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Is it normal that I can't stop doing this...
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...Whenever I meet someone, I always feel like we have a connection. Over a period of time, it becomes obvious that I missed judged the person and there is not much we have in common, or much I should have liked about them in the first place! I just can't help it, though. So...

Is it normal that I never learn?

Also, some advice on how to stop this irrational behavior would be nice, and very much appreciated...
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Comments (15)
That's understandable. In fact, I think it's a universal human condition. No matter how well you "know" somebody, there is no way to fully comprehend another person's mental process in its entirety. How would that even be possible? In fact, let's make it a thought experiment:

Imagine society was entirely composed of clones of a single human being. Surely clones would completely understand each other, right? But think about it - even then, with a population littered by the same mentality, a clone in Chile might experience an earthquake that a clone in Germany would not. The Germany clone wouldn't understand the experience of the earthquake, so the two clones are informed by discrete experiences and must ultimately be different people.

Even two clones can only view the same apple from different angles. So a society without any misinterpretations would have to be a society populated by people who share the exact same mentality AND the exact same experience, i.e. ONE person (see Leibniz's Identity of Indiscernibles). Only an hollow universe containing a single lonely being would be free of misinterpretations.

We're left to fill in the blank spots that we can't know about a person. Which means that ultimately, everybody you know is a personal projection, at least to some extent. So I wouldn't get too hung up on whether or not you're completely right. Because you never will be. The only thing you can do is stop guessing, and be content with getting what they give you.
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Thank you for your comment. I don't feel so ignorant anymore.

Something I think would help me as well; is if I didn't always trust people so much when I meet them. I can't tell you how many times I've put a decent amount of trust in people I know nothing about. It is exciting to meet people and learn about who they are, but I need to think more before I put so much into a person.

I always thought that by trusting people I would be building a strong relationship with them. Then, I see they are very undesirable and (sorry for what I am about to say next) very disgusting. Then I feel violated in a sense and at the same time I start to dislike myself for not learning, ever.

It is a tough mold to break...
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It just seems like ur desperate to feel a connection with people. That's normal especially if ur family/home life isn't good. I kinda went through something similar when I was a young teen.
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Well, I don't know if this is normal but I've met people like you. I think that you confuse infatuation with love. You meet someone and completely assume that you're meant to be. My best advice would be to sit down and talk with the individual who has your eye. Maybe there is something there but you won't know that unless you talk. Even then, love takes a long time to develop. Basically, I believe that you shouldn't judge people before you truly get to know them, once you know their personality then you can decide if you're compatible or not.
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I do this sometimes too. Maybe you do it so much because you're just longing so badly to make a REAL connection with somebody.
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Hi

To make this more clear to anyone else; I am not talking about falling in love with these people. Just friendship and thinking that we are alike in someways.
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I think it's normal that our view of people changes over time (for the better or worse). Especially because most people act different then they usually would when they meet someone new. Trying to make a good first impression.
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Well the thing is you can never know till you try, but maybe look for friends that enjoy more stuff you like. Look for common interests, tv shows, books, films, etc.
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People change over time, sometimes quickly, sometimes they're not who you thought they were and at times friendships just fade even after 20 years. It's not always predictable but it's worse to distrust everyone just because of these experiences. It's all part of life, whether you think you have a 'connection' or not.

Appreciate the positive feelings you have for a new friend but take a step back and let the friendship/relationship go at its own pace, it might make all the difference, rather than you being 'full on'.
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Thank you Sleepingbeauty.
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well...stop it?
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Hahaha That's actually good advice. Thanks!
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I usually have a somewhat hard time meeting/trusting new people but in some cases i have an odd feeling like we are ment to be friends and oddly enough that feeling have never failed...
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I do this a lot too, don't feel bad about it. It's easy to bond over superficial things when you first meet someone. Either they don't let their true colours show to begin with or they're just good at pretending. At least you have the capacity to realize that they're not your cup of tea... you can't really stop this happening as people can be deceiving. That being said, you shouldn't give up on making friends - not all people are like that =]
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I know how you feel exactly, but you will meet more ppl than have connections I'd say
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