my husband cheated on me 3 years ago and i thought i'd get over it. weve been separated since and i told him i want a divorce many times but havent followed through bc i guess im scared to make such a big decision andhurt my kids. I had accepted that our relationship was over like a yr ago and thought i had finally moved on. I even started a new relationship...so i should have moved on.
but, im finding myself having a lot of violent thoughts about how i want to hurt him and even kill him. I took the kids to visit him recently and ended up hitting him on the head. Nothing happed to him but i think if i had access to something, he could have actually gotten hurt. As much as it scared me that i lost control of myself, it was so satisfying.
im kind of scared at what's happening to me. its like ive turned into this savage beast w no control and no morals. i should feel guilty that im with someone when im still technically married, but instead im thinking of pretending i want to get back with him and sucking his dick and biting down so he f**king suffers.
is it normal to feel this way?
By the way - I have seen it done and works like a charm! He will thing he got some VD,
LOL
Your anger is very understandable, and justifiable. It is up to you how you deal with that anger- it sounds like some therapy would help you come to terms with your emotions. I think it's normal to have such destructive thoughts in a situation such as this, but I would recommend talking to somebody in order to help you from feeling "out of control."
You're not a bad person. It's difficult to move on, even when you've been hurt so badly. Just keep in mind that stringing things along can have more casualties than stopping it cold. I realize you posted awhile ago but I was just so disappointed with most of these comments that I thought it worth a moment to put down a sentence or two.
You're not crazy. He was wrong to cheat on you, but you need to find that inner strength for you and your children to just walk away. With these kind of pent up emotions your children will sense it and it will affect them. Just be careful.
And see someone please- it sounds like you have a lot you need to deal with that might be too big for you to handle on your own.
Good luck.