I got out of a crappy marriage with a dead beat, dated around for a while and fell in love with mr. right, we had a wonderful time and I was finnaly enjoying life; I felt I had wasted alot of my years (17-23) playing mommy/house wife to a deadbeat, now I had an actual partner in life who made me happier than I ever felt I could be. Then for some reason I thought I needed a child; Im not sure if it was hormones from pregnant co-workers or just a whim, but I got pregnant. I actually tried, but when the test read positive I freaked, I wanted to take it all back, I wasnt ready for this, what had I gotten myself into?? Now we are barely making it pay check to paycheck, I went back to work and got off unemployment, but the extra money goes into daycare, I make too much according to the state to recieve any help, only medical for the kid. I hardly ever get to see my boyfriend anymore, let alone have any money to go out and do anything. He is a wonderful little boy, grates the nerves but what child doesn't? I threw my life away, I love something that is killing me. I dont know what to do, I know I could NEVER live with myself if I got rid of him, but sometimes I hate him so much for taking my happy life away.... It also pains me to even know that I feel this way, I'm a horrible mother and will probably rot in Hell.