Is it normal that my wife spoke with a stranger at a coffee shop?

Favorited (undo) Following (undo)

51% Normal

24 Comments

Jesus you all are so strange.
It's hard to make friends sometimes, so he's a man? Grow some balls and get some confidence. If you really love her, you should trust her and know she won't hurt you.
She's excited she found someone to chat with. Good for her.
Always trust your loved ones until they give you a reason not to. Or you'll drive them away- and this goes for all of the previous commenters who say it's wrong.

I think that it should be ok to have friends of the opposite outside a relationship. But you should also be able to meet that person and also be able to hang out with them with out any questions.

True. No number exchanging, it's disrespectful to you.

Good one Aussie wolf!! :)

Seriously?

She gets to have friends. Friends have each other's phone numbers. Jesus christ, chill the hell out.

I went to a convention with friends. My boyfriend was not there. I exchanged phone numbers with a couple guys I met and we talk occasionally but there's nothing more.

As long as she came home and told you everything, so? Seriously, you can't just stop her from having male friends, and usually, to be friends with someone, you need their phone number. Phone numbers are just contact info, not romantic messages. Geez.

If I were you I'd apologize for being so suspicious.

Beginning of the end friend. It's only a matter of time.

Im surprised at the responses here.. can't a woman have friends (of the opposite sex) in a relationship, or are the only ones allowed ones she knew before you and thus pose no threat?
Granted, I'm in a relationship, and I'd react very much the same as you did, but really, who am I to say, 'no, you can no longer have female friends to talk to occasionally/frequently/once.'
Be grateful your wife told you (already a good sign it's not a sneaky meetup, and loyalty), and just explain you were/are worried about it escalating.
We're all protective of our partners, let her know you're seeing some little red flags.

there is nothing wrong with what she did, even with the number exchanging. why cant she have friends? but i cant blame her for wanting to have a conversation with someone apart from you because you seem like a pig. the more you hold onto someone, the more likely they are to want to run away. give her space and freedom and privacy. she is your wife, you DONT OWN HER.
i bet the reason why you dislike this so much is because if you met someone in a coffee shop, you would be having impure thoughts about that person and you assume that your wife is doing the same thing. not everyone is out to cheat on their partner. i must ask though, have you been faithful to your wife?

Well personally I find nothing wrong with conversing with other people (I am in a relationship) but I would not exchange numbers with someone of the opposite sex and would not like boyfriend doing that either. If u choose to bring it up again do it in a non accusing loving way. Just tell her how u feel

So since she is with you she's not allowed to have any guy friends? Well that sucks for whoever I marry cuz I get along better with guys. I don't ever want to only have one sex of friends. Think about if you ran into some woman than you had no sexual attraction to, but you had an amazing and stimulating conversation but then your wife got mad that you exchanged information so that you could simply converse with the interesting person again... If you dont trust her then maybe you shouldn't be with her?

It would have been fine, but then she got his number...

Well thought I find your feelings understandable don't you think how considerate your wife is by TELLING you about the incident?

Another thing she could be trying to convey a message to you saying that it be nice that if you two talked like she did with the gentleman at the cafe.

I agree with the majority here. A conversation with a stranger could have been harmless. BUT an exchange of a phone number is an expression of commitment and desire to see that person again. There is nothing harmless about a committed person exchanging numbers with a single person who initiated an hour long conversation with them. It means she was interested and enthralled enough to give her personal information out in an effort to know him better. NOT COOL! RED FLAG!

Hmm well if they only spoke for one hour, why would they exchange numbers like that? I wish I knew how she would feel if you exchanged your number with a random woman you just met and ''connected with''

Where had the trust gone? It doesn't really mean anything if she got a persons number, so what. Don't trip... You should be worried if she has no friends

I know this is obvious.. But you wouldn't mind if it were a girl, right?
Not every man is a threat, but it's totally normal to get worked up about it.

I'm guessing almost no one who said it was "okay" is married. Wonder why you're single? Here it is. She may have no intentions of having an intimate relationship but being close to someone of the opposite sex when you have a partner can be dangerous. No matter what, she will develop feelings, it's human nature. Go get yourself a REAL relationship and then tell me that would be fine with you or your spouse.

Most of the people responding are flat out ignoring a key element to your story. "The motivation of this new male friend". Sure, it might be that she just had that "wavelenghth" spark and it was totally innocent in her mind. (So yes, women can have friends) But what about him? What was "he" thinking or on his mind? 99% of the time when a man does this kind of thing with a woman, he "wants her" or is at least thinking about it. (unless is a complete work related thing or professional networking). The reason we men, even the secure confident ones, don't want our wives or girlfriends making "new" friends with men, is because we know what most men are thinking when we just call it "friends". So yeah, I'd be a little worried here.

Here's an idea, if it's just a "friend" why not invite the guy out for drinks with the "two of you?" Don't you and your wife go out with 'other' mutual friends? So why not him. If she refused, or didn't like it, I'd be worried. If he "refused", you now know what he was thinking. Not to mention, then you'd get to see what he looks like, how he acts with her, and what this "wavelenth" thing is all about. You can also speak to him mano to mano and quietly put him in his place when she goes to the restroom that this new "friendship" had better be just that.

I think DMK has it. It could be an obvious hint: "why can't we talk more?"

It's normal to have a nice conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop but it's not normal to exchange numbers afterwards unless you are planning a deeper relationship with the person. Set her straight. Ask her how she would feel if you found common interest in a girl who resonates at your favorite place and exchanged numbers with her. If she says she would be fine with it, she's either lying or you have serious marriage problems on your hands.

Yes you should trust your spouse. You should be able to trust them not to hand their number out to strangers that are single and on the prowl. As for honesty... Sure kudos to her for being so enamored with this new connection that she couldn't wait to get home and hour late just to go on and on about how great this other guy is to her "husband". Bull Shit that this is acceptable or ok in a committed relationship. I am a woman and I wouldn't dare do something like that to my spouse. It's not about gender blah blah. It's about commitment and where her commitment lies. All of these bra burners talking about this topic as though it is another women rights movement need to give it a rest. This isn't an attack on women. No woman would appreciate their man behaving this way over another female. Be honest. Woman complain on here all the time even when a man looks at another female. Yeah right that a woman would be ok if not only he looked, but sat down for an hour long chat and exchange of numbers, then came home to you and went on and on about how lovely she was and how they sparked a connection. In the words of Aretha (a woman) R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

WHOA! She gave her number to another guy and spoke with him for 1 hour??? Man, that's insane and the fact that she feels like it's no big deal and you're overreacting? My fiancée is scared to even get approached by men because she knows I'll hold her accountable and question her as to why the men even felt that they could approach her. I'll accuse her of looking at them and giving them the "go ahead." When we're out, if a guy even looks at her too long, she'll walk over to me immediately, hold my hand and let me know, then I give him the look and he walks away.

You know that your wife would hate it if you exchanged numbers with another woman but people don't think about how it would feel once the tables are turned.

I'm not saying you should do this bc you're married and that's sacred, but I always tell my fiancée that if she feels there's someone else out there who is more suitable for her to simply let me know and I'm out. I told her from the very first date that I'm not into playing games and that if she thinks I'm going to sit around while she talks on the phone or hangs out with other guys, that she's with the wrong guy; that set a solid tone for the relationship bc she was about to hang out with some other guy the first week we dated (almost 3 yrs ago) and she hasn't played that game with me since.