Hi, I'm a 24 year old girl and because I'm horrified of getting STD's (Like HIV and Herpes) I now ask every man I go out with to go with me to a Clinic to test for STD's on our first date. Some men didn't respond well to this, and some have even brushed me off during our first contact. It can get frustrating.
The way that I see it, if you are an honest person and if you have nothing to hide, then why hesitate? I'm sure there were some guys who didn't have any STD's and were just uncomfortable with the idea. I can understand the discomfort, but it's not like I'm asking the person to test alone. I'm volunteering myself to test too, as a show of honesty and good faith to my potential partner.
What do you guys think?
The way that I see it, if you are an honest person and if you have nothing to hide, then why hesitate? I'm sure there were some guys who didn't have any STD's and were just uncomfortable with the idea. I can understand the discomfort, but it's not like I'm asking the person to test alone. I'm volunteering myself to test too, as a show of honesty and good faith to my potential partner.
What do you guys think?
Maybe it would be better if you ask them once you know them a bit better, or when there is actually mutual intentions of physical intimacy.
I just think that's way too soon to be asking...even if you have sex right off the bat I don't think you should ask on the very first date.
Here's a story I read a few weeks ago
http://isitnormal.com/story/is-it-normal-im-having-sex-with-my-bf-even-though-i-have-hpv-118801/
Just in case I'm sure you already knew that though. :):)
As a rule: I generally do not engage in sexual intercourse on a first date. My reasoning for this is; we should consider eachother to be worth the wait.
I would not make it a strict rule to ask a prospective sexual partner to be tested for STD's on a first date, however. I would recommend to 'test the waters' first, so to speak. Find out if they are comfortable talking about sex that early in a relationship. If they are, by all means, ask. If they are not, I would wait, if I figure she's worth the wait. If your prospective sexual partner is reluctant to talk about sex and/or being tested for STD's, but is eager to have sex; this would indicate a habitual promiscuous and risky sexual behaviour. I would absolutely insist that they are tested before sexual relations occur, in this event.
I am so afraid of getting STD's because I have a few friends who are my age that made the mistake of not asking their dates to test, and now they're stuck with HIV, Herpes, etc.
All of them told me to not be afraid to ask the person I'm dating to test, because I shouldn't make any decisions I might regret later, especially since STD's are permanent (Until a cure is found, which I doubt will happen soon).
I just don't want to end up like my girlfriends :(
unfortunately it's too late for me i have herpes. along with about 80% of the world's population. yup, you most likely already have it and just don't know. go look it up if you don't believe me.
could have HPV too, my girlfriend's mother has it and if she transfered it at birth then well i have it to.
talking about that disgusting cunt she just got out of a three week relationship and i know for a fact they had a lot of unprotected sex and i'm sure poor ol' richard doesn't even know he has HPV yet. so yeah. the best way to stop STDs is to educate everyone.
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Test before you plan to fuck. (unless the first date counts for this)
That way, you cause less discomfort for your partner, but this does have the disadvantage of your wasted time and effort in pursuing them if they do test positive.
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Otherwise after 2 or 3 dates, explain your situation calmly in a similar manner to how you have here.
Something like, "There's something that I need to tell you before continuing with what could possibly be a long-term relationship: I'm terrified of STDs, So I would appreciate it if you would get yourself tested before I put any more effort into this relationship. I'm willing to be tested too so that you can also know that I'm clean."
Feel free to write it down and improve on it if you can think of an even less harsh way to break the news.
I never have sex on the first date because personally for me, I want to get to know someone better first. I treat it as a really personal thing.
"hey are those open sores on your face infectious? let's not have sex untill you get tested."
eh.. guys are sensitive we don't like to be critized, critize your own fear instead of making it look like they may be diseased.
The reason why some of them brushed you off is probably cause they think you are taking your relationship too seriously for a first date and get scared or just weirded out of the commitment.
I would find that bizarre and off putting.
why pretend that we're not attracted to one another? everyone is trying to play cool and cold and it's fucking lame and stupid.
So, whilst the assumption the other person is physically attracted to you is fair if they accept your offer of a date (or you accept theirs), it's not a reasonable assumption you are definitely going to have sex at the end of the night. You might find each other irritating, with totally different interests, you might turn out to be totally wrong for each other.
If you just wanted to fuck, then you probably wouldn't go on a date, would you? Not a REAL date. It'd be inviting them over to your house with a thinly veiled excuse like 'oh we can watch a movie, get a little drunk...' hint. Or in fact overtly saying you want to fuck.
i'm just tired of everyone acting like we're not driven by sex and then turn around to do something driven by sex.
Wait till you get to know them more, and if you're really positive you want to take the next step in your relationship and be physically intimate with them.
maybe it's a good question to ask on a first date to make sure you wont get a significant other with a short fuse and a tendancy to over-react... oh god i wish i were gay.
And look, I've never dated anyone in my life, but even I know that you don't ask on the very first date to get a STD test, because you have no idea whether or not you're going to go steady with that person. Hell, you might even offend them because the person you asked to get an STD on the very first date might be a virgin, and you're basically saying, on the very first date, that they look like someone who might have had a lot of unprotected sex, even though they're a virgin.
By the way, gays can get STDs, too. And no matter what someone's gender or sexual orientation is, they would still probably react similarly to being asked on the very first date to get a STD test.