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Is it normal that i have to completely tense my body to orgasm?!
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Hey so I'm a 21 year old female, and as long as i remember, whenever i have masturbated or have had oral sex performed on myself (and i know its not just a few guys who cant do it right its EVERYONE), i have had to hold my breath and tense my muscles completely rigid and hold my legs straight, if i want a chance of orgasming....

i tense my body so much that my legs actually start raising up off the bed.

it looks unnatural and i obviously cant and wont do this during oral sex, and because of it my sex life is really screwing up.

i am unable to have orgasms and am CONSTANTLY faking it.

IS IT NORMAL ?!!? Does ANYONE else in the world have this problem ?!?!?
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Comments (16)
Wow, I have the same problem. Your not alone.
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FakePlastic, are u serious?
everything i have said above, u actually do as well?

im so worried. ive been with my partner for 2 years now, shes amazing (yes im gay) and ive always been really turned on, etc, by her...but i can never QUITE get there.

when i masturbate, it takes me 2 mins, cos iv got no1 2 impress, but i just CANNOT orgasm when im around someone.

what the hell do u do about this problem ?! ive googled it so many times, and have found nothing.
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I always thought I was the only one...I mean, this is exactly me right down to the holding your breath part. If I don't hold my breath, I can't get off...consequently, I've never had an orgasm with a guy.
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oh wow, i really thought there was NO ONE else...cos iv googled the symptoms so many times, and it ALWAYS says the same thing

"Relax ur mind and body, deep slow and steadily and u will succeed in reaching ur climax"

i mean...really...if that sh*t worked, wouldnt the whole world be a better place? haha

so have any of u guys figured out how to "cure" it?
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EJT
Needing to tense up especially in the legs: yes me too! I'm a man so it's interesting to see that some women find this too.
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wow i did NOT think men would have this problem!!!

I've learnt that I don't have to hold my breath for the entire time, just towards the start when I'm initially getting myself "into the mood"

If I don't tense my legs and upper body, then I won't orgasm. I don't really feel pleasure at all, unless my lower extremities are tensed up.
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I'm a 22 year old female and I do the same thing, though I've gotten better. If I'm masturbating, a lot of the time I will still masturbate this way. However, I have gotten to the point that I can relax my body more.

Since the thing that bothered me most for a long time was the fact I was holding my breath, I started taking slow, deep breaths in and out while I masturbated. Believe it or not, this really helped.

As far as tensing my body goes, I still have better orgasms when my body is tensed, but I can get off without tensing my legs now. It's just a matter of slowly changing your routine and relaxing.

Hope that helps!
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I have had the same experience and for years couldn't get there with a partner. I used to fake it all the time. It was only once I worked on my sexual issues that were left over from some pretty bad shit I went through that I got over the problem. There is also possibly a medical reason why you can't get there easily, but I think it's probably more psychological. Maybe you are afraid to relax and just let go. I used to be secretly afraid that my partner would laugh at me while in the throes, and sometimes after getting there, I still have that fear. Maybe you should go and see a sex therapist or a gynie and ask about this, but I know it's not that uncommon. I too have to tense my body to make it over the edge and sometimes, tensing up ruins it altogether. It's come down to mastering the 'science' just to get there and I often sit and wonder if it's even worth it anymore.
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i'm a guy put i do the same with jacking up... i stretch my legs and like, point my toes.... sucks cause i do it and after i come my legs hurt reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaally bad
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shaswar14
eh girl losen up and i think it stood you have to hold youre breath yeh some peaople do that its called strangle sex. some peaople need that to get a orgasm.
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Not nessescarily buddy... I dont like hands around my neck! Just sayin
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I'm amazed that so many people have the same issue I do! It's frustrating when people say that you 'just need to relax' or 'be comfortable with your partner'-- I'm very sexually confident and that hasn't helped at all!

The one thing that HAS helped is that I bought a vibrator (not as scary as you'd think!) and have started using it with my legs relaxed...not to be crude, but making sure everything's properly lubricated helps ALOT with this transition.

Good luck!!
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um....i didn't really understand that, but thanx shaswar14
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I have this problem. When you masturbate and you are about to reach climax force yourself to lower your legs and spread them. I'm slowly doing that and im starting to tense less every time.
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I always wondered if there were others! I am afraid to do, what I do alone, in the bedroom with him! I hold my breath to the point of almost passing out. Never had a guy get me off so I have always had to fake it! I am ashamed to say. It seems as though, they never get rough enough to make me get to that point! Seriously sucks big balls!
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see a doctore i guess,or the guys arent that good
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