My biggest fear, stronger than any other one (even death) is becoming an adult. I am currently 19 and in college and I feel like my entire life as I know it is going to end for the worse in a few years after graduation. I observe people like my parents and other people's parents and they always appear to be miserable boring people who never have any fun and just live to work and then plop down in front of the tv for their remaining time and complain about money as often as possible.
As of now I only have two real friends and no girlfriend (although that is probably for the better because kids and a wife seem to be the one thing that truly ends all excitement in your life). I always longed for a larger social group, but due to my extreme shyness I very rarely meet people. I've also heard that after college, even for social people, your chances to meet new people significantly dies off. So as a result, since I plan to teach English in another country (or in another state on the west coast), I feel that it is highly likely that I am going to be completely without friends whatsoever which further kills my opportunities for excitement.
Last but not least is the perception of being 'old' to people. I feel that after I pass the age of 30, people are going to start viewing me as the 'old creepy guy' at a bar or wherever I may go. I feel like I am an immature person by personality and even after many years will reject fulfilling that stereotype of a 'family man'and will still yearn to join in on activities and dress in ways that are popular with the youth, however due to my aging appearance, people will view me as immature or 'creepy' for doing them.
The only glimmer of hope I have for the future is my life of travel that I have planned as a career. Teaching English in foreign countries will allow me to do the biggest passion in my life which is learning and using languages other than my native tongue as well as teaching my own and being immersed in other cultures. My only qualm about this is the fact that I will have no social life or friends (I couldn't even do it stateside!) and that I will never be able to find a girl or fall in love with someone (which is a huge mixed emotion of mine because that could end up being the very thing that forces me to 'settle down'). I've become rather strong at being a loner and can go weeks without hearing a single word from anyone and being okay with it, but I eventually reach a point where I just become lonely and wish that I had someone to talk to.
As of now I only have two real friends and no girlfriend (although that is probably for the better because kids and a wife seem to be the one thing that truly ends all excitement in your life). I always longed for a larger social group, but due to my extreme shyness I very rarely meet people. I've also heard that after college, even for social people, your chances to meet new people significantly dies off. So as a result, since I plan to teach English in another country (or in another state on the west coast), I feel that it is highly likely that I am going to be completely without friends whatsoever which further kills my opportunities for excitement.
Last but not least is the perception of being 'old' to people. I feel that after I pass the age of 30, people are going to start viewing me as the 'old creepy guy' at a bar or wherever I may go. I feel like I am an immature person by personality and even after many years will reject fulfilling that stereotype of a 'family man'and will still yearn to join in on activities and dress in ways that are popular with the youth, however due to my aging appearance, people will view me as immature or 'creepy' for doing them.
The only glimmer of hope I have for the future is my life of travel that I have planned as a career. Teaching English in foreign countries will allow me to do the biggest passion in my life which is learning and using languages other than my native tongue as well as teaching my own and being immersed in other cultures. My only qualm about this is the fact that I will have no social life or friends (I couldn't even do it stateside!) and that I will never be able to find a girl or fall in love with someone (which is a huge mixed emotion of mine because that could end up being the very thing that forces me to 'settle down'). I've become rather strong at being a loner and can go weeks without hearing a single word from anyone and being okay with it, but I eventually reach a point where I just become lonely and wish that I had someone to talk to.
If I can fall in love and marry somebody with similar ambitions then before kids we can do that together , and then when we want kids we can do it as a team and do all the exciting family things :) and when I grow old and wrinkly and ugly it will be okay because he will be too and we will have grown old together :D so I don't think life is looking too bad :) be optimistic!
By the time you're 40, the attraction to young bars and clubs is at 0. There'll be more mature ones which you can go to. I know you're probably freaking out, reading this, but all I can say is have fun in the moment - now, and the rest will fall into place.
I have the same associations with marriage and family. I feel like if I get married I'll be relinquishing control to society, since marriage is socially defined, and I'll fall into that mundane way of life. It's not that I'm a party-er, not by any means. I have a committed relationship with one person and I want to spend my life with him, but I don't see why we can't just date forever. I don't need other people trying to force me into a box—that's essentially what marriage is, a social contract that lets everyone know you conform to their expectations and roles.
This may sound backwards to most people, but I also feel like family life is pretty selfish, when you think about it. You create a family so you can provide for it as much as possible, but in order to be a good mom/dad you have to put your family first. You don't have much time or extra resources to help others. You're sort of creating a happy bubble for your family that's sealed off from the problems in the world. Having kids is almost like creating a problem just so you can solve it. I'd rather solve problems that already exist. Help people already in need. Why do people only ever see two options: tie yourself down with a family, or become a selfish career person?
It sounds like you have an amazing career lined up already. I don't see why you're so convinced you won't have friends, though. At 23 I'm just discovering that I fit in better with a lot of adults (particularly local artists I'm involved with now) than I do with people my own age. Maybe you just need to look in unexpected places. Creative types usually have a more open minded way of looking at the world, so maybe you could try socializing at art venues.
Sorry for the long rant, just felt the need to get it off my chest because no one ever seems to understand where I'm coming from.
What's a complete adult anyway? Somebody who always knows what's the right thing to do? Somebody who goes on/off responsible/irresponsible?
Or it is just about age? You have more than eighteen years old? You are legally an adult. Whether you like it or not you have to take your responsabilities.
There is no getting out of things by saying: but I am not a complete adult!
There is no such A thing as a " true adult". You are just seeing the models around you as an example of "true adulthood" but that's not the only way of living your life. It's probably your only chance, the only thing most people around you
Expect you to be. Wouldn't it be better to just sit there, analyze your situation,ponder your chances, and come up with a long term plan to stick with that doesn't involve becoming like the people you so clearly despise? Iike: I do not wanna become like them. But that does not mean I am going to have to keep living like a teenager for the rest of my life. What is it I want?
I want more friends I can rely on, and the chance to do something fun and basically live a life that is not boring and crappy like the ones of the people I had a chance to observe. How can I get that? That's what being adult is really all about. Think about what you want and find out ways to get there taking into consideration the fact that if you fuck up, you are goong to find something else on your hands and it will probably be a gargantuan amount of pigshit.
So you know: goal. Means to achieve it. Alternative course of actions. Also known as plan b. Conditions you feel like putting up with and you can withstand. Possible alternative outcomes. Probable unforseen events. Obstacles standing in my way. How do I get around them? Can I get around them? Or moan them down? What can I do and what I cannot do. These are all the things you mist be thinking about. Whether you are planning on becoming a boring fatso spending his days like every other adult you have seen, or you plan on becoming a jolly funny friendly guy who's fourty years old and still plays videogames and whistles at teenagers passing by.
The only thing you could possibly do that would be immature and creepy is worry about what others think of you.