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IIN for husband to talk about relationship issues w/female coworkers?
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My husband and I were married for 2 years and at one point we were talking about divorce. I found out that he was telling all of our problems to the girls he works with, as well as his mother AND an ex g/f! It seems the only one he wasn't discussing our problems with was me! I never told ANYONE about what we were going through and I feel betrayed. Am I over-reacting or Is this normal? Do other husbands go running to female co-workers, exes and their mommies when things are going smoothly in their marriages?
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Comments (12)
My husband called a family meeting w his mom and brothers to talk about our problems. I am very uncomfortable around them now because our personal life is none of their business. It has damaged our relationship
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Everyone handles difficult times differently, he obviously was torn up inside and needed to talk. It is also obvious the he did not feel he could talk to you about it. If you are going to stay together you need to forget about who he talked to and try and figure out how to work out your problems, I would worry more about that than what other people may now think. By your fixation on this rather than trying to solve your issues kind of shows why he could not talk to you. If these issues did not exist he wouldn't have anything to talk about would he.
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@: joelsmo
I am not "fixated" on this at all. I know it's normal to have issues in a marriage and I'm dealing with those but not on here. You think I'm actually going to ask questions about BIG, IMPORTANT problems on a website where I have no idea who's answering, their backgrounds, etc. NO! I don't think THAT's NORMAL! I'm just wondering if it's most people go discussing relationship issues with others who are NOT involved in the relationship. Asking a simple question and being "fixated" are two totally different things, in my world anyway...
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its true that its none of their business but he probably felt really comfortable with those coworkers because he sees and talks to them everyday and sees them as friends and probably thought a female's perspective would be better especially if he also talked with his mom the ultimate female perspective, i can understand your anger cuz now they have opinions of you your relationship and don't even know you, your man probably was just not thinking
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I think it's a really individual thing. My boyfriend used to have mostly girl friends, and talks to his mom about everything. It's just what he was used to. He since has made a lot more guy friends and now turns to them when he's going through something. Sounds like you guys just need to work on communication with each other. It may be something he just doesn't know how to do- nothing personal with you- just his own confrontational issues. I'm sure if you talk to him in a loving way about it as something you would like to work on together he would be open to it. Telling my boyfriend I want us to talk about things more gets a much different reaction than getting mad that he's talking to his friends-then he just gets defensive and feels like I'm trying to control him.
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@: Sotchi
I guess I'm old school. I always thought that you should try to fix things with your partner rather than run to other people and spill all the details. It makes it very awkward for me b/c all his co-workers, family, etc know our marital issues. I don't tell anyone things that my husband does when we're not getting along b/c I feel like they will think he's a pig and when we do reconcile, they'll have bad feelings towards him. It's not a control thing, it's a matter of not wanting my private life shared with random people.
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You're exactly right. My husband used to do that to me ALL the time. His co-worker that's in love with him, his mom, his friends, I hated it. I finally had to break down and tell him that our business is OUR BUSINESS. That if he needed someone to talk to, I'm right here or we could go to marriage counseling. As far as I know, he's stopped.
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Yeah wrong... Bitches go on heat with they see married couples in relationship troubles.
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you are completely normal to feel that way. if my husband started talking to anyone about our issues without talking to me first, i would be fuming. our problems are nobody elses business. however if we have already talked about things and cant figure them out then i would expect him to talk to someone but not a coworker. a family member is fine though. coworkers are strangers in my eyes and can use your personal information against you. you can never truly trust anyone you work with. i talk to my mum about problems if we cant figure them out because she has been there and done that, if you know what i mean.
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It's NOT okay for any gf/bf to tell relationship problems or anything about the relationship in detail to coworkers at all. It's none of their business.
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woah there. he was worried and wanted a)reassurance b)advice c) to sort it out OR he wanted to get sympathy. On the whole men arent great at talking to other men about 'issues'. While its true that it doesnt feel good to be discussed women often confide in each other at times of relationshoip crisis. if thats his way then thats his way.
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That is in no way a normal behaviour. I am sure that all those women have contributed to the end of your couple. Your husband should have acted like a mature adult. In no way this should happen in a couple. He could have talked about his problem to a sister or a cousin (not even the mother)and not someone he can have sex with. Why the hell did he feel the need to confide in all those women including an ex.
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