I'm a 19 yr old muslim girl. I'm only sexually attracted to older white men like 40 or 50 years old. I can only get turned on if I think about a white man. I'm a virgin so I've never had sex. My fantasy is for a white man to teach me about sex in a practical way. I want to be "forced" (not sure if thats the right word) to do bad things like wearing slutty clothes, oral sex, and I know this is going to sound so wrong but I want to raped by a white man. Not really raped, but more like rough sex. I want to be treated like a xxxxx, get my hair pulled, spanked, etc. I've never done anything like this before and I would never ever think of doing this in real life. My first boyfriend was 48 and white but we didn't go further than kissing. In my culture its wrong to have sex before marriage. I have to have an arranged marriage to a muslim arab man. My parents would be so angry if they knew that I liked white men and they would literally kill me if they ever found out that I've kissed someone. So are my fantasies normal?