I had this exact same problem... this is how i felt and i wrote it down...
(I’m upset. I shall say this quickly as I don’t want to dwell on what I’ve said. I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much in this past year for just this one boy, and not even very slowly, I forgot how to interact with others and even myself. There is not an inch of my life in which I do not feel like I belong to someone else and not just myself. Not anymore. I remember the times before, when I dreamed of being with the most amazing person in the world and them curing me. Curing me of the things that they would actually love me for, that I just have not accepted yet. Every minute of my life I am thinking, “Oh, I wish he were here with me, oh I’m so upset he does not feel the same intense love I do for him. Or if he does, how I wish he would show it in ways to me that I can relate to.” Other times, I think that I would be better off without him. How much easier life was in those days, in those days when the only worry was how much fun people were having with you, not how much they loved you. Why am I the one to bear this burden? Did I really, could I really have chosen this for myself? Truly I cannot think of anything else to do, I am blind. I have been blinded! Tricked, have I been tricked??? Tricked in the minute he kissed me. Why can I not see this anymore? I used to be able to understand myself in a second. I guess it’s because I’ve taken lots of time off. It feels like I’ve been on holiday from myself for almost a whole year and now we’re catching up. Hey Delilah, what do you like to do now? Hey Delilah, what are your favourite songs? Or colours… Who do you actually love? Do you still like to play the guitar? Do you still like to act? I know if I said this to a friend, or to anyone else they would think I was over-reacting. But it is a feeling, of utmost loss in the pit of my stomach. Like my known existence slips away and I’m just a ghost passing through life. The feeling comes and goes, but I just don’t know what to do.) if you felt like me, go on a break PRONTO. be selfish! Find yourself again, and you will have control
this is how i felt and i wrote it down...
(I’m upset. I shall say this quickly as I don’t want to dwell on what I’ve said.
I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much in this past year for just this one boy, and not even very slowly, I forgot how to interact with others and even myself.
There is not an inch of my life in which I do not feel like I belong to someone else and not just myself. Not anymore.
I remember the times before, when I dreamed of being with the most amazing person in the world and them curing me. Curing me of the things that they would actually love me for, that I just have not accepted yet.
Every minute of my life I am thinking, “Oh, I wish he were here with me, oh I’m so upset he does not feel the same intense love I do for him. Or if he does, how I wish he would show it in ways to me that I can relate to.” Other times, I think that I would be better off without him. How much easier life was in those days, in those days when the only worry was how much fun people were having with you, not how much they loved you. Why am I the one to bear this burden? Did I really, could I really have chosen this for myself?
Truly I cannot think of anything else to do, I am blind. I have been blinded! Tricked, have I been tricked??? Tricked in the minute he kissed me. Why can I not see this anymore? I used to be able to understand myself in a second. I guess it’s because I’ve taken lots of time off. It feels like I’ve been on holiday from myself for almost a whole year and now we’re catching up. Hey Delilah, what do you like to do now? Hey Delilah, what are your favourite songs? Or colours… Who do you actually love? Do you still like to play the guitar? Do you still like to act? I know if I said this to a friend, or to anyone else they would think I was over-reacting. But it is a feeling, of utmost loss in the pit of my stomach. Like my known existence slips away and I’m just a ghost passing through life.
The feeling comes and goes, but I just don’t know what to do.)
if you felt like me, go on a break PRONTO. be selfish! Find yourself again, and you will have control