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Is it normal that my BF is furious that I can beat him at wrestling?
Basically, I think my boyfriend is being really pissy over something I didn't think was a big deal. We were talking the other day about sports we no longer take part in but used to enjoy and I mentioned that I used to do judo in college and was pretty good, even though I only received a beginner's yellow belt.
He thought this was hilarious because I'm tall and blond and pretty, and weigh around 125lbs, and I guess he didn't think that a pretty girl could fight her way out of a paper bag, much less do a martial art.
So when he got done laughing at me (he really was laughing and making fun of me) I challenged him to a wrestling match. Long story short, I used some timely leg sweeps and wrist throws to send him to the floor a few times, and after a while he got so tired out that his strength advantage was gone, and I was able to pin him.
Well, I figured he would have learned his lesson, but he's totally bent out of shape about it...he's been pouty and obnoxious ever since the match and keeps challenging me to a rematch, saying I got lucky, and that he wasn't trying hard...all this stuff to protect his macho ego.
So what do I do? Give him a rematch and let him win? (He would totally rub it in my face and say things like "I told you women can't fight". Or agree to a rematch and try my best again, risking another blow to his ego if he loses? Or just refuse and tell him to deal with it? (I've tried that last option and he just won't let it go).
And please tell me--have any attractive girls ever beaten a guy at something physical and had him react this way? Is it normal?
Please advise! and thanx!
Jennie
He thought this was hilarious because I'm tall and blond and pretty, and weigh around 125lbs, and I guess he didn't think that a pretty girl could fight her way out of a paper bag, much less do a martial art.
So when he got done laughing at me (he really was laughing and making fun of me) I challenged him to a wrestling match. Long story short, I used some timely leg sweeps and wrist throws to send him to the floor a few times, and after a while he got so tired out that his strength advantage was gone, and I was able to pin him.
Well, I figured he would have learned his lesson, but he's totally bent out of shape about it...he's been pouty and obnoxious ever since the match and keeps challenging me to a rematch, saying I got lucky, and that he wasn't trying hard...all this stuff to protect his macho ego.
So what do I do? Give him a rematch and let him win? (He would totally rub it in my face and say things like "I told you women can't fight". Or agree to a rematch and try my best again, risking another blow to his ego if he loses? Or just refuse and tell him to deal with it? (I've tried that last option and he just won't let it go).
And please tell me--have any attractive girls ever beaten a guy at something physical and had him react this way? Is it normal?
Please advise! and thanx!
Jennie
Do you think it's normal?
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Of course it's a dent on his ego. Men are made to protect and if they can't, they feel like their purpose is gone. If it's not this, then it will be him making you stay at home while he works or that you can't do such and such but he can. There's no point keeping someone who isn't willing to let you beat him at something. If anything, guys should be turned on by it - heck, I love girls who can beat the shit out of me and throw me on my back.
If you're intent on staying with him, then yes, you may have to let him win, but not necessarily at wrestling. He sounds like the kind of guy which must win or it will continue the argument forever. However, that will mean that you must not be yourself - so why not try to direct his focus elsewhere? Point out an aspect in his life where he can beat you. Everyone is good at something, so if the argument really is a problem, try and activity which he can beat you at and make sure he knows that you both have your different strengths and weaknesses.
However, again, there is no point staying with a partner who is in a permanent power struggle with you. It's not about being right, it's about being happy. He needs to get over it or he should rightly lose you. He should never put you in this situation.
Give him a rematch, but this time, do better than you did previously. If he loses, he should admit defeat like a man, and admit even an attractive girl can kick ass because they're better when it comes to technique and skills (and if by chance he wins, he shouldn't be too proud of himself, because he's not picking at someone his own size).
I know an attractive female Brazilian Jiu Jitsu purple belt and muay thai practitioner who can easily kick my ass, despite me being 100lbs heavier... and I'm not even a weakling - I also train martial arts, and I concede defeat to her because she's more well-versed in techniques and is way better than me overall.
do it again, hurt is ego more, and say that martial arts is effective etc etc and thats why youre so good
He is sexist. Period. And his attitude - a totally false belief in his entitlement to tower and power over you - bodes ill in more ways than just this.
Cut your losses now. Get out. Move on. Find someone who deserves to be your equal.
Anyway this story sounds hot, im sure you could adapt it somehow and write some erotic literature of the same theme...
I used to box, if a girl ever beat me (impossible unless shes russian or something) I'd be incredibly embarrassed, but also REALLY TURNED ON.
You're too good for him. Or perhaps just have some fun with him first - beat his butt several more times and then dump him haha.
You don't have to nurse his ego you know. I'm sure he's a big boy now, so he can do it himself.
So he agreed to that and we're going to have a re-match. (I also told him he better be serious about accepting the outcome b/c I'm not going to take it easy on him to spare his ego & he still doesn't respect my Judo skills so he's asking for trouble.)
Oh, and Jen...the whole thing about me being pretty is that I asked him why it bothered him SO much that I won and i pointed out that there are lots of women who box these days and even do UFC and MMA and he goes "yeah, but they're all butch & ugly...it's different if your a good-looking girl...that's why I took it easy on you b/c I don't think pretty girls should fight--and next time I won't take it easy on you to prove that you can't."
I hope that explains it. Anyway, it's on.
Does anyone want me to post what happens in the re-match?
Jennie