Is it normal that i am so jealous of anorexic girls/ women ?.
I have the opposite of anorexia where i eat a lot and don't care how i look and don't have control , while these anorexic girls have lots of control , don't have an appetite , don't eat ,they are very thin in fact most of them are so thin even before being anorexic !
I have the opposite of anorexia where i eat a lot and don't care how i look and don't have control , while these anorexic girls have lots of control , don't have an appetite , don't eat ,they are very thin in fact most of them are so thin even before being anorexic !
I have an eating disorder. I was bulimic for years. I didn't tell anybody then, but I wanted to be anorexic so badly. I knew it was wrong to want it. I knew anorexics weren't REALLY in control. But I couldn't break this awful, disordered, dangerous cycle that wasn't even making me thin, that nobody could even see. I would diet and restrict, and then I'd get too hungry. I ate and ate and ate, and then I purged. I felt so out of control when I binged, it was like watching someone else eat, looking out through her eyes. Purging was the only way I could deal with the binging. Sometimes I had periods where I did "better" (I thought of barely eating and not binging as doing well). Over the past couple years, I've managed to stop purging almost entirely. I slip up, sometimes, but I'm doing much better with that.
I'm not really better, though. I'm not anorexic either, really, at least not yet. In the past, I've had periods of time when I could eat normally. Over the past three weeks or so though, things have been bad. This is partially because of medication that suppresses my appetite, but my eating disorder makes it very difficult for me to resist and force myself to eat, especially when I'm losing weight rapidly (it's worth noting that it's common for anorexics to use medication to suppress their appetites). I suddenly have the control I always wanted, and it's awful. I've been eating steadily less every day. It feels good for a second, standing on the scale, but overall, I feel horrible. I'm terrified. Yesterday, I tried to drink some almond milk, and I threw up. I keep walking to the kitchen and coming back out without getting anything to eat. I'm physically weak. I don't know how to stop, and I don't know if I want to.
My hope is that my appetite will return, but I'm also scared of that. I'm so confused and frightened, and I'm not even in that deep. I wish I'd never started, but part of me doesn't want to stop until I'm thin. I'm afraid that by the time I'm thin enough to meet my standards, I'll be dying, if I even get to that point. Did I mention that severely restricting your calorie intake can kill you before you're thin? It's really hard on your heart.
I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. I'm asking you to get help. You're important and valuable and worth taking care of. It sounds like you've got some disordered eating behaviours, and it's really important to address those, whether they're making you starve or binge. Wanting to be anorexic is a disordered mindset, and you should talk to somebody about it.
I'll probably delete this comment later. I don't want this to be floating around if somebody eventually figures out who I am in real life.
:)
OP: Take this advice and talk to someone about your feelings.
Being overweight can be unhealthy, being anorexic can be deadly.
They have no more control than you, because if they HAD control, they could in fact force themselves to eat and KEEP at a certain weight.
You can be jealous of slim girls, fine. But anorexia is an illness, and it's very much defined by their lack of control over their diet to an extend that makes it dangerous.
As for your own lack of control, is it really an illness or only a lack of control?
Do you call that control?
On the outside, it appears that we have control when we really don't. It's the ED that has all of the control not the person.
Bulimia can be extremely hazardous, because eventually the stomach acid starts to eat away at the throat. The throat can be torn and the person could bleed to death. The stomach acid also causes issues with the teeth.