Your cheating is most probably what caused her to react this way. This is not very healthy for your relationship, perhaps you need to sit down with her and let her know how this makes you feel without blaming her for over reacting or being irrational.
i have tried talking to her before she just avoids it and moves on to the next subject, then when i bring it back up she gets upset and starts telling me about my flaws. so it's like i want to talk to her but she isn't willing.
This is not very healthy for your relationship, perhaps you need to sit down with her and let her know how this makes you feel without blaming her for over reacting or being irrational.