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Is it normal for my boyfriend to be more distant after sex?
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I'm in a long-term, sexually active relationship. My boyfriend is very sweet and loves me a lot, and after we have sex he's very loving and cuddly. But, the day after, when I try to talk to him on the phone, or meet up with him, he acts distant and is reluctant to talk or be with me. Is this just guy behavior to want time to themselves after sex, or is it a problem I should try to fix? It's not relationship threatening, but does bother me, especially because i'm on the clingy side after and it's when I need to be with him most.
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Comments (25)
This is guys behavior when they wasn't to hit it and quit it
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you are so right when you say you are in a "sexually active" relationship...you are not in a real relationship and think again about him loving you....he loves the carnal pleasure you provide and is totally ungrateful of the sincere love you offer. The best part of the intimate physicality for a woman is to be cuddled, pampered, made to feel good after a good session....he fucks you and then fucks off....sorry for the langauage but you must start to realise that you have a problem. This is not real guy behaviour...real men appreciate the pleasures that only a woman can provide....why dont you test him next time he wants sex.....refuse him and see his reaction
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I don't think its this bad but a test would definitly be the solution
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Guys generally only talk to girls because they are horny and want to have sex with them. The day after sex, the guy is less horny, hence, he has less reason to talk to you. Just give it a day or two, he will get horny again and things will go back to normal.

Some guys are super horny all the time though, even right after sex, and they will not exhibit this behavior.
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@: kdog909
Wow, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that.
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Before making any stories in your mind try to talk to him and find out whats going on sometime we dont understand guys, their phsychology and start to blame them without knowing whats going on
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I don't agree with the above posters that you should talk about it to him because it will make you come across as insecure and clingy which obviously turns him OFF hence why he is distant. He senses the clinginess and that'll turn a lot of men off, especially because, whether or not you like the fact, it's not true love
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I agree that your boyfriend probably just wants to have a good time right now. I think he wants to do what lots of people want to do, pursue a career, or make money, or have a varied social life.

Does this mean that he's only using you for your body? No. He probably thinks you're an awesome person.

Does this mean that he isn't ready for a traditional relationship? Maybe, yeah, he might have different priorities than you do.

Both you and your boyfriend are ruled by your hormones. Just because you're clinging to your boyfriend doesn't mean that you have real feelings for him, and I would argue that just because your boyfriend doesn't cling to you, doesn't mean that he DOESN'T love you.

You go out on a date, you have fun, and the next day, it's time to either work or do something different, like spend time with other friends. Humans are social creatures after all. It's logical.

This is what I would do in your situation: I would NOT immediately tell my boyfriend that I feel like he's being too distant. I would think about what it was I really wanted from the relationship, and whether I would value the same level of independence that my boyfriend seems to value. When he tells me that he's busy with something, I would say, "That's cool, I was planning to do (insert plans here.)" In fact, I would go a step further and actually plan something to do - a project, or plans with friends, something that does NOT have to do with my boyfriend.

After a couple of times of doing this, if I was STILL not satisfied in my relationship, then I would ask myself: What are my priorities? Do I want to get married? Live together? Have a family? Or am I interested in pursuing my career for a while? Then I would tell my boyfriend what my priorities are. If he doesn't share those priorities, then I would know that he isn't the right person for me.

Make sure that you know what YOU want, and that you aren't just letting your instincts or society's expectations rule your judgment. From personal experience, I can tell you that you can have a great, sexy, fulfilling, loving relationship with someone who you're just dating, and there's nothing wrong with that, unless it isn't what you actually want.
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It's normal for guys to run a bit cold or deflated after sex. It's a bit like letting a huge escape of emotion after Shooting his load. His dick after deflates and it takes a while to become composed and loving again. Don't worry
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Agreed talk to him. But from past relationships that shure sounds like he only wants you for sex.
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As a mature male who has had MANY romances l will tell you this..... enjoy the sex and whatever else he gives you..... but do not now or ever think of this guy as your future husband. l have been there and if l was not totally in love with the girl then l acted as he does the following day. But as soon as my hormones became active again l was on the phone ..... and ready to satisfy our physical needs.
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he's with you because of sex
once he gets it, he dismiss you
he's not in love, believe me

if you're in love you don't do that
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^so... from above poster we learn that real relationship don't include sex.
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If he really loves you he probabbly wouldn't do this just ask him if he knows why that happens. If he doesn't answer wellllll..... This might not be a serious relationship. :'(
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He may have been taught that sex is bad. I have this problem after having sex. It has not stopped me from being married over 20 years and having 5 kids!
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It's a form of regret. The physical act of sex causes similar neurological responses that love creates but for shorter time this causes great confusion. Unless you are only looking to get laid, the closeness you want only comes from a mature relationship.
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this is a natural instinct for a man. after sex men normally seek solitude and sometimes rest. some men act this way while others don't. just because he wants time away from you doesn't mean he doesn't love you. when a man "gets off" immediately his attraction to females decreases. no longer being driven by lust he may not want to be all cuddly. after a while when he reaches equilibrium again he will not be bothered by your presence. this is just how the mind works.
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Normal. Your bf wants you for sex maybe because you're sexually active.
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Once a guy cums all desire and sexual feelings are drained away. Should be with a bit of tlc he will be back in your arms shortly.
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As some have mentioned above, he may be just in this thing for the sex.

IF that were the case, the day after, his conscience could bother him causing the distance from you.

After that day, his needs (horny) kick back in, driving him closer to you until it is satisfied (sex).

Just thinkin out loud...
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Physically speaking during an orgasm the female brain becomes hyper-stimulated (alot) creating a feeling of being interjetic for normally two to three days. The male brain however is hypo-stimulated (a little) generally causing a "reset of emotions" withing the few hours that follow. Female orgasms are more centered in the emotion centers of the brain where male orgasms are more physical. Its not that its normal for a man to become more distant but it is more likely due to the physical affects of sex on the brain.
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I say it's normal. It may depend on age, but at 24 years old I started have a problem with this. No matter who I dated this always happened. Now I'm in my first year of a very happy marriage and I'm still distant the day after. Mostly in the morning. Me and my wife have talked about it and I make sure she knows it not her, it's just the way I am. Maybe I need to see if I have a hormone problem, but I say talk about it. Don't test him, that's just stupid.
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I'm on the fence. He may want some space, but he shouldn't completely ignore you either. Talk to him about it.
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So... he's nice to you when he's horny and ignores you once you give him what he needs? If you're sure you're not just imagining this pattern of him acting 'different' then there's absolutely no excuse for it.
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I'm so like him! ha, this is what you do, play the same as him and turn him to be the clingy one. Someone did that to me and they're now "the one that got away"
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