Okay, so I just moved to KC Missouri from NC (which is filled with country people). I don't fit in here, everyone is ghetto and I'm too white for that shit. Then the few white kids at my school are weird, it doesn't make sense that all the cool kids are the drama and band geeks. I don't fit in cause I'm not into that shit I like snowboarding, wake boarding, long boarding, pretty much stuff they never did before. Plus everyone talks shit about everyone, and then people will talk shit about those who talk shit and try to drag me into drama, so I don't get close to anyone but a few people because at least they are too lazy to deal with that bullshit. I also meet this guy on the internet were just friends, and i met his friends and lately I just hang with them because they remind me of North Carolina and make me happy. But besides hanging with them and talking to my few friends, I feel alone. I know this is how High School is suppose to be, but I don't want to waste my senior year next year counting the days 'til college.
Pretty much is it normal for someone in my situation to feel lonely, I don't wanna go back to NC it was just as shitty.... but I just wish everyone at my school, no not just at my school, how bout just all over could be cool with each other so I don't have to distant myself so much, and nor will the others who became loners for the same reason.
(P.S. I am a white girl and everyone thinks I'm a hick, but I'm not.)
Pretty much is it normal for someone in my situation to feel lonely, I don't wanna go back to NC it was just as shitty.... but I just wish everyone at my school, no not just at my school, how bout just all over could be cool with each other so I don't have to distant myself so much, and nor will the others who became loners for the same reason.
(P.S. I am a white girl and everyone thinks I'm a hick, but I'm not.)
/start rant
Are the school systems so bad now that grammar has been forgotten both in NC and in KC? I'd give you a d+ at most for your paragraph.
I'll re-write your paragraph for you, so you see what colleges would look for. Between grammar issues, spelling issues, and irrelevant information.
"Okay, so I just moved to KC Missouri from NC. I don't fit in here. The few white kids I've seen are weird, and unlike most schools, the cool kids are the geeks and in band. I'm further outcast because I'm not into that sort of thing: I like snowboarding, wake boarding, long boarding, the types of things they've never done before. The whole school is filled with drama that I do not want anything to do with. I did meet some people from online and hang out, they at least remind me of NC. But besides the very few people I talk to, I feel alone. I don't want to go back to NC either. That wouldn't be an improvement. I just wish everyone would get along with everyone else."
And even that one I would rate as a c, c+.
Colleges, well more specifically professors, will weed out irrelevant information and drop points for it. The biggest mistake people make when writing, is to write like they speak.
/end rant
I step off the bus and my eyes adjust to the dingy abyss that lay before me. The cobblestone glimmers in the dim red light of the strip clubs and bars covered in putrid grime; the ominous grey-red color of the sky alone was enough to make a man want to vomit. But I knew I had to be here, for now. Buried beneath the deafening scurry of rats, a raspy voice shrieks, "last stop: Kansas City.
Welcome to hell."
I light up a cigarette and hurry to the nearest motel. Don't want to be caught outside for too long in a place like this. Trouble follows you around here, especially if you're the kind of guy that likes to charm the devil. I walk into the motel and I'm greeted with a skeletal man with sunken eyes, the image of death itself - I'd have thought he was dead if it wasn't for the smile that came across his face as I approached the desk. I'd rather see a corpse than that smile. He hands me a key without a word; I drop a twenty on the desk and he slowly nods. "Room six", he whispers.
The room is missing patches of floorboard and the sink spits sewage, but it'll do. Tomorrow's a long enough day without having to worry about the plumbing.
END CHAPTER ONE
Don't you love how in NC, even people that have never met you know your life story?