Sticky situation: I make enough money to be living on my own, but I decided to stay home and help my mom since she sucks at being an adult. Recently, my sister and her roommate moved out of the house, which means that my mom now has to pay the electricity bill (my sister was paying that) and she lost $250/mo. In a few days, the other roommate is moving out, which means that she is losing another $250/mo. Now, I kept offering (when everyone else was paying something, and I was paying nothing) to pay rent like the roommates or the water bill. She kept saying no, you have the opportunity to save your money, so save it. Now that everyone is gone, I now have to pay her $600/mo. WTF? AND I have to provide the food for her son, but she goes out and buys all kinds of random shit? I have to pay as much as 3 people were paying, wow. I'm the ONLY ONE of my siblings that pays my own phone bill, my own car bills and insurance, buys my own food, AND I work far so I have to use a lot of gas. SHE KNOWS THAT. Yet she's making me pay this much?! FOR WHAT? I'm never HOME anyways! If I had money saved up, I'd move out, but then I'd feel bad. My mom won't grow up and get a real full-time job. She's currently working as a cashier on base. She doesn't do ANYTHING when she's home. I need advice. I don't have enough for a security/1 month deposit to live on my own (especially NOW!!) so moving out is not an option right now, but I'm honestly debating on whether or not I should just live in my car and go to my friend's house for showers...I don't know. This is so fucked up. What mother makes her 20 year old daughter pay more rent than ANYONE who was living there?
Is it normal that my mom is doing this?
Is it normal that my mom is doing this?
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That's right, to live where you both live, you 'both' need to sit down and work out the expenses.
By the way, you were living there for free? And now you have to pay!
Dear me, you still haven't grown up hey.
When you oneday have a family and the bills and rent/mortgage add up higher than you can afford, don't you dare look at your adult children to help you out.
Your Mother is asking for your support. Either give it, or getout. She'll be fine in the gutter. Thanks :)
Dude, you have to be trolling here, cause there's no way that it's right or normal for a mother, who has no idea on how to be an adult, is paying her twenty year old daughter $600 a month when she works her butt off at work and the mother isn't responsible enough to pay her own bills- especially when said OP is the only person in her family to pay her bills on her own, buys her own food, and has to use up a lot of gas- now correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that most Americans would consider gas prices to be very high in the US.
Does the mom have a right to charge her? Yes, she does. But for that amount? No, it's not normal.
Yes I did read it.
Previously the Mom was receiving enough money to continue the way she lived.
Now that one or more financial providers have moved out, she has been immediately put in a bad position financially.
Asking her own daughter for support, whilst her daughter (the OP) and possibly herself (the Mother) work out what to do. Is REASONABLE.
Does the Mom have a right to charge her, yes she does, but for that amount? Presently it is required to continue living there.
I thought it was obvious. Obviously not to a 20yo!
update: i still haven't paid her (just to see what she would do). i was recently sick and ended up going to the hospital (GREAT timing...) and got bombarded with bills that, of course, i am paying. i told my mom that i would only be able to give her 250 with this paycheck, and she said not to pay her at all. like, WTF. she needs to make up her mind. i saw the bills (electricity, water, etc) and they are NOT cheap. she had recently met up with my sister, so i'm thinking maybe my sister paid her off. GOD this woman is driving me insane. i'm moving out at the end of this month, and my mom keeps trying to bribe me to stay. she isn't getting all up in my business like she normally does, and doesn't care what time i come home anymore. fuck that. i'm still leaving. if she can't support herself, then obviously she shouldn't have children. it's not my problem if she loses custody of her son, and it isn't my fault that she's irresponsible.
It didn't seem like the two of you had that good of a relationship even before the whole money situation thing came about.
And about what Dad said in his reply to your post- just because she's your mom, doesn't mean that you have to help her out with every single little thing. If it's a situation like this where she's just throwing away money for things she can't afford, then she doesn't deserve any financial help from her children. It's not like she's working her butt at two different jobs and struggling to keep herself from being evicted. If it was the other way around, with a daughter wasting money on things she can't afford and in financial trouble, the mom shouldn't be required to help out the daughter financially. That's just my opinion. Sometimes Dad gets things, but for whatever reason, he just doesn't seem to get that your mother probably doesn't deserve any financial help because of her lifestyle.
she HAS a job, okay? she has NO mortgage because the house was GIVEN to her by her parents. EVERYTHING was handed to her on a silver platter, and when it came to me, I had/have to work for EVERY SINGLE THING. I end up working for more than just myself, and honestly, i think it's a little screwed up. sure, I don't mind HELPING OUT, god forbid, living in hawaii is tough enough. but when she expects ME to pay enough for 3 people, and provide for HER SON, while SHE goes out and buys clothes and shoes and things she KNOWS she can't afford, well, it's very irresponsible. all she wants to do is buy things, and have her own child pay for the things that NEED to be paid for.
i AM getting out. it's not because i don't want to pay, it's because i don't want to keep supporting her this way. SHE needs to grow up, i'm already well enough on my way.
THANKS.
Don't abuse her or talk down to her or make life harder for her than it already is.
She's your Mom, I'm sure there will be some support agency out there that will help her with food/bills.
Meanwhile you go out and buy a jet ski or whatever it is that is much too good than helping out your own Mom.
I've read your (possible mental) concerns about your Mom. She obviously needs support from someone so she can get back on her feet again. Who knows, that house may have also been GIVEN to you when she dies (or divided up between the family) Maybe your proportion should be lower?
If life is THAT hard for someone who has a house (or dwelling or whatever it is) ALL paid off, then maybe she should sell and leave to a 1 bedroom apartment. Quite obviously her life is coming to an end, and yours is just starting, good luck with your own kids support one day. Because it (financial hardship) can happen to the best of us.
Oh, and make sure to take some of those past loving family photos with you, otherwise your Mom might just cry every time she sees them. Good one, leave on a bad note, that'll work out for you!
i understand that she needs help from someone to get her back on her feet, but you can't expect her to GET HELP when she isn't even trying to. I can't make her do that. I'd love to, honestly, but she just doesn't want to put any effort into it.
she doesn't want to sell the house because it was given to her, so she doesn't have to spend any money on "rent" or other living situations. sure, she'd have a shit ton of money, but i think she's saving that for when her parents actually die and it becomes HER house. technically, the house isn't hers to sell anyways.
we don't have family photos. growing up, we weren't even a family, just people living together. it's not like she'll really give a shit when i'm gone. the only thing going through her head will be "now who will pay my bills for me? who will take care of my son?"
she isn't even my mom. she's my older roommate. trust me, she really doesn't care much about a "family" to begin with.
Because although most say trust should be earned, I've always had the opinion trust to begin with and 'then' if any issues happen lower that trust accordingly from there.
I'm sorry you haven't felt like "family" with her. I actually feel she may think of you as 'close' family anyway, but just in her own awkward way. She may not know exactly how to express herself 'properly', but the love is there, somewhere.
ok then. Move out for a while, it may be best for both of you (actually everyone). See how it goes (in other words don't sign 12 month contracts/leases with anyone just yet. I think after a couple of weeks you'll both know what's best, and then take it from there. By the way, it may be best NOT to stop contact with her, because sometimes when we forget to call or come around the days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into months, and eventually years pass by! Just make it that you'll contact every day or two, then keep to it.
No, you don't need my ok (or anyone's, but yourself) but it sure does help when things are a bit gray. Good luck.
good advice Allistalla. :) Thanks!
But if you want to stay, then she is entitled to charge you as much as she wants for rent. In that case, you should try and work out with her what's appropriate and what's not. $500 a month is appropriate, since it was what you're roommate and sister were paying, so bring that up. If she doesn't, then live with $600. You shouldn't have to provide food for her son though, she should be using her own money for that.
Sounds like now other people have moved out you have more room?
The way I see it, that's one potential meth lab. And one potential grow room.
I gotta ask you don't u have money saved up from the time u been living there without paying rent?
Yeah don't sleep in ur car that really sucks u could do it for a day or two but it will get extremely uncomfortable if u do it long term
Talk to ur mom try to negotiate something wit her but graceful how u approach her in teh end it is her house and te,technically she could charge u what she wants:/
my mom doesn't want random people living in the house for safety reasons. i don't have TIME to make friends with people who wouldn't mind living with my mom...
ah, yes, the reason i don't have a lot of money saved up: i was constantly eating out and staying at hotels to get away from her. i think i've spent the night at home maybe once a week. NOT a good decision, i'll admit, but if i stayed at home, i'm pretty sure i would've lost my mind. i'm not even exaggerating.
in the end, it's NOT her house. that's the thing that pisses me off the most about this whole situation. she didn't pay ONE CENT for that house. my grandparents GAVE it to her.
"Sticky situation"
Ewwwwwww.
Otherwise you could always cotch at a friends house (maybe your sisters?) for a couple of weeks while you get some money together.
so i honestly owe her nothing.