I'm obsessed with my boyfriend's ex

69% Normal

19 Comments

no, perfectly normal.
i'm really obsessed with my fiance's ex...like i stalk her on facebook all the time.

i think it's because ex's have shared a part of your sig. other's life that you can never share with them. It creates jealousy.

One thing to keep in mind though, is that men and women look at past relationships differently. For your bf, the ex is part of his past. Something that is over and done with. To him, she has no relevance to the present.
Whereas, you (like all other women) look at ex's as something that was part of his past but still has an impact on who he is now. The ex is more "alive" and relevant to you than she is to him.

Understand that she is the past, you are the present.

You might want to get a proffesionals point of view you seem to have very low self steem. You should know what someone has doesn't make a person it's what's inside and how you project yourself to others. And why is he with you know? If you say she is all this... Obviously there is something missing and you should try and search for things you like to do an maintain urself occupied if he is worth it don't let this issue ruin your relationship...Everyone is equal there isn't no someone is better than others

It's perfectly normal to be jealous of someone.

Maybe try treesome? It might help to release pressure... Sex is always a solution.

i have the same problem as you, i am obsessed amd i am always trying to make myself better or outdoo her. if my boyfriend ever mentiond anything from the past (even something from when he was a kid) i will automaticaly think of her.or if he is with his friends im scared they will be talking about her and it will bring back memories of her. it used to really get me down but i think about it that much i even forget i am doing it!

i do the same thing with my girls ex cause they tlk from time to time while we are in the city and when they do that i just see them togeter

Don't worry, I'm exactly the same, if not worse.

I think about my bf's ex alot, and always look at her facebook profile and worry that I'm not as good looking, creative, and boring compared to her etc. I know it's silly but I just can't help myself! Even thought me and my bf live together and have been together for almost 2yrs it doesn't seem to have dimished at all. I think it's because they were together for 12 years, I'm just so jealous about thier relationship. Anyway, they have alot of mutual friends and I see her out sometimes, so I just have to get on with it, I sent her an email to say that I hoped we could be civil next time we're out in the same place-I feel as though a weight has been lifted. Try and be nice to your bf's ex and you'll feel much better. Keep your enemies close!

You are much more of a threat to her than she is to you-their relationship broke down for a reason, if they wanted to be together they would be. Your bf is with you because he finds you attractive and enjoys your company. There is no point torturing yourself with this and you need to try and accept that your bf's ex was a part of his life but is not anymore. She helped make him into the(hopefully!) housetrained and mature man he is today. Would you really want to be with a man that had no expierence and was a virgin with no clue how to treat a woman?

The fact that my bf had a long term gf that he lived with shows me that he is not afraid of commitment and that he is loyal. I'm trying really hard to not think of my bf's ex as a threat or a hate figure and it's helping me. I'm going to try really hard not to look at her facebook profile or worry about her because life is too short, don't waste your relationship worrying about the past, try and concerntrate on the future otherwise you will regret it if you and your bf ever split up.

Also the more you make a big deal of it all, the more she will be in your bf's mind, and we definately don't want that!

Just remember your bf fancies you and likes being around and is with you because he wants to be. Good luck and I hope you find some solace. x

Ok I have the exact same problem. My boyfriend swears she is all in the past and u know he loves mebut I can't stop feeling hatred towards her.she commented a picture of him and then I commented it saying something rude and we got in this huge fight. Screw exes they ruin relatioships

Wow...i feel the same way but diffrent. Its really strange/creepy to me that i am obsessed with my boyfriends ex. I dont think its jeolousy though. I dream about her,think about her, and what shes doing, and what shes wearing, and everytime i am going to come in contact with her i HAVE to wear something really cute cuz i feel like i have to compete with her(she dresses really nice). Everytime my boyfriend mentions her name/texts/calls her(they have a son together so it is necessary) i cringe and i get really upset to myself. I check her profile like everyday which is really creepy to me but i cant help it and i want it to stop!!if anybody has advice please let me know. she used to be a problem 5 years ago when we first started dating cuz she would say side shit about me to him and flirt with him and that would make me wanna knock her teeth out, but i let it go cuz he was never interested in her even when they were together(at least the last years)

After searching this topic, I came across this website. Glad to see I'm not alone. That in itself is comforting. I think the reality of not being able to move past a significant others ex has nothing to do with who the ex is or how they look (in most situations), but how YOU feel about YOURSELF. My advice to myself in this case of low-self esteem would be to find things that make you feel good about who you are deep-down and that bring out your best qualities. In simple terms, do some SOUL-SEARCHING. Love yourself, because if you can't love yourself you're gonna have a hell of a hard time genuinely and truly loving your boyfriend/girlfriend. Also, we just view our relationships as fragile when ex's are in close quarters. They fell in love for a reason and maybe we worry that love could be re-kindled? What has been said earlier is true, they are with us for a reason. Try to channel your obsession into something worthwhile and meaningful like a talent (ANYTHING) or better yet, how about your relationship. Stock up on some really good books/magazines. Grab them when you feel the urge to look at her profile. Now, if only I could take my own advice? I've been deemed the jealous type and it's unfortunate to find myself there because I've never been serious with any other man before, mostly just 2-month relationships here and there. I never even imagined this being a problem of mine with the person I fell in love with. It's sad. I think a lot of it has to do with experience too. Like I said before, LOVE YOURSELF!!!

im so glad that im not alone! my boyfriends ex is even a fashion designer too, i feel creepy and check her facebook profile almost every day cuz im just curious. ahhh i hate it.

I too, have searched this and came across this website. It is very reassuring to know I am not the only person who is like this, because I honestly thought i was the only person in the whole world with this problem.

I am a very sane person, trust me, but I am just so obsessive when it comes to my boyfriend's ex girlfriend. It is very out of my character, and am rather embarrssed to talk about this with anyone, especially my boyfriend.

My problem is a little different, he cheated on her with me for a good few months. That is probally why I behave like this, cause I say to myself... "If am so "wonderful and perfect" as he tells me, why in hell didn't he break up with her and date me!" But I know it's more complicated than that.

I know I probally have nothing to worry about, but I still do. I think his ex is more his 'type' than I am. His ex was a very low key kind of girl with a completely different sense of humor/and goals than I. They also share mutual friends and grew up in the same town, where I know none of this friends. They don't talk anymore, but I always feel if he started talking to her they will realize how much they loved each other, which might not be the case because she has a boyfriend of her own as well.

My boyfriend and I get into arguements about this, because I assume that they are talking when they really are not. I feel like psychotic and ashamed.

I still continue to obsess about her, I check her facebook page constantly, I get excited everytime someone has posted something new or I learn something knew (cause quite frankly, I know nothing about her). I saw her a week ago actually for the first time in 3 years and I just kept on obsessing about how she looked and what she wore. I feel like I just don't match up to her, that she is better than me. It is very pathetic and embarrsing.

And to be honest there really is nothing great or extraordinary about her except she has red hair, thats all I can find to be honest. I just continue to obsess over her because if my boyfriend, the love of my life, has dated her for so long, there must be something good about her.

its pathetic and embarssing, but I can't help it and continue to do it.

I feel the same way, my fiance now was real good friends with his ex. he says the only reason why they dated was because they were young and their friends use to date. So they dated for a 2 years on and off it is now 5 years later, and as I mentioned before they remained friends. He said they would talk, (never about the past?) but she would text him every now and then out of the clear blue and they would talk for awhile then they would stop for about a month, it was routine??? I was fine with it at first, but after awhile it became an annoyance. She would text and call any given time 2 or 3 a.m., she was sending him I love you forward messages and thats when I spoke up about it. He told me he wasn't going to text or talk to her anymore and I believed him, until I found a text from him to her saying she didnt understand and he didnt know why I couldn't trust him. So I confronted him and her I wrote her text and told her to quit texting my man, she stated he had been texting her and I also found out he had sent a picture of my child (which he claims as his) to her. That infuriated me!!!!!!!! So I was going to leave him, he then called her with me around and told it wasn't cool for them to talk anymore. But now 4 months later I still check up on her, I look at her facebook profile, I google her, check her myspace, I even call and hang up I want to stop I dont like it I'm not jealous because Im educated, have my own house, car and I work. But its like she use to have something that I want all to myself and I need help getting over it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so glad that I'm not alone in this. I too am the same way. My husband and i have been together for a lot longer than them and he even left her for me. He says that their relationship was never as deep as ours but i don't know why I still feel this way. I think that sometimes I feel like maybe my husband would have been better off if he ended up with her. I eats me up inside to feel this way but I can't help it. I tried to talk to my husband about it and I came clean about what I checking her profile all the time and he says that it really is me who has a problem and that I just need to let it go. She's married now and I even check her husband's facebook!

I know how u feel to an extent lucky for me his ex is a stupid druggie whore and that helps but man i still get jealous they have a kid together as well ugh i feel bad for u idk wht to do about my own situation let alone urs buti wish u luck

im in the exact same position! My fiances ex they have a kid and when she mentions him i seem to die a little inside..her mum still has pics of them up together...it just sux i know.

I searched this page after my fiancee just confronted me about looking at pics of his ex on facebook. My bad. I just have a natural curiousity... but sometimes it makes me feel like crap when I'm looking. It makes me feel even worse when my fiancee is reprimanding me for it. Guys just don't understand... It doesn't help that she's one of those girls that likes to showcase her assets to the world online.

I This this is all a bunch of ’s

I feel the same and took a lot from Lolita's post. Thanks! <3