I'm a young, adult male. I am intelligent, attractive, and have some wealth. I'm aware that most of you will label me as a "creepy pedo" and say "ewww... kill it!" But, at least take the time and try to understand my position.
If you've ever read 'The Catcher in the Rye', you should easily grasp my sentiments. I feel like the world, society, mainstream media, public education, poor parenting, etc., have significant effects on kids and their development. I have been exposed to much of the 'darkness' within people, be it by my own family, friends, or strangers. Are phoniness, ignorance, and bigotry necessarily our fate? I feel like I can't meet young, adult women my age who aren't somehow already 'corrupted' in some sense.
My wish would be to find a young girl (the age doesn't matter so much, but rather the level of corruption already inflicted on her should be minimal) and become a sort of intellectual, spiritual, and cultural guide -- a sort of mentor and teacher. I have a broad education in all sorts of areas of science and the arts. I enjoy adventure, travel, and discovery, and I would like to share these things with someone who can appreciate them, and see the beauty that is this world.
I'm aware that this is probably NOT normal, judging by other posts and responses I have seen. I suppose I would just like to get some feedback. Also, to be clear, if there were to be any sexual component to such a relationship, it would only occur once she was ready, of legal age to give consent, and desirous of me in that way. Sex is a big part of all life and it is important to learn about it in a healthy way. I do want children of my own someday, but not for a at least a decade.
Alright. Bring on the hate! (Or, hopefully, some constructive thoughts.)
If you've ever read 'The Catcher in the Rye', you should easily grasp my sentiments. I feel like the world, society, mainstream media, public education, poor parenting, etc., have significant effects on kids and their development. I have been exposed to much of the 'darkness' within people, be it by my own family, friends, or strangers. Are phoniness, ignorance, and bigotry necessarily our fate? I feel like I can't meet young, adult women my age who aren't somehow already 'corrupted' in some sense.
My wish would be to find a young girl (the age doesn't matter so much, but rather the level of corruption already inflicted on her should be minimal) and become a sort of intellectual, spiritual, and cultural guide -- a sort of mentor and teacher. I have a broad education in all sorts of areas of science and the arts. I enjoy adventure, travel, and discovery, and I would like to share these things with someone who can appreciate them, and see the beauty that is this world.
I'm aware that this is probably NOT normal, judging by other posts and responses I have seen. I suppose I would just like to get some feedback. Also, to be clear, if there were to be any sexual component to such a relationship, it would only occur once she was ready, of legal age to give consent, and desirous of me in that way. Sex is a big part of all life and it is important to learn about it in a healthy way. I do want children of my own someday, but not for a at least a decade.
Alright. Bring on the hate! (Or, hopefully, some constructive thoughts.)
I think I understand the fantasy itself, in so much as everybody would like to have the perfect companion - you want to mold your own. But there is a slightly unsettling subtext there. I don't believe it's motivated by a desire to help a young girl appreciate the world, I believe it's motivated by a desire to have a young girl appreciate you.
At least that's what I got from your post. Of course there's only so much one can glean from such a brief piece of text without knowing you so it's pure speculation on my part :)
Life cannot be perfect. We have to experience some conflict at some points. I have experienced quite a bit of darkness, corruption and conflict in my life so far and the funny thing is, I'm glad! Because I won't be the person I am today. I like who I am, and it's all because I have learnt from my mistakes and corrupt people. We need badness in this world.
Wiki: A pedophile is a person 16 years of age or older, who is primarily or exclusively sexually attracted to children who have not reached puberty, generally those under the age of 14.
Medically, this condition is called "pedophilia" and is classified as a mental disorder.
Some adults have pedophile feelings but do not act by sexually abusing children.
According to some studies, about 1% of all adult males may be pedophiles. Another study estimated the percentage of pedophiles to be between twelve and twenty percent
Quote: "If you've ever read 'The Catcher in the Rye', you should easily grasp my sentiments."
Never have, but it must be fiction.
Quote: "I feel like the world, society, mainstream media, public education, poor parenting, etc., have significant effects on kids and their development."
Lets just some that up and say Present Society.
In our present society, parents raise their child(ren).
If the parent is deemed unfit, then the child will be placed within a suitable proper home where carers, adopted parents, or guardianship occurs. These people must provide ALL the child's normal needs (just as a normal parent would have done)
You yourself stated that you would like to be a parent one day. Quite obviously you trust yourself (then). Just as parents do right now with their own children. We all try our best. Those that don't, the child has a number of avenues to get support.
The principle is, present society does work, to the best of its ability with children. If you feel there needs more change (ie I say children should never be forced into a religious school) then you need to approach your local government representative on this and make change.
Quote: "I feel like I can't meet young, adult women my age who aren't somehow already 'corrupted' in some sense."
Yet you yourself state you had growing 'dark' issues, and here you are all wise and intelligent? The system worked for you ;)
Quote: "and become a sort of intellectual, spiritual, and cultural guide -- a sort of mentor and teacher."
Intellectual: Public schools provide ALL the intellectual information these days. They even allow the Internet in class in junior school now.
Spiritual: You would need to elaborate. Ones beliefs are a personal thing, they should not be taught. They should be allowed to be open to have any rational belief, as long as it does not hurt others.
Cultural: Like growing up normally with parents in our present society? Good idea.
Quote: "I have a broad education in all sorts of areas of science and the arts."
Imagine if they were taught and guided by people who specialize in this area. ie Teachers, Professors even doctors. Having this type of education and experience is much greater than your single 'broad' knowledge.
Quote: "Also, to be clear, if there were to be any sexual component to such a relationship, it would only occur once she was ready, of legal age to give consent"
Ah! The crux of your topic.
This, above all, seems to be your real question. As all other points are just debating what's best for a growing child. Being an area that society continues to build on with education, health, safety, love, and 'normal' present society.
Pedophilia (as first quoted above) is stated as a 'mental disorder'. That REQUIRES support from a doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist.
These professionals will help you to realize your condition and then to help you with your thought pattern and actions. If you were to receive help, then this topic itself would be obsolete as not required.
Since you mentioned 'once of legal age', then I need to remind you that no one normally thinks of this hypothetical when guiding a young child.
Yes relationships have formed between teachers and legal aged students. (note always with the teacher never teaching again) But this is NOT the intention of guiding the young child when growing up (normally). The intention is to bring up a well balanced mind and body child within our present society.
Your intentions are NOT normal, and therefore against our present society.
It has the same effect as those religious cults bringing up children in THEIR view. These places are raided by police and the abusers are locked up.
You can however, move to another country where your ideas are acceptable.
The Middle East comes to mind. Try not to get bombed though!
Oh well some must not be ready to hear the truth I suppose
That was just the general common answer.
A more specific detailed answer (ideally less wording) would come if you asked the right question. ;)
You will have to look further into this as your hypothetical won't work. Close but no cigar.
There are a number of valid areas in society where it won't be seen as creepy.
Have you thought about a mail order bride from Asia, by the way?
Never seriously considered a mail order bride. It seems a little desperate -- like prostitution. This isn't to say that I have anything against people going this route, but it's just not for me.
To me, it seems as if his aim is to raise and cultivate his own wife from childhood to adulthood and hold as much of her admiration as possible and essentially be her only true liason to the world =\
He does not want to go through the unpredictable storm cloud of dating, he'd rather make his own mate, so to speak.
You want a girl who's innocent, and it sounds like you've just plainly given up on women your age. My advice would be to try to meet more women. Believe it or not, there actually are women out there who are kind, polite, and can probably fit your puritan idealism of what a women should be like. The fact that you want to "chase" a young skirt, and your vocabulary, sort of tells me that you're a little bit insecure thus you want to go after a young girl. You want her to look up to you, but also do things that a girlfriend would. Believe me, I get this fantasy (I really do). But you shouldn't sell yourself short. Sure society corrupts people, I've read the Catcher in the Rye, but not everyone is as affected by it. Look on this website and you'll see plenty of girls who just don't care about how to dress, if they do, then they only care because they want to look good for themselves.
In conclusion, don't give up on society, I'm a cynic but even I'm surprised by some of the innocent young adults I run into. You'll find a girl, you just have to keep looking.
If by some chance a 16 year old had a "crush" on you then I think it would be best if you just explained to her that you're too old for her.
You don't know you everything. Do you know about love? A relationship with a 16 yr old sounds like it would be one-sided. As in you'll have the pleasure of teaching her (among other pleasures) while she doesn't really have an input into things. By that last statement I mean that you'll be the mentor, thus you wouldn't want to learn from the person who you're teaching. It's like a teacher with his student, most teachers treat their students nicely, but overall they're just students and you're somewhat superior to them. Do you get what I'm saying?
If you dated someone your own age then I feel that the relationship would be more equal. As in she'll be able to put forth her ideas and her interests. You wouldn't be "teaching" but you'll both go through the same struggles, like paying bills, making ends meet, and so on. Someone who's 16 couldn't truly understand those struggles.
In conclusion, with someone your own age, you can both learn from each other, evolve due to facing the same struggles, as oppose to a relationship with a child who doesn't face the same problems as you.
Here are some of my questions. Would you call yourself insecure and immature (at times)? Also, what was your last relationship like?
I have been sleeping with a girl recently who is 4 years younger than I am. The relationship isn't going anywhere, though. Before that I was in a relationship with a girl who was a year younger. It lasted two and a half years. It didn't end badly. It just felt like we had reached some sort of limit. Like we couldn't move forward in our mutual trust.
Also did you understand why, in my opinion, dating someone around your age would be best?
I understand your opinion, but I don't agree. I think that someone's age is not necessarily representative of their compatibility with someone else.
In some cases, sure relationships workout, but I honestly believe that you should go after women close to your age. And what country do you live in where 16 is the legal age?
"if there were to be any sexual component to such a relationship, it would only occur once she was ready, of legal age to give consent, and desirous of me in that way."
Yes, that is creepy.
Then again, what age are we talking about here? If it's 15, that's one thing; if it's 10, yes, that's just creepy.
Even if you don't start having relations with her until she's 16, it's still creepy if you've been around her since she was five.
I met my wife when she was 17 and I was eight years older than her. We were good friends for a good five years. I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend back then. However, I had always been giving her advises. Helped her with everything. Refer her for employment, etc. Basically, I knew that I did it all out of sincerity.
Then, one day, I just realized that my feeling for her has changed and she felt the same way. We are now happily married for 8 years. I believe that with good intention, you will most likely make it, but don't try too hard. This doesn't mean that I encourage you to started picking and cataloging young girls so you can qualify them and have the winner to be your future bride. What happened to me was a bless and it happened naturally.
..if your a girl we should get married.
if your not a girl we should not get married.
Maybe I'm just a 15 year old boy myself with a bit of experience loaded on but I formed genuine connections. I wasn't a teacher, or a family member, or a counsellor. I was someone in the real world that was taking a break from the real world to mentor them individually. I told them things to help them get ahead, gave them insights that only came to me from experience, and I showed faith.
I'll tell you what. Every single one of them surprised me. You show a bit of interest and faith in the coming generation, you make them want to impress you, and they do. Some of them still write and tell me what they're up to. My plan was always to be a teacher. Weirdly, I ended up doing it in a small way. And it confirms to me that I'd have been damned good at it. That's the selfish part. The unselfish part is that a week with a fifteen year old lad could be seen as a nightmare to shrink away from. But if you approach it right, you get to make a difference. Actually, that's the selfish part too.
Oh, bollocks to it!
Should i wrap her up or do you want her to go?
I would never hand out dirtybirdy to this creep!
Why did you feel the need to mention sex at all? Why does she need to be some girl that is NOT your own daughter? Why do you exclude her mother(or father, if she is not your own) from this? Why DOES it have to be a girl(and you specifically noted not having met uncorrupted girls your age before talking about the "girl"(not genderneutral child) you want to mentor!)?
I doubt you could provide answers to those questions that change my opinion of you, so in this case, i don't care about being open-minded.
Taking a innocent girl and raising her in a way to make her into a perfect lady and desirious sex toy IS creepy.
While it may be normal to WANT something like that, it's nowhere near acceptable to consider acting on it.
Same as it may be normal that guys have a phantasy of raping some teenager/woman.
Normal phantasy, NOT normal to consider acting on it.
What you wrote sounds, sorry to say, quite full of yourself, and does little to hide your true intents.
So, while the idea may be common, fewest of the people would actually ever consider it for real, and see it just as a phantasy.
You, on the other hand, sound like the kind of guy that will try and woe some solo mum with a small daughter, then kill her in what will seem an elegant accident to you to get your hands on the kid.
In other words: creepy.
Going from your desires to think about ways how you are gonna make them happen is just a small step, and i can assure you, no parents worth the name parents will freely give you full reign over their daughter in the way you mentioned.
Since you don't want your own child, but someone elses, and most adoption agencys would (rightfully) refuse single-opposite-sex adults, the only chance left is for you to WORM your way into a position where you're the legal guardian of of the kid.
The most obvious simply being to woe a single mum with a daughter. And you don't exactly sound like you would want someone to interfere with your "education", and i doubt the mother would take well to your eventual sexual advances towards her daughter.
Really, for someone claiming to be as smart as you are, this scenario should not be "way out there".
But please, elaborate: How _DID_ you intend to come into a position of having, alone, legal guardianship over a young girl that is not your own?
See what happens, I dare you.
I am sorry to say that because despite my believe you are being a conceited creep, I was going to give you the benefit of doubt. Unrightfully, it would seem, if you write something and don't remember/understand what you wrote,
My personal life is great, thanks for asking.
No, I gladly have several close friends for long times already and a easy time getting to know new people.
Then again, I don't judge them in a corrupted-system like you, so I guess that helps.
The way you have said it makes it sound like you want to raise a girl to be a sex toy. How is that not creepy?
I really can't expand on Terry's comment. She said it perfectly.
I never claimed that knowledge and experience are inherently bad things. However, I think some knowledge is destructive or based on false information and manipulation. Also, some experiences should not have to be experienced by anyone. Rape, abuse, manipulation, discrimination. My opinion is that it's enough to know that these things can happen. You don't need them to happen to you to understand that they are wrong.
Also, I don't think any human has less value than any other. I never claimed this.
I agree that things like rape and abuse shouldn't be experienced by anyone, but it seems kind of messed up to choose the company people who haven't experienced them over people who have.
The fact that you see a future sexual relationship with a young girl you mentor as a possibility raises huge red flags for me, as does the fact that you compare young girls with women your age and focus on girls specifically. If you do mentor somebody, you shouldn't be doing so with the expectation of any possibility of sex, even in the distant future. Also, I think the tendency to think of young girls, specifically, as "pure" is unhealthy to young girls. It can lead to overprotection of girls, and shame when girls aren't as pure as expected (spoiler: we never are).
I have had relationships with girls who have been abused and raped before. I loved them just as I would anyone who was close to me. The problem is that these sorts of experiences seem to make it much more difficult to get really close to a person. It's like they've put up a wall that I just can't climb.
I can see why you see red flags. I plainly see that this desire of mine is partly a selfish one. Still, you say, "If you do mentor somebody, you shouldn't be doing so with the expectation of any possibility of sex." Can you explain why that is? Isn't sex a part of life that we eventually learn about? Why shouldn't it be learned in a safe and nurturing environment?
Finally, I agree that over-protection can be detrimental to development, but that is already implied by the term. Protection, itself, is a good thing and expected to an extent. How much one protects a young person is discretionary and can be done in ways that still allow that person to grow without feeling shame.
If she idolises you, the relationship can't be healthy. If you protect her and take care of her as you would a young girl, the relationship can't be healthy. The potential for unhealthy habits and even abuse here is huge, even if you do your very best to make it work. You could easily end up hurting her without ever knowing about it.
As for learning about sex "in a safe in nurturing environment", I assume you're talking about a mentor teaching a girl about sex, yes? This can be incredibly damaging. It is not ok. Early sexual experiences should be with an equal, not with somebody in a position of authority (which a mentor is, no matter how hard to try to treat her as an adult). People need to be able to discover their own sexual identities and explore their sexuality without the desire for approval that comes with a mentor relationship. It's the same reason that sex with a parent is unhealthy, even if the child is over the age of consent. Even if she says yes, you can't tell why she said yes, and the chances that it's at least partially because she wants to please her mentor, not because she wants to have sex, are way too high. There's way too high a risk that she'll feel pressured into it, and that can be really traumatic.
In short: a person can't give sexual consent to their mentor, or rather, it's impossible for you to tell if that consent is real or if it's being given because you were her mentor. That risk is not ever worth it.
This corruption has to do with the dichotomy of child/adult. The loss of innocence is often associated with 'growing up', becoming more 'mature'. I suppose my feeling is that these are negative changes, and that, in the normal way things happen, we are all forced through this change. (Think: 'Another Brick in the Wall'.)
My desire would be to preserve this innocence and purity for someone, while still teaching them about the world with as much earnestness and objectivity as possible. As others have pointed out, this is not likely to be possible. This may be true. I don't think this is something I would actually try, anyhow, since it is so uncertain. It's just something I've thought about.
WHY do you insist on a girl?
WHY did you feel compelled to bring up sex?