I've been with my bf for 4 years now. He smokes pot regularly - I never touch the stuff. Initially I overlooked it because I was in love. He then started growin it in the basement and since it was hidden from sight, I overlooked it. I've since bought a new house that we were supposed to move into. He started saying he wanted to grow there and I refused. He then said he would stay in the current house one more year to sock the $ away but we'd stay at both places. I moved all of my things and made the place really nice for him so he would know I appreciated the 'sacrifice'. Nearly 3 weeks later he's made no mention or implication that he's going to come to the new house. When I say I'm not gonna stay and we need to go spend some time at the new house, he says I'm supposed to be wherever he is and gets mad. I feel totally duped! I can't stand living out of a box. I want to be at the new place. Fixing it up and moving on with a positive and healthier life. I don't think it's fair that he said one thing, then has BS actions. And, keeps asking when we're getting married. He also wants me to get a mortgage on a house across the street so he can live there and do his business closer to the new house. Oh geez - so many issues here. I am pretty certain this is not a normal relationship. What to do and why am I having so much trouble doing it?
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If she doesn't want a partner to be a drug dealer, then she is entitled to her choice to find someone not going to be a drug dealer.
I would make a suggestion but I suppose it's a little too late since you bought a house... move to a state that allows medical and your husband could become a caretaker for dispensary patients, growing different medicinal strains just for those people.
However, think about your BF who probably not only greatly enjoys his (illegal yet probably profitable) venture. He most likely spent countless hours getting to where he is at this point, this is not easy to just forget about.
It would probably also mean that he would have to get a legitimate job which would most certainly pay far less whilst being far more demanding (I can imagine the drug-dealing/producing business is not really a CV-Building activity).
So even though what he is doing is obviously not a sustainable way of managing his and your life, it probably is something he is attached to in ways that he can't easily dismiss.