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I'm afraid of people and try to avoid them
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I'm afraid of talking to people and i try to avoid any situation where i might have to talk or chit chat with others. i always feel like i don't know what to say and then if that happens, the situation will become awkward. i live in dread of not having anything to say when i'm around people and that's why i try to avoid them altogether. this fear is ruining my life. i hardly have any friends and i'm afraid to meet new ones because i will have to talk to them. i feel ashamed of myself that i have nothing to say and i don't want anyone to see me like that. even if no one is around, just the thought of having to talk with someone or spend time with them can send me into anxiety. i feel anxious most of the time and i'm sad and lonely. i'm afraid that people will see my fears of them and then want nothing to do with me. i can't help myself but to be scared. i know i shouldn't be afraid but i am. i feel so stupid. i get extremely self conscious when i'm with people also.
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Comments (10)
This happens to everybody. I guess this heavily depends on who you are with. I am sure you don't have this problem with your family. With my family, I can talk about anything or, on opposite,just be quiet and still feel connected, not to mention absolutely comfortable. When I am alone with the person with whom I don't have much in common,it takes enormous effort to keep conversation in order to avoid awkward silence. (Weather is a classical topic for such a situation) But often I would find an excuse to leave the person when I feel too reluctant to make up a conversation. I.:)But all this is so wrong! Why do we have to say something if we have nothing to say? If we know how to speak, it does not mean we always have to!

I think, you are not the person who can easily generate a bunch of nonsense at a request - and most of time, our conversations are nonsense! I bet when you do talk, there is substance in your words!

So,I think,there is nothing wrong with you, but rather there is something wrong with the culture which pressures us to say something to someone even if you have nothing to say. This is so unnatural,and no wonder some people have a problem with it.

But you know, some people have an opposite problem: they cannot stop talking,and often they slip out things which would put them in troubles or embarrass later. There is an old Russian proverb: word is silver, but silence is gold!

I think you should make this trait work for you. You know, people of few words are more intriguing as there is always something you don't know about them. Also, they are taken more seriously than talkers, as they seem to have more substance behind their scares words.
Rather than learn to say rubbish, you should learn to relax while keeping silence. If it does make you feel awkward you can pretend you are thinking about something important and make a profound face, and people will thin that your thoughts are more important to you than conversing with them.:) You know, silence can be much more expressive words. And sometimes just a smile is a better exchange than a dozen words. :)
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@: ll123
What I meant to say is that sometimes silence connects people better than words, while words, instead of connecting people, just distance them further apart. Hope it's not just a bare philosophy.
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I'm somewhat like that too, so i don't have a cure for it but all i can say is you will have to force yourself to talk to people as much as you can, fake it if you like and it will soon come naturally.I'm working on it!
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@: House
you cant make him do it its free will on earth
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I have been working on this problem for years. I suffer from very low self worth. I have been making progress. Just keep trying. I stared by talking to strangers. Just a few sentences. Like hi! Nice day. They spoke to me. I can't believed it. A few rejections. It hurts for a while, but I got over it. Just do it!
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Please know: You're not alone. I feel that way still and I'm in my 30's. been like that since I was young. easy for people to look down at us, but they can't advise till they're in your shoes.
I've improved over last couple of years. Found going to doctors and asking for advice helped. They may provide anti anxiety medication which helps too. Be careful though, you know in yourself if taking medication is right for you. Bar medication, I suggest by at least starting to saying something, and smiling not so much that you look crazy. At least, your smile will make you look more approachable. That is if you're not smiling already. You never know, there are probably alot of people wanting to know you, but they're not sure how to approach you.Think you WILL conquer this, cause you don't want to be like this all your life.
thankfully, I've got a friendly side to me so that has made it easier for me. Don't rush it, take small steps. First smile, if you get a chance where you can join a conversation: think before and gauge whether they will accept your input in the first place, otherwise you will get rejected. Whether you pitch in, or they ask you something, THINK about the subject and your input before letting any words come out of your mouth. Even practice with family if you have them around - don't say you're doing it for social reasons. Just observe their reactions and practice with them. Small steps like that. You WILL be okay. Try not to worry or let it consume you. Easier said than done, but you will realise over time that you will have spent alot of time worrying about it. Have an attitude that you WILL be ok. If anything, just put in the effort, but most of all let the ability to speak to others happen naturally, in you own time, slowly and in YOUR style (don't copy other people's mannerisms) all the very best. hope you make some progress.
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I also experience anxiety around people, although socially i am quite good at talking to people but just i think the cause of my anxiety is just the fear of messing up and having people judge me and laughing at me. I have seeked advice on this and many people say if i just go out and face my fears things will get better...for some people this may work but not for me. This may sound weird but music helps, it makes me feel more self confident if i'm listening to a song which has lyrics that describe how i feel. Just letting you know that you are not alone. Good luck
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google Avoidant Personality Disorder. If the shoe fits, and you really want to improve yourself, seek out a therapist who is trained to help with that disorder.
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It is probable fear of judgment. You should face those situations, instrad avoiding them. Every thime you feel anxious. Ask yourelf. What is the worst thing that can happan? Most likely answer is going to be nothing. So go ahead and face anxious situation. This is the only way to overcome it. Therapy, meditation, yoga, or self help books are all good sources of help.
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bullshit
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