Are You Normal?

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IIN that I have to fake emotion?
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I'm wonderful at faking emotion. I can be the most interesting person you ever meet and make you feel like I'm your best friend within minutes of meeting you. It's all an act. I personally find humans disgusting and don't have much use for them. I am very close to my family so I can use their financial success. I have a lot of people who think they're my friend but I don't care at all about them. I started fantasizing about murdering people when I was still quite young. I know I'm not a sociopath and I'm not naive enough to think I could of made it this far being one. I do have empathy for animals. I value them over humans. I think about death a lot, even picturing my own death. I do want to die but not because I'm upset, but because I don't see value in life. I see no use in sex or intimacy and though I have been in a relationship before, I only could stand it for a month before I left things. I don't know what I am. I feel empathy so I can't be a psychopath. I have no delusions or anything to imply some sort of disorder. I simply can't feel anything for anyone. It's so exhausting to pretend to care about people that I feel drained all the time. I think about telling my therapist about this, but she's so convinced that I'm a great person and an asset to the community, it would be nothing but a burden to tell the truth. I could even deal with that if it wasn't for the possibility she could dissect my mind and decide to put my in a mental institution. I'm just so tired of pretending to care.
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Comments (4)
What's the point in seeing a therapist if you're not being honest with her? You do realise she probably sees straight through you if she's even a halfway decent therapist and is just waiting for you to have some guts and relate honestly to her?
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Then don't pretend. Be a hermit monk in the mountains or something.
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There are many people who feel like you do - who have to smile at people they don't like and who have to shake hands with enemies. it is happens in big socities. are you rich?
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I feel very very similar, except I want to feel emotion. I want to meet someone I can feel something for, other than the urge to punch them. I wish someone could understand that most of the things I say or do are fake. I wish I could open up to someone, but I can't. I also wish that I didn't hate people so much because maybe if I didn't push people away they could understand me. But they are a whole lot of wishes that will never happen. So I have no idea why I am sitting here typing this at midnight to a bunch of people who don't care, but it felt good.
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