My boyfriend and i have been together for around 8 months. He is ex army, and he's recently got a job in private security. He goes abroad for a few weeks at a time and he's currently halfway through a month long transit. I miss him like crazy and he calls me once every few days, and tells me how much he loves and misses me.
We've been known to argue about trivial things, but a few months ago we broke up for a few weeks and in that time he was with another woman, one of my friends actually. She has recently been telling people that she's in love with him even though she knows we're back together and stronger than ever. But since all that happened, i have been so determined to keep my boyfriend, especially from this particular girl, that i feel in a way that i am obsessed by it. I have a full time job, i go to the gym 3 times a week, i'm keeping myself occupied but in my freetime all i do is panic about the fact that my boyfriend might leave me when he gets home and go back to this girl. I know that i want him, i'm ready to settle down, start a home with him and maybe get married eventually. I understand that it's quite early days, but i can honestly say that i love him. I don't know if i've ever felt this way about anyone before. I think he might suffer from post traumatic stress disorder after being in the army, and he can be a very angry person, and he also has trust issues. I don't know a great deal about his ex girlfriends. I've met a few of them and they've mostly been normal, nice people and i can't help but feel that his anger and jealousy had something to do with the demise of those previous relationships, although that's only an assumption. The reason i don't know too much about his exes is because i really don't want to know, because it'll only hurt me. I'd rather the past be the past and we can live in the present.
Okay, that's the background and the whole reason i'm posting this is because my friends are telling me that i'm obsessed. I think about him constantly, i don't want to go out when he's here because i want to spend time with him, i will let him get away with murder, so long as he doesn't leave me. He left me for one of my friends, then realised he made a mistake, and i was there waiting for him. This could be something that some people find unforgivable, i just want to be with him, no matter whats happened between us. It's like a constant battle. I'm in a position now where i don't know what to do, it's easy to say that i need to stop worrying about him leaving me, but i feel like i'm going to be spending the rest of my life, or the rest of our relationship, desperately trying to prove why i'm better than this girl, and making sure he doesn't go back to her.
We've been known to argue about trivial things, but a few months ago we broke up for a few weeks and in that time he was with another woman, one of my friends actually. She has recently been telling people that she's in love with him even though she knows we're back together and stronger than ever. But since all that happened, i have been so determined to keep my boyfriend, especially from this particular girl, that i feel in a way that i am obsessed by it. I have a full time job, i go to the gym 3 times a week, i'm keeping myself occupied but in my freetime all i do is panic about the fact that my boyfriend might leave me when he gets home and go back to this girl. I know that i want him, i'm ready to settle down, start a home with him and maybe get married eventually. I understand that it's quite early days, but i can honestly say that i love him. I don't know if i've ever felt this way about anyone before. I think he might suffer from post traumatic stress disorder after being in the army, and he can be a very angry person, and he also has trust issues. I don't know a great deal about his ex girlfriends. I've met a few of them and they've mostly been normal, nice people and i can't help but feel that his anger and jealousy had something to do with the demise of those previous relationships, although that's only an assumption. The reason i don't know too much about his exes is because i really don't want to know, because it'll only hurt me. I'd rather the past be the past and we can live in the present.
Okay, that's the background and the whole reason i'm posting this is because my friends are telling me that i'm obsessed. I think about him constantly, i don't want to go out when he's here because i want to spend time with him, i will let him get away with murder, so long as he doesn't leave me. He left me for one of my friends, then realised he made a mistake, and i was there waiting for him. This could be something that some people find unforgivable, i just want to be with him, no matter whats happened between us. It's like a constant battle. I'm in a position now where i don't know what to do, it's easy to say that i need to stop worrying about him leaving me, but i feel like i'm going to be spending the rest of my life, or the rest of our relationship, desperately trying to prove why i'm better than this girl, and making sure he doesn't go back to her.
Especially since he already broke up with you to sleep with someone else. Obviously your relationship didn't mean as much to him.
do not be a doormat.
if you think you're life will end if he leaves you, and you let him do ANYTHING he wants then... you'll find that your life will consist of you groveling for the scraps from his table like a dog.
a man who really loves a woman doesn't treat her like a dog. he treats her like she's the best thing that ever happened to him
You're not over the fact that he hooked up with someone you knew. You shouldn't be. Want him to respond to you better? Get real!! We'd (guys) would rather be told how you feel than have you all pent up and psycho.
I'm not trying to be mean to you, I'm saying you're like every other girl that let's a guy get away with anything and silently fumes over it. Man that gets my blood pressure going... Here's a sample dialogue:
You: I'm pissed that you slept with my friend, but I'll get over it.
(translated: I'm pissed that you slept with someone and I'll never forget it)
Him: Ok
(translated: Cool. She'll get over it and everything will be fine)
So, either get the fuck over it and find something else to do to occupy your mind - or break it off now instead of annoying the hell out of him for the next several months until you explode.
I'll tell you, with 100% certainty, that if he's been to war and/or suffers PTSD from it, he doesn't have time to give a shit about little things that annoy you - or your needs. He needs to blow off some steam and get back to square-one, which doesn't include an obsessive girlfriend.
You can't prove you were the better girlfriend by forgiving him and showering him with attention. Obviously, if he left you for your friend, he didn't think you were better!! So then, ditch him. Then drop your jealousy issues.
Consider all the men with famous gorgeous women who cheat with the plain fat nannies! Why? The nannies are more 'interesting' than their gfs who obsess about their looks / press or whatever.
Obsession is not attractive!! Confidence is!!
To appear more attractive to him don't put up with his anger or any other crap! You should be of value to yourself and then to him.
Please put yourself first and then you will find her will put you up on a pedestal. Men are like little boys who are frightened of someone else taking their toy - so maybe you should date other guys too.
Hope you get over it soon.
The only reason he is treating you like shit is because you let him and he will continue to do so until you put your foot down.
I feel so sorry for you as you love him BUT there's someone out there who will love you back and not come and go as he pleases!
You should not have to prove you are better then this girl, he should love you for who you are, you've only been with him 8 months and you're fighting for his attention?
What people say on here will not affect your decision, they might help you see a little clearer but you'll stay with him until one day how he treats you will hit you like a tonne of bricks and you will just have enough and leave, let's hope it's sooner than later as you deserve more.
But if he really does love you, why would you need to prove him that you're better than her and stuff and this thing with him having trust issues, you don't need all that.
I can't say anymore than I already have because I obviously don't know much about you and your boyfriend in person... but from what I can tell, just make sure he is worth it for you.