My mom never let me hang out with friends after school, in fact when i got out of school mom and dad left me alone and they went to their room, my dad was and addict and an alcoholic. I remember being little and just reading alone in my room. One time they got a loan for a trip to Disney an then they made me choose between a new house or the trip. Me always being a considerate child i told them to get the house, i knew thats what they wanted and they bought the house. Never taugth me anything about sex or relationships, wheneve i asked, she said she didnt know. Eventually my dad(Veteran with a pension) got lung cancer and we went to get surgery when i was 15, he never got out of that bed, he extubated himself one day and just f'ed it all up. He spent 4 years in bed, meanwhile i was into prostitution for alcohol, coke, money anything, mom really didnt do anything about she just let me. I weaned myself of all of those things. My dad died last year and shes getting a 1400 check every month from VA. She got a boyfriend and now they are going to Disney, im 19 but i still remember going to the beach 3 times in my childhood and only spendind 30mins each time. Never went on fieldtrips, never did anything. I feel like they f'ed me up and just left me... Im not sure if i should feel this way. Sorry for the long post i just need to get it off my chest.

After rereading your post I also wanted to make another comment. It truly appears that you are upset and jealous of your mother due to her apparent ease of moving forward and living her life despite all of these hardships your family has been through. While she is moving forward and on to the next endeavor you appear to be bound to your past and these experiences; obviously confused, hurt, and unable to process these emotions as you're in shock at all that has happened. You're bewildered by the fact that she is somehow unaffected by such an emotional and rocky family life. So in essence it is as if you're standing there with your hands in the air like, "what the hell!" While she is seemingly happy and carefree. Your best bet is to prioritize and build your life for you. No one else is going to want or have the need to better your life. You need to determine what you want out of life, or figure out a path to get you to where you can assess and learn new things to make a decision about what you want. What you want and need in life,
Your priorities, are not going to be the same as your mothers'. Something I learned a while back is, "In 5 years from now the only things that will have changed your life are the people you have met and the books you have read." Assess this statement and start buildin. You have your whole life ahead of you. Forgive, let go, and build.
iPhone and meds don't mix!