I noticed recently that my husband sometimes closed his phone screen when I came near, and one time I saw the name Tammi- a name he has never mentioned (that I recall). I (shamefully) looked at their texts and discovered they had been talking for a month and met at a bar once, when he visited his hometown recently. It turns out she is the sister of one of his closest friends, from childhood. The text content was pretty innocent, except some playful teasing kind of bothered me.
The night they went out to the bar, they stayed out til midnight. The next morning I texted with him, and he never mentioned it.
Two days ago I admitted that I looked at his phone and questioned him about it, and he said it was just a night catching up with a friend, who he says is like a sister to him. She is married as well. I want to believe it was innocent. But it bothers me that he didn't tell me before or after the fact. I don't really think he physically cheated, but I feel like it's an emotional kind of cheating. We talked it out and set some boundaries.
The next day, I remembered that in part of their texts they talked about doing some voice messaging (talkbox), and so I asked my husband to let me listen to these. He told me he deleted most of the content of his phone, because he felt like he couldn't trust me to not snoop again. Is that normal for an innocent man to delete texts?
The night they went out to the bar, they stayed out til midnight. The next morning I texted with him, and he never mentioned it.
Two days ago I admitted that I looked at his phone and questioned him about it, and he said it was just a night catching up with a friend, who he says is like a sister to him. She is married as well. I want to believe it was innocent. But it bothers me that he didn't tell me before or after the fact. I don't really think he physically cheated, but I feel like it's an emotional kind of cheating. We talked it out and set some boundaries.
The next day, I remembered that in part of their texts they talked about doing some voice messaging (talkbox), and so I asked my husband to let me listen to these. He told me he deleted most of the content of his phone, because he felt like he couldn't trust me to not snoop again. Is that normal for an innocent man to delete texts?
... but...
I do think there is plenty enough evidence against him anyway. Don't get hung up on the fact that he deleted the texts, just look at all the evidence. He flirted with her, met up with her behind your back and they stayed out until midnight together. Those are the indisputable facts, you decide whether or not that sounds like he's been cheating.
How about you try and find the woman (if it's possible)? Have a chat with her, and see if anything seems suspicious.
Sorry but you know it's true.
2. Regardless of your suspicions, you had no right to go through his phone. That is his private property. He now feels that he can't trust you. He will probably take more security measures on his phone to ensure his privacy now.
Maybe if you were a better more secure girlfriend/wife, then the man wouldn't need to go seek attention else where (If that's even what they're doing).
As far as nothing good comes out of snoopin, I think our relationship is going to be better than ever now. Before this, we kinda did our own thing, were disconnected, didn't bring up stuff that was bothering us, etc. We had a two hour heart to heart (that has never happened before) and now I understand him to such an extent that I know that he didn't cheat.
BUT, I will never snoop again, 1. because I now know him better and trust him and 2. Our relationship might not recover if I did it a second time. Oh, and by the way, thanks for calling me a bitch. That really makes your comments seem credible.
In my opinion you should confront your husband and tell him about your doubts. I can't say if he cheated or not but it's sure there's something going on that shouldn't be.
Good luck :)
He probably deleted those messages because he knew how you'd react.
Or maybe you should give him moar sex so he isn't looking somewhere else for it.
If things are rough at home or you are constantly nagging it could be that you are losing him.
Thats no excuse to cheat on you if he is.
Talk it out like adults don't jump to conclusions.
As far as sex, I have always been the one that wants it more frequently.
And he would be the first to say that I am not a nagger, and give him plenty of space and freedom.
We had a lengthy heart to heart (which never happens) and identified that there was a disconnect between us, and we need to talk more often. Thanks for input!
Give him his space, relationships aren't about telling each other about every detail of your lives, they are about loving and trusting each other. If you act like you think he's cheating, he might end up feeling like you don't trust him and he might find the company of someone who does.