Is it normal to like your teacher this much?

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33 Comments

First off, how do you KNOW he feels the same?? he might have just been flirting out of like..instant reaction. I think it would be best for you to get out of his class. no affence but that is weird and very very bad. Your not allowed to do that and neither is he.

ummm.... i just know. like i was in hisclass for that long and i'm really good at telling how other people feel, and i know he was flirting. but i am sure he or i would never do anything, he's not like that.

i agree w/ the first guy. how do u know that the feelings are mutual. I mean com'on, he's married. I don't want to rub it in but its true. The only legal way u guys can b together is if he divorces. If that happens, think of his kids. HE probably treats u differently because he trusts u. Also, theres the no dating policy between a student and their teacher.
For some reason i feel that if u tell him, it will ruin everything. Anyhow i suggest turning your object of affection elsewhere.

I know how you feel, but take it from me...THIS IS A VERY BAD IDEA. what I've learned in my 18 years of life is no NEVER TELL A MARRIED MAN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM. it doesn't matter how badly you want them to know, you should never do it because you will ruin his marriage & break up his family & everybody in the world will lose respect for you & your teacher & both of you will end up w/ a bad reputation. if you really love him, you will stay completely away from him or he will end up in some crazy trouble like getting arrested (if you're under 18) or getting fired & you really don't want to ruin the life of the man you believe you love. also, if you tell him, how would you tell him? you can't do it in person because if anybody gets the slightest wind of it, he will get in trouble so quick his head will spin. you can't email him to his school email because education department administrators all emails sent between teachers & students to ensure that nothing fishy is going on. honestly, if he does have feelings for you, if you tell him how you feel, there's no doubt he'll get paranoid & tell you to leave him alone for the sake of his job.

I would really like to know if my advice helped you any &/or what happened w/ your situation.

well i dont know how much older he is but if he understands you ,you can tell him thet you love him but if he is too much older...i think its not good for you

I wanted to give you my experience so that you can see the dangers of what could happen. I had a teacher, 10 years older than me (I'm now 18, therefore he's 28, but this happened a year ago) & I fell hopelessly in love w/ him (still am) & he flirted w/ me for 7 months. After I left the school, I told him I'm in love w/ him & he told me he didn't want me to contact him anymore. (he's also married & has a family) When I tried to apologize half a year later, he said he wanted nothing to do w/ me. So basically, it's really NOT a good idea telling him how you feel. Take it from me..you'll be so heartbroken in the end. Let him go before it's too late.

your advice really did help, and i wouldn't do anything to him like that, that would be stupid and selfish and i realise that. i wouldn't want to hurt him. i haven't told him, and i continue to be making a fool of myself when i talk to him, so... but i get the feeling he knows something is up and he has sort of hinted about it but won't say anything, but until he brings it up (if ever he does), i don't think that i would bring it up for fear of him taking it the wrong way, because it isn't a crush, i know that much.

you're very welcome. I agree that it is stupid & selfish & it took me months after what I did to realize this, but the good thing is that I eventually did realize it. I doubt he'll ever bring it up because it's unprofessional to ask a student if they like you in that way. I understand that it isn't a crush, but I should ask before I make assumptions: when you say you just "want to do things to him", what do you mean?

You have a crush on your teacher and you are trying to convince everyone that it is more than that because you can't handle the feelings. Same with "inlovewithlove" - just look at how she inflicted her so called "love" on that poor man. But these are crushes- not love - not by a long shot. Leave the hapless guy alone and deal with your own fantasy.

Ollieo, w/ all due respect, you are wrong w/ putting quotations around the word "love" pertaining to me. I do love this man very much. I've been in love w/ him for over a year & he & his wife just had their 2nd child & I am nothing, but happy for them. You have no idea what I was going through emotionally during the time that I told him I loved him & you have no idea what I've gone through since then so you have no right whatsoever to tell me (or confusedbutsane for that matter) that we don't love these men. You don't know what we feel because you are not our hearts or in our hearts or our minds, so you should just keep your ill-faded opinion to yourself.

thanx for the comment, i'm guessing i didn't really clarify what i wanted help with. i'm trying to get over it BEFORE i do something stupid. i am in love with him, i know my feelings and trust me i don't have crushes that span over three years. it's making me sick and i just want to get over it, believe me i've tried, but it doesn't work. that's why i'm asking for help. sorry if that sounded like i was biting your head off.

i'm a teenage girl; trust me when i say that you don't want to know.

Haha yeah I know what you mean, but I hope that isn't ALL you think about when you see him. There's much more to a relationship than just sexual things & I'm sure you know that. If I gave you advice on how to get over him, then I would just be a hypocrite, but the best advice I can give you is to try & distract yourself from him by liking other guys or get involved in doing more things w/ your friends or something because that's usually how I take my mind off the teacher I'm in love w/.

This post has really helped me out. Im in somewhat the exact situation and i feel bad for having these feelings. Well hopefully when my story is posted ill get helpful information like this.

Telling him is risky, dear, trust me. I just had a run in with the same instance, identical only no kids and it was a bio teacher hahaa, Difference is I never thought I loved him like true love, def love, like friendly love, and DEF lust, but not true love. but I nearly spoke up. He more or less asked me to give him a reason to kiss me, something along the lines of,
with a smirk, "you look like you want to say something but don't know if you should."

Needless to say, I didn't. And I wanted to tell him I wanted to kiss him more than anything because he was leaving the school so it just seemed so easy but trust me, I didn't and neither should you.

And as for the avoiding thing, been in this situation many a time. Last year and this year, two different men. One of which is the above. It's a clear sign they are lusting (key word is lust, not love) after you, but are terrified/horrified by it. It'll pass, trust me, they need to come to terms with it themself.

PS if you need to talk to someone about this, I'm good for that since I've had similar run-ins. Email me! :] sammygiirlx0x0@aol.com

It's normal, I had this teacher in high school she had an awesome ass and I had wood every minute I was in her class.

Confused & In love - I did not mean to diminish how you feel, and apologize. I only meant to put your intense feelings into some sort of context. Crushing on a teacher may seem harmless. Yet it can raise really serious issues for that person, who is, after all, an educated adult doing an incredibly important job, and who has a life and adult relationships. How do you get over those feelings? Be glad you have them. It is compassion, and that is a great thing. I am sorry i did not convey respect for that. But please remember, your feelings aside, these are real people, so respect them too.

This Is Quite Normal,

I had a recent experience not so dissimilar but I am on the other side. The young lady is only 17 years old and I am 26. I am not married nor do I have kids and she will turn 18 in two months but in the end, it just wouldn't feel right. I am attracted to her and I cannot help it. I normally go for older women but she is this drop-dead gorgeous, kind, and humorous young lady and we cannot help but spend a lot of time together because we work together and she is assigned to help me with my tasks. We joke a lot and there is flirting both ways but I think, in the end, both of us know that nothing will come of this. It would only lead to trouble, both for me and her and there is some unspoken understanding between us that we will not push things further than is appropriate.

It's A Really Difficult Situation To Be In Because We Can't Always Control The Way That We Feel About Someone But We Can Control What We Do (Remember That He Has A Wife & Children So This Makes Consequences Even More Devastating Should You Both Follow Through With Your Feelings For Each Other),

hoserdomechild

P.S.-Give yourself time! It's very hard to do...believe me I know! But there will be other opportunities.

Maybe He Has A Younger Brother Or Nephew Who Is A Younger Version Of Him! ;)

I know how you feel.
This is actually a sort of combination of two situations I had.
Both loves were history teachers of mine.
The 1st, I loved all for the entire 4 years of high school. I did start moving on in 12th, but not to the point where I would consider myself not in love. I still feel that way about him. I saw him downtown a few weeks ago, with his wife and 2 kids, and we talked for a few minutes, and it brought it all back.
The 2nd, I fell in love with in 12th grade mostly, and it's more platonic than anything. For some reason, I'm highly emotionally attached to him. I dream vividly about him often, and they're the kind of dreams that sort of affect you for the rest of the day. I can't explain it, but I get that feeling every time he's around me. At one point, I thought he might actually be responding to me. Little looks he gave me, he opened up to me a couple times when we talked, etc
One time, I was sitting on a desk in another teacher's room during break, and he came in and sat down on the desk too and our legs were touching. It was weird, but I liked it and it kind of freaked me out for a while. But I don't think he thought of it like that at all. He's a great guy, but married with an 11 yr old and 15 yr old.

So, how do you move on? You can't force it. I know the feeling of "I have to do something. I need to act on my feelings because they've taken over my life and are stifling me." Don't do it. I confessed my crush on the 1st guy to another teacher, and they had me sent to the guidance counselor, told the teacher, and, as I found out later, brought it to the attention of the administration. Luckily the teacher, was mostly chill about it, and knew that I would never have done anything inappropriate. But of course, he's the one that I loved throughout high school and still do. So, moving on is a very gradual process. But, if you can try to not hang around me so much. If you aren't in his class, don't walk by it if you can help it. The closest I got to completely getting past it was when I didn't have any classes near his room and I didn't speak with him for over 3 months. Separation really helps.

Sorry, if this is rambling, it's 2am and I normally go to bed at 10:30pm at the latest.

I once liked my teacher, and if she had ever shown signs that she liked me as well i would have bent her over the table there and then.

Thankyou for that, really. Um, my bad though, I guess I should update this, huh? Okay, here it is:

So it's now what... August? Anyway point is, he's left the school, and the weird thing is, I think I saw him on his last day there. I didn't make a fool of myself and tell him, I could never have done that anyway, but I didn't realise he was actually leaving. No one, well no students, even knew he'd resigned. And this is back at the end of May, and we didn't really know until the end of June, so...

On the day he left, and I can still remember this, I think he wanted to talk to me or say something, but he didn't. He didn't even say goodbye. I guess because he never said hello to me either he didn't think I needed a goodbye. Anyway we were at the front office and he just kept staring at me like he needed to say something, and I walked out on him. So now I feel as though I may have had something to do with him leaving the school, like he knew or something, but surely that wasn't the case.
I've tried to convince myself of this, but it hasn't worked. I'm so angry that he just left like that, but the fact is I'm still in love with him, regardless. But I am determined to get over this.

My advice would be to try and move on. Obviously it'll be hard at first but go out and meet people who are of a similar age to yourself.

If you pursue it you'll just end up being heartbroken as inlovewithlove said.

I had a similar situation to inlovewithlove.

I started liking this teacher when I was 12 and at the time I was like "yeah it's just a crush." Four years later when I was 16 I still had these feelings but by this time I had left the school where he was teaching at because I was in high school.

I never openly acted on my feelings because I knew the consequences but we used to talk heaps. Just about random stuff. I want to make it clear that he never acted inappropriate to me at all.

When I was 16 I did something that I regret very much until today now that I'm 21. I went to visit him at the school where he was teaching without my parents knowledge of course. Nothing happened really. We just talked as usual.

My parents found out of course and I got into trouble and my mum went down to the school to talk to him. I don't know the exact details of the conversation she had with him but I assume she told him not to contact me which he never did in the first place and she told him to tell her if I ever contacted him again.

I regret doing this because now I can't even be friends with him anymore. If I hadn't been so stupid I could at least still have his friendship.

He's not married so I didn't have that extra problem but seriously take it from me. Don't try to contact him or anything because it might things worse.

Ummmm... well, I should really check this site more often, because that warning would have been nice to hear a while back.

Okay, here's an update: I wrote him to thank him for being my teacher, and no I didn't spill the beans then. what happened was he replied and I didn't think he would. So then I replied, which sort of snow-balled from there... until I did tell him the truth. He still replied! I'm amazed, because this was around two months ago and we're still in regular contact.

I realise how much people will be like 'oh no, she's an idiot,' but it really isn't like that. No, I'm not going to do anything: it would be against every moral fibre in my body to do something, and would be blatanly moronic. He's not perverse lie that either, so 'as if!'

I'm in contact with him still because he's actually a pretty interesting person who I know I can still learn a lot from. I may be in love with him, yes, but to do anything would be hurtful and wrong and would make his life harder for him. I don't want to do that to him.

(Before you say 'but you've already done something, I mean I would never act on my feelings towards him.)

Confusedbutsane-this comment is to you, though I'm not sure if it will say so. Long time, huh? I just wanted to know what exactly you said to him when you told him & what did he say when you told him?

I haven't seen the teacher I mentioned, in a year & 3 months & haven't tried contacting him since he stated he wanted nothing to do w/ me. Oddly enough, he & my older brother have become instant messaging-buddies on Facebook & he even offered to give my brother a place to stay, to help him look for a job. I think it's pretty amusing he said he wanted nothing to do w/ me, but 9 months later, offers to let my brother live w/ him & his family. Men these days! LOL

Men, exactly. Can't live with them, can't live without 'em.

When I told him, I was yet again attempting to get over it, so I was trying to sever contact with him (which hasn't worked, obviously).
I didn't say it outright: I wasn't going to confess the fact that I loved him and am in love with him still. What I said was that I'd developed 'deeper feelings for him, and thus couldn't email/be in contact with him, because I was trying to get over those feelings', but this is only part of what the overall email was about (to tell him wasn't really the whole purpose of the email, there's a lot that I said thst was just pure frustration being expressed soes...)I virtually told him not to contact me. Inlovewithlove, if you want to know more about the actual email itself, my address is 'itsmedude93@hotmail.com', so feel free to shoot an email off to me.

He ignored what I had said about not replying, and told me this (and this is a direct quote):
'I would like to reply to assure you that everything is, and has always been, good, and that paths cross if people build them that way.'

I'm thinking that probably didn't answer much for you.

I have been in your position before. Let me tell you my story, and I hope it isn't so long that you won't read it.
I had a civic's teacher my freshman year and I fell for him the first time I saw him. We had nearly everything in common and the same personality type. I thought we were soulmates. He started watching me all the time in class, not in a creepy way, but in a curious way, like he wondered what I was thinking about. He wouldn't take his gaze off of me for minutes at a time. The first time our eyes met while he was watching me I thought my heart would explode. I would go see him between classes and before school just to pour my heart out to him about what was going on in my day, and he always listened. He was perfect in my book. But I couldn't keep my feelings inside. They were too new and overwhelming, so I felt like I just had to talk about them to my friends...and even to him. I would touch him all the time (shoulders, hair, face)and he always let me. He would tell me he liked me coming to see him. Yet sometimes he would be totally cold and out of character when I would. One day I got called to the guidance counselor and the counselor asked, "Tell me about you and Mr._____." I nearly fell through the floor. Then began the investigation and the end of my happiness forever. I only admitted that I was crazy about him, that the chemistry was strong. I was careful to mention nothing else. The guidance counselor told me explicitly not to mention my relationship with my teacher to any of my friends, and to stay completely away from him. He said Mr.____ was a single man and he said I made it hard for him, whatever that means. The relationship with my teacher was strained for the next three years, as we both pulled and pushed away from one another. I waited for him. After graduation, I called him up on the phone and asked him out. He got silent on the phone, sounded like he was choking up, then told me gently to let him go. I told him I would and I told him good-bye. I tried months later to write him letters, but he would send them back. Finally, I married a man I didn't love so I could have children. I'm still married to him with three kids, and I still cry over my teacher, the love of my life. I actually am right now, thinking back to those days fifteen years ago. I can't tell you what to do, but I guess if I had it to do over I would have done my best to keep my feelings to myself and not share them with my friends. Also, I wouldn't have tried to make him jealous in order to test his feelings for me. I know I hurt him a few times and I regret that.

You just broke my heart into a million pieces. Quit literally choking back tears right now.

I hate to sound all "The Notebook" but have you ever recently tried contacting him? Maybe just say "hey let's catch up," and see where life takes you?

He works at the grocery store in the evenings. I actually saw him today when I went shopping. I am trying to get the nerve up to say "Let's catch up," but I'm afraid he'll tell me to move on. He's married now and seems happy, so I'll just let things be. I don't want to wreck his marriage.

I just want to add that when you really love somebody for real, you can settle for not having to be around them all the time. In high school when I was just infatuated with him, I thought I would go crazy in between times I spent with him. Now it's different and better. It's more mature. There was one letter that I wrote to him after high school (the first one) that he did not send back. I'm assuming he read that one, so he knows how I feel. Just him knowing how I feel about him makes me happy. If he ever needs me he knows where to find me.

I don't think it's going to work out for you. If other staff, your parents or anyone else thought there was something going on, there would be a scandal. The police might even get involved. The fact that he's been avoiding you or ignoring you, obviously shows that he's having second thoughts about flirting with you. He probably thinks that it's gone too far and it could get him in a lot of trouble. You should seriously consider just letting go, before you and your teacher end up in serious trouble.

Thank you for sharing that, it's... it's having a profound affect on me right now. I'm sorry you had to go through that, to be honest, and I'm sort of sad that you married someone you didn't love... you would have to at least like him a little though if you're still married to them.

... *trying to think of something consoling to say* I'm a little speechless. I didn't tell any of my friends about this until after he had left... I thought it would be safer that way, and even then, only two really close friends know about it, and not even the full extent either, soes...

I agree with tinsleytemptress, but only if you feel you are ready to try again. Perhaps it better to remember him as he was...