I have a complicated system for choosing a check out line. Most people go by length only, I think, but no, not me.
I go by age, weight, race, amount of items in carts, types of items, estimated financial and social status of patrons, handicaps, sassyness, the cashier, and so forth. Do they have coupons in hand? That's a BIG hell no to get stuck behind. I also check for people using WIC because that's a fucking life sentence right there, those people take forever to get through. WIC (Women, Infants and Children) is a voucher system in the US, you get these checks that can only be used to buy very specific items in very specific groupings (that's how I spot THOSE fuckers, by the grouped items).
It's an extensive system I have but I can do it almost instantly in my head.
The best people to get behind are older single clean cut men, generally. The worst are women, and the older, darker and fatter, the worse they get. Hell I wouldn't want to be behind ANY black person, they are terrible at the store!!
I'd get behind a single normal looking man with a cartload of shit before I'd get in the express lane that had 2 ladies in it.
It's not perfect, but it's good. I rate my success by looking at the lines I DIDN'T choose to see if I won or not. Usually I win. I didn't win yesterday though, see my other story about the incident at the check out.
Normal?
I go by age, weight, race, amount of items in carts, types of items, estimated financial and social status of patrons, handicaps, sassyness, the cashier, and so forth. Do they have coupons in hand? That's a BIG hell no to get stuck behind. I also check for people using WIC because that's a fucking life sentence right there, those people take forever to get through. WIC (Women, Infants and Children) is a voucher system in the US, you get these checks that can only be used to buy very specific items in very specific groupings (that's how I spot THOSE fuckers, by the grouped items).
It's an extensive system I have but I can do it almost instantly in my head.
The best people to get behind are older single clean cut men, generally. The worst are women, and the older, darker and fatter, the worse they get. Hell I wouldn't want to be behind ANY black person, they are terrible at the store!!
I'd get behind a single normal looking man with a cartload of shit before I'd get in the express lane that had 2 ladies in it.
It's not perfect, but it's good. I rate my success by looking at the lines I DIDN'T choose to see if I won or not. Usually I win. I didn't win yesterday though, see my other story about the incident at the check out.
Normal?
Nobody spill water on them, and most definitely don't feed them after midnight!
I'm curious though, what made you want to be one too, and how did it happen (if you don't mind the questions)?
Nice song by the way. It's kind of weird hearing someone's username in a song, makes me feel like a creep or something! =P
The worst recently, though, was a man in his late thirties. He put down one item at the till (in a small shop with only one till) and then sent his four kids off to each corner of the shop to get more items. Each time they came back, he sent them off for yet more. The cashier was trying to move it along by ringing things up as they arrived, but then the man and the kids started changing items at will. It got so confusing the cashier had to wait for them to finish so he could start from scratch. Meanwhile a queue of ten people all with one item (and the money in their hand) stood and waited, watching while a family did their shopping because they'd commandeered the till so nobody else could use it. This being England, nobody said anything, and the man was doing his cheekie chappie routine tutting and smiling at his kids like it was a big joke. None of us felt like humiliating him in front of them all, but were there for fifteen minutes for a transaction that normally takes 30 seconds.
She's also the type who will look at her receipt right there and always thinks there's some error. She asks the clerk questions too, stupid questions. It just slows things down more!!
One time she wouldn't stop questioning her total from the store we had just left, so I took the receipt from her and added it up as fast as I could and it was right, but she still wouldn't shut the fuck up about it!! 'That still seems so high'......Good lord, woman, shut up!!
Her purse weighs about 10 pounds at least and is stuffed to the brim with shit.
Index cards upon index cards of phone numbers, addresses, a gigantic wallet with God knows how many ID's, bank cards (that she writes her PIN # on....), store discount cards, envelopes with papers in them, you name it. She doesn't even put her money in her wallet, she keeps it in an envelope that gets lost among all the other white papers and envelopes in there. Good idea, let's slow things down even more, mom!!
She watches the register like a hawk, a very hostile hawk, to make sure her items scan at the right price, and she will bitch about anything that seems off, even if it's one cent. But then checks the receipt too, so I don't get that really.
I go shopping with her sometimes and I hate it. I feel so embarrassed too, I give apologetic looks to the clerks and other poor folks she is holding up. Sometimes I'll roll my eyes and get huffy just so people around me know that I'm annoyed by this lady I'm with too!! I complain to her all the time about this but she doesn't care.
One time I was with her and we were running late to get back home, I had to be home for the school bus and she has to stop for gas. Oh no. She's so slow about getting the gas and them she comes over to get her purse and I think she's going to just run in and pay but no, she starts writing a damn check!! Woman, I have to get home!! You know this!! Not only does she write a check but she can't wait 5 fucking minutes till we get to my house to balance her checkbook, she starts doing it right then!! It was $20, are you really going to forget that before we get to my house??
Get this though. You'd think by the way I described her she'd never lose or forget her purse, but she does, a lot. She has left it at my house and drove all the way home without it more than once.
She accidentally burnt $50 once because she threw what she thought was an empty envelope into her burn barrel. This was like 15 years ago. She still has not shut up about the stupid $50. I bet I'll hear about it again before the end of next month.
Am I who you thought I was? I'm the OP.
I was pretty much convinced on NeuroNeptunian. I got the gender right, at least. That's half the battle!
But I have the hardest time trying not to guess who the OP is. :\
I think your check out system is genius. I do the same thing pretty much. I can't believe there is 6 votes for not normal. I guess those votes came from the people that you described. :P
Aww, I would tell you but then it wouldn't be a women thing anymore. :*
I could have my wallet back in my pocket and bags gathered and they could just pop the receipt in the bag and I'd be on my way but noooo.
And tell me about those WIC checks. My friend's family uses them and it's ridiculous how specific you have to be. Took us so long in the store trying to get through all of that.