My five-year-old twin boys, James and Samuel, keep having a reoccuring nightmare, every single night.
They sleep in the same room, always have, but recently they've been drifting in to sleep with us from about 11p.m.
At school they're studying the Romans. They learned a little about Roman centurians, and they are super frightened. To be honest, I can't quite work out how schools could scare kids that much. They aren't faking it, either. My oldest-by-nine-minutes, James, nearly threw up crying before 'Romans Day', and Samuel picked up on it (twinpathic!) and got a bit of an upset stomach, too. They're usually pretty lively, energetic little boys.
Anyway, me and my hubby John were just settling in for the night at 11p.m., when out came a knock at the door, and two tear-streaked twins stumbled in, runny-nosed and sniffling, explaining that they'd had a nightmare. "I kept dreaming about the Roman centurian," Samuel said, and quickly James agreed. We let them sleep with us, but they've become so scared that John and I have to occupy the outside of the bed, with the twins in the middle.
This has been going on for several weeks now, and we don't know what to do. We put them to bed at seven-thirty to eight-ish in their own beds and they go off fine, albeit with a little convincing, only to wake up in a cold sweat. When we refused to let them in our bed, they cried, screaming to the point where they actually struck out at my husband, John, who scooped them up and held them close until they calmed down.
No amount of reasoning seems to settle their fretful minds. My husband's elder brother Kevin is adored by my sons. James (at age five) is planning to be a lawyer 'just like Uncle Kevin' but even his lawful reason couldn't do it.
John tries most nights to put them to bed, it seems to work better, until the usual fiasco at eleven.
It's tough because John's 25, I'm 24, so we're quite young. Also the customs are different in Ireland (where John's from, where we live) than in England (where I'm from - I moved to Dublin when I was 17, to be with John). Over here the parents are more nurture as apposed to nature. So John likes them sleeping with us, he thinks it's cool and okay.
Sorry for the rant, but what shall we do?
Thanks
xxx
They sleep in the same room, always have, but recently they've been drifting in to sleep with us from about 11p.m.
At school they're studying the Romans. They learned a little about Roman centurians, and they are super frightened. To be honest, I can't quite work out how schools could scare kids that much. They aren't faking it, either. My oldest-by-nine-minutes, James, nearly threw up crying before 'Romans Day', and Samuel picked up on it (twinpathic!) and got a bit of an upset stomach, too. They're usually pretty lively, energetic little boys.
Anyway, me and my hubby John were just settling in for the night at 11p.m., when out came a knock at the door, and two tear-streaked twins stumbled in, runny-nosed and sniffling, explaining that they'd had a nightmare. "I kept dreaming about the Roman centurian," Samuel said, and quickly James agreed. We let them sleep with us, but they've become so scared that John and I have to occupy the outside of the bed, with the twins in the middle.
This has been going on for several weeks now, and we don't know what to do. We put them to bed at seven-thirty to eight-ish in their own beds and they go off fine, albeit with a little convincing, only to wake up in a cold sweat. When we refused to let them in our bed, they cried, screaming to the point where they actually struck out at my husband, John, who scooped them up and held them close until they calmed down.
No amount of reasoning seems to settle their fretful minds. My husband's elder brother Kevin is adored by my sons. James (at age five) is planning to be a lawyer 'just like Uncle Kevin' but even his lawful reason couldn't do it.
John tries most nights to put them to bed, it seems to work better, until the usual fiasco at eleven.
It's tough because John's 25, I'm 24, so we're quite young. Also the customs are different in Ireland (where John's from, where we live) than in England (where I'm from - I moved to Dublin when I was 17, to be with John). Over here the parents are more nurture as apposed to nature. So John likes them sleeping with us, he thinks it's cool and okay.
Sorry for the rant, but what shall we do?
Thanks
xxx
Last night we sent them to their paternal Granny's house, where my two brother-in-laws live, too. Apparently they managed to sleep alone until 3a.m., when they woke and ended up sharing a single bed with their uncle because they couldn't stop crying.
It gave John and myself time to spend time without them in bed (...) and discuss a few options. They love their Granny and happily go off to stay on their own, so we hoped it would break the sad cycle.
3a.m. is an improvement, so that's good. My in-laws only live around the corner, so it's a bonus. Plus they get on great with my hubby's twin and older brother, and actually mentioned the Romans without crying in front of their uncles.
Obviously tonight could be a whole different ball-game, so who knows, but they do seem a little more settled, and went off to play football with the men in the park.
John and I are going to give it another week, try to edge them out of our bed, and if it's still no better then look into therapy. Although in Dublin it's more law schools than therapy centres hehe!
Thanks xxx
Never bring up the subject of Romans at home and get your husband to tell them a bedtime story where they are the heroes who can conquer the world and who are afraid of nothing whatsoever! Your real problem is not getting them off to sleep it's getting past the nightmares so they need some activity to dream about. Cut out the TV and get them to play in the garden before bedtime so that's their last thoughts and memories.
Obviously it's one of them upsetting the other so maybe you could separate them to find out which one needs the help most. He needs to be reassured that all the Romans are dead a long time and can't come back. Anyway, their dad is the biggest toughest man any Roman would be afraid of and he locks all the doors every night to keep the boys safe. He could also check out their wardrobes and under the beds if they ask him to.
Don't dismiss their fears as nonsense but quash them by being bigger and tougher!
I understand letting the boys sleep with you - but it does get rather crowded and the adults don't really get a good night's sleep. It's better that they are 'big boys' who can sleep in their own beds - but I wouldn't insist if they are genuinely distraught. There will come a time when they are pretending and you can shoo them back in.
This is an awful situation for you, and I've been there :o( Hopefully, they will move on to fishing or some other suitable topic in school and give the boys a break.
Good luck.
I'm going to get John to take the twins around each room, locking every door. We never have the TV on after 5:00, at least until the young'uns have gone to bed. They LOVE playing in the garden, so that's cool. We have quite a nice lawn, too.
It's Roman day tomorrow at school, so tonight might be a bit tougher, but we're going to try our best and just relax. The more relaxed we are, the more relaxed they are.
I think part of it is that my own parents live in England and I don't see them that often; so I feel more isolated as a mother. John's dad lives right off in Kildare so I guess it isn't perfect for him either - but he still has his mam, granny and brothers living close in Dublin.
Thanks a million for the advice, I'm going to ensure John tries it all out!
Xxx
I think I'd be tempted to keep them off school away from Roman Day! They are still very young and their wee fears are still very real.
Take loads of photographs coz they grow up really quickly - and you may want to remember them as sweet and innocent when you're dealing with teenage monsters!
Good luck girl.
Whenever she's around I always feel like a child abuser if one of the twins snatches an object and I say, "don't do that, James/Samuel!" Because she has this annoying habit of giving you a 'sweet look' that really says, "och, leave them be!" ha, ha!
We were eating with the in-laws and James burped really loudly. I said, "What do you say?"
But the moment James said "pardon me!" their granny looked at me as if to say, "och, leave them be, they'll grow out of it!"
He's A MAN! HE'LL NEVER GROW OUT OF IT haha! Bless 'er.
Yepp! Lots of photos! They grow up like wildfire...one minute still in the incubator, the next lobbing snowballs at the neighbour's car...oh, happy days.
Yeah, John and I might keep them off tomorrow. Although there's the argument of making them face their fears, it seems so tough for them, and like you say, very real fears.
Thanks for the luck...I'll probably need some!
xxx
Unfortunately, Irish mother in laws can be a nightmare, and although I'm sure she doesn't mean to undermine you with your boys - make sure she doesn't!!
Always nip any issue with school / family in the bud before it escalates. In my book, that means if I lose one night's sleep over something - I deal with it the very next day. Parents get little enough sleep without additional stresses.
Good luck with whatever you decide tomorrow ;o)
They woke up crying their faces off at 4a.m., ended up sobbing into John's chest for about an hour, refusing to sleep anywhere unless they were clamped against his shoulders.
In the morning, we woke up and they began to cry again. John seems to be the only one to calm them down, or John's older brother Kevin.
They really wanted to go out and play football with Dad and Uncle Kevin, but John works as a computer technician, and Kevin had a case on (he's a lawyer). They seem to think that the Romans will get them unless their dad or Kevin are there, so I keep reminding them how the Romans are long dead, and that they are the biggest bravest boys in the world!
Before John went to work, Samuel cried so much that he nearly threw up, and John had to rub his back until he stopped choking. James seems to be less scared, but he still gets so upset.
I'm feeling pretty cool emotionally, but now I think John's feeling the weight of it, as the twins will only seem completely settled when he's there. John's twin brother works with John, so he couldn't come round either. Before work, poor John actually shed a few tears and got a bit weepy about it all, I guess having a twin himself, he understands what they go through as a pair.
Still, once he'd gone to work, the boys seemed a bit better!
Poor wee souls :o(
If you are at home anyway, I'd be tempted to keep them off for the rest of the week and take them to the zoo and other outings so that Roman Day becomes a distant memory for them. Though you must ensure the teacher shuts up about this!! I wonder what exactly it is that they fear? Is it their costumes, or what they've been told they did? All I know is they built straight roads coz they couldn't turn corners ;o) Anyway, they're girlie coz they wore skirts and not half as tough as your twins ;o) haha.
Let me know how this pans out for you. xx
The thing that makes me annoyed is that they still have to study the Romans until they break up in June! JUNE! And they have the Romans class every Tuesday, poor things.
Yeah, we're going to go to Pheonix park, Iveagh gardens, Rathfarnham castle...ah I love Dublin! Hopefully John can take the rest of the week off :)
I think it's just the general image of the war-monger Romans, that kind of fierce outward appearance. Haha girlie Romans! I'm telling John that! ;)
Absolutely, my twins are tougher than a few skirt-wearing Romans haha :P Bless 'em.
Hopefully tonight will go better, they haven't woken up yet! Although I'm waiting with baited breath for their poor little whimpering cries...
Where abouts in Ireland are you from?
We live in Lucan Dublin...but I'm from England haha
I'll keep you posted :) xx
My heart's bleeding for these two :( Every bloody Tuesday!! Afraid not!! If they can't excuse them from this trauma then keep them off. What on earth is this nonsense about? Every Tuesday until June! Find out if it's morning or afternoon then you can send them in late or take them out early! The school must oblige you coz this is very unfair on all of you. I'd be furious!!
Anyhow, those Romans wore skirts and Moses sandals - in this country, they must have been half frozen and died of the flu :o)
Hopefully if we make enough jokes about how stupid they actually were, the kids will lose their fears. Poor wee souls.
Please let me know how you go. xx
I know, John and I are livid. How can a school traumatize two little kids? We're giving them Tuesday afternoons off from now on - the teacher is going to get one hell of a surprise when we tell her why!
Exactly, the Romans must have been dying like flies! Of the flu and of frostbite probably!
I think their emotions are pretty tender at the moment, perhaps leave jokes or anything Roman-related out until their poor little nerves are settled...still, John and I had quite a laugh at some of the Roman jokes!!
Thanks so much for your support, it's fantastic and good fun :)
I'll let you know how things are going. xx
The twins had a bit of a cry in the morning, but we took them to the library (we all ADORE books!) and they seemed quite chirpy, and when we left them with John's mam to go and talk with their school, they had their heads buried in a book (the same book haha ;D)! When we got back, they were play-fighting with John's twin and older brother, and having a great time! John's mam said that she barely had to do anything once the lads arrived :) !
They went to bed easily after John popped them in the bath and I gave them cups of hot chocolate, so I'm hoping the rest of the evening will go smoothly!
Xx
I can't even think why they're teaching about Romans but whatever your boys miss I'm sure it won't make a difference to their later lives :o)
I don't know if this is any use to you but ... when I was growing up as the eldest of 5 kids, my mum used to spell words when she wanted to tell me about something (Romans) that she didn't want the others to know about. It's better than the two boys listening at the door or hearing too much when you think they aren't listening. It also helped the others to spell a lot quicker, coz they were bursting to find out what we were spelling :o)
Hopefully this nonsense is over for you but I hope you can hang around here and help other mums or silly teens. Parents like us have been there and done it!!
Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep from now on.
Death to the Romans!!!!
:o)
xx
John's twin brother is coming over for dinner, so that should make them even happier! He's lovely too, and he always helps to reassure them.
That spelling thing is such a great idea, I'm not sure if it'll work as the twins are good spellers, but as we are verbally spelling, it would be great! It could be a fun game for car journeys, too!
:D
I'm definitely going to hang around! It's good to help other mums...I married and had the boys at 18, John was 20, so helping young people with kids would be amazing!
Your advice has been unbeatable, thank you so much for all of it! It's been fantastic!
Die, Romans, die!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
xx
You are so young to have kids! I was an old mum, not having my son until I was 32yo. Looking back I was too old ad tired :( but on this site I don't encourage the teens to have babies so young with their bfs, as so many end up as single mums desperate for some help.
No doubt you'll get a laugh from my straight talking ways - the older members are used to me, some of the new teens hate me and are full of romantic ideas :o)
Either way you're sure to get a laugh and there are some really intelligent people like NeuroNeptune, Avante-Garde, Saycheese, etc.
Glad you're going to join the fun and you can always post if any other problems.
Death to those Romans roamin' all over the place!! haha
:o)
xx
He proposed to me, and we booked a date at the regristry marriage office. But on the night before our little wedding (a couple of weeks before I gave birth), we got the sad news that John's paternal granddad had died. John, broken but brave, decided to go on with the wedding. We thought it would be more personal and special with only John's parents and brothers there, but it was still an emotional experience for John.
Then, when John, his brothers, his mam and I drove to Kildare to join John's dad for the funeral, I felt bigger and heavier than ever. It was during the service that I realised that I was in the early stages of labour! I tried to forget about it - it seemed so flippant and disrespectful to say anything. But John and his brothers and cousins had to help carry the coffin...I ended up walking through the streets of Kildare pretending to be fine.
John kept offering me food at the wake, but I said I wasn't hungry (thinking that I shouldn't eat in case of an emergency C-sec). I was panicking, hoping we could drive back to Dublin.
When at last we got back in the car, John got very weepy and cried quite hard for a while, so when at last we got moving, it felt really disrespectful to tell a teary-eyed John that his wife was in labour. In the end it got too bad to hide so I managed to blurt it out very quickly.
John's mam drove us to the Rotunda hospital in Dublin. My waters broke all over the car seat! Finally, three hours later, James popped out (named after John's granddad, it meant so much to him) followed by Samuel, nine minutes later. It was actually an easy birth, albeit a bit painful.
We have a picture of John, moments after the twins were born, his white shirt stained with blood, a twin tucked under each arm. He hates the photo because his poor eyes are so red from crying, but I have to keep it.
Six weeks later, the house John had bought with me (his family are quite rich - unlike mine) was ready, I'd decorated it even so soon after labour as a surprise for John and the babies. Luckily it's 10 minutes away from John's mam and brothers's house!
And here we are, five years later. I'm 24, he's 25. Although James and Samuel were born on the day of their great-granddad's funeral, it's still such a special day!
I hope to help other young mothers with less stable relationships, and this site seemed a great place to start.
The twins haven't woken up at all tonight!
I guess our death wishes to the Romans really worked!! Die die die!
:)
xx
Hopefully the school will shut up and give them a break.
We defeated those pesky Romans before and we can do it again!! On the first mention of them, tell the boys their daddy sent them on the first straight road outa Ireland and they know better than to come back - we're building up our own army via the internet :o)
Good luck!
xx
I do like the idea of Dad being the hero, but Dad won't always be there. So you could get Dad to give them a magic toy or two that will fight off the Romans when King Dad is away; and as long as they have those toys by the doors and windows in their room, they'll always be safe.