too much and it has hurt my husband so much too, in the last 7 years we have not been able to enjoy life like other young people, we are too busy arguing and being insecure.to not make my story too long. We are separating right now and is been so painful, I adore him and I know I have hurt him a lot, trying to control him. I have hate myself for this so much. I will recommend all of you girls who have this kind of attachment to your boyfriend to seek somekind of help. Either with a counselor or books, try to change, talk to your boyfriend about how you fell and try to understand too how he feels about it. God bless you all
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Hi I am in a similar situation currently... Ending an 8 year relationship because simply I realize we have both burned down the foundation of a healthy relationship. No trust. Crazy pasts. Revenge. Abandonment. Long distance. Disappointments.... He is literally the funnest most adventurous person I know and I feel like I lost myself in our relationship.. 8 years ago when we met, wasn't I the funnest, smartest, most adventurous girl he knew? Now I do the same thing everyday.. I feel like I didn't chase oppurtunities lost, and I'm thinking about him every minute of the day. We shared an apartment before he left for the summer and we broke up. He was still on the lease so he paid half my rent. He goes for work but this is the first summer in 5 years that he didn't invite me to go visit. It's been o hard.. Like failing.. Like divorce.. Like waking up and u have to start over but.. Oh no, I'm not 18 anymore where did that go? Anyway he's coming back now because it's the end of summer. I don't talk to him but all of a sudden he calls me every day 3 times. Day like clockwork. I don't answer and I'm actively looking for a roommate to live elsewhere. My friends are all biting their nails because they know he's like my drug and him coming back in town is sure to cause a relapse. As much as I want to relapse, crawl up next to him every night and put the past behind us, I know from first hand experience this wont work. I don't know how to be stronger then this.. I am terrible at dating, I'm like a self destructive tiger. I know I need to take time to myself but that loneliness is why I always end up back with jeff.. So I guess I'm just wondering how u coped with this, if u can relate, and how u are doing now? Do u think it's possible to have more then one great romance in your life? My dad died when I was 5 and my mom never dated anyone else... So based on my upbringing I am already fucked when it comes to my beliefs and what it is I need from a man. Any advice will help thank you! 8 years is a long time to stil be passionately obsessed and in love with someone, but trying to control him BLEW UP in my face and we re both in pieces..
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My best wishes for you. Been there done that. We all need to be stronger and realistic in many ways. Good luck xx
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N/A(anonymous)
o and heres something you might need

1) Tell him you trust him (even if you don't!) because you'll have his trust and indeed trustworthy behaviour. Be happy for him when he has a night out with friends, and he will be for you.

2) Ask his opinion on your style, haircut etc. He's not here to change you, but he loves the opportunity to have a little influence...

3) Do nice things for him because you want to, not begrudgingly because of being forced to! That means expressing your feelings when you feel them, and giving tokens of affection when he doesn't expect it, just because.

4) The 'lad' act can be dropped around him. He finds it amusing when you talk up your sex life and other pursuits with the guys, but not with him.

5) Be sensitive. He wont laugh at you if you want to cry at that romantic film, he'll just love you more.

6) Be spontanious - even if you do things that he doesn't always want, that's better than being predictable and boring. That means surprising him in the best ways possible and keeping things exciting!

7) Be chivalrous. Treat him as fellow human beings, not spoilt princesses or indeed submissive slaves. Simply make him feel admired, respected, and cared for in the way you behave towards him.

8) Have fun! We love men that make us laugh, and that's the quickest way to our hearts. If you can tickle the funny bone then you are half way there.

9) Don't play games. he tire's of it, when he really likes someone and they are counting the amount of time they should wait to reply to a text message, because they don't want to appear too keen. Wise up and be yourself, you'll gain a lot more RESPECT that way.

10) Be honest. He can tell when you've got your eye on someone else, and maybe He has too. If He can be open about it then there's no insecurities.

11) Stick to your plans. He understand's if it's a real emergency, otherwise don't let him down. You wouldn't do it to a friend, so why do it to a lover!

12) Communication - ask him what he wants, tell him what you want. It's a two way process, speaking and listening!

13) Live without rules. Ok...so these are rules so what is he saying...but hopefully when you find your match, you'll know the rights and wrongs.

ok i want you to really take this in your friend
-N/A(anonymous)
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Ladies, in my opinion, part of our worrying is inevitable. I truly believe there's a reason for this... We, as women, are full of emotions. Men are not nearly as emotional. Another reason could be our insecurity. This could come from a variety of things - rocky past relationships, growing up in an unstable environment, getting picked on at school, etc.

My suggestions (they are very similar to others I've read)...
Go for a run. This will give you time away to really think about things. It will also exhaust you, so instead of staying up all night worrying, you will crash.
If not running, hit up the gym. There is no better feeling than after you have done something to better yourself. It naturally raises your self-esteem. You'll be proud of yourself, no matter what.
Reconnect with old friends. As awkward as it may seem, they should be happy to reconnect. Plus, it shows that you are able to be independent. Another self-gratifying trick..
Even better, reconnect with guy friends. Just because you have a boyfriend, doesn't mean you can't have guy friends. We need them too. They can give us alternative perspectives that are very similar to what your man would tell you. Plus, (I know this is kind of playing games but..) this will show your man that you're not as "obsessed" as you may seem.
Pick up new hobbies. It should help occupy your thoughts. Try to find something exciting and challenging. If you do something you find easy and effortless, your mind will wander.
Ask your closest friend for advice. They care about you and your well-being and they will (most likely) be extremely truthful and blunt. If they think you can do better, then you can. Remember, you're on the inside, they are on the outside. They can see some things that you can't.

Ladies (& some gentlemen), you are all beautiful and you deserve nothing less than healthy, caring, loving relationships but part of that is left up to you. If deep down you feel alone, disrespected, inferior, or not appreciated enough, then it's your job to fix that problem. No one else can. Just remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea and if one isn't ideal for you, there's one out there that is.
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hey im going thru the same situation ,im very depreesed , and seeing the comments of everybody make me think that i need to do extra stuff to keep myself busy . dont know when your story was posted but i would like to hear how u handle that , like you i feel like i have no dignity and let him treat me how ever he likes, i been thinking in breaking up with my boyfriend but to be honest i cannt .
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i feel the same, i have started to calm down a little bit after reading this page though now i know other people feel the same. My problem is that I need to hear from him every few hours or i worry like mad or think something is wrong. He tells me he loves me every day and shows me the same love now as he did when we met 5 months ago. He told me he loved me first and i didn't feel the same and told him that. Then i started to love him and now i feel like i love him more. He tells me i need to start believing that he loves me so much and stop worrying. I need to take his advice and learn to leave him alone and give him space. I see him nearly every day apart from when i work or he works nights. basically if he is not in work then he is with me. I really don't know what my problem is or why I worry and think about him all the time. Is it because I enjoy being with him so much?? is it because i hate the thought of him doing things without me?? is it because i need attention all the time?? is it because i don't like other people having his time and not me?? i don't know. i really need to know the answer so I can fix it. He phoned me an hour ago and no doubt in an hour or 2 i will feel the urge to text (then wait for the reply!). I am going mad.
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man everyone gave great advice.it feels good knowing that I'm not alone.sometimes I think I'm crazy but hey that IS what love is.love is crazy,exciting,wonderful & yes it come with some bad things like maybe the boyfriend isn't like he used to be.but the majority of guys do that.their guys.yea I knw that's not a excuse but most of em have it incoded into their DNA. Just stay strong girls. Hey if girls really needed a guy then god would've had girls born with a guy holding their hand..but we are not born like that.everybody is born being independent & reling on parents...all you need is god family & friends to make you happy....& love is friendship on fire.,just thought i'd share that with you all.
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I have a very similar problem...I have been with my boyfriend for 31/2 yrs and I have grown so attached to him its so unbearable. All we do is fight constantly and I always end up taking the blame because Im so scared he will just walk out on me. I constantly call him back when he hangs up on me after saying he never wants to talk to me again and I cry so hard because of the thought of not being with him.

He is my first love and I gave him my virginity, :X and well at times I regret it but at other times Im glad it was him, but anyway the situation is so bad from both ends. We are to the point where we sleep on the phone together at night because Its the only way we find comfort and thats mostly because we have a long distance relationship.

&& YES!!

We have met in real life a couple of times and when we did stay together at my house (for over 2 months) our fights were so bad he hit me and bruised me badly, also threatened me, but he never goes through with them, and I knew I shouldn't of forgiven him for that, but I just love him so much I had no choice! He is very suicidal which makes it very difficult for me to even stick up for myself in a single quarrel! He is also very overly sexual and sometimes I get so annoyed I just explode on him. At other times though I try my best to please him so he wont leave and or cheat on me.



The other thing that bugs me the most is he has cheated on me before in the past and used to watch porn and I eventually convinced him to stop and make him say promise to never do it again but, as always he kept pleasuring himself behind my back and checking other girls out. (I know this is my problem on my end)& for some reason that just pissed me off so much I cry none stop and argue with him refusing to drop it until I make him cry in guilt. I know I shouldnt hold it against him because its human nature and completly normal for a boy his age, but when he does it I feel left out and useless and unwanted. I figure Its just because Im jealous of the fact he might not be thinking of me while doing it and also because he said he would respect me enough not to do it, you know? So more or less it was betrayal.

Im just to the point where... I just don't care what goes on with our relationship I do but I don't at the same time, I feel that our bond is going to soon break and be over with and Im scared at how it will or might end and that if I could get over it.

Please someone help me, I have some serious issues and so does he but I don't want it to end this way! I just want to think of it as a rough patch and move on and do so much better for him and show a better example to help him do good as well.
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... so sorry ... you are going thru this ... I see that it has been @ year and ahalf ago ... how are you doin now?
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You ain't his momma. Hopefully he had one if he didn't its not your responsibility to assume that role and get him to stop doing bad stuff in his life. Its his job to take the consequences of his choices and if that means losing you so be it. You deserve to not be abused or treated like$hi*
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Run girl, run..dont wait. Get a life. Good luck
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I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. I think he is the most amazing person that has ever walked the earth.Hes a true Hero.

I am obsessed with him, and its getting to be a big problem!Unfortunatly, I havent got a job anymore so I havent got anything to keep me occupied though the day so its making it worse. Ive tried going out with friends but I find it boring because I dont drink and all they want to do is drink. Ive tried arts and crafts but theres only so much you can do before you get bored.

I think the cause of it is you think to yourself "Im punching above my weight" (even if your not). Maybe because of past boyfriends destroying your self esteem?Maybe because youve been bullied in the past?Maybe a bad upbringing or family life? Basically you feel like you dont deserve him, that hes too good for you so you over compensate and get obsessed with him because you fear you might lose him.

I got advice from a 70 year old woman once which has stuck in my mind. Her husband had a terminal illness, and only a few months to live.

She said to me "Relationships are the biggest gamble of your life, people change and thats why all these young ones are getting divorced now because they cant handle it".

So
- stick with it
- work through it
- focus on the future

It doesnt matter that hes not phoned you all day, hes a man, thats what men are like!They still love you, more than what they say they do, they just think its "un-manly" to say how they feel.

I keep a diary of how I feel and thats helped alot!A good tip for arguments too, if you find yourself in mid argument and you feel as though yur going around in circles just think, what is the aim that you want to reach?What steps are you both going to take to resolve the issue. Once youve reached that point the argument will have hopefully be resolved.
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I understand completely too. I'm in the same situation and I don't know how to fix it. Like when I don't get to see him like for a day, my chest gets really tight and I'm just miserble. We've been dating for almost nine months and I'm madley in love with him. Its really difficult and I hope you get throught it well. Good Luckkk :)
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I thought I was bad. I have been with my bf for a year but I've seen other people, but no matter what happens it's him that I go back to and it is him that I break up with everyone else for. When he calls I grin soo much I feel like I'm about to explode, and the littlest arguments would send me crying all night until we make up, and I always make the first move because us being mad just makes me go mad and crazy.

Basically you've got to have time apart, do something else like a hobby that keeps you're mind of him. Take some control, it's hard to say, but once you have you feel feel better, because although he may not be he seems like the dominent one in the relationship. When you do argue think to yourself 'I have my pride and he is not worth all this fuss. If it is he's fault he should be manly enough to apologise first.'. Do not apologise straight away, give yourself some time.

I guess there is many steps but i found that being more dominent has helped me less obsessed with him
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To help stop an addiction, you must do something else that is as addictive, and slowly let the old one go. I suggest, if you are serious in overcomming your addiction to your boyfriend, you find someone else, perhaps we can discuss your options over dinner tonight. You're paying.
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OMG reading the above posts has really been somewhat of a revaltion for me. I am a guy who has never been in a relationship. At least seeing all this stuff might help me to bring some understanding when I do get in one.

Thanks.
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I'm exactly the same hun :( I am so terrified that I'm gonna push my partner away. I love him so much and I know that he loves me, but sometimes we fight, and like you, I just end up apologising and apologising just so we can go back to being happy. I drive myself mad because I think about him 24/7, I find it hard to sleep at night when he's not there :(. Even if he walks out of the room for 5 minutes, I have to follow him and see what he is up to. I'm constantly checking his phone and computer, I don't want to, but I just can't help it :( I think about it and get so upset about it until I actually do something about it, then I end up reading too far into things and start to think that he doesn't love me, he loves other things more than me and I just don't know what to do :( I am so terrified of losing him, but I know if I don't do something soon I will end up pushing him away. I don't let him go out with any of his friends, if he does I get really jealous, and I don't have any friends of my own anymore. :( i don't know what to do, I really don't
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Oh and he told me tonight that seeing me everyday is great and he loves it but its starting to feel like a job. he told me he gets bad anxiety and said tonight he was feeling more relaxed without me there. he said no offense sometimes he needs to be alone. well whenever im not over there he starts acting weird like this and i freak out and think hes going to dump me. why would he say that to me?? when im there i try to act cool and laid back its when im not there that i freak out, he told me he knows i worry about him everyday and said ifi really feel like hes going to cheat to leave him. he also said i should be tougher and have more guts and not be so nice all the time. wtf!!
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I have the same problem..I become overly obsessive over time I feel like I am going to lose my partner and then start acting weird,needy,clingy and then when I push him away I ask myself what is wrong with me but then to forget him I blame all on him,that he didn't love me enough and if he did he would stick with me no matter what,fulfill my needs and caprices,accept my jealousy as not such a bad thing because I wouldn't be jealous if i don't care about him ,jump from the bridge with me if i decide to jump (literally of course)!I suggest you to talk to your family, relatives, friends even with your boyfriend, and try to explain him how you feel and in the mean time you can read this book I`ve heard is really good and I just ordered it from Amazon.com for only 10$ shipping included.The book is called "If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure?" Author Carl Phd Hindy! I hope it helps both of us!!
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i have the same problem and i just submitted my story on it not too long ago. i love him so bad it hurts me. i cry a lot. i get angry a lot, and rather make him happy than to make my own self happy :{ it hurts so bad.
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Hmm I have that exacted same problem I do actually still.... I feel so hopless, My self esteem is like very bad!!!! I don't trust my bf especially when he cheated on me! That made it worse Idk why I forgave him but that pain won't go away and I hold grudge toward him.. We always fight everyday, i'm very Jealous!!!! Even with the girls on T.V.! I was never ever like this with past relationships. Im going nuts!!! I feel this weired feeling in my chest like anxiety, it's so frustrating... I always tell him to change to the person he was in the begining of our relationship..If he doesn't call me I call em pissed and yell at em and ask him why he hasn't called me back. I call em like crazy.. Idk what to do I have no dignity anymore, I'm so insecure now, the old me died! this relationship is killin me but it's so addicting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(((
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I've been with my first boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. It hasn't been easy at all but this past year, I can say we've been the best we've ever been. We used to fight everyday and now it's like once a month. However, recently we've been fighting more again because I feel like he just doesn't value me or the relationship anymore. He's hardly ever romantic or does anything to "make it up to me", which I would like just SOMETIMES especially after a fight where it was his fault. I've even told him this but he still doesn't do anything about it b/c he doesn't "think about it" or it's just "not who he is." The more he doesn't show his effort, the more I feel like I'm losing him & that he doesn't love me anymore. These feelings are the most vulnerable to more fights starting. I've always been obsessed but I've tried my best (3 yrs) to contain it & keep it hidden. Now I can barely keep it in control, especially when he ignores me. I'm at the point where I don't even know if we're still together b/c he won't speak to me. I don't have many friends anymore b/c I prefer to hang out w/ him on my free time. I just hate feeling so weak & pathetic. I'm turning into the person I hate, a crazy girlfriend again, calling constantly when he ignores me & texting really long msgs which are usually just overlooked b/c he's too pist/annoyed to care about anything I'm saying. And I know acting this way only pushes him farther away but it's just so hard when I feel like I'm not getting the effort I know I deserve. When we don't fight, he's a good boyfriend, but the more we fight, the more I lose sight of him. I don't want to lose him but I feel like I already have. I've tried to "ignore" him but it always fails. He just ends up ignoring me back and I end up crying for his attention. I hate how I've become this weak again.
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Hello there,

You need to learn to see this relationship from his point of view. You may think that you love him very much, but from his side he will think you're obsessive and borderline stalker. Strangely enough, your suffocating love for him will be the reason why he might break up with you one day.

Learn to pace things. Look into the mirror and tell yourself you will only call him three or four times a week and not more than that. If he wants to say something, listen to what he has to say. Let him do most of the talking for now.

Anyway, I hope things will go well. Good luck!
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i am also on that situation right now... im so obssessed with my boyfriend... i neglected my review and i cant have a day without him...
i am always texting and calling him, i am always checking him... one time he told me that he doesn't like it. It's just like I dont trust him... Despite what he said, i still keep on texting and calling him. and maybe he felt annoyed. he told me, "i'm not happy what you're doing anymore". And so... the next day, I didn't text him and he felt worried... and he's the one who texted me and even visited me in my boarding house..
so, even though you miss him... dont show him that you care... "reverse psychology"..
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okay this is kinda the same problem .. i have been with my bf over a year now, its my first serious relationship and the 1st 6 months months were the best... but after that we fought every single day. when we would fight he would call and apologise even if it was his fault because he seemed so clingy but now im the obsessed one, i do something wrong he gets totally angry and ignores me for ages, even though it was something small, i wud ring he wud turn his phone off, i get really upset that he doesn't want to see me all the time and i do ... at this minute i decided we need a break.. i just said it to see would he care and he just never txted back so i assume thats what he wants .. or does he want to break up ?? is it normal im this obsessed or are most girls the same ??
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if u asked to go on a break and he didnt text back either its because he does want that or because he just expects you to back down and change your mind first...its clear he thinks he has the control in your relationship.
Sounds like it would be better if you took a break and made an effort not to contact him at all and really try to keep yourself busy and happy without him. He will end up realising what he is missing and, hopefully, make the effort to talk to you so you can explain what is making you unhappy and make an effort to help fix the problem. I had the same problem in my first relationship and when you let the other person have all the control they take you for granted and aren't there for you like they should be.
being obsessed with your partner is generally down to a lack of love and affection on their behalf, which was usually there to begin with, making you needy and obsessed with trying to get back that feeling u had at the beginning of the realtionship.
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eva
@: private
wow, this sounds like me! i think i am obessed with my boyfriend and i have been struggling with how to handle it,i've been with my bf for over 2 years. when we started off, he was the obssessed one, calling me 2-3 times a day, would want to see me everyday,he would talk about marriage and ask if i would want to marry him,he'd tell me how we can afford to live in a big house and have 3 kids.. needless to say, he told me everything a woman my age would want to hear, not to mention that he is adorable, very sensitive,a good listener, a good communicator etc.. so before i knew it i feel in love with him, but then he started getting distant and i was the obssessed one. Now,for me i think im obssessed with him because i think about him literaly all the time, ALL day at work, at home, when im out with friends all the time, im constantly thinking about how tomake him happy. he even told me once he thinks i love him more than i love myself. I cater to his every need but i also knew how to give him space,i only called him about 4-5 times a week, i never ask him where he was, he goes out with his friends and give him his own space because lots of books out there said space is good in relationship. But, he used that space to make time for another woman who he cheated on me with, i was hurt broken, i wanted to leave but i love him somuch i couldnt so i forgave him. ever since then, i became not only obssessed but insecure as well, not being able to tell between right or wrong, at times i felt deatah would be a sweet relief from the pain i felt from the betrayal and from feeling trapped by the love i have for him. i cried almost everyday even tho he said he loves me. so now he is taking me for granted again because he KNOWS i love him and he has always been in control, he tells me not to call him if he is busy,forget seeing him, but i always make time for him no matter how busy i am, i think the only time i will not make time to call him was if i were in a battle zone in a war with bullets chasing me, but he says he tried everything to make me happy, i guess maybe to him this is his best of how to show me love. ijust have to accept it. so, i think obssession is a product of lack of attention from the other side. When you dont obssess and u ignore them, if they love u they will try hard to get ur attention, right now we are making it to easy for them by giving them attention ALL the time, they dont have to do any work for it, so they wont appreciate it, they wont feel the need to do anything back for u because they are comfortable. but please dont suffocate the person, if they ask for space give it to them, calling them constantly will make them get further away from u, give them time to actually miss u and contact you. I know how you feel, but if you are christain, pray every morning on it
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i know exactly what you all mean.
it sux and its like nothing will change.
we girls care and worry way to much.
When they go out with their friends or when your not with them we think they might get hurt or die or jail or sumthing.
it sux caring way to much about the love of my life.
In a way its kinda obsessing but its overcaring.
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Hello guys and girls, I am currently slightly going through the same, hopefully, phase. Ha, I've been with my girl for quite a while now. going on Third Year really but have been really close for 6. I'm in a long distance relationship and since April i showed a sign of being obsessed. It scared me as much as it her, considering her ex-boyfriend was very possessive. Well we talked about it and everything was fine but I find myself feeling slightly the way you do. Considering I'm moving there to live with her within 2 months,All I really need right now is to talk to her. I cant really spend money and with work and school my friends are out of the question. But my advice to you is, ride it out if you can. It sucks to feel that way but try to hold yourself back from calling back, texting them so much or anything...IT WILL BE HARD, but eventually you'll start going back to how most of you were. Sadly for me, I have two months to go. Considering i have a smart phone, my texts seem like just chat messages, and all grouped together, it's hard remembering that other people get 3 or so separate messages and that does get annoying. Hope you can do it, because if not you'll just end up driving them away. I've been on the other end of the situation and that's what has happened with other girlfriends but everyone needs their space just like everyone have their times where they just want to be spending time with that special someone 24/7.
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I just hate being alone. I understand that he is a brother to two younger siblings of his and stuff. I'm just really jealous and it almost tore us apart a few times thanks to me. If I look at the bright side of things, I can be part of HIS family and have fun with them. But the other thing is, is that he is adopted and has been for about 12 years now. His real mom lives far away and his real dad has a new life with his new wife and son. I know that my boyfriend had a hard life growing up and he had to parent his siblings for sometime. I just need to stop thinking about bad things. Like that he will leave me to be with them or leave me for some other girl for some stupid reason because I know that he is not like that. But he is so freaking attractive and before I came along a lot of girls at school liked him and shit. I have no idea why he decided to go out with me. What I did to even make him think I was worth it but I thank god all the time for him and how lucky I am to have someone like him in my life. I know that out futures together will be amazing but being trapped in this house with my mom is really bad. I don't even have my own room or anything. It's a small studio that we share. It's disgusting. I miss my old room that was really big. We had to move though because grandma was dieing. Shortly after we did she passed away. I was so sad and still miss her because after she died my mom started to treat me like shit. So there have been many things going on in my life the last 6 months. I'm afraid of things I should really never be afraid of. Just because he wants to spend time with his brother doesn't mean I should get all butt hurt. I should go out and enjoy that time with him since he want's me to go. I wanted to die the other night because I felt so trapped and disgusted with myself. I kept saying I really need help and It's driving me crazy.
(V-Continued-V)
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(Hopefully you can delete my first post... i messed up)

Holy crap... This was so freaking helpful to me. I cant wait to pick up some of the books that a few of you mentioned. I have been with my boyfriend a little over 1 and a half now. I love the guy to death and so on. Our relationship was so amazing and fun when we first started dating. The first 4-5 months were pretty fun and I got to learn a lot about him. We got together when we were both 16. I always dreamed of finding a young love and I did. I was so wrapped up in the fact that I found the one that I forgot about what I WANTED in a relationship and forgot to keep myself together. He is my first boyfriend and all that. Any ways, the past 3-4 months have been really hard for me. I never EVER thought that I would ever pick up a phone and call someone so much. I call him everyday. He calls me and yada yada. We have seen each other everyday since we started dating and he likes it that way. I do too but I'm bored most of the time. We don't live together yet but we are trying to get jobs. That day will come when we have to go out and do business/work or whatever and we wont be able to see each other for a whole day. I guess that's ok with me but I'm not sure. The past few days have been driving me insane. I'm an only child and he is not. He has people to go home to and greet him and people to talk to and stuff. I only have a mom. Everyone else in my family is dead or gone. For example my dad has been dead since I was 3 years old and my grandma which was pretty much my mom died 2 days after Valentines day this year. I miss her dearly. All the friends I once had have gone away. There is no one for me to talk to anymore. I don't like my mom but I have to live with her until I get my job and move out to go live on the base. Id love to have a brother or sister to talk to and be there for me. It was a wish I have always wished for, but it's an old one and now that I look at it...
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I have been 'officially' with my boyfriend now for almost 3 months but we have been seeing each other for about 7 months. Before we became 'us' he was the one pursuing me. He would text first, call first, and always told me how much he wanted me to be his girl but he was willing to wait because I had never been in a relationship before and wasn't sure that I was ready. When I was ready I told him and we made it 'official.' Things were good for awhile, we both did our share of calling each other. Slowly he stopped answering his phone but for a while he would always call back. Now the callbacks are less frequent. I know he has a lot of other things going on in his life right now, I'm not trying to make excuses for him because I think no matter how busy you are if you really care about someone a 2 minute phone call or quick text isn't too much to ask for.

I just don't understand how things have completely flipped! Now I'm the one calling and texting first, always. If he tells me he is going to call and doesn't, I get upset. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be upset if it happened once in a while but it is all the time. He also tells me occasionally that he is going to come over but doesn't show up and won't answer his phone. When this happens he knows I will be upset so he won't talk to me for a day or two, because he doesn't want to 'hear my mouth.' When he knows I'm upset or when he's upset he completely shuts down. He won't answer calls or texts, and like most of you I find myself apologizing for things that may not even be my fault, just because I'm afraid of losing him. When he doesn't answer I find myself continually calling him throughout the day. I can't keep my mind off of it. Most of my friends are married and have children so sometimes it is hard to keep myself occupied with friends. I don't understand how I turned into this 'crazy' woman. I don't want to do this. I want to be able to give him his space, but it seems like now that he has me as his girl he thinks that he doesn't have to try anymore. I always want to try ignoring his calls and texts and see what happens but I can't bring myself to do it. I turn down plans with others just in case he might call and want to see me. I'm a smart woman and even though this is my first real relationship, I KNOW this is not how it should be. I try talking to him about things but he thinks I blow everything out of proportion and make a big deal out of nothing, but I think that nothing is a big deal to him. He tells me I worry too much, which I know is definitely true, but if he knows that shouldn't he make a little more of an effort?

I don't know if I'm really looking for advice, as I have read a lot of what is already posted and it seems to be good advice, but I am open to any feedback or comments! I know I need to learn to be happy with myself and start to enjoy 'me time' and not worry so much about him.
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@: Goosey2
@Goosey2: You could try to ignore him as well. Do as he does to you. He would probably understand. Just my opinion. :)

When I get mad at my boyfriend, I usually ignore him for a day or two and he also deliberately does the same thing like what I've done to him. It made me realise that it's no good to ignore someone like that. :)
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Wow, well, I came to this site and this posting specifically to get advice on my relationship of 3 1/2 yrs, on and off. But seems that I'd just be one in MANY with the same story.
I can relate intimately with quite a few of the stories regarding not getting back from your boyfriend what you feel you give to the relationship, being ignored, turning down plans with others (even family) just in case he decides he wants to spend time with me, him having all the control because he knows he can, thinking about our relationship all the time giving me much anxiety, etc. etc. Ugh.
Does make me feel better knowing I'm not the only one that feels alone and crazy.... and he does make me feel crazy sometimes.
Actually, let's get it right here... I let him make me crazy, and that's what needs to change. A person is always going to do what they can get away with. If I continue letting him treat me in a manner Im uncomfortable with, he'll continue treating me that way because I let him, and he can.

floflo: There's some very good advice in these posts but your advice is so encouraging and straight forward to me; the best on here in my opinion. Thank you
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Well I moved away from all my family and friends to be with my partner when I was 17 we have now been together for 3 years and lived together for 2.I am definatley not obsessed with him I have done well for myself leaving home and getting a brilliant job and I'm gonna go far in life but I am very dependent on him as my friend swell as my partner as I have no1 else . He goes to work on the weekends and I will sit at the park on my own or find something to do on my own, but I must admit having nobody but your boyfriend around you has made me feel like I need him, i call him when I'm bored i see him basically everyday when he goes out with his friends I don't mind but I wish I could too. Moving to London was the best thing I ever did career wise as there was nothing back home, but now I'm on my own I am only 19 I never go out clubbing I spend my life at work but u need to work to be successful I suppose I shouldn't complain about that. My boyfriend treats me nicely a lot of the time but other times I fell like he knows he can be rude or take things out on me and I will be the one feeling guilty, I feel like I'm doing to much for him I cook for him everyday, wash his clothes,buy him gifts,he is currently out of work and looking for a new job he gets mad at himself that I am supporting him and helping him with money and takes this out on me, I cant help him find a job as whenever we speak about the subject he gets angry at me and I feel so guilty. I love him to bits and i know he loves me but he is pushing me away each time he shouts or gets mad at me I'm loving him less and less but I don't want this to happen, maybe because he is the only man I have ever been with, I have guys asking me in the street for my number all the time but I can't stand it and I don't think there are other guys out there like my boyfriend. Everyone tells me I'm a beautiful girl and sometimes I look at myself and think why am I doing all of this for him when he is taking advantage of me!!! I can get someone else but I'm stuck to him , I wanna be with him, I just wish he would pay more attention to me,When I woke up this morning my partner was just sitting there with his head down and looked really upset so I said are you ok ? He just looked at me and said yes I am fine don't start in a very aggressive tone. Why do I fell bad for asking if he was ok ? He keeps telling me I'm going to leave him soon if he doesn't find a job because no girl Shuld support her boyfriend but I'm not going to leave him, I know how hard it is to find a job and i love him I will always support him , he's not like the other guys without a job who sign on and sit on there arse all day, he is looking and he Is a hard worker I am proud of him but I want him to stop taking this out on me just because he doesn't have a job doesn't mean i would leave him.I dont know if he is pushing himself away by trying to make me feel like this on purpose .
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Gosh, this is pretty interesting stuff. It is amazing how one can truly feel they are alone and that they are the only person who feels this way. I spoent all Friday night and saturday morning/afternoon in uncontrallable tears, positive that I was crazy and that I was the only person who couldnt get their beloved out of their head [I was with my beloved too at this point...poor thing having to endure my tears].

Clearly, I am one of these people, who, perhaps is not obsessed, but thinks about my beloved pretty much all day long. I wake up and go to sleep with the same one thing popping into my head. I find my life revolves around when I will next see my beloved and when I will next receive a message, or will he, or wont he respond to my email. And it certainly does drive me crazy. Waiting....always waiting....

Indeed, sometimes, it is so bad, the constant thoughts in my head that I wish everything would just end, but I know that I would be giving up on this amazing person in my life, who is, i must add, very supportive of my emotions. My beloved is a very good guy, without doubt.

Sometimes it is hard to really acknowledge the way I am, I pretty sure I am like this because of my younger years. Everything I read suggests that my insecurities and unrealistic needs and intense desire for attention are caused by my parents.

I used to refuse to acknowledge this. I did not want to be one of those people who blamed everything on 'what happened when they were a child', and I am not doing so now, but, I do now have to acknowledge that my childhood and what happened effected my approach to relationships.

That fear of losing the person you adore so much. Losing, in the sense that they may be ran over, or suddenly have a heart attack on the loo...not loss as in being ditched.

I wish so much that I could be like all these 'normal' people you see in the streets, who look like they have their perfect lives, without any emotional pain or strain at all. Never worrying, will I ever see my beloved again, what if he forgets about me...oh forgetting about me is another big fear of mine. I keep trying to think, did someone forget about me as a child?

Anyhow, my point, it is amazing to know that I am not alone, that there are many others who are affected in a similar way by the person they are with. The constant thoughts and really feeling like they run your life. I check my phone constantly, and am constantly writing messages and calling my beloved, I thought I was bad, but I think there are people even worse than me. And my, I feel for you, because even if I feel and experience half of what of some of you feel, then, well, I am not sure I could cope...I am barely able to cope as it is...
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I just read pretty much all of this, :( its so sad how many of us girls are going through this. Seriously, life is too short, Don't mess you self up for some boy who's hurting you. Smile, don't think to much. Enjoy your life before it's too late.
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I'm in exactly the same situaition. As i read through this it seems all the stories match up to exactly how i feel. I felt so alone and like noone out there knew, but it seems there's a lot of us. Im just wondering why noone else on here has mensioned ending it? And getting themselves together. Thats what iv been thinking of doing it. I feel like it will never work, this whole ignore him and stuff. If at least ten people on here say they are going to end it for their own good, then i would at least be inspired too. my heart is hurting me right now from all the tears ive been crying from 5am and not doing my work
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Ollieo
Well you have sure hit a nerve with a lot of other women. I just hope you listen to and love yourself - because everything about you says: "THIS IS UNHEALTHY!"

But you ignore yourself and pursue this sick commitment to an angry guy who is convinced that he is the centre of your universe and entitled to that. This is just sick, sick, sick and for god's sake, don't loose your bleeding mind over your bleeding mind.

Stop being his enabler. Dump him and get some help around why you feel undeserving a a healthy and loving relationship.
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Ollieo
@: Ollieo
* bleeding mind over your bleeding heart
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I'm not gonna pretend like I've been through this before but a very very good friend of mine has and it nearly ruined her. She was into a guy and she dropped every little thing in her life to be with him. She was with him for 4 years and he took advantage of her love and affection. By the time she realized this and left him, she had almost no friends because she'd taken out her frustration at him on them. I know you love him and thats great but love isn't supposed to make you feel the way you are right now. Maybe you just need to take a step back and chill for a bit, get your bearings and all.
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As we got back together after a month of breakup, he told me he was still so paranoid and tired of me asking for breakups for so many times every time we fight. Once we got back again, he wasnt sure if he loved me as much as he had used to be. He could not really tell if we were boyfriend n girlfriend, he just said he loved being around with me. I am not sure if we were gonna end up together because I have to leave my country for good. He sometimes doesnt treat me nice as in swearing at me when he gets mad. I can't really tell if it is his fault or mine that we start an argument. But i think it is mostly started by me. He said I was thinking too much and being too childish. Doesnt he understand how I feel? Should i get over him? But m still in love with him and I do not wanna lose him. I've been too demanding that I wanna spend most of my time with him. And every time we fight, he always asks if I wanna break up with him. He said like this, "What now? You wanna ask for a break up? Fine, do whatever u want and I don't give a shit!". Somehow it made me felt so guilty that I thought to myself that I've been literally and constantly bugging him with the breakup issues.

During the one-month break up, I found that he was with another which I guessed the girl was just a rebound girl for him. I was super mad at him and I nagged him over the phone saying how he had done that to me, I told him he was a jerk and all that mocking words. He said they were just friends and he said he was being lonely so he talked to the girl about his r'ship issue with me. I was stalking this girl through his facebook of how they talk to each other and everytime i saw this girl's pict, I swear I felt like strangling her. Until last 2 weeks, I saw this girl at my uni. She was staring at me and she got scared. I didn't tell my boyfriend that I saw her at school, I might just get over with it to avoid any argument.

One last point from me, another reason of me being so attached to him is because we have very close body contacts, you may say manual sex. Everytime we have done that, I feel happier and secure because he has pleased me and I won't get mad at him for a couple of days. But once we haven't met each other and do it, I felt terrible and my mood swings easily. I get mad at him easily, I make a big deal out of small things. Am I so attached just because i'm addicted to his touch? Am I truly in love with him for whatever he is or just in love of his touch? I am confused! I need some guidance, PLEASE HELP!! :(
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hey...iam in the exactly same situation as you...i want to ask you whether you r in some progress??
i have been following these many sites which say that dont call him too much and try to step back a little....he calls me...but not that much...we meet in college...but he does not care that much....when i see other people so happy in their relationships i get so angry and jealous...and he had broken from his past relation in which he was damn serious...and now he says he can never commit to me....

think the problem is that we are letting our boyfriends controll over us...and they even know that know matter what we will never leave them....thats y they take us for granted.....but the thing is that we cannot even do anything about it.....i try to enjoy on my own lately...that has helped me...but im not that happy with all this ...i dont know what to do...i dont knw if you have succeded to anything...

please do reply if you could halp meee.....
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dude what's up with this? I'm 20 but I must be really disconnected from being a teenage girl already. ive NEVER met girls like this, it was always the guys being clingy and shit. where are yalls friends and hobbies? sheesh develop your own identity before being with someone
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True , give him some space or u might drive him away ..
Good luck =)
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You know why you all have the same problem? because this is wat relationships are. A struggle and a whole bunch of pain. You girls are thinking to much and not realizing what the boys are seeing. All dating is just a play with eachothers emotions, and a struggle for control over your girl (for guys) or over your self control (the girls). Its going to hurt, get over it. Somebody has to break the truth to these people.
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let be blunt with you. I think he is very likely to break up with you soon as your clearly i stupid bitch. keep it real YO!!OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO-Gravey yo
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I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, at first we partied real hard. Then I quit partying but he has continued. When he goes out he does not answer his phone, i literally get crazy, call him about 200 times, and when he finally picks up, usually when he's to drunk to even have a conversation, I break up crying and tell him its over, next day, he'll cry and tell me can't live without me and that he will change, that "change" lasts about 2 days then he's back to step 1.

When I'm calling him obsessively i just can't stop, I can't concentrate on anything else, my hands tremble and my heart pounds really fast, sometimes I feel I can't breathe. I can't sit down, can't watch t.v, can't go on social networks, I am really desperate, can't even go to sleep, its devastating. Ruins my night, usually won't sleep until he gets home, which is usually late, really late!

I'm desperate really. Every week I break up with him but I know it won't last, its becoming a vicious circle.
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OMG....Im pretty much the same, when I cant get through to my bf I keep ringing and ringing until I drive myaelf crazy, I wont be able to sleep or do anything until he calls me. If his phone is ever switched off I think something has happened to him and panik, I know this is not normal. Its kind of driving me crazy, I want to be able to enjoy my relationship not constantly worry at all times. Its comforting to know that there are other girls that feel the same as sometimes I think its just me!
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I'm going through the same obsessiveness right now. My boyfriend of six months has a lot of friends that are women and he helps them with their relationships. The other night I asked him to stop texting this one woman and just see her at school. He refused saying I was being controlling. I used to roll my eyes at women that would try and control their boyfriends now I am doing that. My emotions in the last week have been up and down so much that I've gotten physically sick. I need help to get over this, I knew I had an obsessive personality so, I made sure I didn't drink or do drugs and now I'm obsessing over this. I was an independent woman before this and I can feel I am pushing him away.
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I wish I had looked into this before. I have been obsessed with my boyfriend for the last 6 months of our 2yr relationship. I was a strong, independant female and then I don't know how or why, but I changed and became weak and like a lil puppy following him around. We started fighting and I bent over backwards to make it work for months and he even moved in! My clinginess chased him away though. I have now lost him (2 weeks ago) and I can only wish that I maintained my independance and not let myself become this shell of my former self. If you think you felt obsessed while you were with him as I did, that is nothing - now that I don't have him and can't see him, I'm constantly aching for him and I'm struggling to get back my friends I abandoned while I was with him. Such a bad place I'm in. But it's not too late for you all. LADIES!! stop and think. At least you still have your man, keep him...maintain interests and a life of your own and you will be sure to keep him if that's what you truly want. Otherwise, wake up and realize that you are not someone's door mat and that you deserve to have someone just as equally devoted to you - in a healthy way of course :)
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So many stories, lol*

But yea, I guess its normal, I mean, when I first starting dating my current bf, we're in a long distance relationship since I just moved out of state, it'd drive me crazy if I can't reach him. We'd talk on IM's a lot, and I misplaced his number one time, and unfortunately, he can't IM me because he was busy cause school was starting. We couldn't talk for a week,and it drove me crazy.
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I also have the same problem I think Im obsessed with my bf he is the only one for me he's my first bf and im 19 and we are together 2 years.Im so inlove with him i feel like im so paramoid when he did not text me but i know that he's busy but still im still worrying. Im aFRAID THAT I will lose him i dont know what to do im super super inlove and im afraid to get hurt someday i know that in this age he will meet another better than me (he is 21) T___T Please help me should i lessen my love for him not to get hurt someday?
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OMG @kukurami

we are exactly on the same boat!! I am 19 and my boyfriend will turn 22 this year. We have been together for more than 2 years now and for the past 6 months, it has been driving me nuts!!

i've become so attached to him that I actually always get mad at him every single week, especially on the weekends. He works 7 days a week and we usually do not meet up on the weekends coz he would catch up with his friends. I used to ask for a break up every time we fight but I am the one who would try to make up at the end of the argument. I feel I'm stupid and I have confessed to him how attached I am to him and how I am madly and deeply in love with him. I even said to him that i doubted him if he loves me as much as i do. I sometimes feel after i told him about my feelings toward him, he could easily be in control of me. If he does anything wrong, I would try myself to think that it is normal.

I just now fought with my boyfriend and as I have read this forum so far, I have turned my phone off and I am spilling my gut out in here.

There was this one time when we took our time off for nearly a month during my exams. I felt terribly horrible that I wasn't able to concentrate on my studies and I nearly flung in my exams. It happened the same when i first met him at campus during my exam, I fell in love for the first time. My heart just pounded so hard everytime I saw him. I couldnt concentrate on my studies and nearly failed. I couldnt take my eyes of him. I must say he is my first love, I have never felt this crazy when i meet a guy.

To be continued*
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chicken=)
You're porbably coming off as desperate and clingy. If you back of a tad he'll warm up to you, and you won't have to be so paranoid all the time.
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Alright, I'm definitely going crazy here and I need someones help desperately. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 and a half years. In the beginning he was the obsessed one always trying to please me and worrying about what I thought. I don't know if he just got comfortable or bored..or what happened. He has major financial and family issues and has since i met him. he is constantly trying to dig himself out of a hole and im always helping him in some shape or form. i feel like i have no opinions anymore and im always worried he is going to leave me for someone else who is smarter or can think up a better solution for him. i dont know if im obsessed with him or worried about trying to help him. i cant go a day without seeing him or i freak out and think hes talking to an ex or a new girl. we broke up 2 months ago he said he felt overwhelmed and he ended up sleeping with some other girl. i think about this chick everyday..its bad. i googled her..found out all her info and have driven past her house several times. when i dont seehim i drive past his house. i sit on the computer and try to see how long he stays on line for. i even made a different name just so i could watch him. I always feel like hes talking to someone on the computer. i spend literally every free minute i have with him. i feel like im gonna lose it more and more every day. its such a horrible feeling. i get scared to disagree with him or talk to him about how i really feel for fear of pushing him away. ive started acting like a robot. i worry about this other chick jumping on the scene again. hes noticed the change..he isnt that great at putting his feelings into words but hes attempted and told me when he gets depressed he needsspace. the problem is when he wantsspace i get depressed and freak out. i dont understand him he constantly talks about living with me and having a family and then needs space or time to himself. i feel like whenever i give him time to himself he is going to reconsider our relationship or have the time and chance to talk to someone else. i have even thought of doing things to trap him..its really scary. i dont know where this came from or how it happened. i want to trust him but i feel like when he broke up with me and found someone like the next week it really fucked with my head. i absolutely hate this other girl and if i could get away with it would probably kill her. i obsess over this shit everyday and cant stop. help!!!
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N/A(anonymous)
Hi,
ive heard this many times before and yes you are acually addicted to him like a drug he is your drug the reason why is because the brain has these conecctions and when your with him and every things perfect your brain produces serotonin and you might think this is fake but this is acually true , Google it, but to fix this you are going to have to show him more that when you dont take his call he wont get mad honey yall have been together for 3 yrs hes put up with you for this long he aint lettin you go anywhere show him ok your probably saying to yourself nah i wont listen to N/A(anonymous)but just think twice b/c the road your leadung to is not good at all you should message me back for further help i really hope you listen loosen up ok
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I thought I was bad, but reading all your posts I've realised I'm really not. Both my boyfriend and I miss each other a lot when we're away from each other but being the girl I am more verbal and emotional about it. My boyfriend is a wonderful man, he cares about me and we love spending time with each other. If these men are taking advantage of any of you then he is not right for you.
If they are treating you right, however, you just need to find outside interests out of the relationship. My boyfriend enjoys bike riding and motorbike riding and I have taken up running again. Always keep yourselves busy- that's what my boyfriend and I do.
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I am in the same situation or at least I think I am. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and I really really love him. I stay at his house Monday to Friday but yet I don't feel like I get to spend much time with him as he has friends round most days. I'm not sure if it's normal that this bothers me. Sometimes he goes clubbing with his brother and friends and I can't sleep worrying that he will dance with other girls etc if he drinks. I know he would never cheat on me but this is my first relationship so im just really scared of losing him. Every time I see on facebook he is friends with a girl I get jealous. I am also overly worried that when we leave uni in June where he will move back home to surrey and I will be in Barnet, North London that we will never see each other as works weekends and I will be working mon-fri. He has assured me he will never leave me and find the time to see me but howww? There will be no time and this scares me as I am used to being with him a lot. I really don't know what to do? Help please.
Thank you and sorry its long . xxxxx
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@: stina89
Distance does NOT ruin relationships... Doubts do n if the love is still there then I am sure it will work out fine just find arrangements for you guys to see each other or just simply talk on the fone or txt for a while
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I'm home from school because I'm so down& depressed. He's not my boyfriend but he took my virginity & we've been talking for over a year now. he's my first love, & the only guy i want. He slept with my bestfriend, and multiple other girls, yet he still wants me & I still want him. I was sent away to a 35,000$ program and it didn't help, I dont know what to do with myself honestly.. everytime i go to school people tell me stories & it makes me sick. everytime i see his fb i puke because it upsets me so bad, it shouldn't be this way, and im so tired of feeling so awful.. i dont know what to do i feel like i've done everything, i'm young & i know (hope) this will pass, but in the mean time what should i do? my whole familys dissappointed in me & im trying so hard to let this go but i just cant seem to do it. i try to hang out with my friends, but it ends up in a talk about him, i try to go out but i come back home because he's frineds with everyone and they're always talking about him. he's the infamous person in town, i cant go anywhere but my own home to not hear about him, and even then i do. PLEASE HELP!
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1 day i decided to look at his phone and to my disgrace found a couple of deleted messages to some girl that we both knew a girl that he went out with for like a week and she dumped him and here he goes months later asking her to hang out with him wgile he was going out with me knowing that i had been through hell in the past why would he do this behind my back i was so disappopinted i wanted to break up he begged me not to leave him that he was sorry blah blah b;ah i knew in my heart that i wouldnt be able to let go ... cause i hated that girl so bad even b$ this happened cause i knew her and i told him is better to end this he insisted so we went on but i looked through all of his things in front of him i found numbers to hot lines etc... i suddenly felt like who was i with he said it was his past but it still hurt her got rid of everything and we continued toghther i mean we wereoficially a couple for 3 months...time passed and io became miserable controlling he was also the jealous type but i think as time passed i beacame so anxious of when will he cheat on me well i notice it ..due to the fact that he had almost hceated with that girl if i wouldnt have cheked his things ...i have this feeling everyday of my life for the first 2yrs i had dreams of them sleeping on my bed her being pregnant ..it was horrible i finally let her go but it was hard although nothing happened ..we lived together for 10 mths now its been ok.. because i try to hide these stupid ideas sometimes blow up and tellhim.. i imagine these crazy scenarios in my mind when he doesnt answer the phone i know what time he comes home if he doesnt i have a oanic attack i watch his eyes move everytime we go out depending n what he says i end up forming stories in my head of the future and how we end up when we were just going out i would break up with him every other day now i dont but when we do argue ( out of my crazy ideas) i tell him to leave i sourd of make him feel guily i mean there are things he does that make me worry but i overreact in everything i'll tell him to leave but then am crying my eyes off thinking the worse feel like its the end of my life .. i just cant take it i go to therapy but i thought i was the only person feeling like this..i tell him my thoughts he stays amazed with my stories and he trys to cooperate with me am still trying to figure out if theres a label to this issue they rtold me 1st i was bipolar type 2 now they said am not i suffer from anxiety but hey lets see... so if any!wants to chat am here
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i gues we all share da same prblm, but da thing wit me is that i am sharing my bf wit dis other girl and iam trying 2 win him over. Therefore i call hm all da time to tel him that i love him and i wil text him constantly with da exact same message just to let hm know that i want hm and that i care..i just dnt knw how 2 give hm space and try not look so desperate and childish
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You gotta stop telling him this everyday find things to do trust me if he really wants you he will see it after you've haven't talked to him in a while n found your own life
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I've read a lot of the comments here, and I'm hoping I can get some advice? I'm like this towards my bf too, and we've been in a long distance relationship for a little over 6 months. He used to text/call/skype with me all the time. Somewhere along the way, he kind of stopped. Me, being the obsessive person I am, panicked and always called/texted him cause I was scared he would leave me. I was scared that if for one moment, I didn't contact him, his mind would wander to other girls (which happened once, unfortunately). I do sometimes talk to him about it, but he always says that he's just too tired, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong. If I asked whether he still loved me or misses me, he says "yes, I still do". But then he would add in that he thinks I'll leave him sooner or later. He says it's expected of all girls and that all girls are the same. From what i heard from him, he had a lot of heartbreak before he met me. So sometimes, he detaches himself from me, because he believes that sooner or later, I'll leave him because that's what will always happen. So the problem is, if i do stop texting/calling him, will he think that I've finally moved on? Will he think that I'm just like all those other girls (which i definitely am not, or I wouldn't have stayed this long through his cheating). I love him, I really do, but sometimes, I'm at lost of what to do. If i ignore him, i feel the chances are that he'll stop loving me. If i keep texting him, i feel like i'm getting hurt because he's not putting an effort to text me. More so, we are in a long distance relationship, but we've seen each other every month, and we've made plans to move in together as soon as I move to where he is. What should I do?? Thanks for the inspiring stories everyone ^~^
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I feel this way too and no I don't think its normal. It may have a lot to do with past abandonment issues. Not that it makes any difference, but just out of curiosity, how old are you?
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I get that every couple goes past the 'honeymoon' stage but.. it feels like im in the way and he doesnt care if im with him or not and that he would always prefer to go out without me.
This might sound silly but he never gives me a hug or kiss or shows me comfort.. i always give it to him.
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oh my god thank you. i thought i was the only one. i am just like that.
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I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now,and trust me its been very difficult, and the last year has been the most overwhelming because he was dealing with things i've done in the past which has really got him so stressed that he would have to go see a shrink and even physical shaking cuz of stress,..not proud of what i did, but i never cheated just so you know. but he had the hardest time forgiving me for the past year now,like every 3rd day he would ingnore me..like hes okay when hes with me but then once hes alone he starts to think about everything i did to hurt him in the past and dosnt talk to me for like a week and would never ever answer my calls, but thats in the past now. but he finaly forgave me like a month ago cuz he knew we wouldnt be able to last the way we were going. so when he actuelly told me he forgave me, everything changed, it felt like we were normal like before, like he was so much happier and so was i, and he promised me he'd never do that to me again cuz he dosnt want to be away from me that long anymore. but heres the problem now, he is soo stressed out and everytime hes stressed out he dosnt open up to me, like i ask him to talk to me about it cuz it never helps to keep it in. and he says he really wants to open up but he cant, and hes so emotionaless now... like i ask him questions and he wont answer any of it, i ask him if he even loved me, he just got fustrated and left me crying without sayin anything, made me feel like crap cuz i dont know if he even cares about me anymore and i do everything i can to make him happy..but its not enough, i feel like hes life is so busy and so complicated that he has nothing left in him for me,..but anyways i left it up to him to call me but im going nuts , im crying and i feel like i deserve answers but i think i should maybe just leave him alone until he calls me back,...its just hard cuz i feel like hes gonna go back to ingnoring me for like weeks, and it terrifies me, like when he ingnores me , he completly ingnores me and it hurts so badly, i suffered for almost a year, like before he'd never come see or talk to me, i feel almost just as hurt when my dad died a year ago, and i feel like if i loose him i'll feel that pain again, that feeling of loosing someone forever again.., and i love this boy with everything i have, he just makes everything so complicated by ingnoring me and not opening up to me and litterly taking hes stress out on me by being soo blunt to me ,..so should i call him or just give him hes space? cuz im havin a hard time right now not picking up the phone, :( and how should i take this, should i just tell myself he still loves me hes just stressed out and has a hard time dealing with it and i should just let him be or maybe he cant handle me anymore and he dosnt want to bother trying? like thers more to the story trust me, but itll take foreverr. I just want to do whats right and be a good girlfriend, should i call or not or leave it up to him?
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hi girls.... Well im in the exact same boat. I have the most gorgeous boyfriend on earth... so mannnny girls are crazy about him. 27 years old and drop dead gorgeouse. Me, on the other hand, well im plein jane.

I work in a recruitment company and have recently founf him a new job, that he started 2 months ago. He started as a PLUMBER lol yes, and in 1 WEEK ended up being the chef and goes out in suits to find clients just because of his looks!. He starts at 6 or 7 in the morning and.... now arrives at about 9 to 12 at night. I call him like a mad person and sms silly things like marry your job etc, i have become insane. ive even walked to his office at midnight because i couldnt handle it i didnt believ his working. But he was there with his boss as the company is going through difficulties. In the beginning he was really understanding phoning me a lot, smsing, apologising like mad, saying it wont last long. He even came to fetch me to sit in his office with hil like a weird woman amongst men but he didnt care. He even came to fetch me to eat out with his MALE work collegues about 6 of them and i was the ONLY girlfriend there but he didnt care he didnt want me to stay at home. Bought me roses there and told everyone how much he loves me INFRONT OF ME!. OKAY, so what do i do, continue being a freak calling him 50 times a day being rude telling him his seeing someone else being horrible, his fed up and now ignores me and says if i continue this childish behavious his going to get tired and leave. Im so obsessed and realise that i have the perfect boyfriend, who is working for us to get married and have children (HE TOLD ME) and i just keep messing it up big time. I tell myself every sigle day im going to control myself and ignore him and actually be there for him when he gets home with a smile on my face instead of a crazy women ready to attack him when he arrives. I dont know what to do i am going to lose the man of my life.

I cant control my feelings =,( eventhough i realsie how lucky i am to have him =(

Help!
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I had this exact same problem...
this is how i felt and i wrote it down...

(I’m upset. I shall say this quickly as I don’t want to dwell on what I’ve said.
I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much in this past year for just this one boy, and not even very slowly, I forgot how to interact with others and even myself.
There is not an inch of my life in which I do not feel like I belong to someone else and not just myself. Not anymore.
I remember the times before, when I dreamed of being with the most amazing person in the world and them curing me. Curing me of the things that they would actually love me for, that I just have not accepted yet.
Every minute of my life I am thinking, “Oh, I wish he were here with me, oh I’m so upset he does not feel the same intense love I do for him. Or if he does, how I wish he would show it in ways to me that I can relate to.” Other times, I think that I would be better off without him. How much easier life was in those days, in those days when the only worry was how much fun people were having with you, not how much they loved you. Why am I the one to bear this burden? Did I really, could I really have chosen this for myself?
Truly I cannot think of anything else to do, I am blind. I have been blinded! Tricked, have I been tricked??? Tricked in the minute he kissed me. Why can I not see this anymore? I used to be able to understand myself in a second. I guess it’s because I’ve taken lots of time off. It feels like I’ve been on holiday from myself for almost a whole year and now we’re catching up. Hey Delilah, what do you like to do now? Hey Delilah, what are your favourite songs? Or colours… Who do you actually love? Do you still like to play the guitar? Do you still like to act? I know if I said this to a friend, or to anyone else they would think I was over-reacting. But it is a feeling, of utmost loss in the pit of my stomach. Like my known existence slips away and I’m just a ghost passing through life.
The feeling comes and goes, but I just don’t know what to do.)
if you felt like me, go on a break PRONTO. be selfish! Find yourself again, and you will have control
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I have similar issues!! Would be happy to speak to anyone just to lighten my mood! Been with my guy for over 3 years I know he loves me but I hate the fact he knows I'm always there... He always says I don't haveto try coz I know you run back! I hate that coz I care Im not stubborn but he is I can't stay angry with him for long. He says I'm not allowed to text him if I've done something to upset him even tho he upsets me first and I just stick up for myself! I get angry and say ok I won't text you but I never stick to it and I ring him constantly! I want to be stronger and want him to be more worried! What can I dooo??
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Most times we have to find ourselves first of all. If u look deeper into ur heart u ll realize u have a problem u need to solve. When u have a deep pain it brings about a deep lack of confidence and insecurity in u. U have someone who takes off someone of that pain by feeling of " being in love" cos when u r with him u feel less pain. He makes u laugh n happy which takes ur mind of d pain. U begin t obsess. U think If u loose him ur life is over. U begin t stalk him so t say. This of course ll ruin his feelings for u. If u put pressure on an object what do u think will happen? It ll snap of course. Same thing with a human being. So I advice u go and solve ur problems 1st. Figure it out is it ur parents siblings school weigh loss death etc solve it first. Get healed. Complete healing. Discover whom u r ur likes ur dislikes before u give yourself to another. Don't forget u r supposed t bring him joy not pain distrust fear or pressure. Remember he has his own problems n looks out for u to help him get off his own pain as well not add to it. He should HEAL U as u HEAL HIM as well. I v been thru all this pain. I just couldn't find an answer. I realized I had lost ,y identity gained a lot of weight. Had issues in school plus my unhealthy relationship with ma parents and I was a new mum. I was a complete WRECK!!!! A ticking time bomb. I became suicidal even. But thru the power of Christ and prayers I'm almost healed. I've been fighting for over 20yrs now and I'm turning 34 thus year meaning I've been fighting all my life. I lost my childhood to pain. Now of course as beautiful as I am guys flock me but I make very useless relationships. Prayer healed me. God healed me. I'm almost whole. I've been married for 12 years yet iv been lonely miserable unhappy. People see loopholes no matter how hard u try t cover it.
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I'd like to address another type of women. Wl any man buy an artwork and keep it in the basement? Nope he ll keep it for the world to see and admire. He ll make sure his precious possession is safe without dent to its beauty. Will a guy buy say a Bentley and mess up with it? Nope he ll ride it any chance he gets. He ll wash and wax service as often as he gets the chance to. He ll get a euphoria from driving the car. He ll drive it so gently you ll think he was making love to it. That's how a guy should feel with you. Remember old wines r tastier...then u should b too as u get older in the relationship. U should see u in his eyes just like a child sees comfort and love in his mothers eyes. U know in your heart he wants the best for u so u try to b the best. U have extra strength in you. U feel u can swim thru a tsunami. That's the strength real love gives you. Finally u need to find a higher power to believe in. I found such belief in Jesus Christ... I found it in Heaven.
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I have the same problem but I feel slightly better after finding out I'm not the only one. I'm in a long distance relationship with my bf though, which makes this even harder. Does anyone have suggestions on how to tell your bf that you feel something's wrong?
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you girl are fucking crazy!!
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I understant you. I went through that with my ex. I was crying every night, i was sad because he wouldnt txt me. I would text him 24/7, no sleep. In the end, we broke up, and i felt better. It is not a healthy relationship. You just need to relax, go out with your friends! Act independant, im telling you, you are going to feel good! Guys go crazy when the girls they love act independant. They run after you.
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I was starting to get like that with my boyfriend until we sat down and both spoke openly about it and agreed that as much as we'd spend all our time together if we could, we needed the occasional day apart. So now we spend at least two days apart and as hard as it can be some days, its actually imporved things alot its helped me not worry as much about my partner and has reactivated both of our social lives and helped us both regain our support network.
So my advice would be to make sure that you spend at least a day a week away from each other, dont carry your phone around with you all the time - it'll only make you panic more. You'll find it nearly impossible at first but keep practising it and you'll eventually think nothing of leaving your phone in your handbag for a day whilst your at work etc :)
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*improved
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It feels comforting to know, this can happen to anyone.
I was the same way, and took some tough love from my boyfriend to know I had to calm down. Always remember this:

* He's with you for a reason, if he's not replying and you haven't fought its NOT because of you, be understanding there could be a reason.

* Don't always ask if everything is ok, let him tell if you something isn't

* If you have fought give him space for a bit, next time you try talking he'll probably have calmed down and speak to you

* spend time with family and friends, It's always worth it.

All this avoids embarrassment, especially when he had a good reason for why he didn't respond. Remember its never too late,even if you've fallen into this trap today,Stop! from tomorrow. I hope that helps :). p.s he'll be happy to hear what you got up to while you didn't speak and realise you are trying :).
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i can totally relate to this, except that i am the other person. I don't know how to deal with this anymore, every time i do things its like i have to report or else its gonna be a big fight. she does things to test if i care, she tells me she dont, but i know thats what shes trying to do. she tells me shes going somewhere far, shes not comming back not eating cant sleep and its exhausting me. this relationship is making me a bad person, coz i need to shut her off coz i cant take all the drama anymore. and i need to stop caring just for her to stop doing it. the simplest things like laughing with my friends is an issue to her. asking why cant she see me laugh that way with her. i need to phone her every break, and if i tell her im not taking a break coz i have lots of things to do shes gets mad. on my dinner break i have an hour, if i tell her i have to end the call coz i have other things to do she gets mad. that i had to finish my break with her alone. and she does the math, if i ate 20mins, i have 40minutes to talk to her. she gets mad if 5mins is spent on something else.

i dont want to stay in this relationship but she insist to keep it, i use to love her but with what she does i fell out of love. wer still together just because she wants to, i tell her she deserve someone better but she insist to stay. i am not a douche ok. i guess im not ready for a relationship and she just cant accept it. i really want to get out but i dont know how.
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wow !!!! this sound just like my situation.i have been married twice,and divorced twice.i have 2 kids.i met my boyfriend over a year ago.i fell so head over heels for him-like no other in my life.he is a big guy with a major attitude too.he has stated before im too much,drive him crazy ect.my feelings have been hurt often.i do respect him and can see that i have acted crazy in the past.we live together,work at the same job.but i do try to relax and give him space.i don't understand why i act like i do.i do wish sometimes though he would act alittle goo goo for me.i think the world of him.i love everything about him-i dont think he loves all and appreciate all of me though.life is scarey?dont know where this relationship will end up?i want to marry him someday,but not sure that will happen.i will leave that up to God.i wish you luck in your journey of heart ache and confusion-please pray for me too-amen
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Yes,this is normal. I am the same way and i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years also.I can tell he's getting tired of it and would like to hang out with his boys more. I say I dont mind,but I kind of really do and he can tell.I hate feeling this way. I love him and dont want to lose him ,and he feels the same way about me.I want him to be able to get out,but I have nowhere to go or nothing to do so I always want him to be with me.By us being on 3 years I feel as if we should be on that stage where we dont have to see each other as much or talk/text each other as much, but now is when I need that the most.I thought maybe we should take a break,I felt as if I wanted to much from him,didnt know how to be a gf,etc. So do you all think I should take a break from him, or stay with him and just work on trying to do better?
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I am pretty much the same way. I been with mine for four yrs and haven't felt this way since I was in high school. I want to always be with him and get jealous when he wants to spend time with his friends or family..I am terrible. However I was in an abusive marriage awhile aback and I wasn't allowed to hang out myself. So I always want to be involved when he hangs with his.
I get so scared to lose him too. our sex life tapered off and I began thinking its me. but never stopped to think that my act is a turn off. he isnt having an affair cause i am always with him!
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I am currently in kind of the same situation. I get upset and worried if he doesn't answer his phone or we miss a day of talking. I cry to him because I am scared of the fact of me being to attached to him, but he just draws me in closer saying it's okay he loves me. Ugh! I just don't want heart ache. Scared and Lost
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Im obsessed with my ex. I've gotten back together with him about 10 times now and he doesnt know how much i love him.
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Hey people! I registered on this site, just for this... because I don't know what step to take next, I feel like i have no independence, i have lost my friends, i only see my family in the day because he pics me up every night after work. I am totally in love with my boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years and this is the first night in 4 months we haven't been together.
When we first got together this was the other way round, I even moved into a flat with my friends about an hours commute from him, i was totally independent and he seemed to hate me for it, but i always argued with him, telling him i was at uni and that i was allowed to do my own thing and he stayed with me regardless.
Then something started to change, i started going round his house and skipping uni to go and see him and he didn't mind that i wasn't doing well there, he just said he would support me no matter what, one day i was at his house playing on his computer and a girl pops up in 'Skype' chat, starts talking about sex.
This before i go there, was 2 years into our relationship, he never physically cheated on me, but i read this conversation that popped up and my heart broke, it wasn't just one girl, it was like 5 girls and men, all in different conversations. I broke up with him.
I dont mind guys looking at porn, but what i do mind is when my boyfriend is getting to know girls over the internet, having weird online sex with them, and men? this is what confused me.
I moved away again, after we broke up and didnt see him for 2 months, until i came back, and i felt like i was ready to move on from what he had done. I might sound stupid to some of you, but i love him so much, if i could forgive him for what had happened it would be amazing, because i thought, i would never argue, miss an opportunity to be with him again, i missed him like crazy and i didnt want to admit it because of the digusting skype stuff, but i did forgive him.
Anyway. We are back together and the dynamics of our relationship totally he changed, he is angrier, more demanding, more confident with himself, i used to so confident like he is now but i am not anymore. I am afraid if i do something wrong he will leave me, that im not good enough, i feel like its always my fault, at first i go to argue with him then think no its me being an idiot again, but i think that everytime?! he must do somethings wrong. I am jealous of him and his friends. I dont even want to think about losing him,i am obsessed with him. I get obsesses then after about an hour of being like that i distract myself and im fine, then i feel bad. I feel like we dont have sex enough. Im scared of him sometimes, he loses it, and gets so mad and he has never hurt me but hes smashed stuff and drove dangerously and thrown stuff and he shouts at me... I know he sounds really terrible but when he is nice, he is just lovely which i think is most of the time, but i just cant tell, i feel like i know what he is doing and he is being mean, but I also feel like, he loves me.
i don't know what to do anymore. While writing this i have checked my phone like 4 times to see if he has called... i mean that is ridiculous.
ps, i do know that he loves me, i just feel like he doesnt care sometimes.
whatever you do please be sensitive, because i take everything quite personally amd what you say will effect me.
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Its cause most guys are some selfish basterds and they make us believe that they care and that they love us blabla... But they really dont. They just like playing with our emotions, its exciting for them I guess... We almost all been there or we will all know one guy like this that will break our heart cause he made us believe lies. Once weve known one like this, jerks will scare us. And relationships will get harder to trust and be trusted cause of those jerks.

Been there, done that.
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I can relate. I feel trapped like I have no life without him. and im constantly on edge, if i go out i feel like i have to know what his doing and i have to keep in contact with him. We have been through many things but im physically and mentally exhausted and don't want to continue with the relationship because it isn't healthy for either of us. One other problem with him is that he is a compulsive lier and he lies so much that i think he believes all the bullshit he says is true. I have tried to end it so many times, ( on nice terms) but he doesn't seem to get it that i really can't be with him anymore. I fell out of love with him a long time ago. Still care about him but all the shit he does just messes me up!! Grrrr
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Blargh
Play hard to get :3 MAKE HIM WORK FOR HIS WOMAN LOL :DDD That's what i do and my bf loves it *o*
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End it.
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Omg im the same as most of the girls on here, ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i think im a little to obsessed. My boyfriend is trying to support me with this problem and we rarley fight like a lot of other girls on here. But i always worry where he is and what he's doing he thinks i dont trust him but thats not it at all its just im worried something will happen to him, especially when his driving as he drives a lot. I call him a lot and dont like texting incase he doesnt get back to me, like most of the girls on here, i keep calling and calling until he answers as i need to know he is ok. My boyfriend and i think it may be due to my parents as they worry a lot and seem to live in fear, which has rubbed on to me. Ive never been like this with any other boy, i think he is the only one who has ever loved me and thats why im so obsessed.

We have discussed this as it cant go on like this and im going to try my hardest not to call him and hide my phone and get some more hobbies to distract myself from him so we will have a better relationship in the end.
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it's important to be independent to a certain degree.
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Girl live for you self and live for God, besides, it sounds like he treats you like crap. You should not want to live like that.
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I am so glad i found this website. I can relate to you.

I am currently with my bf going on 5yrs now. This past 2 years has been ups and down. He thinks i am crazy and have jealousy problems. 2 years ago, he accidentaly left his cellphone in my apartment while he went for a ride with my brother to the store. I tried to call him and found his cell under the pillow vibrating from my call. I happened to snoop around his text messages (i didn't want to but i was kinda suspicious)and i happened to see a text message saying "I miss you", with a guy's name. it made me wonder, why would a guy send him that kind of message? so i call the number and it was a girl who picked up and i ask her what is her name. she said they were in the same class and he comes over her apartment to barrow books, etc... i know i have no reason to call her and be rude. After that i cried all day, all week and even broke up with him. But he refused and he stated that nothing is going on with them. he stood outside my apartment. And yes we got back together. But after that i could not forget that situation and i always throw it on his face. well, that is not the only time he made me feel that way.

Now, he has lock on his phone and it's always on silent. He even got mad when i pretented that i picked up his phone and it was a girl called and just hanged up after she heard my voice (ofcourse, he doesn't know it was just pretending). Because of that situation i am so afraid i will loose him. I don't go out. I turned down all my friends. I always call him. i will go in front of his house and wait cuz i am scared that he might be with that girl. Am i really crazy?

Pls. Help!!
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@netgirl
my problem is similar to the most of you guys ... well the only problem i face here that makes it different is he has gone for his college far away from here so it kind of makes this a long distance relationship , secondly my obsession has gone to such an extent that i refuse to believe if i can change , thirdly the book can be put into practice only if the person is closeby where i can see him atleast once or twice a week , what happens in my relationship is i just get to call him and talk to him for a while if he is free . so can you please tell me what to do. my situation is same i keep calling him all the time , i cry if he doest turn up, i have gone off way to do things for him, once i even thought of traveling that 8 hrs distance just to meet him ( though he asked me not go there to see him ) , i dont accept him spending alot of time with his friends there and give me just 5 minutes of his day etc etc . so please tell me what to do.
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I take it your Asian, Asians are soo obsessive with their guys >.<
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nickywa9
I have the same problem. When I try to tell someone, they think I'm doing this for attention. There was a boy, and he was nice to me. I immediately got attached and would buy him soda everyday and that was the 2nd grade. When I got to the 6th grade it was worse. I new he was using me but I didn't care. Now I have a boyfriend and he treats me really well. But sometimes I wish that he would tell me what to do. I like being used. I know that I need help. He is moving and I know that I will go to a dark place if he breaks up with me. So trust me, you aren't the only one.
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Damn i wish i had a girl that loved me like that :-/
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It sounds like your scared to be alone . things will never get better if its gotten to this point. take the high road and do you. there is always someone better who you can be happier and relaxed dating. it may take time but you should suck it up and do it for sure.
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I'm trying to quit all of this. I just brings me heartache in the end.
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Hey Girls!

So Ive been reading all the posts, and I actually had a similar obsession 4 years ago. I met my boyfriend- now fiance- in highschool when I was 16 and I have been with him ever since- 23 now. I was OBSESSED with this guy. I remember I got my first mobile phone because of him at age 17, and started dating him. I used to text him and made sure I picked up all his calls, even if it meant, skipping class, skipping dinner, skipping time with friends and family. To the point, I started doing everything HE wanted me to do so I could keep him. I went on a vacation once, overseas, to live at my dads place in Saudi Arabia, and while I was on duty at the hospital he was checking for his messages repeatedly. My supervisor even called out my absent minded ness. I used to spend lunch time calling him, and got very upset when he didnt respond or pick up. I called him every day, 5 times in a day I think. And at night time, I used to stay up all night talking to him on msn. It was terrible, i got no sleep, eventually I started having sleeping problems and couldnt even eat properly until I talked to him. I begged my dad to book my flight a month ahead just so I could be with him. When I came back home, the first thing I did was call him! before even peeing. LOL. I was a wreck. Eventually I became severely depressed.

The common symptoms I faced were:

- not enough sleep, being tired all day, no concentration at work
- always worried- he might leave me- im not good enough
- depressed, needed him to make me happy

One day, I woke up hating my life. I felt that i wasnt living my life for myself but for him. I put this guy on a pedestal, gave him importance over myself and in return I expected him to do the same. How can he? when i gave him no chance of even missing me. I stopped texting him on time, I took time out found some hobbies and tried to live my life for myself, found my identity again and worked on myself. Eventually, I was so into my own self betterment, he naturally wanted to be a part of my life. He started putting in effort to call me alot, text me, come over randomly to see my family and I, take me out and surprise me.

The point is ladies, that guys are attracted to girls that put themselves first, take care of themselves. They like women who can be independent and who can take care of themselves, it shows confidence and thats tremendously sexy. Im not saying to stop caring about him all together, NO, dont do that ok. be the same person you are but change around HOW you show you care. O yes, and guys like it if you flirt and are always talking about light things. It makes them approach you, so dont be negative all the time, be the person who everyone has fun to be with.

It sounds selfish, but its really NOT. We girls sometimes fall head over heels and make our guys GODS. and our men are just men, nothing more than that. We need to love em respect them just like how they should with us. But we also need to take care of OURSELVES. How will you take care of the other if youre not gonna take care of yourself first right?? you want respect, respect yourself first. thats the main point.

Now he says he cant live with out me, and calls me a lot. He's already rushing to marry me, cuz he cant live without me and im like " relax it, I gotta finish my degree first". hahah. I love him more now too, but I have just changed the way I show I care.

Obsession is not sexy, its desperate. Its clingy.

Its a trust issue and a confidence issue. I actually didnt trust my bf before and had NO confidence. I gave myself time, went to the gym, got a nice body, fixed myself and my style, learned skills and made friends. I got new hobbies like photography, painting, photoshop, etc etc. Me finding security in myself and in my life made me be confident enough to talk to him about trust. and once that talk was through, i was more focused on myself. I told him, hey, I did everything for you, Now I want to be myself, Im hot, im going somewhere in life now, I need to know if your commited, if not I need a guy who is. And after that I had a clear mind.

So yes, talk to him but move on after that. focus on yourself.

Hope this helps girls, because im talking straight from experience. I always has LOW confidence and used to leech on my guy for happiness. and I almost got admitted to the hospital cuz I took pills cuz he said he'd leave me. I was that obsessed. If I can do this, so can you girls.

Happy self- building!
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@: Roxyg
Roxyg,
Its very enlightening to read your comment. Im really impressed by the way you handled this problem in your life. Im in the same dillema, I been with my guy for almost 3 and a half years, he was very honest with me with regards to what I should expect from our relationship, it was doomed to end from the beginning, cultural difference is the main thing (Im a Filipina and he is from India).He is suppose to accept whoever his parents choose for him to marry. I knew that the moment I met him, but still I went with what my heart felt. unfortunately as we live together I have become so independent on him I cant barely see myself without him in my life. The acceptance of separating from him when its time for him to marry really made me more clingy and needy.
I was really looking for someone to tell or show me how to get on my feet and be my own self again.
After reading your comment I felt the pain subside a little. Being able to hear of a success story made me feel hopeful.
I thank you for sharing your experience. Im still struggling on how to say goodbye properly and how to cope with the pain of losing someone who means a lot to me, but I know that if you can do it, so can I, right? I will use your advice to my advantage and I will find ways to be productive, I will cry my heart out when its time for goodbyes, I will shed all the tears, drink and grieve and will pray to God for strength to overcome the pain and soon, I know I will forget and will find happiness agan.
Thanks a lot, God bless you . . .
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Help!

I have been dating my Boyfriend well Fiancé now, for a year and 2 months and I am OBSESSED with him. If he doesn't call me when he says he will or if I know what time he gets off work and he doesn't contact me I freak out! and if he doesn't text me back I do the same. I live with him so I think I am so attached to him, he says i am trying to control him sometimes, and I don't even like him talking to his mom and sister or hanging out with them or his family, I just want him all to myself! it's hard for me to be away from him because of the way he makes me feel, I don't know why I'm like this maybe because he's my first boyfriend and I live with him and we do everything together? I feel like it can only get worse for our relationship :( helpppp
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The same things happening to me except mines with my crush. He's my best guy friend and I'm his best girl friend. As you said I always carry my iPhone around cause if I miss a text or something and don't answer right away, ill freak out!!! What I suggest you do is you talk to a friend about it and then say to yourself that he's just a guy and if he really loves me he won't care if I don't text him right back. Trust me, that's what I'm doing and it helps a lot. It's going to be hard at first but you can get a friend to help you out. That's what friends are for.
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So I love my bf and have had the "obsession" problem I know have learned to go for walks and have some me time. Also idk if this is bad I think it's good but my bf doesn't like the chase he says he finds comfort knowing that I'm the one and we will make it work as partners bestfriends and lovers but yes the obsession made it difficult for me to be happy
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clyh2000
He just uses you, be strong, get over him If you think he is using you.
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It's not love, it's an infatuation, I don't know what causes it but its what you have. I was in one it's self destructive, love is mutually felt and if he was just as obsessed with you as you were with him then maybe things would be ok. Still break yourself away from him. Learn to love yourself and do whatever you need to do to make your life better. And trust me when you do things for yourself, people will pick up on that and you'll find someone to fall in love with that won't overtake everything
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To be honest I'm the same exact way although he is my husband now... I completely abandoned my friends and literally stay at home and work... It's horrible but he's the love of my life... You guys will most likely end up married since guys think that is good wife material
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my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him….. he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Kala spell, you are truly talented and gifted contact his email: drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com
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long time has passed since this thread started but I am impressed. I'm on my fifties so older than most of you girls but I feel very close to you as love and passion have no age.In fact I came here because I had the same feeling with one cyberlover I had recently. unfortunately all this stuff about if they feel that the chase is over, not giving 100% etc etc may be true. Patience is the key. he just left 4 days ago and I gave more than he gave to me. but ok I thought "life is short lets drink all the wine in the bottle". big mistake. now I have to face my quiet daily life missing such emotions I had. I'm ready to reset my CPU as I have many things to be grateful for but it is a bit hard and I am sad.
come on my dear girls, if I can do it you younger can do it. Reinvent ypurselves and good luck
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Thanks for making my family happy again, my father came back home and he can even take

us out, something he never think of before! i wonder Dr egbenakheu are you god or

what? amazing you make things happen! i will .Thank you very much. from Holland if you

need his help contact email address Dr egbenakhuespelltimple@gmail.com
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Thanks for making my family happy again, my father came back home and he can even take us out, something he never think of before! i wonder Dr egbenakheu are you god or what? amazing you make things happen! i will .Thank you very much. from Holland if you need his help contact email address Dr egbenakhuespelltimple@gmail.com
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Some of you are taking advice from a book called "Why Men Love Bitches". It appears that the message you're getting from this book is to fight insecurity with insecurity.

If you know that being insecure in a relationship feels horrible then why the hell would you want to make your boyfriend feel that way too?

You people really disgust me. You don't play mind games with someone you love. And you don't hurt them just to make yourself feel better.
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i thought i was the only one that was like this.......

My last boyfriend was abusive. i thought that was it.

I met my current boyfriend about 8months after my ex, maybe it was too soon... But you know when you know its right, he acknowledged me, cared about me loved me for me etc etc.....
We have been together for two years..... we have alot of downs then ups.....
I am constantly messaging him, if he doesn't reply straight away i send another and another, and im constantly asking him whether he loves me, or he still wants this ... if he goes out i freak, that he will find someone else, i nag and whinge. I don't like this person i have become. i feel im not worthy of anything good.


I don't understand y i always need reassurance. i hate my life being like this, i can't handle it, i cant focus on me, its all about him... I can't remember the last time i did something for me....
My ex was a drop kick, its like i turned into him and my bf is me (if that makes sense), my boyfriend has his head on his shoulders, owns two houses nice cars, then there's me got nothing ..... its brings me down so much. that i want a future with this guy but what is wrong with me y can't i seem to move forward....? i will never forgive myself if i loose him he has been the best thing that has happened to me.... i need some help...
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Whoa Whoa whoa. Take it easy. Its nice to have a bf and all but seesh. If you wanna lose someone who actually wants to deal with your craziness for more than just a lay then be thankful. do not fear losing anyone for they are not yours. And ill tell you this Ben and jerry have never left me!
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I was with a guy for 3 years, he always told me he loved me and that we wouldn't break up because if you love someone you make it work. We could never work out a time when we were both free and just a couple days ago he said we should just be friends. I know he dont me love anymore. When we were dating he said to everyone that I was his girlfriend and introduced me, told his friends he really liked me and told me he loved me, I wanted to be with him again but I never knew what to do. I tried for a long time with other spell casters to get him back but dr.marnish was the ONLY spell caster that could do the love spell for me that worked, if you need help call him +15036626930, he will always come to your aid, Obviously dr marnish is the REAL DEAL!
Cenovia Adelleh
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I want to share my testimony and also thank prophet Adams for what he has done for me, Am so happy today and i have stopped thinking. After my husband Rick left me for another woman because I can't give him a baby and that he hates me, i cried because i really loved Rick with all my heart. Then i decided to come online and look for a spell caster to help me bring back Rick, Until God directed prophet Adams to me. When i met prophet Adams i was thinking his not real, But he told me to give him a chance that what will he gain if he adds more pain to my pain,That all he want his my happiness. So i decided to give him a chance, and he told me that Rick will be back to my arms within 48hours and I will be pregnant and have a baby,i said okay truly when prophet Adams casted this spell my lover Rick called me and said he wanted to tell me something i was shocked, He told me that i should forgive him, That he loves me with all his heart and promise never to leave me till the rest of his life. Prophet Adams also told me that ones Rick comes back to me he is going to buy me a gift. Rick Bought me a Brand New Car, And i also had access to his account to prove to me that he will never leave me and now am pregnant. You can contact prophet Adams for any kind of help and he will never disappoint you. His email - dradamsjohnsoncentre12@gmail. com or +2348188192948
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im in the same problem im so sick of it
because it is starting to realy hurts
because he started to act different because i think he can see now how im attached to him..
when we fight he hangup and dont pick up and i keep calling him 2 hours time after time i dont wanna do it but i cant stop..
if he dont then i cry my self to sleep
i wasn't like tht when i first met him
sometimes i say because we've been together for 5 years and because he is the first love in my life i dunno but im so tired somtimes i dont even feel like i wanna live anymore because its too much pain
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I'm just really lonely and when he leaves to go home I'm here all alone with nothing to do. I don't have social sites anymore. I love to go outside and do things but there really isn't anything to do around here. I was scared of his brother getting back. That he would abandoned me and get excited about getting to be with him and see him again that I would just be thrown off to the side. It's not that I don't want him to not see him or be with him or anything... I just hate being alone. I understand that he is a brother to two younger siblings of his and stuff. I'm just really jealous and it almost tore us apart a few times thanks to me. If I look at the bright side of things, I can be part of HIS family and have fun with them. But the other thing is, is that he is adopted and has been for about 12 years now. His real mom lives far away and his real dad has a new life with his new wife and son. I know that my boyfriend had a hard life growing up and he had to parent his siblings for sometime. I just need to stop thinking about bad things. Like that he will leave me to be with them or leave me for some other girl for some stupid reason because I know that he is not like that. But he is so freaking attractive and before I came along a lot of girls at school liked him and shit. I have no idea why he decided to go out with me. What I did to even make him think I was worth it but I thank god all the time for him and how lucky I am to have someone like him in my life. I know that out futures together will be amazing but being trapped in this house with my mom is really bad. I don't even have my own room or anything. It's a small studio that we share. It's disgusting. I miss my old room that was really big. We had to move though because grandma was dieing. Shortly after we did she passed away. I was so sad and still miss her because after she died my mom started to treat me like shit. So there have been many things going on in my life the last 6 months. I'm afraid of things I should really never be afraid of. Just because he wants to spend time with his brother doesn't mean I should get all butt hurt. I should go out and enjoy that time with him since he want's me to go. I wanted to die the other night because I felt so trapped and disgusted with myself.
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Continued..

As I type, I sit here now...oooohinh and aaaahing on how long I should wait before responding to the message I have just received from the one I adore. Do I wait ten minutes, half an hour, an hour....As soon as I finish writing, I will succomb to my weakness and immediately pick up my mobile, and call him.

I wish, I wish there was a magic wand.
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hi..I am 22 ..I met this guy when i was 20..he was behind me for 6 months..he was very nice and sincere and it made me feel like this is it.after we got "official" we started to fight as I decided to pursue higher studies and he was back in my country..somehow we kept fighting as he wanted me to stay and i wanted to go..he stopped talking to me for 4 months..now its been 1,5 yrs since i have seen him..and i got to know 2 weeks back that he kissed one girl even video chatted with her( who is his frnd from last 2 yrs and who he thinks is hot)..all this while he was still acting as my bf!! ..
when i saw his chats with that girl..I felt immense pain as all this time I thought I was the one who was being insecure and all crazy ( he even blamed me) but I still try to forgive him..but we fought again on that girl..
now i feel like a crap because I am confused..fighting and all has tired me but I still cant let him go..I dont know if its worth also..I was never like this ..so dependent on something..but its like if i dont see him online i feel like he is talking to her behind my back..I cant trust him I remember what he used to tell me when he was cheating..
now he wants to leave me as its tough to be with me..and I just cant let it happen..i need someone to hold me or tie me up so that I wont go back to him..even if I get normal and be back with him..I just wonder if even things will be back to normal??
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TooCrazy
@netgirl101.. I would like to get some more advice from you
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Omg i thought i was the only one! I seriously started thinking i was crazy. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 months and lately i feel like an overly obsessed girlfriend. Idk why. At first i wasnt like this but now that he started working, he rarely comes see me and i feel so alone without him. I mean now i see him like Once a week. Its killing me. It has even started affecting me in school. Like before we would txt from morning to night and now its like not that much. I started school and hes working. Ugh. And im always wondering if hes with other girls, or what hes doing or if even misses me just like i miss him. Its getting ridiculous. I was so not like this before and sometimes i ask myself, "what did i do befre i met him???!" but yeah its really stressing me out. And like a week ago we had an argument cause i asked him if he was taking me seriously and he like got All mad and then i he wudnt reply to my txts soni called him and apologized. I just dont wanna lose him. Hes my first bf, first kiss. Its all so argghhhh. It makes me mad because i feel like ill let him treat me however he wants and i wont do anything because i dont want him to leave me:/ and i feel so lucky to have him. And i too have cried myself to sleep cause he doesnt txt back or seems like he doesnt wanna talk to me. But today i am not texting him, just gonna wait till he texts me!! And i need to find other things to do. Im so glad i found this site. Reading all the other girls stories :)
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I am totally stress right now, I've been together with my boyfriend around 2 years. And he is too busy right now, every time I meet with him I always trouble with him. I always give my time for him, but he will call me just when he needs me. Every time always like that. We are from different country, and 100 percent it will be difficult for us to be together for long time. Before I meet him I have so many boyfriend, just for 1 week, 1 month. I am not playing, but I just don't feel they're a right man for man.
But now, I feel so stupid, just because crazy with 1 man that can't give me anything, time, love, and hug. He always said I can't understand him, hello I am still 19 and he is 36. Of course I can't understand him.
I am crying every nights and he just don't care about me.
Last time he really angry just because I didn't pick up his phone because I am driving. I went to his house and he not open the door for me that 1 am. And i am girl, alone. Need 1 hour for go to him house from my house.
And now, just 5 minutes ago he cancel my meeting with home for spent the weekends with him just because he must go outside town for work. I am planning this things 1 week before. oooooooo

I am really stress guys, please help me
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Hey girls.. I really dont know what to do.
I was so bad at one point that i couldnt let my boyfriend leave me to go to work, obviously that put a strain on the relationship and a few weeks after that he managed to go to work fine but even now i cant let him go out to his mates or anywhere without me, i start to wonder why he doesnt want me with him. I stay at his all the time and he keeps saying he needs space so i should go home for a day or two then we will go out somewhere nice but i cant manage to do that. I feel like i need to be with him all the time.

Some of you have said basically, once you let go the first time.. it will then become easier. But how do i let go the first time???

Please help.
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My boyfried is in university (away) and he does Army weekends (TA). So I get to see him maybe 1 weekend a month, and possible half an hour on fridays and 2-3 hours on sundays before he has to go back to university. Hes always stressed out with uni work and always tired from TA weekends because he trains hard.

Monday and Tuesday is normally okay, but it gets to Wednesday and I mention that I miss him and he says "I dont miss you, its only been two days". It crushes me :( but at least hes telling me the truth.Thursday is normally spent depressed/crying and Friday I cheer up a bit because I know hes coming home.

Its Thursday and his friend has gone to see him, they are out drinking tonight. Ive text him a few times but the message hasnt got there (I have a delivery report), as if the phone is off? Ive asked him about this before and he says theres a club that he goes in that never gets signal, or is it because he doesnt want to speak to me when hes out?

Im not sure really because hes done this to me before, he switched his phone off to block me out for the day (and this was when I wasnt obsessive)...So I never really know. But hes an amazing man and would never lie to me, Do I tell him how I feel?...Have I got something wrong with me?Have I got a disorder?
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You need to leave and get out of here. Do not base all girls, or this girl, who are "obsessed" with their lover as "fucked in the head" or a stalker. Some of us are dealing with obsession from love or the fear of losing the one we love. And thats what this whole forum/response is. Every loving significant other should have some level of "obsession" towards their lover. Some have such a great fear of losing him/her or lack of trust that they over do it. WE ARE NOT YOUR EX-GF. And most of the post on here are significant others trying to change for the better for their love.
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Eww creeper
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