Family is supposed to be the number one place to go to when your friends aren't around or something just went wrong or just for plain relaxing. I get others don't have that but in my case, I do have a supportive family and everything but what if you can't help but feel that it's fake? Sometimes I just want to blow up and hurt someone in my family physically like I would to someone out of my family when I'm feeling like a fool in front of them. I know that some of my cousins think I am this stuck up person, or just girly and I freakin can't stand it anymore because they obviously don't know me. Its understandable if its friends or acquaintances thinking that but family? they're supposed to know who you are and let you be you but for me, I feel like I can't be me without being judged. During a gathering we were all just joking about drinks and stuff and my cousin said about me "omg I know if she was drunk, you'd be one of those drunkies criticizing what everyones wearing! hahaha" I'm like haha? is that who you think I am? thanks for letting me know and adding to the list of people who think they know me. I started to think maybe the person I am portraying is that person everyone thinks I am even though I am not and that sucks. But then I met my boyfriend and one of the reasons he is my bf is because he knows me other than me, and possibly my mom. I wish I can tie my bf next to me everywhere I go because with him, I feel like me and its okay and acceptable. One day, and thats gonna happen soon, I am going to finally let everyone, family wise, know "that as unusual and crazy as it sounds, you don't know me. He (my bf) knows me and so do I! If everyone had the mind of him wow everyone would know what a good person I am or at least who I am" and more I just can't write it all. Now I am just reserved around family because I'm just laughing in my head like you guys think you know me or I know you guys are judging me right this second. If only I was in a world surrounded by my bf times a million, I'd be fine because I'd be myself and its okay. Is it normal how I don't feel at home with family and I have someone else who does make me feel like me who is not in my family?