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Is it normal to not want sex in a relationship at all?
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26 Comments

OK, hear me out here.

I'm 18, and I don't want any of my relationships to involve sex. I'm not abstaining until marriage; I have just never felt sexually attracted to anything or anyone -- Guys, girls, porn...

I don't even masturbate, as I have never felt any desire to do so.

Despite the surprised reactions from literally all but one my friends, I was never bothered by it until I got into my first serious relationship.

My boyfriend was just as surprised as everyone else, and asked me how I would know if I had never tried it. Not wanting to seem COMPLETELY frigid, I would sometimes let us fool around, but while I know what an orgasm feels like now, the experiences were about as enjoyable as staring at a wall.

While I still loved him, I eventually had to stop letting him have his way with me, as I was only kidding myself and it was beginning to become a chore. In turn, he left me for someone who would (which despite leaving me an emotional wreck, made me thankful I didn't actually lose my virginity to him, despite at least three attempts).

I have learned my lesson since then, but my primary worry now is that I'll never be able to sustain a relationship based on companionship and communication alone. I am capable of romantic attraction, and I certainly don't want to be alone all my life, but I don't necessarily want 500 ex-boyfriends either.

Is sex really the key to a perfect relationship?
Is It Normal?
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Comments (26)
Your asexual. Enjoy :)
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OK, don't bother trying to date BoredGuy for starters. I don't know why some folks seem to find asexuality threatening. Are they just getting in their retaliation in first for fear of being called whores? Are they afraid it might proliferate and they won't be able to get laid? If the latter, I don't think they need worry - I think sex drive is probably genetic because the distribution of both asexuals and the particularly randy seems steady across populations.

I'm not entirely asexual but I have a very low sex drive - once every six months is about right. It's a definite disadvantage in terms of relationships but only because you're searching for something comparitively rare. Other asexuals certainly exist, it's just a matter of finding them.

In the meantime, the time you're not wasting on sex can be profitably spent surfing the web, watching TV, discovering a cure for cancer, etc. Not that I'd wish any serious diseases on him, but some day BoredGuy may thank you.
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I don't think it's "normal"...but it's not horribly "abnormal" either. As it stands, you're considered "asexual". Believe it or not, there are guys that are also asexual.

You biggest problem will be finding one that you ALSO love. This is because its very rare for a man not to want to have sex and have it frequently.

You need to be totally open and honest (and very patient because it could take a while to find an asexual male, lol) and tell guys upfront, not just about waiting till you are married, but that you currently do not have the desire to have sex and don't really want to in a relationship. "many" guys will find this strange and move on right away.

Here's another few options.

-Give it time, your body, hormones might change. A woman doesn't hit her sexual peak till 33, a man 18.

-Visit a doctor, (and not just one), while being asexual is different it is "Nothing" to be ashamed about so dont' be embarassed.

-DO IT ANYWAY. Rather than finding a male that is completely asexual, it might be a heck of a lot easier to find a male with just a "low sex drive" rather than completely asexual. Okay, so you find it "boring"...big deal. As long as you are not grossed out, hurt, or feeling weird, then just do it now and then (in a relationship or when you get married) Men do a TON of things (and so do women) for their spouses that they don't want to do, but do it anyway becasue they love them. If it doesn't hurt you, I don't see what the big sacrafice is to give it up now and then to your own lover, just because you have no interest. Most low sex drive guys would be okay with 20 minutes once a month. Hell, I HATE doing the dishes, but I do it for 20 minutes everyday!

-This is really liberal, but you might oneday consider letting him have sex with just a fuck buddy. If you don't want it all, are you opposed to him being intimate with someone else? I've met two women like this who don't like to have sex and they are okay with their husband going elsewhere for jsut that one thing, who are perfectly happy and so are their husbands. Yeah, it's "out there" but you just have to find what works.

WHATEVER YOU DO, you have to tell guys right away about this, and whatever your decision is. If you don't, you will frusterate them and they will either cheat on you or leave. You have to be honest.
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For the people who say sex isn't important. Have you ever had a serious decent relationship without it? Tht lasted? Tht was soley based on love n communication n trust? I'm gonna say no for you. It's not just sex its another way to express feelings and love toward your partner.
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@: candiii
exactly and the issue today is the way sex is perceived by society; most of us now see it as a mean for a guy to "get his kicks" and nothing else. Sex is part of nature, and I admit it would be really tough for someone like me in a healthy relationship not to have sex anymore even though I truly love her.
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wise
Relationship is about love and respect, not sex. People seem to expect it nowadays. It's such a shame what this world is coming to.
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Maybe see a doctor? I'm a girl, and I don't want sex in a relationship either (although, mine is for a different reason - not because I have no/low sex drive). I honestly think that it's really hard to find a guy who would agree to no sex at all. I know, because I've tried and they seem to want to have sex at some point in the relationship. You should really see a doctor and find out if there's something wrong with you. Because if you intend to get married at some point in your life, I don't think it would be possible to get your husband to agree to not have sex with you at all.
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Easily put, yes. Quite frankly you should consult your doctor and if all checks out maybe a therapist. Do not live in a fantasy world, sex is a huge part of any adult relationship. If all you want is companionship do not put yourself or anyone who might get involved with you and go get a dog.
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Firstly a question: how does an orgasm feel like? I pretty sure you have never experienced it.

Secondly you asked: "Is sex really the key to a perfect relationship?"
Yes. And remember when you read other comments. I'm right and they are wrong.

And finally you stated: "I'll never be able to sustain a relationship based on companionship and communication"
Yes, ofc you can find a relationship like this... but then you added "alone." And... NO you can't, go see a psychologist/psychiatrist/gynecologist(latter to check why you don't have ORGASMS)
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You better make sure u let him know up front if he find out himself most likely he will be gone before u get the chance to tell him.See the thing is sex is a part of a relationship despite how u feel.It is a factor,no it shouldn't be the biggest factor in a relationship but it is a part of it.I'm not saying have sex with everyone u meet but be warned u are a subject of being broken hearted & alone.Yeah it sound good to wait til marrage but in this day and age its easy to find sex.So remember that when u tell the next man no.I'm not saying it good but its how the world is ,theres pros & con to everything.
If u really feel u want to wait til marrage its best to find a church boy then the ratio is better.
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Momonator
I think it is needed up to a certain point. I guess you need a guy who feels the same way as you and doesn't want and need sex. I know I wouldn't be able to have a perfect relationship without it. It just depends on the person.
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You were right to wait and keep to your beliefs. Sex is nothing or everything the key is finding someone compatible with you.
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Lia
It's depressing huh -_- I hope you find someone special oneday
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do you have certain sexual interests? I mean, i used to be the same why until i found out my interests. But its fine if you are like this, i say its normal
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Well, that is a problem in this day and age. I think if you did find someone who truly loved you despite what you've just posted, than you've actually found yourself a good partner! So theres an upside. Lame ass thing to say here, but ever given a blow job? Even though people always make lame comments on it, it is a very sensual close act between two people, I could see someone with more romantic than sexual feeling enjoying giving pleasure to their partner, which in itself is both sexual and loving. Maybe if you ever are in a seriouse relationship again, give it a try :)
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You can look hard but I don't think you'll find a guy that will agree to no sex ever. Maybe until marriage because if you are important to him he will put you first
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Your asexual....there are lots of ppl like this (I hear) so the best thing to do would be to find an asexual partner....I kno tv isn't the best place for complete knowledge but I saw a show on this once and the couples seem to have very fulfilled happy relationships....
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You are what is known as ASEXUAL. Unless you get involved with someone who also DOES NOT WANT sexual contact, get used to being alone. No sexual human wants to be in a relkationship with an asexual. It is cruel and unfair and a waste of time. Think about their feelings and look for someone who wants the same things you want (i.e. relationship without sex).
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Not only is it normal but there's actually a term for it. It's referred to as being a-sexual. Or sometimes a-romantic. There are other people who feel the same way. :) no worries!
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Sex does help men
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ITS TOTALLY NORMAL. im the EXACT same way! im glad im not alone ^_^
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I see, Shovel and bag of lime, I never want to end up like the majority of sheeple, PC where you from?
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It's normal. As some others have pointed out, you're asexual(ace). I think you'd be happiest in a loving relationship with another asexual - and yes, it's possible to have love and companionship without being bored shitless every day/week/month.
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its completely normal i used to have tons of sex until 18 when i lost interest and never had it again, that was 10 years ago I lost my party body(super skinny size 3 85 lbs 6 foot) at 19. i know lots of people in thier late 20s who never had sex and don't want it skinny and fat.
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Interesting story.I think that true love can wait for you till merrage.If a guy truely respects you...he will listen to you.Don't make mistake by giving yourself to people who doest worth you at all.Just wait...and you will find true loving and smart guy.
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You have a fused wire somewhere in your brain. Its a defect you can either attempt to fix with chemicals or learn to live with.
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