I do blame today's parents as a lot don't bother to parent their kids, but rather try to be their 'friend' which is just their excuse for being too lazy to discipline them and teach right from wrong. We've got kids having kids.
My objection is that some teenagers lack appreciation for everything they're given; food, utilities, clothes, gadgets, etc and mouth off at their parents who are sacrificing to give them these things. I say they should try going it alone. Times have certainly changed as we had no minimum wage when I moved out, but I worked all the extra hours to pay rent on a room I rented in a house with two other lads. Who says you need to live alone?
You said it yourself, "Teenagers who don't know any better!" so my solution would be for a 'trial separation' so that they could live in a youth hostel or bed and breakfast for a month and then return home. Then they would know the luxury of their own home, as the hostel or B&B puts guests out in the morning, only allowing them to return at say 6pm. The parents would get peace for 4 weeks and would see how much cheaper it is to be without them, and the teenager would learn that the only real friends he/she has, are the family that they abuse, but who still manage to love them.
Or else they could go and stay with friends who would get fed up feeding, clothing them etc. I've just had a thought, if you found yourself with extra money would you take your mom/dad out and buy them new clothes, shoes, gadgets, drugs, drink, cigarettes? So why do so many think it's OK to spend their parent's dosh on these things for themselves?
Obviously you wouldn't need this 'trial separation' as you are such a decent respectful teenager, but I'm sure you know some others that behave disgracefully towards their parents.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you have children? I ask simply because I do. I used to feel exactly the same as you, I really did, but then I fell pregnant. My son is now 17. He's a bright, well educated boy. Don't get me wrong he is an occasional pain the ass, but so are most people.
I was raised with the fear of being hit with a belt or a slipper, but never once have I thought to myself that this was a good method to use on my child. If you treat them as if they're infants, they will act like infants.
As soon as my son turned 16, he went out and got himself a job. He goes to college, and on his days off, he goes to work. He pays £50 towards the bills, food, car tax, etc. every week without me even asking him for it. My sons friends are also the same.
Perhaps I'm just lucky enough to be surrounded by such well behaved children. Maybe I'm biased because I have a child of my own. Either way, I am thankful that I am surrounded by such youth.
Congratulations on doing such a good job with your son!
Yes, indeed I do have teenagers, and many teenage nieces and nephews. I have always guided my kids (without violence) whereas my sisters are more apathethic and we are now seeing the results of their 'parenting' :o(
I have always instilled the importance of good manners and a good education. I wrote this after returning from a visit to my sister who is recovering from cancer. It broke my heart to see how her sons treat her and I was completely shocked to hear such extreme levels of disrespect. I don't know if I could even bear to look at mine if they spoke to me like that.
I applaud parents who put in the effort when the kids are young so producing decent adults!
Firstly, i want to begin by wishing your sister the best. My mother-in-law recently passed away from cancer. It must be a hard time for you.
Secondly, i want to say that i think we've found the soul reason for your post. I don't blame you for being angry at them. During those moments, you would think that their children would be more understanding. Sadly, this is not the case.
When my mother-in-law was found to be terminal, my son went through a very 'rebellious' stage. It took a few weeks, but i finally got it out of him. My son was acting out because he was confused, hurt, angry, at the world for taking his nan away. This was the first time he experienced anything like this. I'm not saying you should sit down with them and this will solve the problem, as i don't know them. Just purely from my experience i thought i'd throw it out there.
There's not a manual for parenting, sometimes i wish there was! It's hard to try and balance being both a friend and a parent, but it can be done. You sound as though you are a very caring parent, your children obviously respect you. At this stage, you can either talk to your sisters children, try to reason with them, or just give them time to mature. It is a very complicated situation you're in, and i respect your views at this time.
I think that I will try to speak to them when I calm down but they're always lovely and talk reasonably to me, it's just when I'm not there they are so abusive to her! They obviously weren't expecting me to walk in and witness it but I have heard it over the phone :o(
I know she's certainly not the perfect parent but it's like kicking a dog when it's down. They don't realise the hurt they're causing bc of what they are doing and she could so easily have died. It seems like bullying and now one at 15 is coming home drunk and hanging with a really bad crowd. I just wish they could be more adult.
Thank you anyway, it's definitely worth a try. Any more crap outa em and they'll have to come and stay with me ;o) that'd make em appreciate her!!!
It's a real shame to hear they're acting that way. I'm sure you'll put them in their places, it sounds like they really need it! Hope it all gets sorted out soon, wish you all the best! :)
Certainly for the teenagers you describe that would be a good method oh showing them how good they've got it at home. And it also worries sometimes that my generation are next in line to become presidents, police officers, etc...
But then I realise that teenagers are usually only like that for a few years and then they realise that they need t get themselves sorted because they won't have their parents forever. And that's when you get young, responsible adults.
And yes, they're are still teenagers who never grow out of this phase because they get everything they want, but at the end of the day, they're not going to get very far in life, especially with the amount of rejection people face today.
My objection is that some teenagers lack appreciation for everything they're given; food, utilities, clothes, gadgets, etc and mouth off at their parents who are sacrificing to give them these things. I say they should try going it alone. Times have certainly changed as we had no minimum wage when I moved out, but I worked all the extra hours to pay rent on a room I rented in a house with two other lads. Who says you need to live alone?
You said it yourself, "Teenagers who don't know any better!" so my solution would be for a 'trial separation' so that they could live in a youth hostel or bed and breakfast for a month and then return home. Then they would know the luxury of their own home, as the hostel or B&B puts guests out in the morning, only allowing them to return at say 6pm. The parents would get peace for 4 weeks and would see how much cheaper it is to be without them, and the teenager would learn that the only real friends he/she has, are the family that they abuse, but who still manage to love them.
Or else they could go and stay with friends who would get fed up feeding, clothing them etc. I've just had a thought, if you found yourself with extra money would you take your mom/dad out and buy them new clothes, shoes, gadgets, drugs, drink, cigarettes? So why do so many think it's OK to spend their parent's dosh on these things for themselves?
Obviously you wouldn't need this 'trial separation' as you are such a decent respectful teenager, but I'm sure you know some others that behave disgracefully towards their parents.
I used to feel exactly the same as you, I really did, but then I fell pregnant. My son is now 17. He's a bright, well educated boy. Don't get me wrong he is an occasional pain the ass, but so are most people.
I was raised with the fear of being hit with a belt or a slipper, but never once have I thought to myself that this was a good method to use on my child. If you treat them as if they're infants, they will act like infants.
As soon as my son turned 16, he went out and got himself a job. He goes to college, and on his days off, he goes to work. He pays £50 towards the bills, food, car tax, etc. every week without me even asking him for it. My sons friends are also the same.
Perhaps I'm just lucky enough to be surrounded by such well behaved children. Maybe I'm biased because I have a child of my own. Either way, I am thankful that I am surrounded by such youth.
Yes, indeed I do have teenagers, and many teenage nieces and nephews. I have always guided my kids (without violence) whereas my sisters are more apathethic and we are now seeing the results of their 'parenting' :o(
I have always instilled the importance of good manners and a good education. I wrote this after returning from a visit to my sister who is recovering from cancer. It broke my heart to see how her sons treat her and I was completely shocked to hear such extreme levels of disrespect. I don't know if I could even bear to look at mine if they spoke to me like that.
I applaud parents who put in the effort when the kids are young so producing decent adults!
Secondly, i want to say that i think we've found the soul reason for your post. I don't blame you for being angry at them. During those moments, you would think that their children would be more understanding. Sadly, this is not the case.
When my mother-in-law was found to be terminal, my son went through a very 'rebellious' stage. It took a few weeks, but i finally got it out of him. My son was acting out because he was confused, hurt, angry, at the world for taking his nan away. This was the first time he experienced anything like this. I'm not saying you should sit down with them and this will solve the problem, as i don't know them. Just purely from my experience i thought i'd throw it out there.
There's not a manual for parenting, sometimes i wish there was! It's hard to try and balance being both a friend and a parent, but it can be done. You sound as though you are a very caring parent, your children obviously respect you. At this stage, you can either talk to your sisters children, try to reason with them, or just give them time to mature. It is a very complicated situation you're in, and i respect your views at this time.
I know she's certainly not the perfect parent but it's like kicking a dog when it's down. They don't realise the hurt they're causing bc of what they are doing and she could so easily have died. It seems like bullying and now one at 15 is coming home drunk and hanging with a really bad crowd. I just wish they could be more adult.
Thank you anyway, it's definitely worth a try. Any more crap outa em and they'll have to come and stay with me ;o) that'd make em appreciate her!!!
But then I realise that teenagers are usually only like that for a few years and then they realise that they need t get themselves sorted because they won't have their parents forever. And that's when you get young, responsible adults.
And yes, they're are still teenagers who never grow out of this phase because they get everything they want, but at the end of the day, they're not going to get very far in life, especially with the amount of rejection people face today.